~Samantha Krede~

The rest of the party would have gone on well if JunHyung hadn't dissappeared. You feel worried about where he went off to and why he was so upset. He seemed to be fine when you first greeted him and the rest of Beast. Everyone seemed to be happy and having a good time. Music was playing, YoSeob dominated the Karaoke, and everyone seemed to be getting along...that is until JunHyung's little outburst. GDragon and you didn't know what could have possibly caused Junhyung to be like that. He has never shown such emotion before. He seemed really...angry; and you don't understand why. It could have been since you and GDragon were speaking english, but that certainly couldn't have been enough to upset him. Anyhow, JunHyung wouldnt even answer your text messages or anything now and it's been a few days. Of course, you only sent him one after the party asking him if he was okay and what you had done wrong, but he never got back to you. You decided to let him take his time and wait until he comes back to you. 

Since that time, you have been spending more time with GDragon and BigBang. The stress of the upcoming debut has started to build up again. You practice as much as possible, even without GDragon. Your family keeps messaging you and asking about you, making you feel sad and guilty. With your birthday past, you start to feel a little depressed about getting older. Since JunHyung had a temper tantrum you feel even more burdened. You miss his text messages and just talking to him in general; but at least Gdragon is there with you. He seems to be talking to you even more; and when you two do chat, you feel relieved and are able to somewhat forget about other troubles. However, overall you're starting to feel depressed, even for reasons you don't even know. To add on to it, you've caught some sort of cold; but with it being so close to your debut with Gdragon, you're forcing yourself to keep working and hoping that the sickness goes away. 

After a practice with Eclipse just to work out together,  you realize that you're struggling with a side flip that you could once perform perfectly on stage. During practices pre debut, the move had been hard for you to accomplish due to your bad back, and now it seemed like all the stress was making everything worse. As much as you tried, you just couldn't get your flipping part down. What better way to deal with your stress and anxiety lately than with some intense work out? Cassie, Mel and Hanna left you alone in the practice room to work out your emotions. They all understood too well that you can get in this state, but at least they all understand and just leave you alone. That's all you want. You want to be alone. 

~Yong Jun Hyung~

Walking though the Cube building, Beast headed on their way out from their own practice. Ever since the birthday party, JunHyung has felt upset with Samantha. It's not even completely her fault...or her fault at all really; it's GDragon's. There was something in his eyes...in his smile. It was as if he knew something that Junhyung had been worrying about. JunHyung felt hurt by Sam because it felt like she had just chosen Gdragon over JunHyung...even though she didn't. JunHyung had felt hurt to have been left out as the two carried on a conversation in english, and one that seemed to involve him as a topic somewhat. GDragon and Sam seemed like they really had a connection; a type of connection that was very different from JunHyung and Sam's. And so JunHyung decided it was time; time to try to seperate from Sam a little bit and really give her time and space to decide who she wanted more...JunHyung...or GDragon. JunHyung left the party for a while with Hara. He needed someone else to take his mind off of everything and he knew she would be willing enough to help him out. They went out for coffee together and talked a lot. He found that he actually was interested in her. Because of this, he confused himself even more. Now, he couldn't think between Sam and Hara; but the last few days he and Hara had grown even closer. 

Now walking down the Cube building, Beast rounds the corner to find the Eclipse girls sitting around the hallway as they stretch out their legs and arms. At least...most of Eclipse; Sam seems to be off somewhere else. Music plays from the practice room in front of them, and there are voices coming from inside. JunHyung feels shy and nervous all of  a sudden to be around Samantha, especially since it's been so long since he had talked to her. He knew that he overreacted with GDragon in the club on her birthday...it was embarassing for him. The whole ordeal was embarassing, but JunHyung felt that he needed to talk with Sam. He doesn't think that he will ever come to actually like GDragon, and the problem is that Sam seems to be close friends with him now. 

Eclipse looks up as Beast comes closer and greets them. The girls smile as they lean into their stretches, cooling down from their practice. Music still blasts from inside the practice room; it's not Eclipse's music but just other random songs. A gruff voice is booming inside and the sound of a stronger but higher voice retaliates. 

