a/n: not my best chapter, nor i feel satisfied about it, but oh well :x

You’re the only one I love. This is my love
But why are you such a fool, looking elsewhere
I’m going crazy
Because of you, I’m all flustered
I want to turn your heart around and hold onto it

Do you know about this broken heart?
Do you know about my love?
Just how much I like you
Just how much I love you
Do you know about these burning scars?
No. You don’t. You’ll never understand
Living day by day without you is meaningless to me
Why don’t you understand baby?

Do You Know - Brave Girls.

Taemin groans as the alarm clock next to him rings back to life, telling the young boy to wake up and go to school right away. He smashes the off button in annoyance, not appreciating for real that he has to end his peaceful sleep after the struggles he had to go through last night because of anxiety.

He halts folding the blanket.

Anxiety.

The auburn-haired boy proceeds to get changed and descends stairs quickly where he can spot the jock, who has finished his breakfast. Minho looks up sensing the presence of the other boy and blinks.

“ Good morning.”

Taemin wishes he didn’t have to see Minho this early morning because his heart hasn’t been prepared enough to see him. Even though he succeeded in faking a smile last night, however, the moment he snuck into his own bed, the anxiety began haunting his entire night for first couple hours before he drifted off to sleep. He felt so guilty for carrying this kind of feeling because no matter what kind of bond he has with Minho, heart is what no one can force something upon.

And also, not only anxiety he feels, but also there’s another thing he doesn’t know what and can’t explain either.

“ Morning too, Hyung.”

Taemin forces a smile.

Stop it.

Taemin takes a slice of bread and smears it with strawberry jam quietly, not really in the right mood to start a conversation with Minho, unlike the usual thing. At least, he would say two or three sentences but today he doesn’t feel to do it anyway. He munches the food rather spacing out, and Minho grasps the situation quite quickly that Taemin is acting a bit strange.

“ What happened?”

Taemin’s corner of eye twitches and mentally insults the fact that despite that insensitive side of Minho, actually he can tell if someone’s behavior changes even if it’s a little.

“ Couldn’t sleep,” Taemin replies honestly, because well, he is telling the truth. He just doesn’t explain the reason. Minho eyes him for a second before diverts his gaze to somewhere.

“ Don’t forget to take a rest..” Minho murmurs, “ Black eyebags don’t suit you. You are quite pretty, I guess.”

Taemin pauses, be it chewing or moving the bread close to his mouth. Minho gets up, not fully aware of the sudden pause and points at the door but this time, at least he feels a bit embarrassed and awkward after saying that. “ I’m going first, and – “ Minho carries out a camera, “ How about continuing our project? I think only five or four photos left. The due time is by two weeks or less – , I can’t remember exactly but anyway, well. Okay?”

“ Alright.”

Then the taller man disappears behind that door.

Taemin chews the last bite of his bread, not recovering from what Minho said earlier.

Don’t be that kind to me.

If you somehow, pay attention to me, from every simple and little thing,

I might misunderstand your good intention, Hyung.

“ Taemin? Taemin?”

Kai’s worried voice brings back Taemin’s clouded mind to reality by the time the alabaster beauty bats his long eyelashes, staring Kai blankly to collect his awareness. “ Oh.” is all Taemin responds as Kai’s round orbs meet him. The taller boy furrows, not appreciating the fact that Taemin has been spacing out for the entire class today, and to think that they have one class to go before they can go home, Kai is sure worrying Taemin’s, at least, health. “ Something wrong?”

Taemin’s memories instantly rewind to when he met Dara for the first time in such a inconvenient situation (because Minho was there too, and neither of them knows that he actually knows about their past relationship). The same slight heartache fissures gradually as he recalls that night. He wants to tell Kai, because he’s the one who gave him the hint about Minho’s past girlfriend, however, this is his engagement. There’s no way he can tell Kai about this, moreover, Kai still has a thing towards Taemin. This intricacy leads Taemin to a conclusion that he should not tell any single thing about this, even to Kai.

