KILIG (n.)

Butterflies in one’s stomach

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April, 30th

             “Last day of Aprilllllllllll” Sana enter the class while holding an ice tea and sit beside me.

            “Shut up. I’ve heard enough.” I look at Sana annoyed.

            “Haha, your brother still did that didn’t he?” I nodded.

My brother always yells every last day of every month and keeps saying that starting the first day of that month he would be Lee Junsu who is better than yesterday. Same as people on the new year, but he does that monthly.

            “And as I remember. San’s going to your house today” Whisper Sana and she giggled.

            “Shut up.”

           “But, since I need to go straight to the subway station to catch the love of my life up. That means I can not walk with you to the bus stop today.”

            “Ya, when will you have the courage to greet him. You guys have mutual friends right? Just greet him, hi Wooyoung, I'm Sana, nice to meet you” I said while imitating shaking hand movement to Sana.

              “Not until you greet Choi San first” Sana teased me and start to slurp her ice tea.

             After school, I walk to the nearest bus stop just to find Choi San there. I try to keep acting normal and calm. Throughout the road, I keep looking outside and don’t want him to know that I actually looking at him through the mirror’s reflection. I hold my bag tight and realized that Yeosang chocolate's still there.

             We both get down at the bus stop nearest my apartment, and I start to open the chocolate wrap. It feels better to munch on a bar of chocolate in this situation. I walk behind him. Looking at his back. Why do I like this guy? I even agree with Sana that sometimes his coldness freaks me out.

          I decided to stop at the convenience store so we both wouldn’t be in the same elevator together. I purchase my favorite strawberry yogurt again and a seaweed chips. After paying it, I went upstairs and San is still in front of my apartment's door.

            Looking at San in front of my apartment door, I said to myself that this is like that deja vu scene.

            “You’re not coming in?” I asked, trying to act cool, even though I'm pretty sure the universe can make a hundred scenarios to make me appear way weirder than I already am in front of him.

            “No one answers the bell” He answered, keeps pushing the doorbell.

            “Maybe he’s asleep, let me open it with my key.”

            “You guys don’t use a passlock?” He asked while I clumsily search for my key.

            “We did, but my father broke that when he was drunk.”

            “Come in” I said as I hold the door for him.

I look at the living room but my brother’s not there. And he’s not in his room either.

            “He’s not here. I’ll call him up.”

Choi San just nodded and he put his bag on the sofa.

            “He’s not saying anything to you?” I asked, making sure because my brother didn’t pick his phone.

            “My phone’s out of battery.” He said

            “Oh well, maybe he’s at the restaurant.”

            “Restaurant?”

            “Yeah, he runs a restaurant downstairs.”

            “I think he’s only a private teacher.”

            “Of course not. He's actually the owner of Jjang. Do you remember? The one he said the fried squid is the most delicious?"

            “So he did promoting his restaurant.”

          “Haha of course he is” I said, and there it is, the smile I have been longing for. Choi San is finally smiling after weeks full of embarrassment from my side. I should text Sana after this.

            “There are only 3 of you in this house?” Asked San while I smile because I saw his smile.

            “What? Oh yeah.” I flustered. “Only 3 of us.”

            “But it’s kind of neat.”

            “Of course it is. I handle it” I said proudly as I try to call my brother again.

            “You want to go to Jjang?” I asked Choi San who is now looking at my kitchen counters. I don't know where that courage comes from, but I got to admit that asking him to go to Jjang to search for Junsu oppa is kinda neat.

            “Sure. Should I take my bag or?”

            “It’s up to you.”

            “But I might going back here again right? Or have your brother gave a lesson at his restaurant?”

            “Well, I don’t know. I never keep a track of where my brother gave his lesson at.” Wow, I just hope that my answer didn’t sound like I’m so rude or something. But Choi San left his bag on the sofa, and we both go together to the restaurant.

            “Your place is nice. It has so many things, and even the food place is so variative.”

Wow, just an hour ago I was looking at his back thinking about how cold he is, but then he actually keeps a conversation with me.

            “Yeah, it’s explained that all of the rooms are filled.”

            “And it’s quite close from the bus stop.” He added

            “Yeah it is”

We walk to Jjang and saw my brother smoking.

            “I call you like 5 times.” I said while approaching him.

            “What? My phone’s inside the restaurant, I’m charging it, and I have texted you that today's lesson is canceled, I got something to do.” Said my brother to San.

            “My phone’s out of battery” San replied while waving his phone, showing its black screen.

            “So, today no class” Asked San again to make sure.

           "Yeah, there's something I need to take care of, but since you’re already here, how about you taste my delicious deep-fried squid?" Asked Junsu oppa to San.

              "I have new sauce variant you have to taste as well, eat here" Add Junsu oppa to me.

            “I bought chips upstairs.” I answered

            “Don’t disrespect me. You have to try. Both of you come in.”

I walk to the inside of the restaurant and sit beside my brother.

            “You know, dad’s calling he’ll be home late. And I’m going to my friend’s place this night. So after this, you have to make sure the door is locked properly okay"

            “Your friend’s place huh?” I asked, because I know that he’s going to his girlfriend's place.

            “Yeah my friend, okay.”

            “Dad brought key?” I asked

            “He is.”

            “Do you like seafood?” Asked my brother to Choi San.

            “Yeah, my favorite food is actually any crab dishes.” 

            “Oh my God, good call. Let me serve you my adorable crab dish. You will go mind blank after tasting the deliciousness.”

            “it’s not that great” I jokingly told San. San smiled hearing my asnwer. I repeat, he smile. To me. To my freaking sentences. I could die. I have to call Sana after this.

            “Ya, this is your favorite. No worries she’s only joking. The crab is actually her favorite, and San, because we cancel this class today, I guess we have to double the time for Saturday. You agree?”

            “Yeah, Saturday’s good.” He nodded.

The rest of the late lunchtime feels amazing, and I feel so happy mostly because I didn’t embarrass myself in front of him, and my brother’s not embarrassing me either. Now I know that San has dance class at Wednesday and Thursday, he also likes to sing, and his favorite sport is soccer.

After the meal, because he left his bag upstairs, I need to take the elevator together with him again. My heart races so fast. My stomach feels funny.

            “Hani ya!” I heard someone's calling me, as I turn my head, turns out it's Kimmy, the cashier at Abba.

            “We haven't received the new strawberry yogurt pack, so it's down to two, want me to keep it for you tomorrow?” She asked.

            “oh my God, of course, thankyou so much?” I replied happily.

            After that, I continue to walk to the elevator with San, my heart races faster.

            “You like that so much?” He asked

            "what?! Like who? who do I like?" I asked nervously.

             "I mean the yogurt, strawberry yogurt" San's said, confused.

I feel my face turns red just like the crab I just ate.

             "Oh yeah the yogurt, yes I like it haha" I said trying to hide my embarrassed face.

We arrived at my place and he grab his bag.

            “You’ll be alone?”

            “what? I asked confused

            “Your dad will be home late right?”

            “Oh yeah, it’s not the first time, so don’t worry”

What. I just say something stupid. Who says that Choi San is worry??

            “Well, don’t forget to lock the door. Be careful.” He said as he close my apartment’s door.

WHATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

OH GOD

I yelled. I’m 60% sure, he heard it. Oh my God, he’s not that cold. He’s actually nice, he's still a human after all. I think I really fall for him.

Need to call Sana ASAP!!!!