Eight days before the music video drops. EXO-M is flying to China tonight and we wanted to go to their Korean dorm before it’s locked or occupied by someone else. We finished our last joint practice before lunch and went home. We promised to have our lunch at the M dorm.

Joonmyun hyung was fumbling trying to find something in my desk because I was too lazy to switch some stuff in our drawers. I sat there on my bed watching him shuffle around the desk and soon wander around the room like hot iron.

“Hyung, what are you trying to find actually?”

“Hm?” he turned to me for a glimpse and soon fumbled around the desk again. “I don’t know,” he mumbled. The default answer of all occupied minds.

“Hyung, whose thermo-flask is on the table?” Kyungsoo called out from the kitchen.

Joonmyun hyung turned his head to the door immediately and ran out to the kitchen. No, he turned and nodded an apology to me, then ran back to the kitchen.

“Did anyone eat my jar of cookies?!” Kyungsoo called out again.

“All the cookies shall eat among their kind…” Chanyeol hyung echoed like a hermit in a cave.

Sehun came in from the shower and was pretty confused to see the buzz. “What’s happening?”

I laughed and answered. “Joonmyun hyung thought he left his thermo-flask here, when it was in the kitchen.” Sehun turned his back to me and changed. Sehun’s bed over me shadowed my surroundings so the place I sat on was slightly darker.

 I’d better go outside and see what was happening. I slightly tugged on Sehun’s hair as I went, then I closed the door.

“Uwoooh!!!” Chanyeol hyung exclaimed and clapped on my coming. “Ya, have you actually taken a shower?”

“I was the first.” I came over and took the cookies on the plate. There was the jar Kyungsoo was talking about beside it. Baekhyun who was just done changing stood beside Chanyeol leaning half of their fronts on the table so we stood facing each other. Chanyeol put his elbow on Baekhyun’s head as if it was a table.

“Wait a second,” Chanyeol hyung popped out. I was solemnly munching on my cookie.

Chanyeol hyung took Baekhyun’s hand and started sniffing up Baekhyun’s arm like a curious dog. Curious Baekhyun gave a corresponding face and sniffed up Chanyeol’s arm too. They took their own faces back and judged each other. They spat together in a degrading tone.

“Am I using your soap?”

 “Are you using my soap?”

 “Who is using whose soap?!” I snapped.

Baekhyun pointed to Chanyeol saying “He used my soap.”

Chanyeol pointed to Baekhyun saying “I used his soap.”

“I used my own soap,” I said.

“We don’t know,” they shrugged. “Do you want more cookies?” they asked.

“NO ONE TOUCHES MY COOKIES,” Kyungsoo yelled from the couch.

Joonmyun hyung came out of the shower in a towel and scratched his head, then wandered around the kitchen like a lost cat, then took a cookie and went to his room to change.

Welcome to the house.

After witnessing other wonders of the world happening in the living room, we marched to the M dorm bringing our Kyungsoo Brand Potluck Lunch because we knew that it would be impossible to have good goodbyes at the airport with the fans screaming at us.

We gave Joonmyun the privilege to knock on the door. Luhan hyung answered.

Luhan hyung was wearing EXO-M’s national oversized sweatshirt, standing there slightly surprised to see the tiny crowd. Then he ushered everyone inside. “Ah, come in, come in.”

The other guys were there sitting in their living room staring at the dead TV as if it was on, then they saw the people coming at them and stood up to hug us. Their huge suitcases were placed close to the dining table. The dining table was not big enough for twelve men, so the hyungs have rearranged the sofa so we could sit on the carpet. We rearranged the bowls and food and sat down in a big circle. I sat with Luhan hyung on my left and Baekhyun on my right.

“Why do you like the sweater so much when it’s Kris hyung’s size? I know you have one yourself.”

“I know,” Luhan hyung smiled at me. “It’s just snug and big.”

The sweater Luhan hyung was wearing was a dark blue sweater too big for his lean body. He was tall, yes, but he would always drown in the sweater no matter how big he actually was. It was big enough for everyone in M to pass and wear in case one of them was cold, but Luhan hyung liked it so much he wore it on warmer days. I knew he liked slightly oversized jackets, but not clothings that would drown him.

