He had to talk to Jongin eventually.  Sooner or later, he had to face it. Jongin had not contacted him after that one phone call, which Sehun was grateful for. Jongin had given him the time and peace to calm himself before confronting the other, giving him the freedom to decide when would be the right time to open this Pandora box and face all the darkness inside of it.

It felt good and bad at the same time.

On one hand, it felt like the best thing to do, the only right thing to do because Jongin deserved answers, reasons for Sehun’s behavior. On the other hand, Sehun himself did not even have answers, and his emotions were still too unorganized and chaotic. There was no way he could convince Jongin of anything he said, when he could not even convince himself.

He had decided to meet the other on an empty basketball court, where they used to hang around a lot. These days, it was an abandoned place with nothing but lingering memories. It took so much courage for him to do this, so terribly much. He just hoped it was worth it. He wanted Jongin to listen to him, to listen to what he had to say, and then, maybe all would be well again.

Hopefully, all would be well again.

“Sehun.”

Sehun swiftly turned around upon hearing Jongin’s voice calling out his name. Jongin stood there, just a few meters away from him, but it felt so far away. Jongin could so easily run away, out of sight and out of his life, and the feeling did not quite soothe his heart. It was quite ironic, in Sehun’s eyes, that although they always said they were stuck with each other and had to bear each other’s presence, Sehun never once wanted Jongin to leave his life. If that day were to come, he would feel horribly empty.

“Jongin…”

Now was the time to let it all out. Now was the time to tell Jongin what he had been feeling ever since he got the message. Now was the time to tell Jongin that he was sorry for lying to Jongin. He just had to take a deep breath, man up, and speak up.

Jongin glanced around, “It’s been a long time since we last came here…”

“Indeed,” Sehun nodded, his voice as soft as a whisper, “indeed…”

“Why did you never reply to my message the day before Christmas Eve, Sehun, why?”

A lump formed in his throat, but he was not going to back away now, “Jongin… Do… Do you like Kyungsoo?”

Jongin blinked his eyes a couple of times before answering, “Yes, yes I do.”

A sad smile crept on his lips, his eyes automatically looking down. Jongin liked Kyungsoo. He had said it with such beautiful confidence, the kind of confidence Sehun could only dream to possess and the kind of confidence Sehun admired so much. Jongin liked Kyungsoo, and that was something Sehun should just start to accept. No matter how painful it was.

“Do… Do you like him more than that person?”

Sehun had always referred the person Jongin had talked about in his message as that person, simply because there had been no name mentioned and he knew nothing other than the fact that Jongin liked that person, a lot. Now that he thought back about it, it might as well have been Kyungsoo. As far as Sehun knew, it had always been Kyungsoo.

“Or… Or was that person Kyungsoo?”

It was quite foolish from him that he never even thought about the possibility that Kyungsoo and that mysterious person could be the same person.  Then again, Jongin had not mentioned anything about this person.

“No,” Jongin smiled slightly, “no, it wasn’t Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo came into the picture much later.”

“Then…” Sehun furrowed his eyebrows, “then who…?”

“Why did you never replied to my message, Sehun?” Jongin asked him with stern eyes, the kind of eyes that made Sehun uncomfortable and guilty, “Why?”

“I-I told you already I didn’t-”

“Don’t lie anymore, Sehun, don’t.” Pain flashed through Jongin’s eyes, “It hurts every time you lie.”

He was a terrible liar at the worst times. The lie itself was not that harmful, no, not at all. It was always when the lie broke and all the pieces were scattered on the ground that the pain came creeping in. It was always when the consequences, the irreversible damage that came when the lie was exposed, that was so suffocating and so painful.

“I… I was scared…”

Sehun was tired of keeping up with his own lie, so he confessed. He confessed that he had lied, had prepared himself to, and here he was, standing there in front of Jongin, fragile and vulnerable. It would merely take a small blow and he would break. He would not break nicely and silently. No, he would break dramatically and harshly. He would fall apart in the most ugly way possible.

“I was just scared…”

Sehun sat on his bed, the darkness of the night having absorbed all the light in his room. He stared at his cell phone, the screen lit up and the words standing out clearly. They were branded in his mind, but he still reread it over and over again, because he was scared he might have misread it. Honestly, he was simply hoping he had read it wrong.

