Who wants to kill me for not updating for such a long time?? :D *smiles*

Alright, first of all, sincerely sorry for not updating for so long. I had no idea this story was so loved, really :'< Thank you all a lot for the support! Honestly, this story is like the weirdest story ever, having Luhan waiting for Joonmyun in a bus of all things... But I am so happy to know you all enjoy this story, seeing through the craziness. This story is meant to mean something deep, really. Like Luhan's definition of love... And this chapter too. This story may turn out a little longer than I had expected it would be, but I want to make it a little more interestngly.

Well, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and please do not hesitate to spam me if I do not update for a while! I am trying my best to change that with the new year, so I hope I will be able to work on this story a lot! Also, though already passed, a happy new year to you all!

Tinywings
 

“Just… Don’t go see him anymore, Sehun.”

Deep inside, Sehun knew that he should listen to Jongin. It was not like he did not know that, but even so something urged him to not stop just yet. Not until something had been reached. And what precisely had to be reached, was as unknown to Sehun as to anyone else. Yet, that was how Sehun felt, and that was what pulled him to go on. That was what he told himself when he saw Luhan, and that was what he forced himself to believe whenever Luhan was not around.

So when it was Saturday, and he stepped into the bus again to go to Jongin’s house, and he saw Luhan, he quickly buried all sorts of internal, psychological conflicts he felt, and put up a smile as he took place on the seat at the other end of the back. Luhan looked up from his notebook, eyes lingering with gentleness as he nodded his head once to acknowledge Sehun’s presence.

Sehun was never the one to initiate conversations, nor the one to keep the ongoing ones survive. He was the one who would passively wait, wait for the other person to keep on talking, keep on going. It was really a first that he dared to clear his throat and look at the other, voice hidden hesitantly in his throat.

“H-How… How are you doing?” Sehun asked nervously.

Luhan looked up, a little smile lingering on his lips, “I’m doing well, and you?”

I’m still surviving, if that’s the same as doing well, Sehun wanted to say, but having no such courage to say that, he quickly spoke out the standard answer he always had as a back-up.

“The same.”

Sehun almost wanted to laugh at how pathetic his response was, and that he finally realized just where he lacked in terms of communication. However, Luhan did not seem to mind Sehun’s lack of conversation holding, and put his notebook back into his bag, before his eyes focused on Sehun again.

“Are you going to Jongin?”

“Ah, yes,” Sehun answered, “he wanted me to play some video games with him.”

Luhan nodded his head, “That sounds like a lot of fun. You must be very good friends with him.”

Well, if Sehun were to deliberately forget about all the fights and moments he wished he did not know Jongin, the other really was a good friend to have. Jongin just did not need to know that Sehun really liked him as a friend. That would crush his own pride, and feed Jongin’s pride too much.

“We’re stuck with each other, unfortunately,” Sehun said with a grin, “but he’s bearable.”

Luhan chuckled lightly, “You like him a lot, Sehun-sshi.”

This made Sehun’s eyes widen in horror, “Oh God, don’t say things like that. It gives me nightmares at night.”

“Don’t run away from the truth, Sehun-sshi,” Luhan smiled, “it’ll always come back to you.”

Luhan meant no harm with those words, Sehun believed that, but Sehun himself felt the unintentional needles pricking his conscious, feeding his guilt. Sehun was not even sure whether he had even been granted the chance to run away from the truth, because it had been haunting him from the moment he had done it. He had been digging into something he should have never interfered with, and though he wanted to repay what he had done with his unconditional support for the bus boy, it really was always easier said than done. Regret and guilt danced together so beautifully around him, there really was no way he could wholeheartedly and sincerely look into the other’s eyes.

“You’re so much like Joonmyun… You’ve no idea just how much you resemble him.”

That, he was not sure whether he wanted to hear or not, “I-Is that so? Why so?”

“I met him when I had just arrived in Seoul. In this bus, actually. He was like a guardian angel, helping me with everything with such endless openness and gentle warmth. If it weren’t for him,” Luhan looked down with a smile, “I don’t know what would’ve become of me.”

“He… He sounds like a beautiful person.”

“He is,” Luhan nodded his head, eyes glistering as he looked up and into the other’s wary eyes, “he truly is.”
 
Sehun saw it. He saw it clear. He saw the pure innocence swimming in the other’s eyes whenever Luhan spoke of Joonmyun. He saw the affection, the adoration, all the wonderful feelings that the bus boy felt whenever he talked about the person he was waiting for. It was the kind of mixture of just those inner ingredients that gave him the motivation to wait and wait without knowing when the wait will be over. It was love, a feeling Sehun did not know could be so strong.

“How can you love a person so strong?” Sehun whispered, not really intending it to be heard by the other but Luhan still caught it.

“It’s quite easy, though. Falling for someone, it’s really quite easy.” Luhan chuckled, and Sehun noticed the tinge of sadness in it, “It’s really the letting go that’s so incredibly hard.”

“Then… W-Would you… Would you be able to let him go after you see him?”

