The leaves on the trees they passed by were a happy shade of orange, but Lily felt more like the brown, crunched up ones that have fallen on the ground. It was her first time in Seoul, a place she's been wanting to visit since she knew the guys. It should be an exciting experience, but the circumstances that brought her here were eons away from anything remotely happy.

She arrived late last night - the only flight she could find in short notice - and found the guys gathered in a circle in their dorm's living room, lights off, flashlights in hand, and reminiscing about the good ol' days when they just started. Leeteuk had tear streaks down his cheeks but his dimples were visible as he recounted the time when everyone was hungry and were asking him for food but he had no money to buy so he "borrowed" from another group's piggybank.

She didn't want to disrupt the beautiful moment so she continued to watch by the door for a few more minutes. Leeteuk finally turned to Yesung with a trembling smile and said, "You're the eldest now. Take care of our dongsaengs, okay? I'll only be gone for 2 years. Can you handle them for that long?"

"Oppa!" Lily cried out as she burst through the door.

Leeteuk was the only one she called "oppa" because, well, he's Teukie oppa. He's a rock. He nags like a mom and takes care of you like one, too. He always made sure that she was safe and comfortable during all those times she was abroad with the group. They may not have that close a relationship like she has with Siwon and some others, but he was a steady existence, always ready with a smile, pretty scary when he's mad, sometimes annoying with the amount of advice he gives her (and all his emails are in Korean! Took her ages to translate but it helped her learn), but nonetheless loved. He's just been always there, a colorful presence, and now he's about to go off to a place where his smiles won't be appreciated.

"Oooomph!" Leeteuk exhaled as Lily slammed against him and wrapped her arms tightly around him.

"I wish you can not go" Lily said, fighting back tears. "You're too pretty for fatigue and olive green."

Leeteuk chuckled and eased her down beside him. "I happen to look good in everything I wear, so don't worry too much. What are you doing here anyway?"

“You’re gonna be gone for two years starting tomorrow! Did you really expect me to just remain thousands of miles away on your last day in the outside world?!” Lily whined.

"You really came all the way here to see me off?" Leeteuk asked, touched. He gave her an appreciative squeeze.

"I think she came here for me," Yesung said.

Everyone laughed. Lily gingerly untangled herself from Leeteuk and gave Yesung a light punch in the arm. Then, remembering her gag present, she reached into her bag and took it out.

"Of course I missed you, too. And here's a friend for you when your time comes," Lily said, handing him a toilet roll. She actually did bring one, complete with the hand-drawn face. "How dull would those two years be without getting a selca from you and your turtle every single day."

Yesung gave her a confused look for a moment, not knowing what it was about. Thankfully, Shindong remembered and recounted the story, which made everyone collapse with laughter. This was followed by Sungmin who reminisced about the first time they performed abroad and how Leeteuk gathered them, just like this, and told them that that was the beginning of many more so they should work hard together, as long as it takes.

She joined the boys in their simple gathering, sharing snacks and some drinks, quietly listening to their stories. How she wished she already knew them back then, if only to be able to lessen the hardships they had to go through. But that's what made Super Junior who they are today - all those years of suffering polishing them to become the shining gems they are now. If there ever was a doubt before about why she loved these bunch of dorks, all of it was erased that night.

One by one, the boys fell asleep. It was like a mini campsite. They brought out their sleeping bags so they could all sleep in the living room. Even the ones not living in the dorm brought theirs. Lily remained sitting on the couch (Leeteuk gave her the space since she’s a guest and a girl), watching the rise and fall of their chests. She had to hold in laughter several times at the funny sleeping habits she witnessed. The relatively spacious living room ended up being cramped since over a dozen grown men were crowded in it. Henry unconsciously scratched his . Hyukjae, who was sleeping on top of his sleeping bag instead of in it, rolled to one side, which positioned his foot a mere inch from Shindong’s face. The latter’s face scrunched up even in his sleep, and then turned around to get away from the smell. Kyuhyun had one leg draped over Sungmin, who pushed it off, only to be replaced by the younger guy’s arm. Really, even asleep, Kyuhyun just had to be annoying someone.

Finally, she let her eyes linger on the face she’s been second most anxious to see. The last time they saw each other was that heartbreaking night in L.A., before he left her alone to spend the rest of the weekend numbly staring at the hotel room’s walls, wondering just what went wrong. When she talked to Clare about it, to her surprise, her best friend said the same thing he said to her: there’s a reason why things keep getting screwed up, and that she should search her heart for it. Clare also said that when she figures it out, she would flip out for sure. That last bit made Lily even more confused, which was why she chose to ignore it.

