INEFFABLE(adj.)

Too great to be expressed in words

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On Friday morning. Sana’s coming to my place and brings all of her dolls, from little one like figurines to medium-sized giraffe doll. Her mom is having a big allergic to dust, and all of Sana’s dolls have that because she refused to wash it, she said it will not smell like her anymore and she would end up tossing them in the trash if her parents insist to wash them. So because she won’t wash it, and even more hate the idea to throw them away, she put them in my house because I have a storage room enough to put her dolls for some time.

            “What the hell?” My brother look at 2 big trash bags in front of his room.

            “Annyeong Oppa. Just need to put my babies here for awhile, just until my dad make a room for all my dolls so my mom wouldn’t be able to smell them” Said Sana as she pushing the trash bags to the room beside my brother’s.

            “I just hope I don’t have a kid like you when I’m married later.” Said Junsu Oppa and enter the bathroom.

            “Your lost” Said Sana.

That morning I went to school with Sana and her dad, since her dad has to drive her because she brings all of her dolls to my place.

I got out from the car and saw Choi San walking in front of me.

            “Runnnnnnn” Sana pushed my back and run a little.

            “Stopppppp”

            “Runnnnnnnn” She keeps pushing me. “Your prince’s there”

            “Ya Sana” I said still trying to make Sana not pushing me.

            “HANI YA” She suddenly yell, making all of the people looking at us.

            “I forgot my money! I have to call my dad” Sana then turn around and run, try to catch her dad which already left for work.

Ugh I know she’s lying.

I continue my walk and saw San stop to move. He’s actually waiting for me.

            “You guys are really loud.” He said when I got near him.

            “I told you Sana’s louder” I said and start walking beside him.

            “HANI” I left around and see Yeosang’s smile from afar. He’s waving his hand. I wave back.

            “Whoa annyeong hyung.” He waves to Choi San as well.

            “How’s the evaluation?” Asked Choi San to Yeosang.

            “Super satisfied. Hyung’s too right?” Yeosang asked, still smiling. This boy really can’t stop smiling.

            “Fortunately.”

            “Hani, can I borrow your Biology notes?” Yeosang asked me.

            “Sure, you can have it after school, I have Biology class at 1:00 PM.”

            “Woahhh, thanks, you’re the best.” Said Yeosang and three of us continue to walk to the school's gate.

***

            “So I was running, about to get to my dad which is you know only a gimmick to actually give you and San Oppa some time together. Please thank me later. Annnnd I saw Yeosang. He asked me where you are, so I said you were already in school, but then he run to catch you up. If you don’t believe me that Yeosang likes you at this point. I don’t know what to say.”

            “Sana, he wants to borrow my Biology book. He has to run to catch me up and ask for the book.” I said still in denial.

            “Noooo oh God, Can’t you see the point? He run, and our class is only separated by that goddamn wall, which meansssss he could come to get your freakin notes at break time! Anddd why he has to borrow yours when he has a bunch of friends at his class, who must be having neat and even more colorful notes than yours”

            “He’s just kind” I try to close this conversation.

            “What? That’s not the answer though. Ughhhh, I’m getting frustrated. but he acts normal to me? To everyone else? Only to you!”

            “That’s because you don’t lend him your notes.”

            “Okay, sooooo why don’t he ask me for notes?”

            “Because you and him are not in the same class last year, and he already used to borrow mine.”

            “Ughhhh whatever, he likes you.” Said Sana and close her book.

***

After school, Me and Sana stay a little bit, Sana tells me about his crush Wooyoung and the possibility of him having a girlfriend. She looks sooo disappointed, and after Yeosang came to my class and borrow my notes she looks even more disappointed.

            “I hope I met my Yeosang one day.” She said

            “What the hell?”

            “Ughhhhh, it’s so obvious that Yeosang likes you but you still like that cold and rude senior.”

            “Wowww be careful young lady. He’s not that cold.”

            “See? You really like him don’t you?” Asked Sana.

            “I don’t know. Maybe though. But I don’t know.”

            “Maybe your feeling is only an admiration.”

            “Yeah, maybe, so I’m not sure.”

            “You have to kiss him to make sure”

            “Sana”

            “What?”

            “You’re saying something weird. Let’s go home, just forget about this Wooyoung guy you don’t even know.”

I walk to the bus stop while Sana’s waiting for her dad to pick her up, she has a dentist appointment.

I know that this is Friday and Choi San’s probably at my place already, but when I saw the bus stop, he’s still there, his eyes staring at his phone screen. Not sure what’s he doing.

            “Why are you still here?” I ask him

            “Eh? Why are you here?” He asked me back.

            “What?” I said as I saw his phone screen. He’s playing candy crush.

He realized that I look at his phone screen.

            “I don’t know that this game is so addicting.”

            “So you missed, probably like 4 buses to play this game.

            “Sorry, because I can’t play it later, I have to study remember?”

            “Oh God, what a weird guy” I said and get into the bus. He follows me.

            “At least I don’t yell when I speak.” He uttered.