"Hm, where's Sam?" JunHyung asks quietly, knowing the other girls are probably aware of his little outburst from earlier.
"Well, she's still practicing." Mel looks uneasily at Cassie and Hanna.
"Right," Cassie nods her head, "She's trying to get down some aerial flips and turns and stuff."
JunHyung moves towards the door, "But Jared is still in there." Hanna quickly calls to him, and he stops. 
JunHyung glances in through a pair of broken blinds on the windows to the practice room. He walks closer to the door and the voices inside become more clear. 
"I'm warning you, Samantha!" Jared yells above the blaring music, "You are going to perform whether or not your back is injured! And you're developing a cold! Go out there and take a break!"
"I don't need a break!" Sam yells back. 
JunHyung can see her dressed in an old tshirt that she cut the sides down of. She wears a black sports bra underneath that is clearly visable from teh sides, and black soffee shorts. Her hair was pulled up into a messy pony tail but as she turns to face Jared, she pulls it out and lets it fall around her shoulders. Her face is red and shining in sweat. Her arms and legs too look glazed over. Her usually naturally tanned skin with a pink tint actually looks white now, and she has dark circles underneath her eyes. She's panting and rests her hands on her hips as she looks at Jared with an open mouth. She leans her head away as she coughs, sounding sick and hoarse. 
"You do need a break!" Jared scolds, "I don't know what's come over you. You're debuting soon and you have a cold and now you're pushing yourself too hard for flips you don't even need to perform."
"I can get them!" she states, "With more practice i'll get them perfectly."
"You already can do them! You did them fine on stage before, why practice them right now? I know what you're doing. I know you're upset about something, but you can't push yourself like this. This isn't how you handle stress!"
"Yes it is!" she yells, "This is exactly how i handle my stress! I just want to be left alone, Jared! You're not my father!"
"Thank god for that." Jared grunts as he turns on his heels and heads towards the door. "You're going to break your back again. You still have to go to your schedules, with or without a cold and injured back."
JunHyung moves back quickly as Jared comes storming out of the room. His eyes open as he sees Beast around as well. He clearly looks aggravated, but he quickly changes his expression to smile. "Oh, hello everyone! Hope you are all working hard!" he makes a fighting fist as he walks past everyone quickly. 
Beast and Eclipse exchange awkward glances but move on to a new conversation topic; everyone except JunHyung. He moves back to the now cracked open practice room door and he looks inside. 
Music blares from inside and the air feels thick and warm. Sam works on different complicated choreography that includes areal flips and twirls as well as back flips and such. She had trained in martial arts and gymnastics while training for Cube, but her heart loved more competitive sports, like soccer. JunHyung could only watch her practice from the mirror that she faced. She didn't look good. She looked exhausted. Her face and arms were flushed pink and shimmered in a coat of sweat. She wore only a sports bra and sweat pants that were rolled up to her knees. She didn't even wear socks or shoes but practiced bare foot, as she often did, especially when attempting tricks like these. Her body moved outside the tempo of the music; she wasnt dancing to it, but using it as a cover to hide her breathing and occassional coughing fits. She focused on the mirror when doing choreography. Her face strained and her muscles flexed when she whipped away to one side of the room to have enough room to run and do aeral flips. She did these consecutively, landing them all perfectly. She smirked to herself after landing a high spinning kick as she bragged her arm over her forehead to remove the beads of sweat that were dripping down to her eyes. As ill as she looks, she also has a look of confidence and triumph. But then her expression