But how was he? She knew he had a very special relationship with Leeteuk, and that he was probably the one taking his enlistment the hardest out of all the members. She didn’t even care whether he hated her or not. She just wanted to know if he was alright, and to help make him alright if he wasn’t. Staring at him from across the room, Lily couldn’t decide what to do. Should she go over there and talk to him? But he seemed to be asleep already. He was lying on his back, still as a board, his hands folded on his chest neatly. Maybe she should just wait until the morning?

Right then, something glistened at the corner of his eye as a tear rolled down onto his pillow. That’s it. Lily hopped off the couch, almost stepping on Kyuhyun’s hand in the process. Mentally reprimanding him for being a messy sleeper, she gingerly rearranged his stray limbs into the boundaries of his sleeping bag, finally freeing poor Sungmin of the trespassing arm. Seeing that his head was bent at an odd angle, she repositioned it on the pillow. Satisfied that Kyu was comfortable, Lily made her way across the room as fast as she could while being careful not to wake the others. Kneeling by his head, she reached out her hand, but quickly withdrew it, unsure of what to do exactly. But as another tear escaped through his lashes, Lily couldn’t help but gently wipe it away. Donghae’s eyes fluttered open, staring up at her.

“Bada...” she whispered softly, not knowing what else to say.

With that, Donghae’s face contorted in sorrow as he let out what must be a long-held-in sob. Lily pulled him up slightly until he was half-lying on her lap and wrapped her arms tightly around him. Donghae held onto her, his grip threatening to crush her, as he tried to swallow back the sobs fighting to escape from his throat.

“Shhhh... It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here. I got you...” Lily murmured into his ear, rocking him back and forth gently, trying to sooth him. Donghae had a hand over his mouth, doing his best to muffle his sobs. His body shuddered with them, each one like a huge clamp pinching Lily’s heart. All she could do was rub his chest gently in an attempt to calm him down. Soon, she felt Donghae’s hold on her slacken and his breathing become more even. She watched him sleep for a while, wiping away the tear stains left on his face. She hoped that this was it, that there would be no more tears tomorrow. She didn’t think she could handle fifteen grown men crying at the same time. Kyuhyun’s hurt face back in Shanghai suddenly flashed in her head, stopping her heart for a millisecond. She shuddered, giving her head a quick shake to get rid of the image. No, she definitely didn’t want to see that look tomorrow or ever again. She looked over to him by the couch. His arm found its way back on top of Sungmin’s stomach. She silently threatened him to sleep soundly or else she’d plant viruses in his laptop.

Afraid that she’d wake Donghae if she moves, Lily remained kneeling there, bending down and resting her cheek on top of his head when she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore.

It seemed only a minute ago when she decided to shut her eyes when she felt the bundle in her arms stir. Still slightly out of it, she blinked her eyes open as Donghae slowly sat up.

“Did you stay like that all night?” Donghae whispered, concern in his voice.

Lily gave him a noncommittal shrug and head shake while rubbing her eyes. What time was it? She looked around and saw that no one has gotten up yet. She stretched her arms up while letting out a big yawn. She tried standing up, but hours of sitting on her legs have blocked proper blood circulation to them, rendering them totally numb. She ended up toppling over with a cry, alarming Donghae.

“What? What’s wrong?!” he questioned, kneeling beside her.

As blood rushed back to her now outstretched legs, Lily felt severe pins and needles all over them, causing her to bite her lip in agony. Then, her calf muscles started spasming.

“Ow ow ow ow cramps!” she yelped softly, not wanting to startle the still asleep. Donghae immediately started massaging her legs, squeezing from below her knees down to her heels. When she reached over to help him, her back spasmed in protest, making her lie flat on the floor.

“What else hurts?” Donghae asked, still massaging her legs.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Thank you, you can stop now,” Lily replied shortly, sitting back up and eliciting a mini-spasm from her lower back once more. She tried to hide the wince, but Donghae caught it, causing a look of guilt to cross his face.

“I’m sorry, I kept you like that...” he mumbled.

Lily gave him a smile and punched him lightly on the arm. “Bada, don’t be like that,” she said. “I’m okay, really. I should be the one asking you if you’re okay.”

Donghae’s eyes disappeared into a smile on the word “bada”. “It’s nice to hear you still call me that,” he confessed. “I’m... sorry about last time. For leaving you.”

