On the way back to the practice room, Myungsoo had a cold and expressionless face on so by the time he reached the practice room, his handsome and angelic face was void of any tears or red puffy cheeks and eyes, just a stoic expression. L is present for the time being, just not Myungsoo.

The members stared at him before Woohyun asked, “Where’s Sungjongie, Kim Myungsoo?”

“In the washroom…..he’s coming back in awhile…” Myungsoo walked tiredly over to rest against the side wall of the practice room. A distance between him and the group of members seated together, chatting while occasionally looking towards the door of the practice room. Waiting for their youngest maknae to return.

“Why can’t they just see me?! I’m also part of the maknae line but all I got was the cold treatment while you all doted on the other two makaes!” Myungsoo eyed the members with longing and crave of affection coming from the older hyungs. There was anger burning too.

Tears stung Myungsoo’s eyes just at that mere thought but more thoughts came flowing in. Luckily, their attention weren’t on him.

“What do they have that I do not have in order for them to dote on me? Am I not loveable? Did I not treat my hyungs well enough?! Do they find me a nuisance? I just want some love from you all, no matter a split second of glance towards my way would already satisfy me but why…..not even such a single wish can be granted” Myungsoo got more frustrated but Sungjong’s appearance on time saved him from the turmoil happening inside himself.

Again. Practice until they couldn’t feel their legs as they’re numb and aching. Groans of pain filled the practice room but Myungsoo made no sound. He had been walking on eggshells all his life around the hyungs, just not around Sungjong.

Myungsoo knew that he could rely on Sungjong but what would that make him, a weakling hyung that’s fragile enough to be like a female? He would 100% surely become the laughing stock of the older hyungs.

“Kids, let’s go back to the dorm now.” Sunggyu said and walked out of the room, without waiting for any of them to catch up.

In the van, it was silence except for some whisperings between Hoya and Woohyun.

The maknaes sat at the back of the van, none talking but Sungjong had his hand grabbing Myungsoo’s icy cold ones. Myungsoo didn’t mind Sungjong taking his hand as he only rested his head on the window, looking out.

He slowly drifted off into sleep and only when Sungjong called his name, he woke up. They’re parked in front of the apartment building.

Woohyun immediately went to the kitchen, cooking once they entered their dorm whereas the members scattered around the dorm.

By the time Myungsoo woke up again, outside the room was noisy so Myungsoo pushed himself off the bed to walk out of the room.

The members were all at the table already except him and Sungyeol.

“Sit down, Myungsoo.” Came Hoya’s cold voice.

“Yah Lee Sungyeol! Faster come here and eat!” Woohyun shouted out to Sungyeol who ran in quickly.

“Sorry! Sorry! Let’s eat! I’m hungryyyy” Sungyeol whined.

After eating, Myungsoo was asked to wash the dishes. He wanted to protest because he was tired enough but a sharp glare from Hoya left him no choice plus he was not one to reject it. He wanted to work hard for everything.

“Why am I feeling so weak?” Myungsoo mumbled to himself that he made sure no one heard him.

Throughout the night, all the members were sound asleep but Myungsoo wasn’t. He tossed and turn around in bed, roughly but that definitely wouldn’t wake up his roommate Dongwoo hyung who was also a deep sleeper like him.

He staggered out of the bedroom, careful enough not to wake Sungyeol up but the urge of puking got him to the bathroom in a speed of light.

He gagged but only water came out yet the pain was still lingering around in his body. After a few minutes, he sat beside the toilet bowl, sweating profusely with teary eyes. It made him feel weaker than he ever had.

After spacing out for quite an amount of time, he went back to bed feeling a BIT better than before. Luckily, he managed to sleep through the night without anymore pain and uncomfort.

At 4pm the next day, they were fetched by their manager to M Countdown venue. The members sat down in front of the mirrors as the stylists began to busily style their hair, help them to put makeup on and asking them to wear their stage outfits.

Myungsoo’s stylist who saw him looking so pale got worried.

“Myungsoo-ya, kwenchana…?” she asked.

Myungsoo waved her off by saying, “Just work and the schedules…..It’s killing me but I can manage just fine….It’s probably a cold, noona”

She wasn’t convinced but she didn’t want to pry further into it either because it wasn’t her place.

She did her job, putting makeup on Myungsoo’s face and letting the hairstylist taking over.

In her eyes, she knew something was definitely wrong with Myungsoo but she couldn’t pinpoint it and she knew about the relationship between the members and Myungsoo. She was upset at the fact that the members didn’t even acknowledge Myungsoo’s presence at all. They weren’t even aware of how pale Myungsoo was.

Be it Myungsoo says it’s a cold and maybe that was it.

Myungsoo excused himself to go to the washroom.

He stood still in front of the sink, looking into the mirror. His reflection was good, the makeup did a great job covering up his originally pale face as he looked more liven up when he really wasn’t on the inside. Overall, he thought his outer appearance looked perfect, wearing an all-black stage outfit for later’s ‘The Eye’ performance.

He was about to leave when he suddenly coughed hard into his palm. When he unclasped his palm from his lips, blood was on his palm.

He retracted his steps back in front of the mirror and there, blood was dripping from his mouth. His hands went shaking as he tried to steady himself by grabbing onto the cemented sink.

“It’s nothing right, Kim Myungsoo? You can do it. It’s just a cold” Myungsoo coaxed himself into believing that.

“Kim Myungsoo, care to tell me where you’ve been?” Sunggyu asked with a strict voice, leader vibe flowing out. All the members were eyeing Myungsoo who stood by the waiting room door.

“Washroom” Myungsoo replied back coldly.

“That long…?” Woohyun mocked.

“Yes. Any problem…?” Myungsoo asked back in his same voice, raising his brows.

“Infinite! Your cue!” the staff yelled.

“Disrespectful brat!” Myungsoo heard Hoya and he knew instantly that it was directly towards him.

He tried to ignore the fact that it actually hurted his feelings but he couldn’t.

He felt like a dagger had stabbed him in the heart multiple times especially when the words came from a hyung he loved deeply despite no attention and love was given to him at all over the years they have been together with each other.

Sometimes, he really wondered how he was able to handle it all. If he dies now, no one will yearn for him right? People will only remember him as Infinite Visual L, Kim Myungsoo and no others.