Last chapter! Author's note at the end! Read it if you want to know more about the hidden meaning of this story!


 

Sehun was not a wise person in the sense that he knew that much about life that nothing really troubled him anymore. Sehun was not that kind of person at all, for he still had so much more to learn. So many times he had heard that nothing was impossible and that knowledge was always a determination away to be savored. Yet, that was not what he thought. Being wise, in Sehun’s eyes, was being able to acknowledge that he would never be able to get all the answers he wanted. Being wise was not merely knowing, but also understanding and embracing the fact that you would never be the wise person you thought humans could be.

Nevertheless, Sehun did have his own vision on life. He did have his own perspective on how to live a life. Life was simply nothing but a mess of coincidences and compromises, and in order to make sense out of it, you needed to accept that sometimes things happened for the sake of happening. Sometimes things turned out well, something things turned out badly. Sometimes Sehun would fly, sometimes he would fall. It was a cycle, a never ending cycle from the very first breath he took when he was born to the last breath he would let go when he closed his eyes for the last time.

And being scared, being frightened for going round and round, starting at the very beginning so many times – that was not the solution to anything. There was, in fact, nothing to be afraid of other than your own lack of willingness and perseverance. Sehun believed that one should never see problems and challenges as something negative, but as something that should be embraced. Why? Because every difficulty was a chance to become a better self, so instead of seeing them as something bad, they should be seen as something positive.

Of course, falling down hurts, getting things stolen from you hurts, losing something hurts, but it was only because it hurt that you realized just what was important to you. It was the falling, the very falling, that made you realize just how much you wanted to fly. It could sound weird, it could sound ridiculous, but how many great people did not fall? How many people who reached the highest skies did not fall down again and again, getting bruised again and again, only to stand up again with a strong determination again and again?

Blaming life that it was nothing but a big joke was only a way of putting all the responsibility of your own lives away. Blaming the world for being so unfair was merely a childish defense mechanism to protect your own disbelieving self. The truth was that the world was rarely only flowers and sugar. Occasionally, you would fall. And when you fall, you learn. And when you learn, you start to appreciate things more. And that was why the same hopeless downwards going spiral could be a hopeful upwards going spiral. The time spent thinking negatively could also be spent on thinking positively.

It really all depended on yourself, nobody else but you.

There was once a Sehun who was frightened to be left alone, who at some point cursed the world for making his life so difficult. There had been such a Sehun too. There had been a Sehun who wanted to give up so badly, but there were always people who would show him just how beautiful the world could be. It made Sehun want to do the same. If, in any possible way, he could show people who needed it the light they desperately wanted, then he could only wish that they could see light in his own light. He never knew whether he succeeded or not, but as long as he had tried his best to make the world a better place for those who needed the comfort the most, then he was happy. Happiness came by making those around him happy.

So, when he saw Kyungsoo and Jongin standing in front of him, with a very hesitant Jongin who was not sure whether he wanted to sit down or not and a softly smiling Kyungsoo who was grateful to have finally been able to meet the one and only Oh Sehun, he knew that this was the beginning of a new chapter. He had fallen down, harshly and mercilessly, but wounds would heal. It was now time to stand up again, wipe the blood coming from the corner of the lips and look up to the sky again. What he and Jongin had was something he wished could have last, and he would be lying if he said he did not spent some time wondering how things could have turned out if he had been braver, but he did not want to spend the rest of his life contemplating about the past.

He would rather create a better future.

“You must be Sehun,” Kyungsoo said while extending his hand, “Jongin has told me so much about you that I could almost imagine how you would look.”

Sehun quickly stood up from his chair, wiping his sweaty hands on his clean crisp t-shirt before gently holding onto Kyungsoo’s hand, a shy smile gracing his lips, “It’s really nice to finally meet you.”

Jongin did not say anything and Sehun knew exactly why. At one point Jongin had wanted nothing but to introduce the two together, but right now he did not even know whether he could really smile in front of Sehun as he used to. Sehun understood it, yet he wanted to try. He wanted to try at least to fix the things that could still be fixed.

“Jongin, Kyungsoo, please sit,” Sehun gestured to the two empty seats in front of him before he said down, a genuine smile dancing on his lips, “It’s really cold outside today, isn’t it?”

