~Samantha Krede~

You sit on the beach and sift the hand through your fingers as the others finish up on their sand castle. You look down the beach to the left and catch a glimpse of a light out near the ocean. You block out the sun and strain your eyes for a better look. It's the lighthouse. The red stripe circles around the top as the light rotates around.
"Whatcha lookin at?" Cassie asks as she plops down next to you and wipes the sand off on her shorts.
"There's that lighthouse from earlier." you point out the direction.
"Oh yeah," she says as she squints, "Hm... doesn't seem too far away."
"What are you guys up to?" Hanna hops next to you.
"The lighthouse." you answer without looking away.
"Oh, can we go there?" Hanna shouts as she grabs ahold of your arm.
You look to Cassie. She stares off at the lighthouse for another moment before meeting your gaze. She smiles and says, "It'll get dark fast. We should get flashlights."
You smile to her and then turn to Hanna. She jumps up excitedly.
"I'll go tell the others!" she exclaims as she runs down the beach. "Hey, everyone! We're going to go on a walk to the lighthouse!"
Of course the camera crews, Jared, and Beast's manager decide to come along. The lighthouse really doesn't seem too far away. The idea of walking down the beach to a lighthouse was exciting to everyone. You are particularly excited to walk back when it got dark out. This was something you loved to do when you were little. With flashlights in hand, the group heads out down the beach.
You walk in the middle of the group with the energetic DuJun leading the party. He points out down the beach.
"It's not too far." he calls back to the rest of you, "If we keep a good pace we should be there in twenty minutes."
The rest of you laugh at his eagerness but pick up your pace to match his. You smirk as you run up behind him and start to follow in his exact footprints. He doesn't seem to notice you trailing behind. You giggle to yourself and glance back to see that YoSeob is following in your tracks as you follow in DuJun's. JunHyung catches on to what you two are up to and joins in. Soon, all of Beast and Eclipse march along the beach walking in only DuJun's footprints. He eventually glances over his shoulder and takes notice. He stops in his tracks and you stop awkwardly with your feet spread out to stay on track. You look up at him with an open mouth and then start to laugh.
"Yah, what are you all doing?" DuJun smirks.
"You're such a good leader!" YoSeob calls up.
DuJun laughs and decides to play along as he starts to zigzag around the beach and take longer strides. You occasionally have to leap from print to print to be accurate. You can't help but laugh as you go. Everyone is still chatting with eachother, shouting up or down the row on the deserted beach. A cameraman makes his way to you and focuses in on your effort.
"I used to do this when i was young." you smile as you keep your eyes on the sand below to make sure you are following in DuJun's prints. "My father and i used to walk along the beach in search of shark teeth, so i would often follow behind him like this. Of course, it was easier then because of his big feet." you laugh at the memory. "My whole foot fit in his prints. I had to leap from print to print because his strides were so big." Your smile dissappears. You remember your father. His laugh, so deep and whole-hearted. His smell of cigarette smoke. Making sandcastles on the beach. Building stuff with him. Him sleeping in your room at night. Him coming home later and later...
You frown and take a deep breath to steady yourself. You glance up to see the camera still in your face. You quickly force a smile and jump out of the tracks. "I'm going rogue." you joke as you head down the beach towards the water. You shuffle your feet in the water and watch each drop mix back into the ocean. You glance up to see that the others have stopped playing train and are running around on their own. YoSeob is being chased by Hanna. Dongwoon, KiKwang, Hyunseung and Mel all chat with eachother. DuJun, Cassie and JunHyung walk in the lead. Cameras focus on YoSeob, Jared and Beast's manager, and on Cassie's group. You're momentarily alone. And you like it that way. You allow yourself to feel sad and depressed, feelings that you have had to push away because of your busy schedule. Now you let your feelings take control for just a while. Your heart feels burdened, you desperately want to cry but wont allow the tears out, and you sigh more than ever as your breathing takes on an irregular pattern. Soon you start to fall behind. 
