4 years ago.

That was the last time that you had seen Park Jungsu.

The days of his sweet whispers, his warm hands... they had fluttered by all too quickly, though you'd been with him for 4 years before you'd separated.

Though you were 2 years younger than him, living next door to him gave you an advantage. You two had been practically inseparable, growing up together. He had never been the most popular boy in school, but he had you as his closest friend. His confidant. His shoulder to lean on. And, in turn, he was your savior in your times of need.

It surprised no one that, even though he was training hard, he had asked you to be his girlfriend. Anyone who knew Jungsu knew, all too well, that he'd fallen heels over head for you sometime after you'd begun to attend his middle school with him. Most people also knew that you'd been in love with him since your 4th birthday when he'd stopped your older brother from throwing cake at you.

As time passed, your relationship had grown into something so beautiful that it was envied by the other members of the group. But you... you weren't satisfied.

Not with the secrets and the lies.

You understood that you would have been put at risk if it had been announced that Leeteuk had a girlfriend (fans can be intense), but you hated not letting it be known. You hated having to sneak around, fighting for your chance to see him. And most times that you did see him, he was so busy that he barely had the time to look at you, much less hold and kiss you.

Despite this, you made it work, letting that hurt dig deep within your stomach, your heart, settling there like a seed planted into dark soil. You dealt with everything life threw at you, and you managed to keep your love alive even /through/ your fights and disagreements.

Then, something changed.

In 2008, not long after the formation of Super Junior M (and the formation of your friendships with Henry and Zhou Mi, the two newest additions to the group), you left.

You gave no explanation to the man that had cherished you, nor the men that had considered you as a sister.

"You can't do this to him." Their manager spoke quietly, harshly, as the two of you stood in the hall outside the dorms, "You'll destroy his reputation."

"Then what am I /supposed/ to do? Just pretend that I'm /not/ pregnant?" You snapped back, trying to keep your voice hushed as well.

"Get an abortion." The answer came simply from his lips, but it didn't settle comfortably in your mind. You and Jungsu had discussed having children before, and he was more than accepting of the idea. Actually, the idea of being a father excited him.
Besides, how could you kill the baby boy or girl that was growing inside of you? How could you possibly live knowing that you had denied the child that was not only yours, but Jungsu's, of its life?

"You know I couldn't do that." You retorted just as simply, hands protectively placed on your stomach. You were still too early in the pregnancy for it to be visible, but you could feel it. You could feel the change in your body, the morning sickness bad enough to make you weary and to make your fiance worry continuously.

"Then you're going to have to leave. Right now your only choices are to say goodbye to that baby, or say goodbye to Jungsu. You can't have both."

"I need to talk to Jungsu about this. I don't even know how /you/ found out about this."

"You're going to ruin him, you know? Fans will hate both of you. You'll be attacked, ridiculed, and so will he. Can you imagine the hell your son or daughter will have to go through? And don't think that the company is above removing him from the group. They'll make up some bull about him wanting to leave Super Junior to be with you and his kid. And won't that just make the fans hate you more? Won't that make them loathe the child that stole Leeteuk from them?"

You swallowed audibly.

Maybe he was right. Maybe this was bad... really bad.

"Honestly, he's best off if you just leave completely. And you'll be better off, too."

Your eyes, still flashing the battle in your mind, darted up to the male in front of you.

"You're doing nothing to help him. You're just making everything harder on him."

The more he spoke, the more you began to believe everything he was saying.

"I wouldn't say this if it weren't the truth. And, you know, with as popular as these guys are, there's always the chance that he'll find somebody else. There are a /lot/ of famous women who want him, and they're all better suited for him than you are.'

Each word stabbed you harder. You had always envisioned things going smoothly, even knowing that he was in such a strict business. You knew the hardships that you'd have to face together, but you never thought that everything would suddenly slap you across the face at once.

You never thought that Leeteuk would even /consider/ leaving you.

You were so blinded by your own unyielding love that you never thought that you would hear that there was somebody much better for him.

As you stood in silence, your eyes scanning the wall behind the manager, as though reading a book, you felt the tears well up. Maybe it was just the hormones flipping out of balance, making everything seem so much worse, but never could you remember a time that you had so felt like curling up and crying until you couldn't breathe, essentially suffocating yourself with your sobs.

Never before had you felt so hopeless.

"If it makes it easier, we could send you somewhere away from here. You said that you have a cousin that lives in New York state, right?"

You gave a small nod, knowing where this was leading.

"Spend tomorrow getting things together. Tell Jungsu that you're leaving him. And you'll be gone on the first plane the next morning."

No matter how badly you wanted to never let go of the cheery, dimpled, leader, you would hate yourself for staying. Because, if what his manager said was true, you were going to ruin his life... and you could never do that to him.

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