Kyungsoo nodded his head, “It is. Gladly it hasn’t snowed yet, or being outside would’ve been a mission impossible I’m afraid.”

When Kyungsoo smiled, Sehun thought he understood why Jongin fell in love this small, wide-eyed boy. When Kyungsoo spoke, Sehun thought he finally understood why Jongin would fall in love with this person sitting next to him. Sehun did not want to exaggerate or flatter himself, but in some way, he saw himself in Kyungsoo. He saw the awkwardness lingering in those big eyes, the innocence sprinkled like fairy dust on the boy’s face, and most importantly, he saw the brilliancy of the smiles this boy wore. Sehun and Kyungsoo were different people, definitely, from head to toe, from inside to outside, but there was this resemblance, this feeling of being similar when Sehun looked the other in the eyes.

“I can’t believe Jongin actually managed to find himself someone like you, Kyungsoo,” Sehun chuckled when he saw their surprised expressions, “he’s so lucky.”

Kyungsoo grinned embarrassedly, “N-No, I’m the one who’s lucky.”

Sometimes, it all felt like a dream. Sometimes, you looked around yourself, and it really felt so surreal. It felt as though you were not really there, not really present, not really living. Sometimes, it all felt like one big dream.

Sitting in front of Jongin and Kyungsoo felt like a dream. It really did. Because at one point all Sehun remembered were the running away and the avoiding that he really did not think there would come a day where he would be able to see Jongin being happy with someone else. It was always at that moment when they looked at each other expectantly that those thoughts came up, remembering the both of them of the long path they had to walk to reach this destination.

“Would you two like to drink or eat something?” Sehun hastily said upon realizing that he was the only one with a drink, “It’s on me! Eat and drink all you want!”

Jongin grinned slightly for the first time since he stepped into the little café, “I never thought there would come a day where the one and only Oh Sehun would treat me on something.”

“Yah!” Sehun said indignantly, “I always treat you on something! You’re the one who’s always so stingy!”

“I’m the one who’s stingy?” Jongin gasped before glaring at the other mockingly, “I’m sorry, but all those pizzas and bubble teas I treated you on were nothing?”

Sehun was about to retort back when he was stopped by a bubbly laughter. Both best friends turned their gaze towards the small boy sitting next to Jongin. Kyungsoo desperately tried to hide the big smile he was wearing, the uncontrollable laughter slipping out of his mouth sounding really pleasant to the ears.

“Jongin was right,” Kyungsoo spoke with amusement, “you two really are each other’s best friend. I’m not even surprised that Jongin was in love with you.”

Sehun’s eyes widened at this, heart starting to beat increasingly fast, “Y-You… You know?”

“I told him,” Jongin said without looking Sehun in the eyes, “since he needed to know why I had been crying my eyes out that day when you told me everything.”

“T-Then… Then how?” Sehun managed to say, shaking his head lightly in unbelief, “How can you sit here, looking at me, and not feel anything?”

“But I do feel something,” Kyungsoo said honestly, “I feel the precious friendship shared by two boys who really care about each other. And no matter how much one could be afraid of it, you can’t really hate it.” The small black-haired boy smiled, “I can never hate you, not when I’ve seen you in person now. Disliking you without knowing you would’ve been much easier, but now that I’ve met you, I don’t think I can ever dislike you. Not when Jongin himself never stopped liking you from the beginning to end.”

Sehun’s eyes shot to Jongin’s direction, at loss of words. He felt happy, immensely excited, because the thought that Jongin never gave up on him, that alone was enough to make him smile like a fool. The thought that although certain things were now buried with the past, some things could still live on really made him want to embrace Jongin right on the spot.

“What? You thought I would leave you alone? I’m afraid you won’t have anyone then,” Jongin bit his lip to stop himself from smiling that trademark smile of his, “I don’t really think I can forgive myself if you end up depressed because you miss me so much.”

Sehun could not help but grin happily at this, “Thank you.”

Jongin looked him in the eyes with the same amount of happiness, “You better be.”

Sehun shook his head in defeat at this, “Thank you for telling Kyungsoo about me.”

“You better be.”

“Thank you for being the worst friend ever.”

“My pleasure.”

“Thank you for treating me today.”

“You wish.”