changes as she nears the other side of the room. She places her hands on her hips as she stares at the open room before her. She concentrates, and then she run and throws her legs somehow up and behind her, in a type of forward flip with no hands. Her foot slips on the wooden floor and she comes crashing down to her knees as her hands break her fall. She sits like that, panting at the floor with her hair falling all around her face, and then she pushes herself up on one knee to a standing position. She walks to the other side and attempts the maneuver again. Again something goes wrong, but this time she falls on her side, managing to scramble to her feet immediately. JunHyung's foot inches inside the door as she sets herself up for another go. She runs and jumps into the air. She crashes to the floor this time on her back. Her eyes clench shut as the air is pounded out of her from the back with a big "oomf." She grinds her teeth as she turns over to her stomach and brings her legs up to her chest. Her forehead rests on the floor. 
JunHyung can't take it anymore. He rushes in and stomps over to the stereo. He snaps the thing off and hurries to Sam's side. He places his hand gently on her back, and her body tenses with the touch. 
"Sam, what are you doing?" JunHyung scolds, "You're killing yourself!"
"I'm fine." She moans as her hand comes up to wave him away.
"Stop it," he whines as he pushes her hand down and rubs her back. "Are you alright? Can you sit up?"
She sighs as her hands go infront of her to help push herself back onto her feet. Her eyes are closed as she sits up, but after she situates herself, she breathes out and opens her eyes. They're tired. Any glow that they had ever had in them, is gone now. She seems...just so tired and warn down. JunHyung's eyes narrow as he takes in her exhausted look.
"Im fine." she says with a more firm voice as she looks at him for the first time since her party. 
"You're not," JunHyung says more quietly as he reaches out and touches the back of his hand to her forehead.
Her head moves back with the simple pressure of his touch. Her skin is hot and wet from the sweat. Since she had been practicing, he can't really figure out whether or not she really has a fever; but when she looks to him with those sad eyes, he knows. Sam's a strong girl. She has little to no fear and a great amount of strength built up from the past. But now, she looks tired out and kicked down. 
"Come on," JunHyung says as he gently grabs onto her arms to help her up. She grunts as she stumbles to her feet. She brings her hand to her head as she stares off at nothing and blinks quickly in succession. "Are you okay?" JunHyung asks as he holds onto her to steady her.
"Yes," her voice cracks, nearly warn out, "I just got up too fast, that's all."
"That's not all. You're ill. I'm pretty sure you have a fever, you should go to the doctor."
"Ani," she shakes her head and walks away from him, "I don't need it. I've been taking advil. It's just because of all my schedules and all. After i rest a little i'll be fine again."
"I think it's worse than that."
"It's not. Don't worry." she shuts him down easily, and he feels the sting in her dying voice. 
"Okay," he replies flatly as he follows her. 
Sam gathers her stuff into her bag and heads for the door with JunHyung on her heels. Outside, the others look up at her and their expressions change as they take in her appearance. JunHyung is not the only one that can tell something is wrong with her. 
She greets everyone and smiles, trying to act as normal as possible; but for once, her little acting facade isn't working. All in all, the visit is short as she's ushered away by Eclipse, off to dinner. JunHyung watches her go and wishes that she'll be okay. She seems so lost at the moment. He wonders if it has anyting to do with his behaviour at her party, or the fact that he has been a bit distant...or even worse, maybe it had something to do with that GDragon guy. JunHyung sighs as his head feels cloudy with all his own confusion. Samantha. GDragon. Hara. Schedules. He can't do it all, he needs to make up his mind. 

