"TELL ME YOU’RE NOT KIDDING! ARE YOU KIDDING?! IS THIS TRUE?!?!?"

“Yes. Donghae just called. They were just informed that their last stop before the encore back home would be Manila.”

Lily held her phone at arm's length as her friend let out another shriek. She smiled, feeling the giddiness well back up inside her. It’s been over a month since the day of the auction, and try as she might not to be like one of those gooey love-struck girls she sees in movies, she couldn’t help but admit to herself that she missed a certain bratty boy a lot. Like, A LOT. So much so that she often found herself staring into space after an image of Kyu flashes in her head - his happy grin when presented with food or his laptop, his sulky expression when she teases him, his shy smile after the kiss, and that pained, longing look he wore - a look that she mirrored - as he watched her walk into the airport from afar.

Clare’s renewed screams of joy brought Lily back to the present.

“I’m sorry, say that again?” she apologized after realizing that Clare was asking her something.

“Spaced out again, aren’t you? Thinking of Kyu?” her best friend teased.

“I wasn’t! I was waiting for your pterodactyl noises to die down,” Lily defended.

“Psh, you still deny it. Anyway, I gotta go back to work. I can only pretend to pee for so long. Message me if they tell you further details, okay?” Clare instructed.

“Like which hotel they’re staying at? Which floor? Siwon’s room number?” Lily supplied.

“This is why we’re best friends,” Clare chuckled before hanging up.

Lily fell back onto her pillows. They really are coming over. He really IS coming over. To her country. To her city. Like any other fan, it’s a dream come true when the boys hold a Super Show in their hometown. But for her, it’s... something more. For one, she’s been telling her parents about Kyu little by little since her return a home a month ago. They both would like to meet him, but with Kyuhyun’s schedule and lack of English skills (unless Henry would like to sit with them and translate?), it wasn’t that easy. Them coming here would make it a little more possible, if only they had a spare hour or two...

Still, a question asked by her mother bothered her... because she couldn’t answer it.

“He sounds like a really nice boy, Lily. He is your boyfriend, right?” Mrs. Lao asked after one of Lily’s Kyu-stories. All she managed to do was smile awkwardly and give her mom a noncommittal shrug. She honestly didn’t know. They were past being friends, that’s for sure. But... were they together now? What was this thing they’re in? Does being in love with each other automatically mean that you’re together? They’ve only been on one date, officially.

Pouting, Lily mulled over the idea of asking him about it. She decided against it later on, thinking that it’s only been a month since that whole thing, and asking would seem kind of suffocating. It’s better to just enjoy what is, right?

But I just want some sort of confirmation... Sassy!Ryeowook sulkily said in her head.

Sigh. Otteoke?

~ ~ ~

Tired, sweaty, but exhilarated, Clare and Lily hung around their seats after the concert. They chatted with several fangirl friends who passed by. When the area around them was almost empty, they decided to exit the venue. The first rush of exiting audience looked like a battalion in one of the Lord of the Rings movies charging an enemy. It was scary. Also, despite her already towering height, Clare opted to wear huge platform shoes (”I need to see over those pesky banners, Lily!”) which were less than comfortable and definitely heavy. Squeezing themselves amongst that crowd in those shoes would’ve just gotten them trampled on.

Finally out the gate, the two friends headed for the parking lot. Lily didn’t want to bring a car to an event like this because it would take FOREVER to get a parking space as well as get out of one, but because they had an appointment to meet a certain bunch of dorks later that night, she decided to drive there. After all, they needed somewhere to leave extra clothes. She couldn’t very well face them in this sweaty, messy state, could she?

After zigzagging around the vast open parking area of the venue, Lily finally caught sight of the big tree that her car was parked under (the venue developers wanted the area to be “environmental”, hence the presence of trees and patches of grass in the parking lot). Right when she beeped her car open, her phone screamed, “URI NEUN, SUPER JUNI-OYO!” Yeah, she reinstated that ringtone for the occasion. She answered it right away.

"HENRY my adorable mochi!" Lily greeted. Thankfully, she’s gotten over that mini phobia of seeing Henry’s name on the caller ID.

"Hi Lily! Can uh… can you meet me now?" Henry answered, sounding apprehensive.

"Now? But I thought we're meeting at 1am? Dude, your concert just ended an hour ago. Unlike you, I don't have an escorted coach to whisk me away to safety. I'm still making my way out of the venue. The foot traffic is just craaaazy," Lily replied like usual, shoving the tiny worry that popped into her head aside.

"Well, can't you get out of there faster?" he asked, a distinct edge in his voice.

Lily suddenly stopped, causing the people walking behind her to bump into her and cause some sort of a backward domino effect. She said sorry to the girls and rushed to her car where there are less people, Clare awkwardly running after her in her heavy shoes.

"Oh my g… please don't tell me you lost Hyukkie again," she said, her heartbeat quickening. "How can you guys be so careless?! You know this city thrives at night! It's harder to dodge fangirls in such a crowded place! He could get mobbed-"

"Lily-"

"-and seriously hurt and-"

"LILY!"