♪

Sehun had yelled that he liked Jongin. Sehun had done that, in front of Luhan. So Luhan knew very well just what kind of feelings Sehun harbored for Jongin. What Luhan did not know was what kind of feelings Sehun harbored for him. Sehun had never been able to tell him that. The timing was never good enough for it. However, as he walked on the streets while holding hands with Luhan, he realized that there would be no better timing than now. There would be no better place, no better time for him to officially tell Luhan his feelings.

Luhan needed to know. He deserved to know.

“Sehun, do you want to eat some ice cream?” Luhan asked gently as he glanced at Sehun.

Sehun hesitated for a while before gulping down his cowardice and turn his head to face the other. It startled the other because Sehun had been acting strange for the whole evening already. He had avoided eye contact that lasted more than three seconds, had avoided it when Luhan would lean too close to him. Yet here he stood in front of Luhan, eyes full with determination for what he wanted to do for so long already. There was no turning back anymore.

“I… Luhan, I…” Sehun’s tongue darted out nervously as he scratched the back of his head, “I…”

“Is something wrong?” Luhan asked with concern.

Sehun took a deep breath, eyes fluttering close for that one second, before the words left his mouth.

“I love you.”

The growing smile on Luhan’s lips shone so bright, the glistering in Luhan’s eyes defeated the light of hundred stars together, and the way Luhan tried to hide his emotional face was completely endearing. Luhan could not really be compared with anyone else, for in Sehun’s eyes, he was just that indescribably wonderful. There was just something about Luhan that made him feel like he was special, like he was more than merely someone surviving on this world. And Sehun would be a fool, a complete fool, if he were to let this person go.

“I might not have flowers with me, might not have said this while we dined in a really fancy restaurant, but I can give you my heart and actually being confessed to in the middle of the streets where everyone can hear us is kind of exciting I think,” They both chuckled at Sehun’s words, “so I hope you can accept my poor excuse of a confession.”

“I…” Luhan tried to suppress his smile but failed miserably, “I can’t believe you didn’t buy me some flowers though.”

“They die too soon,” Sehun tried to cover for himself.

Luhan laughed, “It’s still nice to get something.”

“I told you I would give you my heart,” Sehun urged.

“I’m not sure whether I want it or not,” Luhan said while looking Sehun’s mischievously in the eyes.

Sehun grinned before his hand dove into the pocket of his coat, trying to hastily find the present he had prepared for Luhan, “Then what am I going to do with it after having it all wrapped up and ready to give away?”

Luhan’s eyes widened in blissful surprise at the sight of the small white box wrapped in red ribbon, “W-What’s that…”

“My heart,” Sehun said before pretending to be disappointed, “but seems you don’t want it, so I might as well give it to someone else-”

Sehun was about to turn around and act as if he was going to give it to the first random person he saw, when Luhan threw himself on the present, hastily grabbing it while yelling, “No way! It’s mine!”

Sehun laughed at this as he saw how Luhan held the present tightly within his trembling red hands, the coldness of the winter hitting them mercilessly. He moved down his head before pressing his lips softly against Luhan’s, letting his eyelids fall down as he enjoyed the feeling of Luhan’s lips against his own. The feeling of being loved and loving someone else was so overwhelming, so crazily strong, and Sehun realized that he really turned into nothing but a hopeless romantic when it came to Luhan. There was nothing more perfect in his eyes than being with Luhan, hearts beating like one.

“So…” Sehun whispered softly against the other’s lips, “That means you’ll be my boyfriend?”

Luhan shining eyes told him enough, but the word that slipped out of his mouth was final.


“Yes.”


There is no way someone can give his or her heart to someone else. Clearly, you would die if you did. However, it is the thought, the mere fact that it felt as though your own heart no longer belonged to yourself but to someone else, that made you say this. When Sehun told Luhan he would give the bus boy his heart, he had meant it. He had meant that the heart inside of his body was no longer his own anymore. Luhan had claimed it mercilessly, making it beat faster when he was with Sehun and making it beat painfully slow when Luhan was not there. Again and again, it was Luhan that controlled this heart that was once Sehun’s, at one point Jongin’s, but now completely Luhan’s.


“Do you love me?” Sehun asked as he intertwined his fingers with Luhan’s, foreheads leaning against each other.