You're lost in your own thoughts as you watch your feet move along in the foam of the ocean. You realize that there are another set of feet walking just a little behind you and to your side. How long have they been there? You glance back and JunHyung quickens pace to be at your side.
"What are you doing back here on your own?" he asks. 
You smile slightly to hide your true feelings. "Just thinking." you answer.
He nods. "What are you thinking about?"
"Oh i don't know. Just about what the beach was like when i was young." technically true.
"Oh, yeah i was thinking about that sort of stuff earlier too."
Is JunHyung being naive to believe that's all I'm thinking about, or does he actually know I mean something else and he actually understands?
You can't control the sigh that escapes your mouth. As soon as it's gone, JunHyung takes your hand in his. Your eyes widen but you keep them down at your feet. You and JunHyung have jokingly been close before, he would put his arm behind your back on the couch or playfully elbow you, but he has never touched you in a sentimental way before. You like it. His hand is soft and gentle yet he holds you with a firm grip. This isn't an awkward hand hold where he barely holds on, his grasp is tight but comfortable. Deliberate.
You hold his hand back and walk on in silence. This silence is also comfortable, neither of you need to say anything. You could walk on like this forever. You suddenly also feel your sadness and depression leave you, as if his hand has opened the gate and let out your poor emotions. Another sigh comes out but this is one of contentment rather than depression.
"Stop that," JunHyung whines. You look to him with a questioning expression and he meets your gaze with a smirk. "Don't you know?" he pulls on your hand and throws you a bit off balance. You wobble into his side and he smiles, clearly his intention.
"Know what?" you can't help but laugh.
"Everytime you sigh or lose a tear, you also lose a drop of your heart's blood."
You look up at him with wide eyes. "No you don't." you state.
"Yes it's true." he nods and looks forward with a stoic expression.
"Stop that." you smile as you playfully slap his arm. He smiles at your touch. "Tell the truth."
"It is the truth." he argues with a smirk.
"Is not."
"Is to!" he pulls your hand across his body and you stumble with his force. You are pulled directly across his path as he releases your hand to wrap his arms around your body. He brings you into his chest and locks his hands around your front. "Tell me i'm right!" he demands.
"Never!" you squeal as he picks you up. "Stop it!" you laugh.
He sets you back down on the beach. "Say i'm right!" he says again.
"No!" 
He lifts you up towards the sky again and you grunt with his force. You're starting to feel uncomfortable since everyone else isn't too far ahead. They could hear or see you at any moment.  "JunHyung!" you exclaim as he sets you down again. He still won't loosen his grip.
"What?"
"What... what's your favorite animal?" you throw out to distract him. 
"Favorite animal?" he asks full of question. "I... i don't know!" he lifts you again.
"Ahh! No really!" you pant as he sets you down. 
"Maybe an ocean animal or something..." he says as he holds you from the back. His fingers prick your sides and start to tickle you.
You giggle as your grab onto his arms to try to pull him off of you. "You mean like a penguin?" you squeek through your laughter.
"A penguin?!" he exclaims. "No! What kind of ocean animal is that??" he laughs and his grip loosens a little. "That's like a snow animal or something. Maybe like a dolphin..?" he answers your question.
You take the opportunity of his weakness and pull his arms away from you. You sprint forward a couple steps and spin back to look at him in triumph.
"Dolphin?" you . "How lame."
"And what's yours then?" he counters.
"The wolf!" you spit out full of confidence.
His face turns expressionless and then he lunges forward to grab you again. You squeal as you jump back to avoid his hands. You turn and start to sprint to catch up with the others as he chases you. You burst between Cassie and DuJun and keep going. The lighthouse is close now.