~Samantha Krede~

You feel so very tired. Every muscle in your body aches with every movement. If you sit still for too long, it hurts to try to get up again. Your skin feels sensitive to every touch. Clothes hurt, the wind is cold, the sun is hot, the skin of your friends' fingers on your arms or in your hands feels like it's going to pull your skin right off. You sweat through your growing fever, but the heat of your own body makes everything else feel so cold. You cough, your throat swells shut, your voice cuts off midsentence, your nose feels gross, your ears hurt, bells ring in your ears, your head feels heavy and your eyelids heavier. You're miserable. Gdragon. JunHyung. Eclipse. Performing. Writing. Practice. Family. Friends. Money. And that good old special time of the month that each girl is blessed with. Everything is building up again. Your emotional dam is nearing full; it could burst open at any  moment. 

You sit through a recording session with Mel. You and the other girls sit in the studio to cheer her on as she works. Jared sits at the controls with a couple others to help her. You sit on the couch with Cassie next to you and Hanna next to her. With your Soul headphones on, you lay your head back and close your eyes. It's not long before you drift to sleep.

You're awakened by Cassie's gentle rubbing on your shoulders, but it still hurts. You have to force your eyes open and then blink away the darkness as you search for her. She's leaning over you, looking worridly into your eyes. You see her lips moving but cant hear her, so you have to fight to bring your head up and pull your headphones down. 
"Huh?" you croak.
"I said we're leaving now." her eyes look so scared for you. 
You give her a small smile as you inch yourself off the couch. Your body feels drenched in sweat. Again, you get up too fast and Cassie holds onto you as you blink away the darkness that clouds your vision. 
"You okay?" she asks quietly.
"Mhm." you moan as you walk out of the room first.
You're also first to the elevator, first to the car, first into the apartment, and first to the shower. You can't take it. You feel terrible. Your emotions dont seem to make any sense. You feel depressed and sick. You turn on your ipod on the music player outside the shower. You know that you're in the mood to have a good cry, and the shower is the one safe place. WIth music, no one will hear you, and with the water, no one will be able to tell about your red and wet face. You make sure the music is off your "Baby Dont Cry" playlist which is actually soft and slow music that causes you to cry all the time. You turn the water on in the shower as you carefully step out of your clothes, careful to not hurt your aching skin. Surely the water will feel good. 
You step into the shower but its too cold. You've been shivering all day, you can't have the water cold. But will the cold water bring your fever down? No matter, you can't stand cold showers without a cold so theres no way you can manage with a cold. You turn the handle to hot and it begins to feel better, but even the drops of water hitting your flesh seems to hurt. You lean your hands on the wall of the shower head and let the water drench your hair and run down your back. "What Hurts The Most" by Rascall Flats begins to play and that's when you can't take it any longer. The deep and dark depression that hides inside of you now wants out, and this song is the key to the lock. You locked this song away with all your pushed back memories and feelings. You refused to listen to this song ever since your father left you. Youre the type that once you find a favorite song, you obsess over it. It just so happens that the night your father left you, you had spammed this song all day long. It was as if you jynxed your life. Your life...always so ironic.
You gasp as you allow tears to mix with the shower water on your face. Once a few trickle down and the song goes on, you are able to release more, up to the point where you are no longer in control. Your body shakes as you cry out all of your frusteration and stress. Memories bombard you as your emotional dam breaks and gushes out.
You see your father, walking the beach with you. Looking back and smiling at you. You can almost hear him and your mother yelling as she takes you away for a weekend of "just mom and the kids." Then you see him leaving your home with suitcases as you cry and beg for him to come back. You see your great grandmother, the comfort for your sorrow. Then you see her grave. You see your cat, sweet and always by your side. Then you see the stormy night that she dissappeared as you ran around looking for her. Then there's arguments with your mother...with your sister. Bad groups of people at school. And Keagan. Keagan's smile, his touch, his whisper, his kiss. His fist, his foot, his snear, his scoff, his hurtful words. Jared. His warmth and father-like figure to you. Cassie, Melanie, Hanna...true friends. JunHyung. GDragon. Hara? Your aching back. Not being able to move. Your cold. Your awaiting schedules. Darkness. Water. Depth. Height. Falling. Screaming with no voice. The terrifying nightmares that once wracked your body at night.
You almost scream out as you suddenly become scared. You fear your own feelings, your own thoughts. Death. How? Easily and simply. Why? Because life is terrible. Great Grandmother waits for you in Heaven. Point in staying? Nothing comes to mind...others. Stay for others. Help others. Love others. Be better. 
You crouch to floor of the shower as the hot water pours on you from above. The handle is as hot as it goes but somehow it's not hot enough. You cry hard as the water mixes with your warm tears. Your body shakes. It's harder to breathe. You're so tired. Just too tired. 
You stay on the floor for a while as you try to get ahold of yourself. Even with the shower and the music, you fear that the others may hear you. With the thought, you quickly try to get to your feet. You pant out of breath as you steady yourself under the hot water. There's a faint knocking sound coming on the bathroom door now. 
"Samantha?" Cassie calls from outside. 
"I'm okay!" you force.
"Samantha, are you okay in there?" Cassie asks again.
"I'm okay!" You yell louder.
Why can't she hear you? You think you sound loud. Are you not being loud enough?
The blackness clouds your vision again. You gasp as you along the walls looking for the door or handle to the water. A towel or anything. You try to stay still and blink away the darkness but as you get glimpses of the shower, the scenes keep changing. The white walls, the faucet, the doors. You knock down some shampoos somewhere. You blink faster trying to get your sight back. You can't see. Then your foot slips and your hands feels the smoothe walls, and a thumping noise rings in your ears, and then you black out. 