Luhan always made his heart run wild, always made him lose his breath, always worked on his nerves. Luhan could always so easily, so terribly easily make Sehun feel defeated, make Sehun want to give in to Luhan’s every command just so he would be able to savor the moments. When it came to Luhan, it really was like that.

“You tell me.”

It really was.

♪

Sehun laid with his head on Luhan’s lap while Luhan played with the younger’s hair. Whatever was playing on the television seemed to have kept all of Sehun’s attention while leaving Luhan’s attention completely neglected. It was not long before Sehun realized the other paid no attention to his favorite television show, a small grin appearing on his lips as he held onto Luhan’s wrist to stop the older from ruffling his hair.

“Do you love my hair that much?”

Luhan smirked playfully, “You’ve no idea.”

“I feel violated.”

“You’re not when you willingly let someone touch you.”

Sehun sighed in defeat, “Fine, I’m not. Go touch my hair to your heart’s content. I’ll just drown myself in misery as I contemplate why in the world I decided to love someone who loves my hair more than me.”

“You’re such a kid, Oh Sehun,” Luhan said while his fingertips lingered on Sehun’s soft hair.

“I’m afraid I’m an adult already,” Sehun said with a victorious grin.

“Talking with you is so upsetting sometimes,” Luhan said while shaking his head.

Sehun moved his head up so their lips were only inched away from each other, “Then let’s not talk.”


The days spent being in love with Luhan was so beautiful, so wonderful, so heavenly perfect. It was like Sehun had spent his whole life living with a rational mindset only to have Luhan crash into his world and turn it upside down. Luhan could make him crazy to the point of insanity with just one grin and one kiss on the lips, and there would be no way for Sehun to get his old rationality back. Sometimes they talked about nothing yet it seemed like everything. Every time they looked in each other’s eyes felt like the first time. The first time they fell in love. It was like falling in love over and over again.


“I can’t live without you,” Sehun whispered against Luhan’s ear as the other leaned his head against Sehun’s broad shoulder.

Sehun smiled when he felt Luhan’s curving up against his skin, “I love you too.”

“I love you more,” Sehun continued.

Luhan bit his shoulder lightly before saying, “I think I love you most.”

♪

“I really don’t mind people being lovey-dovey, but please please please, have some mercy and stop acting like two hormonal teenagers in front of me.”

Jongin said as he watched how Luhan and Sehun enjoyed their ice cream together, feeding each other with their spoons as though Jongin was nothing but air. It really was not the kind of sight Jongin wanted to see when he said he wanted to meet up with the two. It really was not what he expected to see when Sehun told him they were in the ice cream shop.

“Nobody told you to come here,” Sehun said while sticking out his tongue.

“If I didn’t come I was afraid I wouldn’t even remember my best friend’s face anymore,” Jongin said as he dropped himself on the chair in front of the two, “but this is how you treat your best friend, huh?”

“You’re the one who put Kyungsoo’s invitation to go to some concert together above our weekly zombie killing,” Sehun argued childishly.

Jongin laughed at this, “Yah, I told you I’ll make it up to you by letting you stay over the next week!”

“How is some EXO concert worth more than some quality time with your best friend? As far as I know, that band is just a bunch of flower boys put together. Are you sure Kyungsoo isn’t just crushing on one of them? I heard the maknae is really hot,” Sehun said before he ate another spoon of ice cream.

“Kyungsoo isn’t that kind of person,” Jongin argued back before groaning, “and please stop eating ice cream out of the same cup in front of me, it makes me cringe.”

Luhan stopped eating and pushed the ice cream cup towards Sehun, an apologetic smile appearing on his lips, “We’re sorry, Jongin.”

“It’s not your fault, it’s that stupid person sitting next to you,” Jongin answered, “I can’t believe I ever fell in love with you, Oh Sehun. If I knew you would be like this, I would’ve killed myself instead of loving you.”

“Yah, Kim Jongin! Take that back!” Sehun yelled.

Jongin smirked, clearly amused with his best friend’s reaction, “How am I going to take back something I already said?”

Sehun frowned unhappily, “You’re terrible.”

“Let me tell you the same thing, Oh Sehun,” Jongin said before leaning back against his chair with a smug grin.