"Hey!" YoSeob calls from behind. "Sam's racing again!"
"Last one to the lighthouse has kitchen duty!" DuJun announces as you hear him take off in pursuit.
Soon the whole group is racing to the light house again. You end up being somewhere in the middle as everyone catches up. You all run into the side of the lighthouse and pile up. You've reached the house before JunHyung and you spin around again to show off but JunHyung is already there. You gasp as he flies forward. Both of his arms shoot out and go to either side of you. He faces you with you between his arms as the others run into each others. People push on his but he keeps his arms straight, protecting you from the chaos of the others. You stare into his eyes as he looks into yours. You keep your back against the lighthouse. As more people pile in, JunHyung begins to bend his arms and he gets closer to you. By the time everyone is joined in the dog pile, JunHyung has bent his arms completely and his body stands up against yours. His face is just close to the side of yours that you can feel his breath on your neck and in your hair. Everthing seems to slow down as it's just you and him. Your breathing. His breathing. His smell of salt and cologne. The heat from his body. The strength in his arms. The sweat on the back of his neck.

You blink away your thoughts as everyone unpiles. You look around and stutter out a laugh as you go under JunHyung's arms and join the others.

You all take a seat in front of the old lighthouse and look out at the beach. The sky has turned to a shade of pink and orange as the sun sets. You sit back on your hands and spread your legs out in front of you. JunHyung plops down next to you and takes on the same position. You look at him from the corner of your eye to see that he's looking at you from the corner of his eye. You both laugh and he leans over to nudge you with his shoulder. YoSeob sits by him and Cassie sits by you. Everyone else mingles together and watches the sun dissappear into the ocean in front of your own eyes.

Some people chat quietly with each other, telling stories, talking about the beauty, giggling, but you sit in awed silence. You sigh again and quickly glance to JunHyung remembering what he said about losing a drop of blood. He's looking out at the sunset too but smiles at the sound of your breath leaving.

Then you feel something slightly moving in the sand by your hand. Your fingers are spread out in the sand and you quickly scoot them closer together, not sure of what may be by them. Then you feel something soft overlap your pinky. Immediately you know it's not a beach creature... it's JunHyung's finger. He slid his hand closer to yours in the sand, and now his pink finger has moved on top of yours. Your breathing hitches and you feel your body become stiff. His pink finger slowly moves up and down yours. Then he slides it over more as more of his fingers overlap yours. Some gently the length of your fingers as others just sit on top of them. You try to breathe but the feeling of his hand on yours is too distracting. This move is so deliberate. So meaningful. He thinks of you in a different way... he thinks of you in a more... intimate way.

Soon you realize other people starting to stand up around you and it's darker now. The sun went down? You didn't even notice it. You quickly pull your hand out from under his and wipe the sand off your hands on your pants as you jump up. You can feel his confused expression on you from below.
"Are we going back?" you ask Jared.
"Yes, we have something planned for everyone back at the house." he answers as he starts back down the beach.
Oh good, real plans. You welcome the thought as a chance to have some time to think about what has just happened between you and JunHyung. You start off down the beach with the others. After a while, you glance around and see that Junhyung is walking at your pace but not by your side like he had been earllier. Maybe he's upset that i just left like that, you worry to yourself.

The trip back to the house seems longer than to the lighthouse. DuJun's pace wasn't so fast as everyone had to share the few flashlights to avoid stepping on any night-time beach creatures. JunHyung got his hands on a flashlight and you decided to join up with him as he swept the beach for interesting finds. He chatted with you about when he was young and about different animals, but he didn't try to take your hand again; perhaps because you were both mixed in with the others.
Now back at the house you change out of your bathing suit and into soffee shorts and a hoodie. The feeling of nothing under a hoodie is one of your favorite feelings. So free. Dinner was made together and everyone chipped in on kitchen duty 
Everyone gathers outback of the shack. Jared has set up some type of screen facing the beach with a projector.
"Are we watching a movie?" you ask as you take a seat by Hanna.
"Not exactly." Jared smirks.
"Is this one of those deep moments things?" Hanna asks. "You know, where everyone ends up crying at the end?"
Jared laughs and walks away shaking his head.
"I don't cry." you state.
"Don't cry?" you hear JunHyung say as he sits next to you.
"Nope." you smile to him.
"It's true." Mel intervines. "Sam never cries. I've never ever seen her cry."
You smile at her words.
"I have." Cassie voices and you look to her with a knowing smile. "It's not a pretty sight."
"Ha!" you laugh along. "Definately not! That's why i don't do it in front of people."
Cassie laughs with you. "No, i'm joking it's not like that." she smiles sympathetically and you return it.
"Welll, i've still never seen you cry." Mel pouts.
"And you never will." you smile.
"Why?" JunHyung asks.
"Because! There's nothing worth crying about. Bad things always happen. Most of the time they turn out to be no big deal. Life goes on." you shrug as Jared turns on the projector.
"Okay," he announces, "I have a little surprise for everyone. You all have been working at your schedules diligently. We know this is hard for you. Hard being away from home like this. It's hard on your families too. So we've taken it upon ourselves to show you how much they care about you and we urge you to remember them. Treat them with respect. Show them your love. They're the only family you have, and the only fans of yours that will support you no matter what."
Your heart stings with Jared's words. Whatever he has planned, this isn't going to be good. You worry that maybe you'll have to eat your own words of never crying.