Lily wasn’t quite ready to have this talk so early in the morning and when her body was aching all over, but this probably was the best time, while there’s no one to disturb them. She turned slightly so they’re facing each other and sat cross-legged. She had a million things she wanted to ask him then, but somehow, it was all reduced into one.

“Hae... What now?”

Taking one of her hands, Donghae played with it for a moment while considering her question.

“Lily, you’re beautiful. Don’t give me that face,” he commanded, lightly slapping the back of her hand when she gave him a look that says, “No, I’m not.” “You are, and honestly, Iast night, even now, I still find it hard not to want to kiss you. Tell me, if I did, would you let me?”

Lily stared blankly at him. She was genuinely unsure of what to say. Two weeks ago, she would’ve readily said yes. But after having had time to think things over, she wasn’t too sure. Like him, she reevaluated her feelings, figuring out what exactly she felt for him. She knew that she liked him, and that she cared for him in a special way, but at the end of the day, she realized that all of it was just infatuation that gradually turned into friendship the more time they spent together. True, she had a gigantic crush on him. He was unbelievably attractive after all, not to mention heartwarmingly sweet and kind. Lily also questioned herself why she followed him all over the world. It did break her heart when, forcing herself to be totally honest, realized that she did it more for the adventure and being with the rest of the group, which led her to unconsciously not take the date plans seriously.

Out of nowhere, Donghae leaned it. Startled, Lily reflexively leaned away. Donghae gave a low chuckle and sat back down properly.

“You weren’t answering my question so I decided to give it a try,” he explained. “Now I have my answer.”

Lily grabbed his pillow and hit him thrice before burying her face in it. There wasn’t pain in his voice anymore, only resignation. She wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. Without her realizing, she’s already started crying. The pillow smothered her sobs and she felt Donghae’s hand running up and down her back, trying to comfort her. When she’s calmed down a bit, she finally looked up to him and croaked, “Bada... I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to fall in love with you.”

Donghae smiled serenely at her as he wiped a stray tear from her cheek. “Don’t be. We can’t choose who we love, Lil. We can’t force it. It just... happens. Sometimes it happens without you knowing it already did. Sometimes you fall in love with the last person you want to fall in love with. So don’t be sorry. Don’t cry. This is a good thing. We stopped before my like turned into love, and before this whole thing became a burden to you. And now we’re good friends, right? I think this is what we’re supposed to be. I think we’re good like this, don’t you agree?”

Lily nodded as she gave him a hug. “Sometimes I hate you for being this kind, you know,” she said between sniffles. “But thank you for being you. And yes, we’re best like this.”

Donghae chuckled once more, returning her hug. “But I want to be your best guy friend, like, the guy version of Clare.”

“You have this dude to compete with in that category,” Lily replied, pointing at a sleeping Siwon, who looked like he was in the midst of a photoshoot for a sleeping bag endorsement. How is this dude real?

“Siwon? Aish, seriously?!” Donghae whined. “Is there somewhere there’s no competition?”

“Well... the sassy gay best friend position is open,” Lily teased, looking up at him. “But I think you’re too manly for that. Unless... Eunhae is real?”

It was Donghae’s turn to grab his pillow and hit Lily with it. “I’ll take my chances with competing with Siwon, thank you very much,” he said.

Lily gave an exaggerated gasp. “Oh! So it’s SIHAE that’s real! Oh my gosh you two are so cute!”

“Lily, if you don’t stop making me gay, I’m gonna pin you down and put Hyukjae’s foot over your face,” Donghae threatened. He learned a few threats from her.

“Alright, alright!” Lily laughed, raising her hands in surrender. “Just tell me this. Do you have pens or markers? Something to draw with.”

Donghae gave her a confused look. “I... think we have some somewhere... I just don’t know where... What, are you going to draw a banner for Teuk hyung?”

Giggling mischievously, Lily replied, “No. It’s just that Kyuhyun is sleeping really well. Look at him spreadeagled with his mouth open and all. I think this calls for a mustache and beard masterpiece.”

After being given the privilege of using the bathroom first, Lily dressed in Shindong’s old clothes. She had to be in disguise, so they made her look as much like a guy as they can (her height helped a lot). In baggy jeans, oversized sweater, specs, and her hair all stuffed in a beanie pulled low over her head, she settled in the seat at the very back of the van where she’s most likely not to be seen (the windows had small drapes that were kept drawn at all times). She held Leeteuk’s hand all the way, gripping it tight, wishing that the 22 months would pass by quickly without him coming into any sort of harm.

