Finally an update!!
I was really stuck with this story, since I didn't want this to end... Too out of the blue. So, this might not be a fourshot anymore this story is going to be longer than I initally planned. I've been thinking about the whole story, and this seems to fit it the most. I don't know what to think about it, but in a way, this feels the best way to continue this story :)
Since my vacation started today, I'm assuming I'll be able to update this story faster :)
Nevertheless, I hope you all enjoy this chapter! Thank you for everyone who has subscribed, and I hope you won't be disappointed :)

Tinywings

 

Sehun knew he should not have done it. He knew the guilt inside of him would feel as if he had committed a sin, when honestly, all he did was writing a small sentence on the back of a seat. All he did, indeed, but knowing what the possible consequences could be. Sehun was not in the position to be mingling himself with others, he knew that very well, and he also understood that his curiosity would not be appreciated.

Or would it?

He would want to believe it was appreciated, actually. With the name bus boy had given him, and the small conversations he ever had with him, he did want to believe that his curiosity was wanted, needed.

However, the next time he saw bus boy, he hoped so much he had the ability to turn back time. He hoped so much he could erase that small sentence he had permanently written on the back of the seat. He hoped so much…

Because the expression bus boy was wearing, was unbearable for Sehun to see.

Was it sadness? Was it anger? Was it pain? Was it… Sehun did not know what could possibly describe it, but he knew one thing for sure. The small message Sehun wrote had caused Luhan a considerable amount of emotional pain. Considerable? That would actually be quite an underestimation.

Sehun could feel the lump forming in his throat as he slowly walked to the back of the bus, sitting on the seat at the far end of the emotionally unstable bus boy. He consciously forced himself not to look at his right side, to pretend the boy next to him did not exist. He did not have the courage to talk to him, in all honesty, and he could feel the regret building inside of him rapidly, asking him why he decided to sit so close to the bus boy. However, the bus boy did not grant him the silence, but forced him to confront the dark blonde boy.

“Sehun-sshi…”

Sehun did not reply, did not make a move. He simply did nothing, in the fear that he would do something wrong, or most importantly, say something wrong.  

“Sehun-sshi…”

Don’t you dare to look in his direction, Oh Sehun, he continually ordered himself, though he knew he was slowly breaking. He knew he was going to give in any time soon, but the later, the better.

“He came back…”

No he didn’t, Sehun thought as he bit his lip harshly, preventing himself from looking in that feared direction. The younger male did not need any hint to know who the bus boy was talking about, obviously.

“Yet I missed the chance to see him…”

Sehun could hear it. He could hear the noticeable change in the bus boy’s voice.

He was crying.

The bus boy was crying and it was all Sehun’s fault. Sehun glanced out of the window, though his eyes were not focusing on anything. The sight in front of him was unfocused, just like his mind.

“You’ll get to see him again.” Sehun said softly.

“No…” He could hear the trembling in the bus boy’s voice, the desperation, “I won’t…”

Sehun snapped his eyes closed, trying to stop the guilt from eating him up alive. All he wanted was answers. All he wanted was peacefulness. All he wanted… Was horribly selfish.

“You’ll get to see him, believe in it.”

“I only had one chance, and I missed it… I… I’ve been waiting so patiently… I’ve been waiting for so long… Yet, the one time I’m not here… I missed my one and only chance.”

“You’ll get another chance.” Sehun said calmly, though inside he was having a psychological war between guilt and regret.

“I won’t… For heaven only permits one chance.”

Sehun’s eyes snapped open with shock before glancing at the crying boy next to him. It was a heartbreaking sight. It triggered all the guilt he possessed inside his body, while a voice in the back of his mind was mocking him for his foolish act.

“H-Heaven?”

“Joonmyun only had one chance to come back to meet me,” Luhan cried in sorrow, “yet I missed the chance to see him.”

And at that moment, Sehun knew he had done the most horrible thing ever in his life.

-

“Kim Jongin, I need your help.”

Sehun said emotionlessly the moment he stepped inside his friend’s house, earning a confused expression.

“I don’t like the way my name rolls off your tongue-”

“Kim Jongin! I’m being serious!” Sehun yelled frustrated, throwing himself on the couch in the progress.

“I see…” Jongin responded warily as he closed the front door before walking up to his friend. “What’s the problem?”

“Joonmyun…”

Sehun began, though he did not had the courage to let the rest of the sentence flow out of his mouth. He did not know, he did not dare, and he was scared his conscious would not be able to deal with the truth.

“Is… Is he dead?”

“E-Excuse me? Dead?” Jongin’s eyes were wide in shock. “How come you-”

“Bus boy told me this Joonmyun… Is in heaven.” Sehun could feel the lump forming again, making speaking more difficult for him than it already was. “That could only mean… That he's dead already.”

“What the… That's… I…” Jongin moved a hand through his hair as his mind tried to progress everything. “I’m speechless.”

“Jongin-ah… I might have done the most horrible thing ever… I… I can’t even forgive myself…”

Inside, Sehun was a mess. His outside appearance was nothing compared to how he was at the inside. It was a complete mess, a dark mixture of all kinds of negative feelings boiling inside of him, filling every inch of his body with the deadly poison. He wanted to scream, fight those feelings away, but he could not. They had overpowered him, and all he could do was bear it in agony, in regret, in pain.

“What did you do?”

“I… I interfered with something I should’ve never had.”

Jongin heaved a sigh, patting Sehun lightly on the head. “What did you do?”

He may not seem like it, but deep inside, Jongin was a boy who possessed a passionate warm heart. Sehun meant a lot to him, even though he may not always show it, and seeing his best friend like this pained him. Of course it did, since Jongin knew he could not do anything to help the other.