Jared turns on the projector and a movie starts. It's a film. A video recording of DuJun's parents. DuJun gasps and sits forward to hear what they have to say. There are subtitles provided in English for you and Eclipse to easily follow along. His parents tell him how proud they are and how much they miss him. His eyes tear up and his hand goes up to rub it away.
More videos play of Beast's family. Even JunHyung's mother, father, and brother send a video. For this, he brings his knees up and rests his arms on his legs as he watches them. His eyes gleam with the tears filling in them and you scoot closer. His breathing uneven and he seems uncomfortable with your approach during such an emotional time. You put your arm on his back and rub it to comfort him. He looks down at his hands as he sniffs back his tears, but they pour over anyways and drop to the sand below.
As your attention is on comforting JunHyung, the video changes over to Eclipse. You glance up to see Cassie's large family say a message to her. They of course speak in English with Korean subtitles provided for the viewers. You immediately become scared. Certainly... certainly they didn't ask my family to make a video... did they? They did. Your mother, younger brother, and older sister with her fiance pop up on the screen. They are smiling but already have tears in their eyes. Your hand slows on JunHyung's back as you watch with anticipation. They go around and say how much they miss you and how they hope you're doing well. Your sister says that she'll be sending more emails about her wedding details to you since you're still the maid of honor even though you're not there. You keep in good touch with them all anyways. With Twitter, skype, and emails, you talk to each of them daily. You let out a sigh of relief when they say goodbye and dissappear from the screen. But then someone else pops up next. It's not Mel's family like you were expecting... it's still yours. Your father stands awkwardly in front of the camera. He holds his hands in front of him and smiles warily. His brown hair, which he dyes, seems to have pulled further away from his forehead and green eyes. Your own blue-green eyes widen in shock and fear. How did Jared get him to do this?!
"Samantha," you wince at the sound of your full name coming from your father. Your hand has taken on an irregular speed on JunHyung's back as you watch your father speak to you; for the first time in a long time you're forced to really listen to his words. "It's been awhile since we've talked," he says, "Well i mean, i talk to you all the time... but you don't really talk to me. You haven't spoken to me in quite a long time...maybe even years i don't remember," he rubs the back of his head uncertainly, "But here's this camera... and your manager asking me to make a quick video to say 'everything i need to tell' you. So that's what i'm going to do in this three minute video. Samantha, you don't answer any of my calls, texts, or emails. I never know where you are or how you're doing unless your mother tells me. When i do see you in person you won't even utter a word to me. Not a word." he shakes his head and looks away as he takes a breath. "I know you're angry with me. Dissappointed. I know i was...wrong." did he just say he was wrong? "I was only thinking about myself; i wasn't thinking about how my decisions would effect you or anyone else... not really. It's hard on you i know. I'm a disgrace to you, i know. I know all of this. I know all that you think and are yelling from the inside, im sure." he starts to talk faster as his voice cracks with emotion and tears trickle down his cheek. You move away from JunHyung and scoot closer to the screen. You bring your knees up to your chest and hug them as you rest your chin on top. You grind your teeth together to fight back your tears as that strange lump in your throat rises. "I know all of this... you don't say it but i know. You don't say anything... but... but sometimes i wish you would. You don't know what i'd give just to have you say something to me, even if it's yelling and screaming and swearing... i need to hear it. So please, Samantha... answer my calls...my messages. Talk to me when you're back in town. I know you feel like a lot of this is your fault. You feel guitly as if our seperation had something to do with you... but it didn't! It was all me. And I want to fix this because i know. Because i know that i was wrong and was being selfish. Please, Sam." The video ends and jumps to Mel's family.
Your face feels wet... you're crying? You gasp at yourself as you hide your face in your knees and the sobs take over your body. You can feel your shoulders move with each ragged breath. Then there's a hand on your back. Small and dainty, it must be Cassie there to console you. Then another hand. Mel. And a third. Hanna. 