The atmosphere in the van was solemn. No one talked. Everyone was all talked out from last night. No more words left unsaid. They spent the trip just being with each other. It’ll be a long time until they could be together with these same people once again. It was apparent that a few of them were doing their best to keep a happy face on for their hyung. He needed their strength now as much as they needed his. Lily rested her head on Leeteuk’s shoulder and closed her eyes. She felt him pat her head comfortingly. Squeezing her eyes tight, she fought the images that threatened to take over her mind - images of everything that could go wrong. No, she didn’t want to think of those things. He was gonna be fine. They all were. Silently, she prayed with all her heart for Leeteuk and the rest of the group.

It to have to watch him disappear through the camp’s gates through a window, but she had no choice. Lily stayed as still and quiet as she could as the group faced the press. She vowed, like Leeteuk, that she wasn’t going to cry today. But the expression on the boys’ faces tugged at her heartstrings, making her eyes well up against her will. In what seemed like a mere instant, Leeteuk was bowing deeply, his last as Super Junior’s Leeteuk for the meantime. He kept his promise though - he didn’t cry. He entered the gates with his signature dimpled smile, not forgetting to turn towards the van one last time and discreetly give Lily a wink.

A million more photos later, the boys returned to the van, some with tear-stained cheeks, others giving supportive shoulder squeezes. Lily hastily wiped her face as clean as she could and plastered the most genuine smile that she could muster. But then Kyuhyun stepped in looking like a lost child trying his best not to cry out for his mother. That broke her control and sent her sobbing into her hands. Sungmin instructed everyone to quickly get in and shut the door, lest some press notice an extra person crying inside. Henry ended up sitting beside her, who pulled her in to cry on his shoulder. Even in the midst of her breakdown, Lily made a mental note to treat this little mochi to a huge meal later on.

Back in the dorm (because she hasn't booked for a hotel yet), Lily plopped down the sofa like a zombie. The lack of sleep made her feel numb and the image of Teukie oppa looking back and giving her one last dimply smile as he entered the army gates kept replaying in her head. Please, please, please let him be alright, she prayed.

"Are you alright?" Donghae asked, sitting gently down beside her. She knew that he felt even crappier than how she was currently feeling, but how can he still look good while feeling like crap? Maybe it was an idol thing.

"I'm just really worried. I mean, it's the army, and you have a ticking time bomb right to your north. What if something happens and a war breaks out? What if they bully Teukie oppa because he's just too pretty? Yesung will be alright next year because he's... special. People will stay away from him lest they get involved in an epic fail moment."

Donghae chuckled softly. "Would you worry about me this much when it's my time to go to the army?"

"ARGH! Don't even remind me! I don't even want to THINK about that yet--"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry! Erase it from the record," he obliged, doing an erasing action in the air. Lily pouted and hugged a pillow.

"Leeteuk hyung may be pretty, but he's also tough," Donghae assured. "He took care of us so he can definitely take care of himself. You'll see, those army guys don't know what they're in for. Once they bring out that crazy eomma, no one's gonna wanna mess with Leeteuk."

Lily gave him a small smile. The image of Leeteuk going crazy eomma on all those military men did appease her a bit. She wished she could witness that moment.

"That's better," Donghae said when he saw her smile. "So… I have to go. I have a schedule in an hour. Will you be alright here?"

“What?!” Lily exclaimed. “Can’t you skip it? I know you’re feeling worse than I am right now. Stay and sulk with me.”

That elicited a bark of laughter from him. “I wish I could, but it’s up to us now to keep the band’s status where it is. We have to work harder to cover Teuk hyung’s spot.”

Lily wanted to protest some more but she knew that this was more than just a job. They promised Leeteuk that there still will be a Super Junior, maybe even a better and stronger one, when he returns. Resigned, she simply nodded. "I'll just take a short nap if it's okay."

"Of course. Call me if you need anything," Donghae instructed, patting her head while getting up. "Don't sulk all day, okay? It's a beautiful fall day and you should enjoy it!"

___________

I’m baaaaaaack! :D So sorry for the freakishly long wait once again. School’s finally OVER and now I have some free time in my hands. I do hope I can wrap this story up within this month as a Christmas gift to all of you. :)

Anyhoo... there you go. :) Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll. Since the LiHae and KyuLy votes were equal, I had to go with my heart. :) Some loyal subscribers already know this... it’s not really apparent... but Kyuhyun is actually my bias. Lol. And I felt that he deserved the honor of being the “winner” of my first ever SuJu fanfic, hahaha!

So now, the question is... how will this dysfunctional pair get together?! Lol! Sooo many epic fail moments to come, for sure.

Stay tuned!

Thank you so much, you guys. Really.