Sehun was about to retort, when a sudden ringtone took his attention. Luhan hastily looked around for his phone before excusing himself to answer the phone. Sehun reassured the other with a gentle smile that it was okay and that he could take his time with the call. When Sehun and Jongin were left alone, Jongin immediately stole Sehun’s spoon and began to eat from the ice cream.

“What the heck do you think you’re doing, Kim Jongin?” Sehun asked in utmost shock.

“Trying to see whether the ice cream really taste that good,” Jongin stuck out his tongue in disgust, “but oh gosh this is too sweet for me.”

“Then stop eating it!” Sehun said before snatching the spoon back.

Jongin’s eyes softened as he watched how Sehun stubbornly ate all of the remaining ice cream, “I’m happy for the two of you.”

The softness of Jongin’s sound and the sincerity of the words meant more to Sehun than he wanted to admit, so he hung his head low in order to avoid looking the other in the eyes, “Thank you.”

“Is… Is Luhan still waiting?”

The question made Sehun freeze. It made him think about something he had completely forgotten. It made him remember that it all began with him liking Jongin and Luhan loving Joonmyun. And Luhan had always wanted closure, always wanted to at least be able to tell Joonmyun goodbye. Whether Luhan had at one point be able to let this waiting go, letting it all be, Sehun never knew. He never asked.

“I… I don’t know.”

“H-Have… Have you ever told him? Have you ever told him that you were the one to-”

“No!” Sehun yelled, a little too loud, “I- No! I didn’t!” He buried his face in his hands, “I didn’t…”

It was not like Sehun never wanted to confess about the sin he had committed. It was not like he did not, because really, he did. But at one point the lie became too much hidden away by love and the fright to lose it all got too big, and Sehun just did not know whether he could speak out those words anymore. At one point, he thought that it would be okay as long as he was there for Luhan, for Joonmyun was no longer there and Sehun could promise Luhan a lifetime of happiness.

“It.. It might not chance anything, or it might ruin everything,” Jongin spoke hesitantly, “but I think you should at least tell Luhan what you’ve done. Keeping it from him isn’t fair for him.”

“I can repay for it with the rest of my life!” Sehun yelled, hands turning into fists.

Jongin looked at him with concern, “But I know that keeping a secret for a lifetime isn’t something you can do easily. Sehun, it’s not worth everything you’re afraid of losing. I know… I know it might not make any sense anymore to tell Luhan everything, but if you keep on building this relationship on lies, I don’t think it’ll do either of you good.”

“But how, Jongin…? How am I going to tell him that I was the one to have written that message the back of the seat? How-”

“You did what?”

His heart sank immediately. That accusing voice made his head shoot up, eyes widening as he looked Luhan in the eyes. The other was standing there with trembling lips and wavering eyes, looking at him with the kind of expression Sehun had been so afraid of seeing.

“L-Luhan this isn’t what you think-” Jongin began, trying to cover up for Sehun was too shocked to say anything.

“No, Jongin, I want Sehun to tell me,” Luhan said before giving Sehun a stoic expression, “what exactly did you do, Oh Sehun?”

Oh Sehun.

The sound of it made him want to cry. This was all wrong, all so wrong and he just wished things did not turn out like this.

“I… I never wanted to keep it a lie from you!” Sehun yelled, not even caring when some of the customers turned their heads to them curiously. “I’m sorry!”

A tear slipped out of the corner of Luhan’s eyes, and Sehun knew there was no turning back anymore. There was a painful squeeze in his heart that made him feel suffocated, but nothing felt worse than the image of a crying Luhan burned on his retinas and saved in his memory. Nothing could really compare to that.

“I was curious, I was stupid, I was a fool…” Sehun confessed in a weak, soft voice, “I… I was the one who wrote that message... I… I had wanted to help! I really never thought it would all get so complicated!”

Sehun had thought that Luhan had wanted him to help, had wanted him to get over it. From beginning to end, he always thought so. He never thought things would get so complicated, so crazy complicated.

“So… The comfort you gave me… The fact that you said to believe in you when you were the one to have caused all this sorrow… You!” Luhan exclaimed while he cried, “You were the one who both broke my heart and tried to mend the pieces! How could you…?”