"WHAT?!"

"Hyukjae hyung is right here," Henry said.

"Oh. Then what's wrong?" Lily asked, puzzled.

"It's Kyuhyun. We can't find Kyuhyun."

Lucky the tree was there. It was as if the floor was ripped right from under her feet and she fell against the trunk. Kyu. Oh my goodness, they lost Kyu.

Upon realizing that she wasn't breathing, Lily took two deep breaths and lifted the phone back to her ear. She could hear rapid Korean being spoken by several people in the background while Henry was screaming her name over and over.

"Lily! LILY! LILY ARE YOU THERE?!"

"Y-yes, yeah I'm still here," she answered weakly.

"I said, we last saw him when we were going up to our hotel rooms. He mumbled something about getting some air and walked off. We figured that he'd just hang out at the pool area or something but we've checked every inch of this hotel and he's not there," Henry explained.

Lily forced herself to think straight and not let the gruesome possibilities that popped up in her head shake her. “Have you checked the bar?” she asked. It was all she could think of at the moment.

“Do you even have to ask?” Henry snapped. “That’s the first place we looked.”

She didn’t even notice Henry’s change of tone. She was so freaked out. At least Hyukjae had a goal that time in Sydney: find strawberry milk. What does Kyu want? Wine? Games? Should she go check wine bars and game rooms? How many of those are there in this city?

“Lily, what’s with the face?” Clare inquired, finally catching up to her, no thanks to the blocks attached to her feet.

Lily turned to her friend and said, “Clare, they lost Kyuhyun.”

~ ~ ~

“All the places encircled in red are wine bars people are most likely to recommend him. Those in blue are pubs and other places where he can drink, but too many people go there, so less privacy, hence less likely he’s to go there,” Clare explained to the people all looking at the tiny map on the table.

It was half an hour later. The two friends joined the boys in their hotel room to plan for Kyuhyun’s search. Lily was eternally grateful for Clare’s steadiness - it helped her keep herself together.

“I’ve booked two cars from the reception,” Lily said. “Henry, Zhou Mi, and Hae, take the first car and go to these three places I’ve encircled,” she continued, handing them their own map. She raided the reception of all the maps of the city they had.

“Siwon, you’re with Clare, Shindong, and Kangin. The second car’s yours. Clare knows where to go. Hyukjae, you’re with me, Wookie, and Sungmin. We’re taking my car,” Lily instructed like a general briefing her lieutenants of the battle plan. “Yesung, thank you so much for volunteering to stay and wait for him.”

“It’s no problem. That kid will turn up soon, don’t worry,” Yesung replied, giving Lily a comforting pat on the shoulder.

Lily patted his hand and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. She was feeling steadier now, but every few minutes or so, little pockets of panic would burst out inside her. Where the hell was he?!

The stoplight refused to turn green. Lily drummed her fingers on the steering wheel impatiently as Hyukjae gave her a worried glance from the passenger’s seat. They were facing a huge intersection. Lily’s tiny purple car was sandwiched between two cargo trucks. She didn’t like driving around during this time when trucks had free reign over the roads, but right now, she wasn’t even seeing them. In her head, she was picturing the layout of the next place they’re headed to. It was the last on her list. If he wasn’t there...

Lily felt tears sting the corners of her eyes. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Kyuhyun’s okay. She’ll find him soon enough. She took a deep breath and let it out sharply.

“Lily... it’s okay. We’ll find him.” Ryeowook said from the backseat, patting her shoulder reassuringly. All she could manage was a tiny nod of acknowledgement. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hyukjae still looking at her worriedly. She wanted to yell at him, to get him to quit it because it’s freaking her out even more. She was on her last strand of composure. If Kyuhyun isn’t in this last place...

“Hyukkie-ya,” Lily said calmly. Hyukjae didn’t deserve to be yelled at. He was as scared and worried as she is. They all are. “Could you call Clare and Henry again? See if there’s any news.”

With a nod, Hyukjae fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed. The stoplight finally turned green.

“O, kre? Yeh. Yeh. Algetsumnida.” Hyukjae hung up. It didn’t sound like good news to Lily. She was afraid to ask.

“They... all said that they’ve covered everything. Clare even went back to some of her spots to make sure, but...” Hyukjae trailed off.

Lily didn’t move. She just kept on driving. It was taking a lot of effort to concentrate on the road. She forced herself to not think about what could’ve happened, why he wasn’t answering his phone...

“They’re all meeting up somewhere in the middle to reconvene. Clare said that if we... if he’s not there, we should go meet them there too.”

Lily managed to give him a nod. Hyukjae opened his mouth, but ended up closing it without saying anything. Instead, he reached out and gave her shoulder a supportive squeeze. That’s all he could do for her for now.

~ ~ ~

Ryeowook stood to one side, shocked at the scene happening in front of him. Sungmin was holding Lily by her middle, trying to drag her away from Hyukjae, who was motionlessly taking her blows.