After all, their engagement is supposedly kept away from everyone.

“ No, nothing..” Taemin forces a smile, “ I just hardly got sleep last night.”

“ Really?” Kai’s suspicion doesn’t slip off this time. “ I don’t want you to get depressed or something else. You can always tell me, you know.”

Taemin nods in appreciation, half-smiling. “ Sure, I will.”

Maybe.

Kai sighs in defeat, looking at the paler boy on the same eye-level and mumbling, “ Listen, you realize that I care so much about you, right?”

“ .. Yeah?”

“ Good, because even if you don’t know about this pretty well, but I am good at telling people’s heart just by looking at their face so in my judgment, I know that you are thinking of something else, but I won’t make you to tell me anytime soon until you can fully trust me.”

Of course, Taemin didn’t expect to hear such assuring words from the taller boy but he finds himself smiling wide sweetly, absolutely touched at Kai’s thoughtful side.

“ Thank you.”

One day, he will learn how to develop a need to trust and be spoiled by a good friend,

And perhaps, he will choose Kai as that guy too.

Their conversation abruptly ends the moment their teacher steps into the classroom.  Taemin sends a playful wink and pushes Kai to his seat, whispering, “ I’m glad I got to know you.”

Then he turns around, eyes glued on the presence of middle-aged woman starting her class.

On the other hand, Kai is still staring at Taemin’s back, unable to get over Taemin’s sweet smile and soft whisper.

At the same time, a pang of hurt and worry swirls in his heart balefully, knowing that Taemin is completely missing the truth that, he’s doing this because of love.

“ Taemin,”

The said boy looks up at the owner of that deep, dreamy voice and tilts. “ Yes, Hyung?”

“ Our project?” Minho reminds him, “ Will we be working on it now?”

“ Oh, right – “ Taemin hurriedly puts his books into the bag. School is over today, and since he’s been zoning out he almost forgets everything. He winces. “ Uh, wait. I haven’t handed my English paper to Mrs. Yang..”

Minho shrugs. “ Doesn’t matter. I’ll just wait you at the gate.”

“ Right,” he brightly smiles, “ Thank you, Minho Hyung.”

Looking at Taemin and barely noticing that he can’t take his eyes off Taemin, a low inhaling breath cuts his attention and proceeds to where he has promised Taemin to meet up later. His gaze are fixed on the ground only, head lowered by 45° so he doesn’t really pay attention to his surrounding – until he stops at the gate and by the time he looks up, someone calls his name in a unclarity gentleness.

“ Minho.”

Minho’s breath pace hitches and stares blankly into the owner of that voice.

“ What are you doing here, Dara?”

Dara smiles uncharacteristically, understanding the fact that she looks like a somewhat creeper by approaching Minho at his school and furthermore, whenever she meets Minho she can’t shake off the old habit which is dressing up prettily – anything to amuse the boy.

But she’s so scared now – because the eyes that Minho has now is different from the last time she saw him.

No.. not that different, actually. It’s still the same.

Yet the cause of his soft and gentle brown pools is what makes them feel different.

“ Can i..” Dara slowly entangles her fingers, “ talk to you?”

Confusion sparks and shoots up his spine mixed with nervousness. Minho eyes over his shoulder, estimating the remaining time he has before he meets Taemin later. Since Mrs. Yang often holds a long conversation before she lets her student go home, Minho finally agrees. “ But don’t be too far from here..” Minho requires, “ That park, over there, is where we can talk.”

“ Mm, okay..” Dara frowns, “ Are you busy? I was thinking we should talk at a café or somewhere.. Not that I’m complaining, though.”

Minho shrugs. “ I have a photography project to do with my..” he pauses, “ friend.”

“ Oh,” she nods understandingly, “ alright.”

And it is the first time Minho feels a little bit bitter by hiding the fact that the real relationship is more complicated than a friend.