On other days when I asked the M hyungs they would just say that it was their national sweater.

 “Sehun wants to sit in the middle.” A voice cooed from up there when I was sitting talking with Luhan hyung. We looked up then gave way, and Sehun was happy to be placed in between.

“Is it okay?” Sehun asked me. He was sitting on Luhan hyung’s right, arms linking.

“Chillax, go on.” I shrugged.

“Popo,” he whispered in guilt as he looked into my eyes, then he smiled.

“Popo.” I smiled back with slight bitterness as Sehun leant to Luhan hyung. Luhan hyung was always a nice place to lean on. But I prefer leaning to myself because I could not really rely on anyone else.

“I’m gonna miss hyung,” Sehun said meekly on Luhan’s shoulder.

“Guys, guys. Come on, let’s eat.” Kris hyung said.

Everyone moved their focus to the lunch farewell. After Kris hyung decided that it was quiet enough, he led the grace and said ‘exo saranghaja’ with everyone. I smiled to the warmth.

Baekhyun passed me a disposable plate for me to pass to my left. After I had my plate, I took stuff from the center of the circle and started eating. It was silent, very silent compared to our other meals together. We could never face separating from each other even it’s been the nth time. Every flight that would separate us would always feel as saddening as the first.

One by one, everyone finished their meals and started throwing their plates to the soon empty trash can. Minseok hyung looked at the time and reminded his dongsaengs that they could be late. He started moving faster to clean the mess.

“Aw, don’t go yet,” Baekhyun whined.

“I don’t want to go… I want to stay with Beef,” Tao whined.

“Tao…” Kris hyung warned.

“Pweee—ahem. Please?” Tao said it with smack dab coolness. Part of the post-birthday syndrome.

Kris hyung sighed heavily, very heavily. “Fine. Five minutes.”

The living room cheered upon the announcement.

“Come on, let’s clean faster,” he then said. Right…

I did the chores with everyone today. Isn’t that awesome?

When the living room was cleaned and all the doors were locked, everyone realized how sad and hollow the house will be. We fell silent as the emptiness crept into everyone’s little hearts.

I heard a very heavy exhale, and then Kris hyung said, “I guess we’ll be going.”

Everyone did their ways to keep the blue to themselves. We just didn’t know what to do, and hugged in a big huddle. “We’re gonna miss you,” my hyungs and I said messily amidst the threatening tears.

The hyungs started their way out the door pulling their suitcases.  I was walking at the back.

Everyone was outside, except for Luhan hyung, Sehun and I.

“Hyung, don’t go yet.” Sehun scrambled hugging Luhan hyung.

“We’ll meet soon, don’t worry,” Luhan hyung smiled on Sehun’s shoulder. He pulled from the hug and ruffled Sehun’s hair. Then he looked at me. “Take real good care of him for me, Kai-kun.” He gave a reassuring smile. “Come on, Kris is going to lock the door.”

We cleared ourselves out of the situation and walked outside the emptied dorm. “Done?” Kris hyung asked as he locked the door, then he pulled his suitcase and started putting things inside their van.

I was spacing out again I guess. I was sitting at the back with Sehun sleeping on my shoulder, making our way to Incheon Int’l. it suddenly popped to me to take Sehun to the small park close to the company building. People don’t really go there at night, I guess it would be nice.

“Airplane…?” Sehun mumbled in his sleep. I looked down to him and circled a hand around his shoulder, making sure that he goes back to good sleep. “I don’t like airplanes,” he mumbled again. “No, don’t go.”

“Ssssh,” I tried to calm Sehun down, rocking him softly and patted his head. “I’m here, Sehun. Hyung… hyung will come back.” I hugged him tight so he could not slip away from me.

“Hyung, don’t go…” Sehun mumbled again, and my chest felt cold drops as he said. I could only hug him tighter and wipe the stray tears.

No, Sehun. Don’t you go.