***

We arrive at home after I buy my strawberry yogurt at Abba. My brother was about to leave the house.

            “What happened?” I ask him.

            “Ya, there you are. Sorry San, I have something to do. Urgent. I left all of today’s test sheets at the dining table. You could do it at home, or maybe here, and we’re going to review it tomorrow, okay.” My brother said and just left us.

            “YOU HAVE KEY OR NOT?” I yell again.

            “Ya. You guys already install a passcode lock.” San said, pointing at the passcode lock

            "Ah ya, sorry, habit" I said while scratching my head

            “Can I finish it here?” San asked me while carrying his test question made by my brother 

            “Sure, I’ll change first.”

I go to my room. My heart races so fast. The last time I’m alone with him was when we barely even talk. We’re kinda close now so I shouldn’t feel nervous. BUT I FEEL MORE NERVOUS.

I walk outside and he’s playing his candy crush game again.

            “Ya, you have to finish that” I said and eat my yoghurt.

            “San Oppa, you should finish that” He corrected me.

I go silent for a bit. How did he makes my heart race this fast? Who let him?

            “Whatever, you can play that game when you’re home.”

            “I could finish this too when I’m home.” He replied.

I sighed and turn on the TV.

            “Hey, I’m about to do this, your tv distract me.”

I sighed again. “You’re still playing candy crush.”

            “I say I’m about to.”

            “I never knew you’re this annoying.”

            “What do you know then about me?”

He looks at me. My heart could burst at anytime any moment.

            “That you’re a cold-hearted guy maybe?”

            “Or that I’m a popular guy?”

I choke myself.

            “You have to change your yogurt flavor, I think it makes you choke.”

***

He looks so serious while he’s into something. I watch him as I pretend to watch my phone screen instead.

            “You know Yeosang well?” He asked me suddenly.

            “Yeah, we both went to the same class last year.”

            “Oh I see. He likes to borrow your notes?” He asked again.

            “Yep. Because I have the neatest and colorful notes.” I said smiling.

            “I know.”

            “you know?”

            “I borrowed your book last time remember? It’s so colorful.” He said and continue to write on his paper.

            “But you guys aren’t in the same class right?” He asked again.

            “Yeah, our class is side by side though.”

            “I think he likes you”

            “You sounds like Sana now.”

            “But you guys are not in the same class, yet he still keeps asking for your notes.”

            “Asked Sana my answer, I won’t answer that thing ever again.” I said.

            “So, you like someone else.”

I choke again. What’s wrong with me today. No. What’s wrong with him today.

            “Ya, just finish your assignment” I said nervously

            “Oppa”

I keep looking at my phone screen.

            “Oppa”

            “What?” I asked him.

            “I’m older than you. You have to call me Oppa. That’s called respecting the older one.”

            “Like it matters to you whether I call you Oppa or not.” I said still looking at my phone screen. I can’t look at him now. My cheeks are probably redder than a tomato.

            “It does matter.” I look at him in disbelief. He still working on his paper. HOW COULD HE. I feel my heartbeats beating sooo fast I couldn’t breathe properly.

            “You want some chips?” I asked him. Try to get away from this conversation. He took a glance at me and nodded

I walk to the kitchen and open the cabinet. I feel my hands trembling. I feel so happy, but at the same time nervous, like all of the feelings just got into me. I bring two glasses and fill them with cola.

            “Your father seems fun”

            “Why suddenly talking about my dad?” I asked him.

            “I don’t know. Maybe because you seems don’t want to talk about something else.”

And at that very crucial moment. I should have thank Sana because she’s calling me.

            “What happened?” I asked her. She didn’t answer. “Sana, what happened?” I ask her again. Then it sounds like someone’s sobbing.

            “I think Wooyoung has a girlfriend.” She said again.

            “Ya. We’ve talked about this.” I said and walked to the balcony.

            “I know. It just. I don’t even know him Hani. For God’s sake. Why am I like this.” She said and keeps crying.

            “Ssshh, where are you? I could meet you now if you want.” I said looking at Choi San who is also looking at me.

            “No need. I’m just being melodramatic right now. Like I’m so confused, but maybe it actually didn’t really matter.”

            “Ya, seriously where are you?”

            “Just kidding oh my God, could you come to my house then?” She asked,

            “Of course. Just wait.”

            “What happened?” Choi San asked me when I finally hung up my phone.

            “Sana, I need to go to her place now.” He nodded.

            “I’m going too then. I’ll just finish it at home.” He said and start to put his sheets in his bag.

            “I’m so sorry.”

            “For what?” He asked me.

I actually don’t know why I say sorry in the first place.

            "But can I borrow your Chemistry note?" He asked

            "Yeah, of course" I said and lend him my chemistry book.

After I change my clothes again, I go to the elevator where San’s already waited for me.

            “Is Sana’s house far?”

            “It’s the same like from school to here, but it’s in a different direction.” I explained.

            “Okay, be careful then.” He said and waving at me as we parted in front of Abba.

I look at his back from afar and my nervous feeling still lingers. Not too long my taxi arrived and I ask the driver Sana's address.