“I never wanted to hurt you, Luhan! I never wanted to! I tried my best to repay for what I’ve done!” Sehun said with a shaking voice as he stood up to reach out for Luhan’s arm, only to have the other pushing him away mercilessly, “Didn’t… Didn’t we found love in each other?”

“It’s not about whether you wanted it or not, what we’ve become and what we share! It’s about the fact that this! All of this!” Luhan pointed at the two of them, “Was built on nothing but lies! On nothing but a regretful heart and an empty heart! I thought you were the only one who believed in me but you were in fact just trying to atone for what you’ve done!”

The disappointment. The accusation. The truth of it all. It was so clear to Sehun that he had hurt Luhan beyond repair. Back then, he was too scared to admit what he had done. It had frightened him to death. Right now, he was too scared to lie any further because he knew that one more lie and Luhan would break. For someone who had wanted nothing but the truth, one lie was destructive. One single lie was as harmful as a knife straight through the heart.

“Why…” Luhan whispered, “Why…?”

Sehun cried silently, “Because I had wanted to help.”

♪

It took seven messages and fifteen phone calls before Sehun accepted the fact that Luhan did not want to hear from him. It took another whole five hours before Sehun decided that he could no longer hold onto his phone without bursting into tears. He had wordlessly watched Luhan leave the ice cream shop, had gently shook off the comforting hand on his shoulder, and had cried while walking back home.

It really was not like he thought there would be no way this would ever happen. Thinking back about it, he was bound to tell Luhan at some point what he had done. There was no way Sehun could have hidden it from Luhan for a lifetime. Yet, it still came like a sudden wave that overwhelmed him completely. It still managed to push him off the thin rope he was balancing on.

Luhan needed time. Luhan needed time because this was not something that one could accept easily. It certainly was not something that one could come to terms with easily. Time Sehun could give the other, really. It was the fact that this might turn into nothing, into a scenario where there will be no moving forward at all, that he was afraid of.

He buried his face in his pillow, wishing that there would be a way out.

♪

He heard from Jongin that Luhan sat in the bus everyday again, spending all of his time waiting for the person he was initially waiting for. Luhan looked like a mess, like a living corpse. Jongin told him that Luhan said it felt as though he had betrayed Joonmyun, betrayed his love by forgetting about him and running off with Sehun. It felt as though he had fallen for a painful trick from Heaven, now mocking him for being lured so easily.

It all did not help to lessen the sadness in Sehun’s heart, the urge to step into the bus and tell Luhan that he should stop this. Because this was not supposed to be the way Luhan should be living. Had Joonmyun been able to meet with Luhan, he would have certainly told the bus boy to be happy. He was not happy right now. He was everything but happy right now.

It took him so much courage to step into the bus, but after days spent avoiding taking that bus and fighting the urge to call the other, Sehun thought that enough was enough. He had done wrong, he really did. He was not going to deny that. But he deserved to tell Luhan that it had not only been lies. It had not only been lies.

The moment his gaze landed on the person he was looking for, his heart gave a tight squeeze that made him want to beat himself. Jongin had not exaggerated. The person in front of him had lost his glow, his light, everything that once made him look like an angel. Right now he was nothing more than a disheveled, lost young man who was not waiting anymore because he believed, but because he felt the guilty urge to wait. It was no longer an act of innocence, but a futile attempt to so-called redemption.

Luhan did not even notice Sehun’s presence until the younger sat in front of him. His emotionless eyes refused to look the other in the eyes, but the shift in his eyes told Sehun that he had seen him. Luhan knew he was there.

“Luhan…”

There was no response. He never expected to get any response. But as long as Luhan did not run away, did not cut him off, then that was good enough for now. That was the best he could get right now.

“I… I hadn’t meant to hurt you… Back then… Back then, when you had told me his name… I think I just wanted to find out what exactly made you wait for him so… So desperately. What made you want to wait for someone so crazily? I just didn’t understand it. It felt so incomprehensible. I never thought things would turn out with Joonmyun passed away and you strongly hoping to meet him one last time. I… I was scared, I admit. I thought that I could work this out without telling you what I had done. I was just like the little kid who broke his mother’s favorite vase but refused to admit it. And then… Then we turned into something more than merely strangers… And I slowly forgot, or at least I tried to convince myself that it was no longer important to tell you, because I saw you smile and I thought that was more than enough. I saw you starting to let go of waiting and starting to become the Luhan you wanted to be… I’m sorry to have hurt you.”