His finger was lingering on the delete-button for quite some while already, and the action would merely take a second, and everything would be back to normal. He would pretend as if he never received the message, and he would pretend he did not know Jongin had told him something utmost important. He would pretend as if it never ever happened. He closed his eyes for a while before opening them, the words once again immediately falling into his eyes.

I think I’ve started to really like this someone.

And then he quickly pushed the delete-button.

“I’ve never liked anyone as much as I liked that person.”

Sehun looked up with widened eyes, meeting Jongin’s serious eyes. And he saw it. He saw the sadness, the longing, and something so beautiful all mixed in Jongin’s eyes. Jongin had the most expressive eyes he had ever seen.

“Who…” Sehun was not even sure whether he wanted to know, “Who was it?”

Jongin smirked sadly, “Why ask now? Why didn’t you ask me back then?”

Back then, Sehun had been scared. Back then, Sehun had been frightened to death to lose his best friend to that person, so he had not replied, had not asked anything. He had done as if it had never happened, because it felt much better like that. Ignorance sounded good.

“I already told you the reason, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Jongin responded, “but you never told me what you were frightened of.”

If there was one thing Sehun hated, it certainly was being so vulnerable in front of Jongin. He enjoyed the sarcastic moments far more than these moments, when he felt so weak. This was not the kind of confrontation Sehun had hoped for, but then again, he was bound to feel this way eventually.

“Was… Was it Taemin? I-I know you’ve always admired Taemin-”

“It wasn’t Taemin, Sehun.”

There were only a handful of people Jongin could have liked. Jongin was not the most extraverted person, and did not easily like someone. For Jongin to like someone so much, it could only be a very special person he trusted with everything he had…

“It wasn’t Kyungsoo, it wasn’t Taemin…” Jongin took a deep breath, his intense gaze meeting Sehun’s hesitant one, “it was you.”

“I told you about Kyungsoo, every single detail, Sehun. I trust you with my life, and I really thought you do too, but why, Sehun, why…”

“Chocolate flavor for you, baby Sehunnie!”

“We’re best friends, and that’s what best friends do.”

Jongin’s eyes turned teary, “It was you.”

The world had turned upside down for Sehun. This was wrong. Things were not supposed to be like this. Jongin was supposed to tell him that it was someone Sehun did not know, or even better, tell Sehun that he had been joking. Sehun would have brushed it away and they would be best friends again. Jongin was not supposed to tell Sehun that the person Sehun had been so afraid of all this time,

was himself.

“Y-You… You’re lying… ” Sehun shook his head, “It can’t be truth…”

“It had always been you, Sehun,” A sad smile, almost invisible, lingered on Jongin’s lips, “it had always been nobody but you.”

For a short time after the message, their bond had been put on a fine line, balancing on it dangerously. Their relationship had turned sour, and they had been apart from each other. There had been this unspoken wall that they both refused to face, a wall Jongin had built and Sehun never stopped him to. Later on, they had merely pretended this wall never existed, walked around it, but what needed to be faced had to be faced. The wall still stood there, and Sehun realized that it was not Jongin who had built the wall,

but himself.

“That night, I collected all my courage, and bravely sent that message to you. I wanted to know how you would reply. I waited, and waited,” Jongin bit his lip, “but the reply never came.”

“Why did you never reply to my message the day before Christmas Eve, Sehun, why?”

Jongin took another deep breath before continuing, “I… I always thought… That with you, it would be alright. It sounded so right… And we would’ve been able to spend Christmas Eve together, but in a new, special way,” He glanced at Sehun, “Do you still remember what Christmas Eve means to us?”

“Chocolate flavored bubble tea!”

“You’re my best friend. You’re the only person I’m ever going to trust with all my heart.”

“O-Of course I do…” Sehun choked in the tears that were forming, “Of course I do.”

Christmas Eve, three years ago. Two sixteen year old boys stood on the same basketball court. They had poured out their heart’s contents without hesitation, letting the other inside their open hearts. Christmas Eve, three years ago, had been when two best friends had created something that would last a lifetime.