If Luhan would not be able to let him go even after that, then what did the bus boy wanted to achieve with seeing this Joonmyun one last time? A last time would be meaningless, in Sehun’s eyes, if nothing would come out of it. Would they even talk? Or would they simply stay silent, let some tears being shed? Would Luhan even be able to see him?

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Eh?” Sehun blinked his eyes.

“Really, I wouldn’t know. All this time I’m waiting for a last meeting, because he said I should wait for him and I want to wait for him. And it really isn’t like I’ll be able to let go just because I saw him one last time. The memories are still too fresh, the flashbacks still too vivid. However, maybe… Just  maybe…” Luhan remained silent for a little while before continuing, “All I ever needed was closure. Some kind of chance to tell him the things I wanted to, an opportunity to tell him goodbye.”

“Isn’t that the same as letting go?”

Luhan’s eyes twinkled at that, “You tell me.”

Sehun did not know whether Luhan expected him to say anything, because he did not. He would not know what.

-

“You look incredibly fine for someone who’s just disgraced himself in front of his best friend just a few days ago.”
 
“Just because I cried in front of you doesn’t mean I’ve disgraced myself, Kim Jongin,” Sehun said matter-of-factly as he sat down next to Jongin, “you cry all the time.”

“Excuse me,” Jongin’s eyes widened in surprise, the indignity so clearly obvious, “when have you ever seen me cry?”

Sehun grinned, “There was this one time when you lost your dance battle against Taemin-”

“I let him win!” Jongin defended himself.

“Is that so? I remembered how you got all teary-eyed when you thought back about how his moves were so inhumanly perfect and you wished you’d never challenged him.”

“I’m just very emotional when it comes to dancing, not because of losing.”

“Oh, and that one time when you thought that Chinese transfer student Wu Fan was going to kill you because you accidentally spilled some paint on his white shirt.”

“Did you see his face?! His eyes throw daggers, I tell you, daggers!” Jongin said loudly before blinking his eyes, “Hey… I didn’t cry back then.”

“No, you didn’t,” Sehun smirked victoriously, “but you talk so stupidly whenever I mention it.”

It took some time before Jongin realized what Sehun meant, and his expression turned into an angry one as he slowly hovered over the other, “Oh Sehun…”

“Oh, and should I remind you how you wanted to kiss Kyungsoo but he didn’t want to kiss you,” Sehun was having so much fun with teasing Jongin that he had not seen the other stopping with moving, “and he pushed you-”

“We’re together now.”

“-away so harshly you fell- Wait,” Sehun’s mind went blank all of a sudden, “you… You what?”

“I said,” Jongin heaved a sigh, “we’re together.”

Sehun’s eyes widened. Jongin was kidding, right? He must be. There… There was no way Kyungsoo would want to be with his good-for-nothing best friend, who complained about everything and annoyed everyone to no end. Jongin and Kyungsoo? They did not even look good together. There was no way it was true, Sehun convinced himself, but when he looked into Jongin’s eyes, he just knew Jongin was not lying. Jongin would never lie to him while looking at him like that.

“You… You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“I-”

“How long already?” Sehun asked while looking down, unable to look at the other anymore.

“Not… Not that long, really. I… I just never had the chance to tell you because you were so caught up with everything regarding Luhan.”

Sehun was a man, so really, it did not bother him that much that Jongin had not told him about it. And really, he was indeed so caught up with the bus boy and all the mystery around it. He still was. So he did not blame Jongin about that. Instead, he was blaming himself. He was blaming himself, and he did not know why.

“Hey, I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, alright?” Jongin said when he saw Sehun’s expression.

“Let’s… Let’s kill some zombies.” Sehun said emotionlessly before turning his gaze to the television screen, deliberately ignoring Jongin’s stare.

-

“We’re together now.”

Sehun sighed before burying his face in his pillow. He did not understand why he was feeling this way. It was as if he felt empty all of a sudden, and he blamed himself for it. But, for what? What did he blame himself for? Maybe he was just too exhausted of everything regarding the bus boy, and this just came too suddenly for him. He blamed himself for being so caught up with something so irrelevant to his own life that he missed things of his life. Important things. Was that it? It sounded quite plausible to him.

It was not even like Jongin was going to stop spending time with him. He was still the Jongin he knew, still the Jongin who annoyed him so terribly and who was always there for him when he needed him.  He was even there when he cried a couple of days ago, so surely, nothing changed. He was still Kim Jongin, Sehun’s best friend. Nothing was going to change just because he now had a boyfriend.

Right?

Sehun really hated the thought of being left behind. He disliked it with a burning passion. He hated goodbyes, endings, closures. Maybe that was why he could not quite understand why Luhan would want to need closure for something as beautiful as what he and Joonmyun had. Sehun could not comprehend, because for him, closure meant putting an end on it. It meant that it was all the past, a used-to-be, and Sehun did not like feeling that. It made him feel sad, nostalgic, and melancholic.

“We’re together now.”

Sehun felt so unhappy.

“We’re together now.”

Because those words sounded like some kind of closure too.