Luhan did not look up, did not say a word, but the tears were flowing again. It hurt so much to see Luhan like this, crying for something Sehun had done. Because Sehun could at least comfort Luhan if it had been someone else who had made him cry. But he could not comfort Luhan when he was the one who had made him cry. He could not. He could merely watch as Luhan tried to hide his face, trying to stop himself from crying. He could only watch and resist the urge to wipe the tears away. He could only stare as the other broke into pieces in front of his eyes.

Sehun decided in the spur of a moment to get off on the next bus station, which was near Jongin’s house, because he did not think he could really bear listening to Luhan’s cries without being able to do anything any longer. So he rushed out of the bus when the doors opened, not even once looking back because looking back would mean the end. Looking back and he would have broken apart too.

And it was only when he stood outside, breath heavy and heart thumping crazily, that he could finally look to the window and meet Luhan’s eyes. He gulped once before rummaging through his pocket to find his phone, calling Luhan hastily. It had been something that came from his heart and not from his head. It had been an emotional act, not a rational one. The doors of the bus were already starting to close and his heart felt like it was about to jump out of his body because of the nervousness.

The moment Luhan answered the call, Sehun was close to breaking into tears.

“Luhan, I…”

The bus started to move again, taking Luhan away from Sehun. It was now or never.

“I love you.”

Luhan did not respond. He did not say a word. But he did not hang up either. Slowly Sehun could no longer see Luhan’s face as the bus went farther and farther until it turned a corner and was completely out of sight. But Luhan still did not hang up, and that fueled Sehun’s hope.

It took a whole minute before Luhan’s words came.

“I know you do.”


♪♪♪


Sehun waited patiently for the bus to come, a small smile lingering on his lips. It had been weeks since the phone call, weeks since he saw Luhan’s face. It had been unbearable in the beginning, but after a while he knew that if he wanted a chance, he needed to be patient. He needed to wait. Luhan had waited for months. Sehun could wait for weeks.

Today, however, Sehun got a message from Luhan. He was so shocked and happy at the same time, because he finally got to hear something from Luhan.

I’ve met Joonmyun.

Sehun just knew, simply knew, that he had to find Luhan. Luhan had told him this for a reason, and Sehun had to meet Luhan, no matter what. He needed to hear from Luhan what Joonmyun had said, whether he could put closure to their love or not. He needed answers. He really, desperately needed them.

The moment the bus stopped and the doors opened, he rushed inside, swiping his transportation card against the machine before running all the way to the back. There was almost nobody in the bus. Luhan was looking at him with expectant yet hesitant eyes. He saw that there was something Luhan wanted to tell him, and he was willing to listen. He was more than willing to listen. He was intently pleading to be able to hear Luhan speak.

He sat at the other end of the last row of seats, a seat that brought up so many memories. Good ones, bad ones, but still memories.

“Joonmyun… He came to me today.” Luhan spoke out gently, and Sehun never realized he missed Luhan’s voice that much until he heard it again.

“W-What… What did he say?” Sehun asked.

Luhan looked down to his hands that were playing with something before giving Sehun a hesitant glance, “Before I tell you, I want to know one thing. When you said you loved me, what did you mean by it?”

“I… ”

“It’s a fact that a person can live on its own, without anyone. You don’t need anyone to survive, to live. However, when you find this person that makes you believe that without him, you can’t live, then that means you’ve grown to love that person.”

“I never knew what love was until I met you. I never really knew what the definition of love was. But when I said I love you,” Sehun said while looking the other in the eyes, “I meant that the mere thought that I would have to ever live without you… That thought alone sounded like the end of the world, because back then, and even now, you’ve become the person I can’t live without anymore.”

Luhan choked on his forming tears, gaze going back to the item in his hand, “Come sit next to me.”

Sehun’s eyes widened at this. The seat next to Luhan was not just any seat… In their eyes, it was something far more than that.

But the longing in Luhan’s eyes told him that he was really sure about it, really certain about what he said, so Sehun slowly stood up from his own seat and moved towards Luhan step by step. It was a long road to go from that seat at the far other side to the seat next to Luhan. It had been a road full of challenges, of constant falling down and standing up again. But he was finally able to take that seat on Luhan’s will.