Minho stays quiet when he leads Dara to the park and the whole walking is filled with an awkward silence. The girl behind him seems feeling the same way too. Minho sighs – now that he finally forgets everything and has moved on, why the hell does he have to encounter this again?

He doesn’t hate Dara – it’s just, her decision has changed him for these two years after leaving him.

“ Here.” Minho stops and turns his heel. “ So, what is it, Dara?”

Dara’s eyes are clouded with guilt and longing – she stares into the eyes of that man in front of him. She can’t help it – Minho is disappointed, she knows that she has caused this.

Maybe it’ll take a time before they can go to where they were supposed to be.

After all, Dara knows that Minho still cares of her so much – because he is that kind person.

“ So.. I just want to tell you that I’m on my holiday for two weeks and..” she explains, “ so I decided to see you.”

Minho gulps and hoarsely asks, “ why?”

“ Because, I..” she pauses, searching if there’s a hatred in those big orbs – but she still sees the same kindness lie beneath them. They stare at each other, diving into the sea of thoughts. A gentle breeze their cheeks as they try to read each other’s mind but to no avail.

She takes a long, long breath before determines her intention again.

“ I want you to be with me again.”

Minho’s eyes grow wider as the words he doesn’t want to hear finally roll out of her lips – much to his fear.

“ W-wait, Dara..” Minho’s throat feels dry – sure he can’t hide the shock over his face, “ What do you – “

“ I’m saying the truth..” Dara fumbles with the tip of her shirt, “ After I moved to Philippines, I thought I could find a happiness more than I had when I was with you – because I could not help it, you know? Dad said we could start a wonderful life there so I agreed. I.. wanted to feel that happiness, but..” She takes a long, deep breath. Her long fingers trace up to her chest, clutching the cloth sticking to it and looking at Minho longingly. “ My happiness was when we were together.”

Minho’s body spasms at the words – no, not that he appreciates it. Well, maybe he does – but he has decided to shun any kind of affectionate feelings people have towards him.

Yet on the contrary, Dara still keeps her feelings, after she abandoned him that time – what should he do now?

“ But I thought.. you didn’t need me..”

“ No, I need you – my health keeps falling when I am not with you. I can’t..” Dara’s voice shrills in a small cry, “ You don’t care of me anymore.. do you?”

“ No, not that – I still, I do, it’s just..” Minho shakes his head, “ But things are not going to be the same anymore, Dara. You don’t really need me – I’ve known it since that time when you left me.”

“ They will. Maybe it needs some time before we can finally go back to where we should be.. But..”

Minho sighs. “ Your health?” he whispers, “ Is it okay?”

“ Better because I’ve seen you.”

Minho closes his eyes as a weird feeling is rummaging in his heart for something he has no idea what it is about.

I have moved on, haven’t i?”

“ I..” Minho’s eyes rake all over Dara’s appearance. Even though she still looks the same, she keeps becoming prettier yet so vulnerable – no, Minho’s heart screams. Don’t be reckless, Minho. Your life isn’t the same like two years ago.

“ I can’t.. Dara. I mean..” Minho sighs, “ I can’t think of anything right now. Please, let me cool down first – everything around me is happening too fast and..”

“ You.. hate me, don’t you?” Dara’s voice lowers, worriedly peeking at the boy. “ Why..”

“ I don’t! I swear, but i..” he closes his eyes, “ Please give me time to think, okay?”

“ But, Min – “

“ Hyung, we’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up.”

Both of them are startled when that voice suddenly cuts the conversation. Minho feels a hand sneak up to his arm and those fingers tug his sleeve, asking Minho to give his attention now. The tall man averts his gaze and blinks at the blonde next to him. “ T – Taemin?”

The said boy looks up straight into Minho’s eyes. “ We’re going to do our project, right?” he emphasizes, “ I know a perfect place to get at least one or two pictures. Come on, we don’t have any time left.”

