It was a clear day, a little more spring-like than how fall usually was. Lily looked at her hand and then at the one holding it. She was still in awe. Finally. After what seemed like forever, they were alone at last. They can finally have a proper date. This was THE date. She wished the butterflies would quit flapping about in her stomach and just let her be chill and enjoy it.

The pleasant warmth of the day got them to buy a huge cup of iced chocolate. It was a little awkward when the lady at the diner only gave them one straw. Lily didn't know if they were already at the sharing-a-straw stage. She didn't think so, but Donghae might, so she hesitated. She was relieved when they asked for an extra straw at the same time.

"Siwon? OUR Siwon? Are you sure he wasn't body-snatched or something?" Donghae asked incredulously as they slowly made their way along Rodeo Drive. The boys had a couple of weeks of break from Super Junior activities, which everyone (who didn't have other commitments) decided to spend traveling. Kyuhyun, Ryeowook, and Hyukjae were in Greece right that moment (goodness knows what they'd do if Hyukjae gets lost there). It was the perfect time to do this thing at last.

"Maybe he was!" Lily laughed. She was so relieved that Donghae wasn't angry when she told him that Siwon nearly kissed her. Nothing happened really, but she still felt the need to inform him, even if they weren't officially dating then. The whole thing was caused by Jiwon's prodding anyway, and Lily knew that Siwon wouldn't have done anything if it weren't for his sister, but it was better to come clean right away than risk getting the boys into a misunderstanding.

Out of nowhere, the tiny, unpleasant voice nagged from the back of Lily's head. Why don't you tell him about Guangzhou, then? it cackled. Lily squeezed her eyes shut for a second, trying her best to block it out. It has been popping up since the day after that unfortunate event with Kyuhyun. She wasn't sure why, but, unlike the Siwon incident, she wasn't as confident with telling Donghae about that one. She actually felt… scared. To tell him. Which was stupid, because it was an honest to goodness accident. What was up with that?

"Are you okay?" Donghae inquired when she became quiet.

"Yup! Couldn't be better," Lily replied, forcing herself to stay in the moment. Really, how annoying was Kyuhyun? Even without being physically present, he's able to ruin her mood. "I'm just glad that… You know… Well, you're taking this way better than how I anticipated."

Donghae chuckled and gave her hand a squeeze. "I hope you don't think I'm being cocky for saying this."

Lily gave him a questioning look.

"I… I'm actually confident that there's absolutely nothing even remotely romantic going on between you and Siwon. I can tell that you two just meshed very well together and quickly became really good friends, that's why you two are so comfortable with each other. Well, at first, I was a little jealous because you two talked a lot and I couldn't understand half of what you're saying," Donghae confessed. "And you were all googly-eyed and stuttering whenever he talked to you."

Lily slapped his arm in protest. "I was not!"

"You were!" Donghae insisted, laughing. "Up until Hong Kong, you were still. A little. It would've been funny, if only I didn't like you so much."

Lily diverted her gaze to the pavement, urging her face not to turn red. She's always been socially awkward, but after studying abroad for almost a year, she has acquired a considerable amount of social-situation-adapting skills. This, however, was nowhere near anything she's encountered before. His leading-man-in-a-romcom lines never failed to catch her off-guard. What was she supposed to say to that?

"But you like me better than Siwon, right?" Donghae prodded when she didn't reply. He smiled at her innocently.

"Would I even be here if I didn't?" Lily was finally able to say.

Donghae answered by lifting her hand that he was already holding and planting a soft, lingering kiss at the back of it. Lily felt like she was going to explode because of the cliche and cheesiness of his actions and how it made her feel like a giggling teenage girl. She wasn't good with this kind of stuff. Heck, she had absolutely no idea how to deal with this kind of stuff, having no prior relationships to gather experience from. All she could do was hug his arm, the one with the hand holding hers, and kind of bury her face in his shoulder as they passed storefront after storefront of the world's most expensive clothing brands. It was nice to be in a place where they could walk like this in public without fear of getting egged by fans or something. Still, as precaution, and because there were also ELF in LA, Donghae was wearing dark wayfarers and a military-style cap pulled low over his forehead. Unlike the three Stooges in Greece, he didn't announce where he was going for the break. So far, no one has recognized him. It felt rather nice.