He was finally able to be the person to sit next to Luhan.

And it was only when he sat that close to the other, could feel the heat of Luhan’s body brushing against his, that he saw the present he had given Luhan back then when he had confessed.

His heart.



When Luhan kissed Sehun on the lips, he decided that Sehun did not need to know that Luhan had in fact never been able to meet Joonmyun, other than in his dreams. When Luhan kissed Sehun on the lips, he decided that he did not want to let Sehun go, no matter what. Because waiting for Joonmyun no longer felt meaningful anymore. Back then, it never really crossed his mind whether Joonmyun would really ever come to him. But right now, Luhan thought that even if Joonmyun did come, it already did not mean the same anymore. It already did not.

And for some reason he wanted to believe that Sehun had been sent by Joonmyun, that it had all been Joonmyun’s work. Meeting Sehun had been because of Joonmyun’s will. For some reason, he believed that it had been Sehun that he eventually waited for. Because there was no way Joonmyun would ever come back. His guardian was already in Heaven, watching him there from afar. Sehun had been the one he was unconsciously waiting for.

And when he opened his eyes, and saw Joonmyun’s approving face right next to Sehun, smiling at him wholeheartedly, he knew he had understood Joonmyun correctly.

“You’ve waited long enough,” Joonmyun said with a brilliant smile, “so don’t let go now that you’ve finally been able to meet him again.”

Luhan smiled.

“I won’t.”
  
Luhan looked at Sehun with a bright smile on his lips.

I won’t.

I love you.
Wo ai ni.
520.

Dear all,

this was the last chapter of 520. 520 has come a long way. It started as a short story about a mysterious bus boy and a curious young man. It turned into more than merely that. This story has become my most meaningful story thus far, because really, this story has pieces of myself. Two years. It has been two years. In two years, I have grown too. From the insecure and scared Sehun to the Sehun who is not afraid to fall anymore. When I was on exchange, I learned a lot. Most importantly, I learned that people can indeed find light in my light. It urged me to continue with what I was always doing: smiling bright while making others happy.
I used to wish people a life full of happiness. Now, I learned that is not possible. Life is rarely so beautiful and perfect. Now, I want to wish people a life that is meaningful, a life where every challenge shall be embraced because it will eventually make you a better person. Now, I wish from the bottom of my heart that you all, every single one of you, learn to stand up again because every single time you fall and stand up again, you become someone greater. This cycle is not ugly. It is beautiful.
And within this story you see glimpses of my others stories (Original Cliche, Secret du Bonheur, etcetera), I noticed, because I think that is really who I am. When I write stories, I put things in it that I feel. So you will see me writing about falling and standing again. You have literally seen my falling and standing again. You see themes like happiness. You see themes like growing up. You see so many things that I think you can relate to. We have all come a long way. I have spent these two years writing this story and sharing things with you all. You were all and always will be welcome to tell me your story. Because we all fall sometimes, and we all need someone sometimes. And if I can help, I will.
It is time to give this story an end. Back then, I had already decided that this story would be called 520. Because 520 means I love you. It had been Suho all along who brought Sehun and Luhan together. It had been love all along. The original ending I had in mind two years ago was that Suho would come and tell Luhan to be happy. Two years later, today, while I was writing this, I decided that this was a better ending. Luhan telling how he would move on sounded like a good ending. For Luhan and Sehun had come a long way, and at some point everything lies in their hands. And the decision they make, when they follow their hearts, it will lead to happiness. Sehun and Jongin could have been brilliant, but they still are in their own way. We will all have moments we do not want to let go, but we still need to, because otherwise there would be no new challenge, no new chapter. We all wait sometimes, but sometimes it just does not mean the same anymore.
Part of me never really wanted to end this story, because at one point this story was my life - every single word and action coming from the bottom of my heart. But I think it is for the better. It is time for a new challenge. Although it really is not easy, that 'complete'-button needs to be pressed one day. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reading this story, listening to my story, and I hope that in some way, it has helped you. May we continue to support each other. May you all become a beautiful ray of sunlight on this world.

I love you all.

Sincerely,
your Tinywings

P.S. It was time to change the blue color. I could not even read it sometimes haha. It's time for some fresh color.