The soft smell of hard hairspray, the overly bright makeup table lights, the ambience of everyone chatting low at the same time, and the things most people from this world will always miss from TV backstage rooms. The only thing I would miss when I retire and live a normal life later would be how the strong spotlight touched my skin as I tell the stories I was ordered to, silently, loudly, under the directed music. Eventually, even though this fate is more than lovely, I would love to live my next life for dancing, and dancing only.

It was something like two weeks since our on-air activity, so I realized that I missed the TV station only after entering it again after some time. But the backstage was a daily occurrence. All the thin cakes on people’s foreheads, and styled hair, eventually they were not something experienced by everyone on a daily basis. I fisted both my hands in nervousness as the nuna continued working on my hair. I had to give the best for today.

I felt cold hairspray land slightly on my face as nuna swiftly made my hair swept up, just like what it was in the music video. I defensively closed my eyes and when I opened them… I (still) looked gorgeous. Well no I mean she supported and intensified my gorgeousness for everyone to see.

“Jaa jaa…” she muttered slightly, examining my face on the mirror one more time. “Alright, you’re good to go.”

I looked up to her and smiled. “Thanks nuna.” I stood up and made my way to one of the seats.

There was a knock on the dor. We all turned our heads.

“Five minutes,” the PD assistant announced to us. Everyone turned to Joonmyun hyung who was still in nuna’s hands. She nodded quickly and the person closed the door. Of the numerous makeup artists I’ve encountered the past two years, she was the fastest and the neatest, and most of all, she belonged to us! Awesome.

“Come on, let’s go.” Joonmyun hyung rose from the makeup seat. We marched outside the room and to the backstage. There were other sunbaes from other companies too, this week being their third week or so already.

“EXO-K please standby,” the cue speaker echoed. We asked pardon before going on stage, then we went up.

We bowed to the set crew and everyone else and before the crew briefed us once again, we greeted, “Hello, we’re EXO-K!”

The PD then came to us to explain the setting, orders, and everything once again. A fangirl whistled loudly and waved at me with a big smile from the dark as soon as I looked at her. She gave me a heart and I gave one back with an earnest smile. Smiles are always lovely and lifting. I came back to the discussion and continued listening.

“Alright,” the speaker echoed. “Standby in five, four…” We scrambled into our positions and started the rehearsal for our side song. We were going to record it first before doing our title song.

The person announced that this one would be the real recording, so we braced ourselves. Joonmyun hyung collected us for another silent prayer and cheer.

We went back into our position for standby, and I took super deep breaths. My knees felt wobbly, even though I knew that they were still, my feet hooked too hard to the ground.

The song started. And, being the face of the formation again for the billionth time, I stared into the hovering cameras as the song continued, all my doubts soon gone. I sprinkled my performance with unconscious proud smirks, just being happy being back.

We finished the routine for the side song for the second time, then the assistants came to us with bottles of water and sheets of tissue to wipe our faces with. Only after that, we started the rehearsal for our main song.

“Alright, we’ll be recording in thirty seconds,” the announcer said. I was gulping down a drink quickly, some were wiping sweat, some were just standing there controlling their breaths. We went to our positions, the countdown ended, I took deep deep breaths, and the music started. 

The recording went down pretty smoothly though. I was too fixed to the emotions of the song to realize what was going on around me anyway. I let a good sigh, and held hands with the hyungs before giving a good bow, thanking the audience and the set crew and generally everyone.

We walked our way back and bowed gratitude and salutations to generally everyone. We had to get ready for another event at another building straight up. As soon as we got into the van, I took off my itchy jacket and held onto it like a pillow. Sehun poked absentmindedly on my arm on the way, I poked back in the cheek with a smile. I was pretty happy today but I just didn’t want to talk much.

We dressed up and recorded again, and went to a meetup downstairs before coming home to the dorm. I met with that high school freshman girl I’ve been seeing a few times now again. She told me that she lost weight due to school but I didn’t see any changes so I smiled it away anyway. There were also a lot, I mean a lot of international fans. So I guess the world’s economy is going well because people had the capability to go through all the trouble and fly over to see me, I was amazed and touched.

It was sundown by the time the meetup finished, so I reminded the fans to take care. Seoul at night was never that nice no matter how bright it always was.

So anyway, Seungwon hyung took us on a congratulatory treat! We had samgyeopsal, and everyone was happy. It was actually a damned thing to have samgyeopsal at times like now but I prefer to enjoy the blessing while it lasts.

With a piece in between his chopsticks, Sehun asked to me, “Are you staying up? We haven’t really talked much lately.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hereby properly godu (the proper word for OTL ) an apology to you all for not updating for over a ing month. I was just sitting here either thinking too hard over my hazy future, squatting over the fact that this story had its block for over three weeks, drooling over jonghyun and taemin's legals-only stage, or just squealing over everything. I am deeply sorry. I'll make a cool plan for Moonlight so please don't go and please keep loving the story. To those of you observing daylight fasts the past few weeks, I congratulate you and I wish that yours was a spiritual success. I love you, thank you so much for reading, subscribing, and maybe creeping so far. Thank you.