3 weeks have passed since the first time Choi San came into my house. He got a private class on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. And he hasn’t talked to me even if we’re in the same room. I still like him tho, I wonder why.

            It’s Saturday and my stepfather went out early in the morning to meet his potential buyer. He works in marketing and it's very usual of him to work even on weekends. Since my stepfather is not home on Saturday, that means no human alarm for me and my stepbrother and welcome 12 PM wake time. I open my eyes because of the loud noises and look at my window which has no curtains on since it’s our laundry week. Feeling disturbed, I found myself swearing because the doorbell keeps ringing.

            I walk to the door with my messy hair and found Choi San standing before me with his perfect hair and casual black shirt. His hand is still at the doorbell, and his black watch keeps ticking making me realize that he is actually there, judging my bed style which I myself not so proud of either. I look at the digital clock beside the door and realized that it’s freakin 12:04 PM. San's lesson actually starts at 11:00 AM on Saturday. If he’s not late then he has been outside since 1 hour ago. I look again at his eyes, still confused. Don’t know what to do. I just left the door open and walked towards my brother’s room.

            I found my stebrother still in the bed with no shirt on, his mouth agape. I pull his pillow causing him surprised.

            “What?” He said in his lazy tone

            “Your student’s here” I said and walk to leave his room.

            “What?” He repeated.

            “Choi San's here, he needs to study” I said and catch San staring at me. I’m still in a confused state after waking up so I don’t really know what that looks mean. I just go straight to my room and grab my towel to wash my face in the bathroom.

            I heard my brother apologize and tell San about our father’s departure to work this morning which cause us to wake up this late. I wash my face and suddenly think that Choi San will never want to talk with me. Not after he saw my ugly bed face 5 minutes ago. My life’s such a mess.

            I step out from the bathroom and change my clothes. I can’t bear to be in the same room with my crush who just saw my worst look. I walk past them in the living room and make my way to the convenience store downstairs.

 

***

 

   I met Julian. Our French neighbor who had a fight with his Korean wife last night. He seems so sad. He ate a cup of cheese ramen with kimchi looking at the pedestrian walking in front of him. I grab my strawberry yogurt and after paying for that, I join him.

            “You look lonely” I said

            “You heard we fight last night huh?” He asked

            “Yeah, kind of”

            “How old are you now?”

            “16”

            “Still so young, just have fun, marriage is a very serious matter. I keep thinking that maybe I’m not fit with this concept” He said to me still looking at the pedestrian.

            I guess my decision to go to the convenience store is not that great.

           I decided to take a walk to the park in front of Abba’s (the convenience store name). The weather is good, I can free my mind a little and try to forget the embarrassing moment I had with Choi San earlier.

            I continue to eat my strawberry yogurt while walking toward the apartment's park. 3 weeks ago I could only see Choi San from afar. But now he’s in my place and having a drink from the same glass as me. That's really weird how the situation turns up. I’m still curious though why he needs a private lesson since from what I know his grade is not that bad, and he definitely could pass the exam even without the additional studies. Maybe he wants to be a doctor or something that requires a high passing grade, I thought.

            Suddenly my phone rings and the caller id is my brother, he wants me to buy sprite. I went to the convenience store once again and Julian’s still there.

            “Something missing?” He asked me while I pull the door

            “Nope, forgot to buy something” I said while walking to the beverages aisle. Don’t want to be rude I sit beside him once again. After all, I still don’t want to go upstairs and face San’s judgemental looks upon me.

         

 ***

 

            I went upstairs after hearing Julian's story. And San is still there. I put the Sprite inside the refrigerator and hide in my room.

            “You don’t bring any food?” My brother asked while opening my bedroom door.

            I just remember that we haven’t eat anything since we wake up. Thoughts of the embarrassing moment with Choi San filled my brain till I forgot that I feel quite hungry.

            “Hani, ya Hani Moon” He called me. I hate being called that way. Many kids would throw jokes at that. Hani Moon, Honeymoon, what a joke.

            “You stay here, make sure that he writes the correct answer without lurking in his notebook. I’m going to buy Jajangmyeon” Said my brother while standing up and point his seat to me.

            “What? Why not call the delivery man?” I asked. This idea is not good at all. Months ago, I really want to talk with Choi San. But now? Nope, thank you.