“I…” Sehun choked as he cried, “I destroyed his hope. I broke him painfully, causing his heart to shatter in a thousand pieces.”

The bus boy had been waiting for someone who was not even on this world anymore. He had so much hope, so much belief, yet… Yet Sehun had decided to crush that innocence, that pure naiveté. He heartlessly tore the last string of hope the boy had left.

“Sehun-ah… If… If he really is dead… Luhan won’t be able to see him, not matter what. You... You can’t possibly see someone who is not living anymore...”

Sehun shook his head furiously, pulling Jongin close to him so he could bury his face in Jongin’s chest.  “You don’t understand…”

Jongin touched Sehun’s hair softly, trying to calm his friend down. “Sehun, it’s the truth. Luhan can’t possibly see Joonmyun again, if he’s dead.”

“No… No, you don’t understand…” Sehun clenched his fists. “This isn’t even about whether it’s possible or not. This is about something else… It’s… It’s about me crushing his hope… He waited for so long, Jongin-ah, and I… I did something so horrible… He thinks he missed his only chance, when… When that chance did not even happen. It’s not about whether that moment exists or not… It’s… It’s about him thinking that he missed his one and only chance to see Joonmyun.”

Sehun bit his lip painfully, but tears still continued to flow down. It was his fault…

“Sehun-ah… It’s not your fault…” Jongin reassured Sehun.

“Of course it is… Jongin… Of course it is…”

Sehun was the one who caused the bus boy to cry his heart out in the bus. He was the reason for the pain written all on his face. Sehun was the cause of that all.

“It’s nobody fault, Sehun... Or rather, you may see it as everyone’s, everything’s fault… Your fault, for you crushed his belief… Joonmyun’s fault, for he left Luhan behind with so much hope… Fate… For it had taken away Joonmyun’s life.”
 

-

Jongin had offered him to take him home, but Sehun had declined the offer. After letting out the boiling emotions, he had calmed down slightly. He courageously wanted to – if fate permitted it – confront the bus boy. Whether the boy would hate him or not, he did not want to care about that. If confessing what he had done would be able to, in any possible way, give the bus boy his hope back, then Sehun was prepared to confess.

However, it was much easier said than done, when the moment you step into the bus, you see some passengers…

And the bus boy who looked like a complete mess.

Sehun carefully walked to the back, scared that the bus boy would suddenly look up and look him in the eyes, seeing right through him. But he never did, which Sehun was unbelievable grateful for. This time, too, he took place on the seat at the far left end in the back, though there were plenty of other seats left. He knew he would regret it, but he still wanted to sit there.

Silence. That was all there was between the two of them. Silence. Sehun really did want to break this silence, but he could not. He did not know how to. It was as if his mouth was sealed, enabling him from speaking.

“Sehun-sshi…”

This time, Sehun did not stop himself from looking in the bus boys direction. No, this time, he did not even try. There was no use, after all.

“Y-Yes?”

It came out so soft, so scared, that Sehun was sure the bus boy thought he was frightened of him, when in reality, that really was not the case. No, everything but that.

“Am I stupid?”

Luhan’s eyes were red, his face was stained with dried tears, and his expression was an emotionless one. The sight made Sehun’s heart clench.

“No, you’re not.”

“Really?” Luhan grinned sadly as he looked passed Sehun to outside the window, “because I believe I’m stupid… Here I am… Waiting… I don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting, how long I’ve been waiting for something. Something… That passed me by…”

Sehun wanted to cry. He desperately wanted to cry, but he knew he could not. He did not have the right to, in front of Luhan. He really did not. So he did everything he could to stop any tears from forming.

“You’re just waiting for something you believe will come.”

“Something I believe will come, indeed.” The bus boy, his fingertips softly lingering over the small sentence Sehun had written. “But it came at the wrong time…”

“You… You’ll get another chance.”

Sehun tried, but Luhan shook his head. “I won’t.”

“Just… Just believe me.” Sehun said, or actually pleaded.

“Sehun-sshi… You don’t understand… There’s no way-”

“No, you don’t understand.” Sehun interrupted. “You don’t understand, because… I…”

The words could not leave his mouth. They just could not. They could not escape his lips.  Sehun really tried, but maybe he was just too much of a coward, because in the end, he really could not say those words aloud. He really could not. Instead, he said something else. Something terribly different. Something he was going to regret for sure.

“Just believe me.”

Luhan locked his gaze with Sehun’s, and it lasted a few seconds before Sehun broke the eye contact. Something had stirred inside of Luhan, Sehun saw. Something… And he did not want to know what.

“Will… Will I get another chance?”

“You will.”

Luhan took a deep breath, his eyes fluttering closed in the process. Sehun was grinning inside, mocking himself for speaking out nonsense words. Sehun was certainly not the one to be speaking about promises and belief, not in front of bus boy.

However, it seemed the bus boy thought about it otherwise.

“Alright, I believe you.”

Sehun eyed the other with stunned eyes, visibly shocked by the bus boy’s answer. It was supposed to make him happy, glad. But it did not. The bus boy trusted him, when he was not to be trusted in the first place.

“You…”

“I believe you,” The bus boy wore a small smile as he spoke, “since you said I’ll get a second chance, I believe you.”

“You… You really believe my words?” Sehun asked surprised.

“The fact alone that you don’t think that I’m wasting my time waiting,” The bus boy chuckled softly, “that you don’t think I’m acting crazy, is already enough for me to believe you. Just the mere fact that you say I should not give up, is enough.”

It hurt. Badly. Having someone who believed you, built confidence on you… When you had not right to give this person such support… It hurt.

But if it was up to Sehun to choose, he would rather lie for a lifetime, letting the other grow hopeful again, instead of telling him the painful truth. He had already done wrong.

This was his way of repaying everything.