They spent the whole day doing all the touristy things that could be done in L.A. They went to the Hollywood Walk of Fame and took photos with the stars of their favorite celebrities. Donghae even obliged a man wearing a very fake-looking Superman costume, one of the many that roamed that area, and paid for a photo op. They passed by Grauman’s Chinese Theater for a couple of snapshots before heading to the bus stop to wait for the double-decker that’ll bring them around to see the houses of big Hollywood superstars. Lily had to hold onto her date’s shirt to keep him from falling overboard when they passed by the great King of Pop’s former estate. He eagerly took picture after picture like an excited little child, saying that Hyukjae and Yunho both idolized MJ, and that he wanted to show them his famous home. Only when he was safely back in his seat was Lily able to relax again. To comfort her, Donghae wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her a bit closer. The lowering sun on the horizon brought with it cooler winds, which gave Lily the excuse to snuggle closer to him.

He smelled like freshly done laundry like he always did, with a hint of cologne. Lily smiled. He did prepare specially for this date. Lifting her head to look at him, she saw that he was already looking at her, his gaze tender, a hint of smile on his lips. She felt her heart stop, then resume beating twice as fast. The orange sky cast a vague glow on his hair, making him look almost ethereal. Lily had to remember how to breathe. A part of her was urging her to close her eyes and enjoy what’s obviously coming next. However, another part of her, a strong albeit tiny part, was throwing jibberish around her head, keeping her from sinking into the moment.

As Donghae’s face came closer, the battle in Lily’s head intensified, until at the last moment, the first part won, shutting her eyelids to brace for the kiss. All her senses were on high as she waited for the feel of his lips on hers, which was why she jumped and yelped when the phone in her pocket vibrated.

“What’s wrong?” Donghae asked, startled and worried.

Lily needed another moment to snap out of the shock. What just happened? A second ago, she’s on the brink of fulfilling something she’s been waiting for for months. She was so close. So close.

“Nothing. It was... I was surprised by my phone. I’m sorry...” Lily replied, flustered. Clumsily, she extracted her phone from her pocket and checked what made it vibrate. It was an SMS from the brat in Greece. He’s been bugging her since that morning, whining about losing at Diablo 3. She ignored the first few texts, thinking that he’d take the hint that she’s busy and leave her alone. But NOOO. The brat had to call her up a couple of times just to complain. About a game. A stupid video game. To shut him up, Lily called one of her gamer friends from back home and asked him to email Kyuhyun a complete list of tips or cheats or whatever it took to make him win and leave her alone already. It worked. For a few hours. Now he’s back with something worse: boasting of his win.

I did it! By myself! I figured it out! Didn’t even check your friend’s email, FYI. Cho Kyuhyun doesn’t need help with games.

That arrogant little GRRRRR! Lily thought irritatedly. She missed a kiss with Donghae just because this idiot wanted to brag. Like she cared! She would’ve turned her phone off completely had she not been waiting for her parents’ call. They always called her up on weekends and she didn’t want them to worry by not picking up. She really wanted to punch Kyu in the face right about now.

Purposefully not replying, Lily shoved her phone back into her pocket. As much as she wanted to continue what they were doing, the moment was gone. As an apology, she snuggled closer to him and intertwined her fingers with the hand that’s draped across her shoulder.

Like stars on the ground, L.A. twinkled under the night sky. Lily and Donghae sat on a patch of grass outside Griffith Laboratory, a panoramic view of the city right before them. They had just come out from the science show (her pick for the last stop of the day) and decided to hang out there for a while before going for dinner. The city’s muffled sounds complemented the beautiful night view. Lily wished she could make a blanket and a picnic basket magically appear.

It was a couple of degrees cooler and windier in that high area. They were sitting side by side, Lily hugging her knees while Donghae had his legs stretched out, resting his weight on his hands on the grass behind him. After a long day of touring, it was nice to just sit here silently and be with each other. Lily snuck a glance at her date. He looked serene, with a hint of smile on his lips. This was the best time for it. Tentatively, she raised her hand and playfully poked his cheek. Donghae chuckled and mimed biting her finger.

“Ya Bada!” Lily exclaimed, giggling as she kept her hand safely away from his biting.

“Bada?” Donghae asked curiously, switching into a cross-legged position.

Lily looked at him shyly and gave a small shrug. “I was thinking about what nickname to call you, and I think that one is the cutest. So... Bada.”

Donghae nodded in understanding. He also really liked that nickname, too.