~Cassandra Carter~

Cassie knew that Samantha was not okay. She had been pushing herself too hard lately and something seemed to be bothering her since her birthday party. She knew Sam was stressed out, anyone could see that, but it was the secrets that she held that worried Cassie. Sam was the type to passively push aside feelings, emotions, or situations that would upset her. It was her way of shutting out the world so that she could seem okay. But doing that often caused all those stored emotions to bother her even more. That's how she was right now. She was full of emotions and that worried Cassie. Only she knew how Sam could really get, and of course Jared was aware of it as well, but he would see her sore back and cold rather than her depression returning to her. Samantha is such a fearless girl, there's not much that can really upset her. Her fear of heights yes but there was also her fear of the depression that came and went on its own. Cassie always tried to watch out for Sam. She was there when Keagan needed to be part of what was pushed out of Sam's life. Keagan and others. The locket had been symbol to Sam. An escape. That was when Sam learned that she could hide from unwanted things; build walls. It had seemed to help for the longest time. Cassie remembers Sam's smile as her bruises started to heal and she focused on music rather than Keagan or anyone else. But that locket now seemed like a heavy burden to her. Perhaps...perhaps Cassie's idea had its backfire as well.

Now Cassie tapped on the bathroom door. Steam flooded out from under the door and the music blared from inside. She had heard some cries earlier, and then the sound of something falling. Cassie called in to Sam but she couldn't hear anything in return. What was she doing? Was she okay? 
"Samantha!" Cassie knocked harder and stood back with her arms folded across her chest.
"Let her be," Mel says as she passes by to go to her own room. 
"I don't think she feels very good." Cassie mumbles as she knocks again.
Mel goes to walk back the other way and pauses outside the door. She looks down at all the steam under the door and then purses her lips.
"She's going to use up all the hot water!" She scoffs as she leans forward and hits the door. "Sam!" she yells.
Then there's a great clanging noise that comes from inside. The sound of something banging against the shower. Or falling. 
"Sam?" Cassie's voice raises an octave. "Sam! Open up right now!" 
"Samantha!" Mel joins in and both urgently bang on the door.
"I'm coming in!" Cassie calls as she reaches up and grabs the key off the top of the door and inserts it into the handle. She twists until she hears the *click* and then she peaks around the door with Mel right behind her. "Oh my gosh! Mel go get Jared!" Cassie rushes in and Mel hurries away yelling for Jared to come. 
On the floor of the shower Cassie can see Samantha lying in the heat of the burning water. She hurries in and throws open the shower door. She reaches down for the unconscious form but recoils against the heat of the water. She quicky fumbles to stick her hand into the boiling water to turn off the shower and then returns to Sam. She works to pull her up into a sitting position as she hears light footsteps hurry in behind her.
"Hanna, hand me a towel please! And get me some clothes that i can slip onto her!" Cassie instructs.
She turns to see Hanna's terrified expression as she hands Cassie a towel, then she bolts out the door for clothes. 
"Samantha?" Cassie gently talks to Sam, "Samantha, baby, are you okay? Girl talk to me."
She gently shakes Sam but she wont wake. Hanna runs back in and stands at the back with the clothes in her hands. Then Mel rushes back in. She stands and looks for a moment and then takes the clothes from Hanna and pushes her out of the bathroom. 
"Wait out here with Jared," Mel says, "We'll get her ready and then help us carry her down."
Mel hurries to Cassie and the two work the loose shirt over Sam's head and the sweat pants up her legs. The girls work to try to wipe off most of the water as they go. Finally Samantha moans and turns her head to the side. She exhales loudly and then her body begins to shake and her teeth chatter. She's shivering. 
"Hanna, grab a hoodie!" Cassie calls and she can hear Hanna hurry off down the short hall. 
Jared knocks on the door, "Can i come in now?" he sounds worried.
"Yes," Mel answers as she steps back to give Sam room. 
Jared quickly hurries in and looks down at Sam's form laying in Cassie's arms on the shower. He takes just a moment of silence to take it all in before he jumps to action. "Alright, we're going to take her down to the van. Here, Mel, go get it ready," he tosses Melanie the keys to the van, "Cassie, you and i will carry her down and Hanna will get the doors and all."
Hanna hurries back in with a hoode and Cassie eases it over Sam's head. Then the plan is in motion. Mel runs down first by the steps as Jared carries Sam in his arms. Cassie grabs some provisions and follows closely with Hanna in the rear .
"Samantha, can you hear me?" Jared asks as he looks down at her pale face. He sighs as he gets no response. 

