Dara P.O.V

 *throwing up* 

"Let it out, let it out." my doctor said calmly. He continued patting my back as I threw up in the bucket in front of me. I could taste the blood and acidy taste coming up my throat and out my mouth. I could feel the blood running down my nose, and the pain all over my body. Once I finally stopped bleeding, the doctor brought the bucket of blood to the examination room. I was left with Taeyang and Miyoung Unnie. Without knowing myself, I started to cry. Taeyang and Miyoung hurriedly came to my side and patted my back. I hurriedly wiped the tears that were starting to fall.

"Shhhh shhh shhh..." Miyoung was saying softly.

"Just let her be" Taeyang said to her.

Almost everyday was like this. It included me going to the hospital, moslty with Miyoung and Taeyang. Checking my status. Doctor Jin would confirm my state every week. But now, I'm not looking so good. My body is going through changes, like bruises appearing on parts of my body, new moles, unusual bleeding, joint pains, etc. 

"So, how do you feel?" I barely heard Taeyang ask.

"Scared... Just, scared." I said softly though my voice cracked. Miyoung rubbed my back and hugged me tight.

Doctor Jin came back a few hours after waiting. "Sandara Park!?" a nurse called from an office. Our heads looked up, and we started towards the room. The nurse stopped them behind me holding her hand in front of us. "Only the patient may be allowed in here." I looked back at Miyoung and Taeyang. "I'll be back." I said uncomfortably as I headed towards the room.

"Sandara?" Doc. Jin said to me. "Have a seat." he gestured towards the chair in front of his desk. "So, I have the results from your examination, do you want the good news or the bad news?" he asked he questionly.

"Tell me everything." I said in a hollow voice. He grasped my hands, and took a deep breath.

"Well, it's not looking so good. Your white blood cells are dominating you red blood cells. From your symptoms you're experiencing now, you're now on stage 2. From the x-rays we've seen from your body, your liver in enlarged and has been infected by it. Your bone marrow is weak, but hopefully with our treatment, you'll hopefully survive."

I took everything in, accepting reality. "So.... Will I, be alright?" I asked scaredly.

"Well, I know hundreds of other patients with worse diseases than you. Let's just hope for the best. Come back next week after we get your blood test tomorrow alright? Then we can confirm everything."

I took a deep breath "Alright."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------*THE NEXT DAY*------------------------------------------------------------

"Yah! Jiyong!" I yelled outside the room. He came out hurriedly to my side.

"What is it?" he asked putting his arms around my waist. I was about to talk, but then....

"Yah! Where are you going?!" Jiyong yelled after me. I hurried to the bathroom, feeling the same feeling I felt at the hospital. I tasted blood, and started to throw up once I closed and locked the bathroom door.

"Yah! Dara! Open up!" he yelled banging on the door. I held my hair back, and continued to let it out. 

"Don't try to hold it in" I could remember Doctor Jin saying this. I didn't hold it in but instead let it out. My vision was getting blurry, and my liver started to hurt. More blood, and more, then it stopped. Jiyong continued to bang on the door. I quickly flushed the toilet, and opened my eyes. There were blood stains on the toilet seat, and some splatters on the floor. I quickly got tissue paper and wiped it. My face, my mouth, my nose, disgusting. I washed and brushed my teeth and tounge. I washed my face, until it wasn't even recognizable that blood had been on my face. Once I opened the door, Jiyong stood in front of me with a shocked expression across his face. 

"C-could it be.... Last week whe-when we..." he stammered. At first I couldn't understand what he was talking about, until he made it clear. He slowly bent down before me until he faced my stomach. I pointed to my tummy.

"Boy or girl?" he asked scaredly. Shocked, I slapped his hand. 

"Im not pregnant!" I yelled sternly. He stood back up. "Oh, really? Are you sure? I mean, last week, that night we..." 

"I said I'm not." 

"Well then why did you throw up? Are you not feeling well?!" Jiyong asked me worriedly. I smiled lightly for his misunderstanding. I hugged him quickly to shut him up. Though he was shocked he slowly hugged me back.

The following days were the best days I've had since I've been diagnosed. I've spent all my time with him, with Jiyong. We stayed home the majority of the time. We recorded our selves, watched TV, and there were many nights when we just got carried away. I think as long as Jiyong is with me, I'll be fine. If I'm with him, I think I have some hope left.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------*ONE WEEK LATER*-----------------------------------------------------------

"Sandara, you'll be fine, don't worry!" Taeyang desperately tried comforting me while waiting for my name to be called in the doctors office. 

"Taeyang Oppa, I'm scared." I rubbed my head in frustration. Taeyang quickly stopped my hand. "Don't...." he stammered. He slowly lifted my hand so that both of us can see. I lifted my head, seeing a small batch of fallen hair in between my fingers. I looked at my other hand, finding the same thing.

"What....... what is this.."  He took the hair off my hands and placed it somewhere in the chair next to him. He wiped a tear from my cheek that I didn't even know fell.

"Sandara Park?" called the nurse from the office. We both looked up, I slowly stood up, and walked towards the open door. I peeked a glance at Taeyang sitting in the waiting room. He gave me an assuring nod, and that's all I saw after the door behind me shut closed. Once inside, Doctor Jin looked mellow. He stood up from his chair formally, and gestured for me to sit. I slowly sat down, awaiting the results.

"Ms. Park. How have you been?" he asked smoothly.

"Fine." I said in a bare whisper. He fidgeted with his hands, and took out some paper in a manila envelope. And handed it to me.

"These...... Im afraid are the results of your blood work." he told me. I reached out for the papers, seeing the results.

"Im afraid, your leukemia has spread rather quickly than I hoped it would. It not only spread to your liver, but also throughout the rest of your body..." he told be straightforwardly. I looked up in shock.

"All over?" I said as my voice cracked. "What-.... how?"  he took another brief sigh, and told me everything.

I walked out side the office deadly. Taeyang rushed up to me. "So, what did he say?" he asked worriedly. I looked up at him tears already running down my eyes. I leaned on his shoulder, letting it out.

"What?" he said unbelievably. We were in his car in the hospital parking lot. "a 2 percent chance of survival?" he repeated. 

"That's what he said." I was crying, choking on my words. But it wasn't the only thing on my mind, Jiyong...

"I still think you'll have a chance. Theres still hope left."

I tried swallowing my words. "Only 2 percent left." 

"But thats still a chance.-"

"But it's not good enough!!" I yelled. I lost my cool. "Im sorry, I didn't mean to yell." I said. I my hair, finding another small batch of thin hair on my hands.

He looked at me pitifully. "So, have you decided?"  he asked. "About, Jiyong?" he said hesitantly. I took a deep breath.

"Yes." I took my time as my spoke. "I'm not telling him." I said as my voice cracked. Another tear shed down my face.

"You're not?" he said unbelievably. I tried not choking on my tears, but thats impossible.

"I'm, going to have to tell the others though. Not Jiyong, I can't hurt him."

"But not telling him will only hurt him more."

"He's going to be depressed, the thing I came up with, is to....." I paused, and I swallowed hard.

"Break up." my voice cracked. He stared at me unbelievalby.

"How on earth did you come up with this solution?!"

"Think about it!" I yelled holding in my tears. "If I break up with him, he'll move on, and forget about me. That way he wouldn't hurt as much." 

"But it won't work out that way."

"Yes, it will. It has to."

Dear Diary,                     February 23, 2011

Im gonna die.. Doctor Jin said I only have a 2 percent chance of survival left. I have to tell the others, but not Jiyong. Im have to break up with him. It's the easiest way to have him forget about me, to not hurt him. Jiyong if you're reading this, I'm sorry...