“You didn’t think I forgot about your birthday, did you?” Lily asked.

Like a five-year-old, Donghae’s face lit up at the mention of his special day. “I didn’t even know you knew when it was.”

Pretending to be offended, Lily hit his arm lightly. “I am a great birthday rememberer if nothing else. It’s my superpower. I’ve celebrated your birthday for years. With Clare, even though I had no clue who you were. Yeah, I’m a good friend,” she joked.

“Seriously? Wow, I wish I knew back then. We could’ve celebrated together,” Donghae replied.

“I did want to greet you last Monday, but I also thought about surprising you,” Lily confessed. “With what, I didn’t know. So I thought about baking you a cake, as pretty as the one Jiwon made.”

“You did? Did you take a picture of it? Can I see?” Donghae asked excitedly.

“I said I only thought about it,” Lily clarified, chuckling at his eagerness. “But it’s nice to know that you believe that I can actually bake a cake like that. Which, for the record, I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m kind of hopeless in the kitchen.”

“Even making toast?”

“I actually burn toast most of the time,” Lily admitted, covering her face in embarrassment.

Donghae laughed and patted her head comfortingly. “I’d still eat it, as long as you made it.”

“It might kill you.”

“You eat it and you’re still alive, so it couldn’t be that bad, right?”

That made Lily laugh. He did have a point. She made her burnt toast bearable by slathering a thick layer of strawberry jam (darn Hyuk and his strawberry milk addiction. it has rubbed off on her, but in jam form!) or hazelnut spread on it. Quite yummy with hot coffee.

“I’ll remember that,” she commented. “Anyway, since I can’t produce a real one, here’s a virtual one I made.”

Taking out her phone and tapping to open the app, Lily showed Donghae her virtual culinary masterpiece. It had four lopsided, multi-colored layers dotted with random fruit slices, and five, fat, multicolored candles on top. When she tapped the button “celebrate”, the baby blue background dimmed and the candles lit up. Awkwardly, she started singing the birthday song as the virtual candles virtual-flickered on her phone screen.

Donghae couldn’t stop giggling, amazed and amused at the same time at Lily’s unusual birthday gift. He had his signature front-teeth-baring open grin the whole time she was singing. If only he could record this whole moment just to be able to pause it, then he could live in it for the rest of his life. She was singing what probably was the most off-key version of the happy birthday song there was, but it was perfect because it’s sung by her.

“You have to blow out the candles, you know,” Lily prompted when she finished the song.

“Seriously? That is so COOL!” Donghae exclaimed, eyes wide in wonder. Nodding, Lily moved the microphone area closer to him. As if he was blowing actual candles, Donghae puffed out his cheek and blew out a huge breath, getting all but one. With another short puff, all 5 candles were officially out, and a cutesy sign saying “Happy Birthday, Bada!” materialized on the screen.

“Happy birthday, Bada,” Lily greeted softly as she leaned closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Despite himself, Donghae blushed and lowered his eyes. Lily found his being shy too cute.

“Can we do the candle thing again?” Donghae finally said. “So I could get another kiss.”

Lily laughed and agreed, tapping to relight the candles. Just when she held out the phone for him to blow on once more, her screen started flashing. Someone was calling. She initially thought that it was her dad, but the name on the alert was the last name she wanted to see.

“Ugh, hold on,” Lily said, swiping to answer the call. “GRRR this stupid guy... I’m going to go to Greece to kill him. WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

“I lost again.”

Lily felt like throwing her phone over the side of the hill. If only doing that could affect Kyuhyun in any way. But only her phone would suffer, so she didn’t.

“Will you just realize that you at Diablo 3 and just go back to playing Starcraft already?!”

“You’re not being very supportive, you know. For someone who still owes me a Task 5,” Kyuhyun returned.

Lily literally facepalmed herself. The darn Task 5. He brought it up again. There are only so many times he could use that card on her, and this wasn’t one of those.

“Kyu, if you don’t stop pestering me with gaming news, I swear I will give Donghae your laptop to play with,” Lily threatened. It was a known fact that her date was a notorious gadget-breaker. It was like he had the Midas touch, only instead of turning things into gold, it rendered electronics useless. She looked at him and saw him pouting at her comment. How can someone be so adorable and so y at the same time? And why was she still on the phone with an idiot when she had such a person in front of her?