They have just come out of the popular Irish pub where little people served the customers. It was the last place. It was the last one and he wasn’t there. Lily felt numb as she walked to the parking lot right beside the pub. Her chest felt really tight. She felt like throwing up. The pebbly ground didn’t help her unsteady feet. Tripping, she caught herself by pushing her hand against her car’s hood, which was still hot. They weren’t in the pub long. The heat made Lily jump back and curse into the night, shocking the three boys with her. It was the first time they ever heard her curse like that. As if a dam broke, she began kicking her car’s bumper, thumping the hood, and kicking the tires.

Hyukjae tried stopping her. She was clearly disconcerted. She was stubbornly refusing to cry, re-channeling her grief towards violence. Afraid that she might hurt herself in the process, Hyukjae tried pinning her arms to her sides, but instead managed to divert her rage towards him. Her first slap caught him by surprise. A series of hits landed on his chest and arms next, but none of them could distract him from the pained look on her face. If it helped, he let her hit him all she wanted.

“Calm down, Lily! Calm down! You’re hurting Hyukjae!” Sungmin commanded, his usually gentle voice taken over by a fierce, stern one.

Lily finally stopped, panting hard. When Sungmin felt her relax, he let go of her. Sighing out loud, Lily pulled the car keys out of her pocket and tried unlocking her car, but her hand was shaking.

“Let me, Lil,” Hyukjae offered, taking the keys from her. “Just tell me where to go.”

He tensed up when Lily took a step towards him, thinking that she might start hitting him again. He relaxed when he felt her hand gently touch his cheek that she slapped. “I’m so sorry, Hyukkie...” Lily said softly.

“Pfft. This is nothing. I’m tough, you know? Besides, it’s Kyuhyun who should be sorry. He’s the one who got lost. Can I punch him when we find him?” Hyukjae joked.

Despite everything, that little joke elicited a chuckle out of Lily. “Sure, you can. But after I kick his .” Lily replied.

~ ~ ~

“I’m sorry, Lil. I know this is a bad time, but... I really need to go to the bathroom.”

“Me too.”

“Me three.”

They were standing in the middle of a football field lined with trees. A big, white foglight on top of a tall pole at the far corner of the field was the only source of light, yet Lily felt totally at home here. She was a bit surprised that Clare chose this place to regroup. They haven’t been back here, in this university they graduated from, for quite some time. Lily loved this place, especially this field. It was usually well lit, but maybe because it’s so late, the custodian has shut everything off. The darkness didn’t bother her though.

“See that building?” Lily asked, pointing to the dimly lit structure right across from them. “There’s a men’s restroom on the ground floor. Follow the pathway. You’ll see it on your left.”

“Okay, thanks! We’ll be right back.” Hyukjae said, waving.

Lily was left alone, waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. It was really quiet. All she could hear were the rustling of leaves as a chilly January wind blew through them and the singing of crickets. She stretched her arms out and, one step at a time, started her aimless journey around the field. Her mind filled with his smiling face from the concert. He looked so happy, so full of life. She remembered the quick wink he gave her during It’s You. Her heart skipped a beat just as it did a few hours ago. She underestimated how much she missed him. And now he’s nowhere to be seen...

Lily slid her phone out of her pocket. Even though she knew he wouldn’t answer, still, she dialed Kyuhyun’s number. It went to voicemail. For the fiftieth time that night, She listened to his voice telling her to leave a message after the beep. When the message ended, she hit redial and listened again. And again. And again.

“What’s the use of having a phone if you don’t answer it, huh, Kyuhyun?” Lily said to her phone as voicemailKyu delivered his programmed message. “Why do you have to be so annoying? You never fail to ruin nice moments. Why, of all nights, did you choose to disappear tonight, huh? Why did you disappear at all? We’re supposed to be together. Right now. And you ruined it. I’ve looked everywhere, Kyu. I’ve looked everywhere...”

For the first time, she felt warmness trickle down her cheeks. She wiped them away angrily, pissed at Kyuhyun for making her cry.

“WHERE ARE YOU, CHO KYUHYUN?!” Lily screamed into the night.

At that moment, the foglight on the pole shut off. Lily was momentarily bathed in almost-total darkness. Then, three by three, the trees lining the field started lighting up, the yellow bead lights snaking around their branches twinkling as they gently swayed in the wind. Soon, all of them were aglow. Lily’s initial surprise was quickly overcome with awe. This was the most beautiful thing. When they were still in school, she always dragged Clare to hang out until nighttime at this field when it’s nearing Christmas just to look at the brightly lit trees. Now, she had it all to herself, the field, and the trees. She was in wonderland. Alone...

"I thought you said you'd never look for me if I ever go missing.”

________________

2 months... ain’t that bad, right? Lol! I’m so sorry for the delay. It’s hard to write about losing Kyu. :)))

I can’t believe this fic will have it’s 1st anniversary in a month! Hahaha wow I’ve been writing this for that long... And as a present to you all, I’ll wrap this story up by then. :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone reading this, really. I’ve never finished anything before... And it looks like this is the first one I’ll finish. Thank you for the support.

Look forward to the next chapter!^^