            “It’s only downstairs you lazy young lady. After all, I need to smoke after waking up”

            I sigh and watch his back disappear behind the closed door.

          I sit at my brother's place and San continues to fill up his assignment book. Feeling awkward I sent a text message to Sana, my best friend.

         Sana and I first met at the school's health clinic, we have our period at the same time so we often chat there when it is 'time'. We are now in the same class, and she is one of the bubbliest person ever. She likes San too like every girl in school, but her ultimate crush is a boy from a different school called Jung Wooyoung. She’s so excited the first time I told her about San’s private lesson at my place.

                                                Park Sana : Who knows maybe he thinks your bed face is cute

                                                Moon Hani : wth Sana, you don’t even see. It’s hideous

                                                Park Sana : lololol, when will your brother come back?

                                                Moon Hani : idk. It’s so awkward. He didn’t even glance at me

                                                Park Sana : uu serious mode on. Aaaaa want to be there

                                                Moon Hani : I want to be wherever you are

                                                Park Sana : hahaha, just ask anythinggg, you know what this is actually a perfect time

                                                Moon Hani : perfect? you say this is perfect?

                                                Park Sana : yesss, moments like this dont just appear everyday right? this is a crucial moment

                                               Moon Hani : I don't think so, but still if you saw my hideous face, you will respect my decision to not start a conversation with him

                                                Park Sana : hahaha I wish I was there and saw your hideous face while San's judging you

                                                Moon Hani : thanks besties, brb my brother's home already

                                                Park Sana : what a party pooper! you haven't even said anything to San :((

           After locking my phone, I stand up and help my brother in the kitchen to prepare the food. Aaand that’s the closest I’ve ever been with Choi San. And maybe the last time.

            “San let’s eat” My brother said as he put the bowl in front of San

            “I’ve eat though” He replied

            “What are you talking about. I know you’re not” My brother said and brought my bowl to the table.

             Hell, My initial plan is to eat in my bedroom, now I have to eat with San as well.

             I sat beside my brother and try to play cool.

            “So, you guys know each other? Hani said you’re popular in school” Asked my brother suddenly.

            Fail. I fail to act cool. I just separate my chopstick unevenly. San is now looking at me.

            “I’m not” He said and looked at me.

            “He’s not” Repeated my brother, while also looking at me

            “Yeah maybe wrong guy” I said as I try to hide my embarrassed face

            “But do you know Hani at school?”

            Oh God I wish my brother would shut up.

            Choi San look at me again and shake his head. “No, I don’t really pay attention to people at school”

            “Ya, you’re popular then. Popular guy tends to not pay attention to their surrounding. I’m like that too when I was in high school haha”

            I look at San not smiling at all and continue to eat his Jajangmyeon.

            “Have you tried the fried squid downstairs?” My brother still find a conversation he could build with his cold-as-s student

            “Where?”

            “At Jjang Sea Food downstairs.”

            “No, is it good?” Asked San

            “The best. I’m not promoting though, but it’s the best just so you know. You won’t find it anywhere else”

            “Maybe will try it soon” He said and nodded.

            “Hani you haven’t tried the fried squid there too right?”

            I just humming a quiet yeah as I don’t want San to see my embarrassed face.

            “Just let’s go together then, you two”

            I could only look at my full bowl. I’m not in the mood to continue eating. My brother is an as-s.

            “And Hani could tell her friends that she went there with school popular oppa.”

            “Oh God, Lee Junsu” I really can’t handle it anymore. “Can we just you know peacefully eating, concentrating on our food.”

            “Well, we are. It’s you who keep rolling your Jajangmyeon but not eating it”

            I feel my cheeks getting red at the rest of our lunchtime, and it’s not long after Choi San finally goes home.

            “YA LEE JUNSU” I yelled as my brother laughed his off on the floor.

            “OH MY GOD. You like him” he said with his teasing face

            “what the hell?”

            “I know you like him. I know. I lived long enough with you to know what kind of expression you have when your crush is around.”

            “stop” I said glaring at him. But he won't stop laughing.

            “stop laughing, oh my God if you tell dad you’re dead”

            “Ow, you admit that.” He still laughed and pick up his cigarette.

---

life's too short to not admit that you have a crush on Choi San