Not waiting for Kyuhyun’s comeback, Lily ended the call and turned to smile at Donghae. He was still pouting, and his eyes have grown into Puss-in-Boots proportions.

It took a lot for her not to squeal and squish him. Instead, she scooted closer, wrapped her arms around his waist, and leaned her head against his. It was her attempt at aegyo, pathetic as it was. She really should consult with Sungmin later.

“I don’t like you anymore,” Donghae said stubbornly, turning his head away from her.

“Even if I do this?” Lily asked before giving him another soft peck on the cheek.

Donghae looked at her out of the corner of his narrowed eyes. “It’s gonna take more than that to make up for your comment.”

“OK, tell me,” Lily agreed, resting her chin on his shoulder.

When Donghae turned to face her, the tips of their noses touched. He was so close that she could feel his breath on her face. An inch was all that stood between now and the moment they’ve both been waiting for. The city beyond disappeared. All that was left was him, his soulful eyes, and the anticipation of the feel of his lips. Lily swallowed nervously as Donghae leaned in, him never taking his eyes off hers. It was a wonder she was still intact when her insides have already turned to mush.

A centimeter. A millimeter.

Bzzzt-bzzzzt! Bzzzzt-bzzzzt!

Lily jumped. Donghae spat out a curse, startling Lily even more. He quickly got to his feet and walked a few paces, his back turned towards her, hands on his hips. For a moment, all Lily could do was stare at him open-mouthed. What just happened? Absentmindedly, she checked to see who was calling. It was her dad. Out of all the hours of the day, why did he have to call at that moment? Dad, I love you, but you have the worst timing in human history, Lily thought sadly. She tapped the end call button. She’d call him back later. He’d understand. There’s a more pressing matter that needed her attention, a matter in the form of an obviously pissed-off guy. She has seen him in a less than cheery mood, but never angry. Not like this.

“Hae...” Lily called out uncertainly.

“Let’s just go back to the hotel,” Donghae said with finality.

“Hae... I’m really sorry. It’s just - I guess I’m so nervous that I get startled by the littlest things - “

“Let’s stop kidding ourselves, Lily,” Donghae snapped, turning to face her. “We-”

Bzzzt-bzzzt! Bzzzt-bzzzzt! Bzzzzzzzzzzt! Bzzzt-bzzzt!

It was so quiet that the vibrating sound seemed deafening. She saw Donghae’s jaw clench, his face darkening even more. Her phone continued to vibrate. Lily risked a peek at her phone screen. It was her dad again. Apparently, her father couldn’t take a hint. Or maybe it was something more important? Nonetheless, Lily couldn’t be bothered with it right now. The light, fluffy feeling she had only a moment ago was quickly turning into something horrible. Why was this happening?

“Who’s calling?” Donghae asked icily.

“What does that even have to do with anything?” Lily shot back.

“Who?!”

Lily kept silent, trying her best to endure the heat of his gaze.

“It’s Kyuhyun again, isn’t it?” he asked, the question coming across like an accusation.

“So what if it’s Kyuhyun?!” Lily returned, her own temper flaring. Why was he being like this? Sure, that was the second ruined kiss, but why was he blowing this out of proportion? They could always try again. She promised to shut her phone off this time. “He’s my friend. He’s YOUR friend, too. Am I not allowed to talk to OUR friend?”

“That’s not the point,” Donghae contradicted.

“Pray tell me what the point is, ‘coz I’m confused as hell as to why we’re suddenly arguing,” Lily said.

Donghae just looked at her for the next couple of minutes, during which, a host of expressions crossed his face. They all were variations of hurt. Lily wanted to look away, to stop her inside from feeling like it’s trapped in an anaconda’s grip, but she couldn’t. The pain on his face reminded her of the night they looked for Hyukjae. Didn’t she promise that she’d do everything never to see that look on him again? She failed to keep that promise. What’s worse was that she was sure it was her fault that it’s back.

“Let’s just end it here,” he finally said, sounding hopeless.

“That’s it? You’re giving up? After everything?” Lily demanded, arms crossed on her chest.

“Aren’t you tired, Lil?” Donghae asked, almost in a whisper. His expression turning from stern to pleading. The anaconda grip around her heart tightened. “We’ve been at this for three months. Five cities. I’ve lost count of how many attempts. Have you ever thought about why it’s so hard for us to be... just us? And no one else? I love my members, you know how much I do. I know you do, too. But Lily... Is it wrong for me to want just you? Even for a little while? Can’t we be together, alone, just for a day? Is that too selfish?”