“ Ah, oh – right,” And with that, Minho lets Taemin’s hand guide him to leave the park after the younger boy sends a polite smile to Dara and Minho nods apologetically at her. They walk past quickly without any word and Taemin stops a cab before they get in. Minho looks puzzled and stares at the boy who is sitting beside him but he doesn’t look back. He just mumbles something to the driver, apparently telling him their destination. Taemin slumps back, resting on the headrest and looking away at the road. Minho inhales and decides not to ask anything for now.

“ We’re here,” Taemin murmurs, and Minho’s head snaps up to see the building in front of where the cab pulls up. It’s not too high but Minho wonders why they are here. Grasping the questions pop in Minho’s mind, Taemin tugs Minho’s wrist quietly. “ Mrs. Yang told me when I asked her if she knew any place to see a beautiful scenery.”

“ Oh.” That’s why you took so much time. “ Okay.”

Taemin shrugs. “ Let’s go.” Then the small boy leads him again to elevator and pushes the button where it would bring them to the roof. The elevator makes a ding noise before it finally opens and two of them step out in unison. It’s already 5PM, and the orange color finally dominates the sky beautifully. They walk over until they finally reach the edge, looking at the scenery in awe.

“ So beautiful..”

The gracefulness of the dusk pours all over the building and the town, with a cluster of birds flying across it. A river that flows tranquilly reflects the feverish glow from the sky, adding it into the more perfection.

“ Whoa, Taemin..” Minho blinks, looking so amazed, “ This is wonderful..”

“ It is, isn’t it?” Taemin laughs, “ I should thank Mrs. Yang later.”

“ You probably have to, later..” Minho takes out his camera and soon, snaps a great picture. He smiles with satisfaction, admiring the beautiful view.

Taemin, on the other hand, slowly grows less and less smile as he glances over at the jock. His mind recalls what was happening earlier and guilt wrenches his heart balefully. Taemin’s hand clenches, not daring to meet his eyes.

“ I’m sorry for suddenly interrupting your conversation earlier..” Taemin’s small voice makes a sheer tone of apology, making the taller boy turn. “ Eh?”

“ Well..” Taemin nervously gulps, “ You seemed not comfortable so my instinct told me that I needed to get you out and..”

A pause.

Taemin is anticipating an angry scold and harsh tone.

“ How..” Minho’s deep voice, but surprisingly – he doesn’t sound mad at all, “ How much have you heard?”

“ Mm..” Taemin thinks for a moment, “ Not much.”

But Minho knows better than his tiny, short answer.

“ Oh,” still, it is all Minho’s response, “ Thank you. You did it right.”

Suddenly, there’s an urge striking Minho’s conscience when he gets a better view of the young boy.

He looks so beautiful and glowing under the dusky sky.

“ Taemin, I – “ it isn’t his mind that controls him.

His fingers grab a hold of Taemin’s wrist and pull him closer until the bony back bumps against his chest.

It is his heart that causes him to do this.

“ Let me stay like this for a while,” Minho mumbles as his nose dives into the soft blonde locks and inhales the calming scent, “ I.. don’t know why but.. Just, please.”

“ O-okay..” Taemin’s cheeks blush a red shade but he feels thankful that Minho doesn’t see his current state now. He has never expected Minho to hug him loosely from behind, no matter what intention he has, but Taemin needs to admit that the embrace feels warm and secure.

But deep inside his heart, a pang of hurt and guilt slowly creeps in his heart.

He ducks his head lower, drowning his face beneath those long fringes.

Actually I heard everything, Hyung.

He bites his lower lip, trying so hard to avoid tremors from wracking his body.

And I am not kind at all, I think.

It’s not because I wanted to help you..

A single fat tear rolls over his cheek.

But I did that because of my selfishness.

For once, Taemin feels, he can never forgive himself for doing that.

After I thought I would be willing to do everything for his sake..