"Seunghyun!" I heard Jiyong shout over and over. The voice seemed to fade in and out as my body slid helplessly against the stone wall. Police guards came rushing to my aid as Jiyong did his best to hold me up. My mind was searching for some type of way to keep my sight focused and my hearing in check. But, all at once it went dark.

The next thing I could recollect, was laying down in a bed. I opened my eyes slowly, my vision still cloudy and unfocused. I could only hear one distinct voice while another unfamiliar voice spoke with such surety. I looked over to see two blurry apparitions. One who distinctly looked like Jiyong and the other who's attire was strictly white..as far as my vision could tell. I squinted my eyes, trying to get a better look.

"He has borderline personality disorder." The doctor said with such intelligence but with a hint of sorrow and guilt. I furrowed my brow in disbelief and stupidity. I couldn't imagine was he was speaking of but no matter what, I didn't want to hear about it. But,my curiosity got the best of me. After all, it was about my body.

"What do you mean?!" Jiyong's voice shook with such fear and confusion. I remember waiting for the doctors response after that. It seemed like his response had taken years to say, but only minutes to kill.

"People with borderline personality disorder often have difficulties controlling their emotions and impulses, and find it hard to keep relationships. They can experience feelings of emptiness, suffer quick changes in mood and they may harm themselves." The doctors words took m breath away, I couldn't explain the feeling of fear and confusion that washed over y body all at once. His voice was sorrowful..like he felt bad for me. That only angered me more.

"Is there anything we can do?! I mean, this can't be it! He can't be like this forever!" Jiyong said calmly only for his voice to pick up speed and rise in anger.

"Problems coping with abandonment and their changing view of other people can take part of their difficulties. All of these things make it hard for them to engage with any treatment they may be offered. Those who are able to engage often find it hard to stick with the treatment and leave before the end." The doctors words seemed so Unhopeful and regretful. I wanted to snicker at his words. None of this was true anyway, right? He was just another quack doctor who thought he knew what he was talking about.

It was a lie...

Right?!

"But, if he is able to go through with treatment, then he may have a chance for recovery." Jiyong sighed in distress. He probably already knew of my stubbornness and wondered the actual percentage of my recovery.

"In that case, we'll do anything we can!" Jiyong said strongly as he reached his hand out to shake the doctors hand and with that, the doctor left. I couldn't believe Jiyong already had me in this mess without my permission! None of this made sense anyway. None of this was actually happening. None of this was real.


It was lie.

The next thing I knew, everything went black..


------

I woke up once again, my vision blurry but quickly returning to normal. Almost immediately, I recalled the events that had appeared to happen not too long ago.

"Borderline Personality Disorder.."

Tsk.. It was just a dream.

I chuckled and rubbed my head and slowly sat up from the insanely white bed. The whole room was so neat and organized just like it was in my dream.

"Where am I?" I thought I had said to myself only for a voice to speak up and make me jump.

"Ah, Seunghyun! You're awake!" Jiyong arose from his plastic seat and walked towards me, a guilty smile on his face. He got closer to me and laid his hand on my shoulder and smiled.

"I'm glad you're alright." he said one last time. I spoke up immediately, interrupting him from saying anymore.

"Where am I?!" I yelled this time. Furious that anyone would hide something from me.

"You're..in the hospital." His voice was full of regret and pity as he looked down at the white blankets and outlined their pattern. I slapped his hand away furiously, rage coming over me so suddenly. It was uncontrollable.

"Why am I in such a damned place?!" I yelled again causing Jiyong to step back. He only looked at me, confusion and hurt playing in his dark orbs.

"Answer me!" The sudden yell even surprised myself. It was like I had no control over anything I was doing. I felt so stupid and wrong, but my body and mind didn't care.

"You're sick Seunghyun.." he said, stuttering slightly. Then everything that I thought was just a dream came rushing back to my mind all at once. My eyes grew wide as I grabbed my head in shock, my mind raced with confusion and answers. Every emotion tugged at me all at once until it ripped at me completely.

"No..no..that was just a dream!" I whispered to myself. I didn't understand. I didn't want to understand. How this could've happened..there wasn't an answer. My mind was racing so much, it just went blank. I laid back down in the bed and laid my hands at my sides and stared up at the ceiling.

 

This was happening..
 

"I'm sorry." I said plainly. Jiyong just stated at me for a moment. His body was stiff and sorry.

"How did you-"

"I over heard you and the doctor speaking." Jiyong only sighed in response and sat back down in his chair and crossed his legs; his hands in lap as he stared up at the ceiling too. The rest of the evening remained this way..silent.

------

I remember the next day I went to the library to and find out more information on this so called illness. I remember feeling like all hope was lost. But most of all, I had questions. Questions that gnawed at me every second of every minute. I felt like such an outcast while everyone else was finding our finding books or some children had come for books for school. But me, I wasn't here for that. I was here for something that had destroyed my life.

I walked up and down the isles until I finally found the medical books. I looked all around me to see if anyone had saw me enter the isle. I felt like a complete as I scanned up and down the isle, my finger running down the isle as I looked at every title. I never was good with books..
 

But then, I found it..

Symptoms,Cures, and Causes of Borderline Personality Disorder

It was like all of the answers of my life and everything I had been wondering about this damned thing, was right here in this book. It seemed determine everything that I did and anything that could help me in anyway. I despised this book in some way. I felt like it had controlled me. But, this was stupid after all. I opened the book and shook at what the first page had said.

• "Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
• A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
• Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
• Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, , substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
• Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
• Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
• Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms."

The more and more I read, the more realistic is all became.

This was real..

My eyes darted from left to right as I scanned the page, frantically reading everything as if my life depended on it.

"Researchers today don’t know what causes borderline personality disorder. There are many theories, however, about the possible causes of borderline personality disorder."

"Treatment of borderline personality disorder typically involves long-term psychotherapyy with a therapist that has experience in treating this kind of personality disorder. Medications may also be prescribed to help with specific troubling and debilitating symptoms."

Suddenly, the book slipped from my hands in complete shock. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but it really is. All at once, your sanity is questioned and it feels like everything you have ever known or once knew could all be lie. That maybe, just maybe..those thoughts all came from the ratchedness of your brain. You...your mind and own thoughts...could no longer be trusted. Your emotions have now been turned against you, they could no longer to be trusted.

I slid down to the floor, my knees up to my stomach; my head cradled in my hands as silent sobs escaped my lips. Hot tears streamed down my face as if I were a child who was throwing a tantrum.

I really was a monster..

A/N: Ah, so the chapter you've all been waiting for! Now, I know their are a couple of weird medical terms in here and I did my best to make it easier to read, but if you have questions just PM me~ I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter, please please please tell me what you thought of it! With that...

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