That kept Lily silent. She’s never really minded the others before. Sure, there were a couple of times when she got frustrated when their date got gatecrashed by the other guys. But those were actually some of the best times they had together, because they were all together. Of course she wanted to be alone with him, too. For goodness’ sake, she followed him around the world, didn’t she? She just always thought that at some point, everything will fall into place. That one day, they’d finally have their moment and it’d be perfect. She thought that today was that day. How did things go so horribly wrong?

“It may just be ill timing, I don’t know, it’s possible,” Donghae continued. “But that many times? Are we really that unlucky?”

“So it got me thinking... Maybe there’s another reason.”

“What do you mean?” Lily finally spoke up.

“Think about it.”

Before Lily could formulate an answer, Donghae gave her one last sorrowful gaze and turned away, heading towards the path to the bus stops. Lily remained there, stunned, unable to grasp what just happened. When some sense came back to her and she was finally able to move, she rushed after Donghae, only to find the bus stop empty. Where was he? Where did he go to? Why did he leave her? She felt so lost and confused. She slammed her down the bus stop’s bench, feeling numb all over. Some part of her knew that this was a time for crying, but she was too dazed to do so. Was Donghae really gone?

Her phone vibrated once again, startling her. Great. Now she’s developed a trauma. Reluctantly, she checked it, her breath catching when she saw Donghae’s name.

I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I need time to think. Go back to the hotel right away. Next bus arrives in five minutes. It’s not safe for a lady to be alone at night. I’ll see you in the morning.

That message did it. L.A.’s lights slowly dissolved into one big blurry mess as tears filled her eyes. What was wrong with her? She had the perfect guy. He’s sweet, kind, thoughtful, patient, and understanding, and most importantly, he wanted her. He wanted her sincerely, and all she did was hurt him. She wasn’t aware of it but she ended up hurting him. Why did he have to like someone as clueless as her? And what was this she’s feeling? She felt guilty for causing him pain, but as for the failure of their efforts at starting a relationship... Why wasn’t she more sad about that? Was this what he was talking about? That her heart, after all, was not all in this? Did she really lead him on for nothing? Feeling like the most horrible person in the world, Lily let out her sobs in the silence of the night.

Early the next morning, eyes still puffy from the marathon crying of the previous night, Lily spied something on the floor in front of her hotel room door. It was a note from Donghae. Her vision became compromised once again as she read it.

백합,

Did you sleep well?

I’m sorry. What am I talking about? I can hear you crying last night. Each sob felt like a knife stab to my chest. I deserve the pain for making you cry. I’m sorry.

I do hope you at least got some rest.

백합. I’ve been secretly calling you that since we met. I was planning on telling you when we become “official”, but I guess that won’t be happening. They’re right, I’m really a pabo. I took things for granted, assumed a lot of things, brushed off a lot of things. I realized too late that just because you agreed to go out with me doesn’t mean that you’d automatically fall in love with me. I should’ve tried harder. The love of someone as special as you is worked for, not waited for.

As if making you cry wasn’t horrible enough, I’m again asking for your forgiveness for being a coward. I’ve taken the earliest flight back to Seoul. I’m sorry. I’m weak. I just need time to sort out my feelings. I need to condition myself to not want to kiss you whenever I see you. After this, we’re still friends, right?

Enjoy the rest of the weekend. I booked other trips so don’t be surprised when they call you up for that. Promise me you won’t cry anymore, okay? I’ll know if you do.

미안 해 내 백합. (a/n: I’m sorry, my lily)

~Bada

_____________

Was this unexpected?

*백합 (baeg-hab, the Korean word for the flower lily)

It had to happen... My heart hurts. T.T

HE made it really hard for me to write this chapter though, with all the Boys in the City 4 pics flooding Tumblr. I mean, who WOULDN’T want to kiss this?!?!?!? (Well, apparently Lily, the girl with self-control made of adamantium *the steel of Wolverine’s claws - sorry for the geek reference, lol*)

So... What do you think? Let’s start the ship wars. :))) Kidding.

I am so torn. 3

Keep reading, keep commenting, and keep subscribing (for all those who haven't yet)! We're almost there!

GUYS. Because I CANNOT... You have to help me. Check out the poll below. :)