Cassie sits in the back with Sam's form craddled in her lap. Hanna starts to cry as Jared hurries off towards the nearest hospital. He calls there first to alert them and then he begins to make calls to others in the company. 
"Sam, darling, are you okay?" Cassie persists in trying to wake Samantha.
Sam begins to moan and then tears trickle down her face. She coughs and cries as her body shakes with the chills. Mel sits on the floor to help steady Sam's body in the rocking van due to Jared's crazy driving. 
They make it to the hospital quickly and Sam is carried inside. The doctors insist on looking at her alone and setting up her own room. Cassie takes the opportunity to pull Jared aside and tell him of her worries about Sam's emotionaly state.

~Samantha Krede~

When you awake, you can hear a soft beeping noise. You dont feel hot and sweaty anymore but your skin still hurts and you have a headache. Your eyelids are almost impossible to open up. You manage to get one open and after a moment you force open the other. You look around. You're in a white room. A hospital room with one window. There's flowers and cards and gifts scattered around the room. IVs are hooked up to your right hand and drip fluids into you. A machine to your right beeps evenly with your pulse. There's more noises. Talking. You sigh and try to twist your head to the other direction.
"Oh, would you look who's awake!" you hear Jared's voice before you see him standing along the back wall. 
Cassie stands with him and turns to smile at you when he announces that you're awake. Hanna's head pops into view from around the corner of the room and then Mel's. 
"How are you feeling?" Jared smiles to you.
"Mmm." you moan and close your eyes as you test out your voice. "H-how long have i been sleeping?" you croak and then wince at the sound of your own voice. 
The others smile as they gather around. "Just about twenty four hours or so. Maybe a little more." Jared answers. "You'll never guess, but it turns out you had strep...last week. It progressed all the way to Scarlet Fever." he gives you a weary smile as he rubs the back of his head. "I didn't even know," he mumbles.
"It's not your fault," Cassie says, "I don't think she even knew she was that sick."
You shake your head to agree with her. You had no idea it was that bad. 
"You'll only have to stay here for a little while, and then we're going to have you moved back to your room at the dorm. I think you'll be more comfortable. Plus, the place is swarming with the press already. It seems like the whole nation knows about your illness. They're all sending you their regards and all so you should release some sort of comment later." Jared was always business. You moan and nod. "Girls, why don't you go get some food? And avoid press!" Jared tells Cassie, Mel, and Hanna. 
You hear them leave and then open your eyes to see Jared at the foot of your bed. He watches you with pursed lips, and then his expression softens as he sits on the edge of your bed and places a hand on your foot. 
"You know, Samantha," he says as he looks down at his feet, "I'd say i know you pretty well. I know i'm not your father...but i've always felt like you were part of my family. But you have to be honest with me. You're so open and honest i know...but there's also stuff you try to hide from me. Are you feeling depressed again?" he looks up to your eyes and you see that his are full of genuine concern.
You stare at them for a moment and then nod. 
He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "Alright," he says and then looks back to you, "Then i'm going to get you on medications again. Not permanent but just for a while like last time. And you're going to take them!" his voice feings sterness but his smile gives him away. He laughs to himself. "You don't think i know you so well, but i do. I know what brand of tampons you prefer for god's sake! I know when you're upset! But i'm still a guy! I can't get it right all the time. You have to meet me halfway here...help me out." 
You laugh and then wince at the pain in your throat. He smiles and taps your foot encouragingly.
"By the way, i called your parents and let them know. They want you to answer them as soon as possible." he eases himself up off the bed and begins to pace the room. "Oh, and something else," he turns to you, "Beast stopped by. They left some gifts. I think... i think that dog next to you is from JunHyung." you glance down and notice for the first time a stuffed animal wolf tucked into your side.
You pick it up to see that it also has a brown collar on with three studs in a line. You look at the tag and see that he seemed to have written on the tag in marker. It says "Orion." You smile. He named it for you. He named your favorite animal after your favorite star constellation. 
"Oh and last thing," you look up to Jared again, "GDragon also stopped by...a few times." 

[the guys werent in this one too much cuz i thought it would be too long, so theyre going to be in the next chapter a lot! check out my newest fanfic HERE!!]