Byul woke up alone in bed and a little bit disoriented of where she is at the moment. The room is oddly quite. She didn’t move from the bed yet and listened attentively for any noise. When she was sure that there is no other person in the room, she got up and went to the bathroom. While in the shower, she tried to dismiss the feeling of regret waking up without seeing again, the face of the woman she was with last night. The woman only gave ‘Solar’ as her name. She didn’t get her family name. She didn’t even know her whole first name. She’s not even sure if Solar is the woman’s real name.

She know that she shouldn’t care, and she shouldn’t be bothered. In fact, she should feel relieve because the woman left on her own will and she will not experience  an awkward morning after with a stranger. If she were the one who woke up earlier, she would have done the same, to avoid any complications. She doesn’t want anybody in her life. In fact, she refused to let anybody in.

But why? Instead of relief, the feeling arises from within her is the opposite. She is upset and she doesn’t know why. Is she upset with Solar because she left without saying goodbye? Or is it because she is getting too worked up thinking about the what-ifs? Why does she feel that what she wanted from her is not a one-night stand only? Was she actually contemplating on getting to know the other woman more?

She had a good time with her. She was different from the other women she had been with… well, if she were honest, it’s not entirely true. But there is something about the woman that put her in a state of uncertainties. As a person, she is certain about a lot of things in her life. She knows that her career is her priority and love and relationship is somewhere in her list, all she knows that it has been a fleeting concept for her. Byul needs to remember that this is not the right time to lose focus. This is not the time to find an added complication to her life.

All the peptalk she is having internally became meaning