Great, now i'm distracting everyone else. you think.
You gather strength from somewhere inside and stand up abruptly. You avoid all the eyes that are on you as you walk off to the side. You walk past everyone despite their calling for you to come back. You can hear Cassie telling others to let you go. You walk back to the house and look up. It's a small house with a flat roof but there are no trees near to escape in. You walk along the back and go off to the side. You pass the garden and jump down the little rise that faces the beach. You practically fall as you sit down and against the rise and hold your knees again. You cry harder now. Louder. Your whole being in crying. Your body is racked and shakes with each desperate breath for air. The crisp beach breeze stings your face against the salty tears that drench you. You hide your head in your knees again as you start to feel dizzy and tired.
And then another hand is there on your back. You flinch at the touch and the hand slides across your shoulders and pulls you in. You tilt up against someone... against their chest. Their chin rests on top of your head that is still hiding in your legs. The hand rubs your shoulder and they whisper to you in a hushed tone.
"Shhhh..." JunHyung urges. You cry harder as you feel stupid for being seen like this... especially by JunHyung. "It's okay," his own voice still seems strained and saddened. "shhh..." You cut off your sobs and try to focus on your breathing. Your body still shakes and you whimper in JunHyung's arms. "It's alright." his hand moves to your head and your hair as he pulls you deeper into his chest.
"No," you croak, "It's not alright."
"Shhh"
"Four years. Four years it took him to finally realize." you whisper through clenched teeth. "He finally realized what pain he caused. What he did to us. And how does he finally tell me that it's his fault? On a mother ing video recording! In front of the whole world!" You feel JunHyung's grip tighten around you. "What an ." you continue on your rant. "He left us when i was sixteen. I came home from an audition and he was just gone. Nothing left. Not a single word. So why would i have to talk to him anyways? The choice to move away from him couldn't have been a better one. We needed a new life. Him and his...new family." you sob. "A new wife. New kids." JunHyung hugs you harder, making you cry more. "He abondoned me. Threw me into the world of adults when i was still young. I had to be strong for my siblings, my cousins, my own mother. Just me. Do you know i can't even listen to that song anymore? 'What Hurts the Most' by Rascal Flats, i was addicted to it when i was young. That day i had played it all day on repeat and when i got home he was gone. A week later he had to sit us down and tell us he was leaving not knowing where he would go or what he would do. He hugged us for the last time. Just like that damn song. Oh!" you start to feel crazy. "Then i had to replace him. Keagan. Keagan that douche bag. I clung to him. Trusted him. Wanted comfort from him. And he let me down too."
"Stop it." JunHyung whispers to you. "Don't say anymore."
"I thought he was everything for me." your emotions take a different turn. "I was so stupid."
"Please stop." JunHyung's voice cracks.
"So stupid." you cry softer. "I gave him too much... he gave me nothing in return. He stole from me... and hurt me while doing it." you cry as you grab onto your shoulders on instinct.
"No more!" JunHyung pulls you away from him and you gasp as you close your eyes and twist your head away. "I don't want to hear anymore. I just...cant. Please don't talk about. Don't talk about him. Dont talk about either of them. Don't cry anymore. Not another tear for them, do you hear me?" JunHyung shakes you by the shoulders and you sob in fear. He sighs and pulls you closer but you won't open your eyes. Then you feel his lips press gently against your right eye lid. They make a small sound as they pull away and you feel his breath go across your face to your other eye. His lips again gently press up against your left eye and you gasp. Then he leans his forehead against yours and sighs. His breath mixes with your own. "Shhh..." he soothes. You start to breathe more normal but you feel that you can't open your eyes to look at him. He pulls you back into his chest and puts his chin on your head. He pushes back until you both are lying against the small sand rise. He readjusts so that he can lay on his back with you on his chest. His arms encompase you in a firm hold and keep you tight. You breathing is still ragged as you bury your face into his chest. He your hair and begins to hum a faint tune. You sigh one last time before drifting off to sleep in his arms.