“But… Why didn’t you say it was me?”

“It takes a lot of courage to confess to someone you like,” Jongin smiled, “but it takes an impossible amount of extra courage to confess to your own best friend. I’d at least want to know your reaction to the message before I would really confess personally.”

Sehun saw it all in Jongin’s eyes. He saw everything. For the first time, he was able to understand what he had been seeing in Jongin’s eyes all these time, but never knew what it was. He had seen it in Luhan’s eyes too when he spoke of Joonmyun. Right now, he saw it in Jongin’s eyes, and he finally understood.

“If you were to give a chance to say what your reply would have been that time, what would it be?”

Jongin wanted to know his answer. It was obvious, and totally justified. Sehun already had his answer ready the moment he read the message. He even remembered the message after all this time.

“I’d say that that person,” A tear escaped his eye, “was the most unlucky person in the world for having Kim Jongin to really like him.”

Because he would not be able to bring himself to support Jongin with it wholeheartedly.

What happened next came unexpected, catching Sehun off guard. He did not expect Jongin to embrace him, enveloping him in his warmth. He had not thought that instead of walking away, Jongin would close the distance between the two of them until they were in each other’s arms. Sehun thought he would lose his best friend, but the warmth his body felt was enough to tell him that is best friend was not going to go anywhere.

Jongin loosened his embrace, letting his forehead lean against Sehun’s, “Thank you for telling me.”

Sehun had told him what he had wanted to know so desperately. It was too late, far too late, but he finally got the answer. He finally got to know what Sehun would have replied.

“I want to ask a question,” Jongin asked, his raw voice dripping with sincerity, “I want to know if the most unlucky person in the world ever liked Kim Jongin the same way as Kim Jongin liked him?”

Past tense. Past reference. It hurt Sehun to think of what he had let pass, what he had never been able to realize, and what he had to live without now. And the problem right now was that he did not know the answer. He did not know what to reply to Jongin. He did not know, never quite sure knew from the beginning.

“We’re together now.”

Bitterness filled him, “Does it matter?”

Jongin blinked his eyes in confusion, moving his head away from Sehun, “What?”

“Does it matter whether I felt the same or not? I mean, you’ve moved on already, didn’t you? You’ve got Kyungsoo.”

“A person can only take that much, Sehun. You avoided me after that message. You never let me say those words.” Jongin held onto both his shoulders, “You never gave me the chance to say I love you.”

This was the moment Sehun should say ‘I love you too’. This would be the moment to say it. It was the right moment, and he saw the expectancy in Jongin’s eyes. But he could not. The words would not leave his lips. He could not speak out those words he knew Jongin wanted to hear so badly.

“I just want to close this chapter of our lives, Sehun, so we can both live on.”

And that was when Sehun finally realized what his foolish mind had been scared of all this time, what the frightened child in the corner of his conscious had been fearing of since the beginning. He was not afraid of facing the fact that Jongin loved a person, who was himself. He was not afraid of telling Jongin what he felt back then, and what he felt right now. No, what he was afraid of, most frightened of…

Was the possibility that he loved Jongin.

Because then it would be closure for Jongin, and desperation for Sehun to be able to let it all go.

So he walked away, without looking at Jongin, away from his best friend and away from reality.

Because as long as he did not give an answer, there would be no closure.

 

AND I HEREBY ANNOUNCE THIS DRAMA ENDED.
Lol xD, so with this chapter, everything is revealed regarind Sehun and Kai. The only thing left is Sehun's reply. Next chapter will be hunhan again. Honestly, this story was not supposed to be this long and have all this tragedy in it. However, I do think this can bring out something beautiful, something we can all feel. I am sure everyone will feel like Sehun at some times in their lives. I know some of you might have expected sekai, but that, I can tell you, is not going to come. This will end in hunhan, and I will show you why that is the most appropriate ending lol xD I updated quickly because I didn't want you all to wait so long for this chapter. Next chapter may have to wait a little longer, but I will make sure to update soon!

Until next time!
Tinywings

P.S. For those who would like to share me their thoughts, please tell me how you think this story will go, keke!