The gates closed slowly, leaving me outside, a blizzard covering my tracks as I headed for the bus station. It was cold, the wind biting my skin like a hungry, icy beast; however, I felt warm just thinking about the friends I was going to meet soon. But the one I was hurrying my steps for was, and always will be, Song Yiseo.

The year was 2013 and I, Kim Jongin, had just been discharged from the army and, with a heavily drumming heart, I was on my way to meet Song Yiseo.

* * *

I changed from my uniform as fast as possible, changing into jeans and a comfortable knitted sweater, the same one I knew Yiseo loved. I headed for the restaurant where the ‘Welcome back!’ party was held with a trembling heart. It never crossed my mind that she wouldn’t be there already, waiting.

“Welcome back!” Instead, it was Krystal who popped the up, dragging me to our table. Yiseo was not among the people who came to congratulate me. So I texted her.

‘I’m so sorry ☹ I don’t think I can make it tonight… the boss is still here and no one left yet. At this rate I will do overtime again ☹’ came the reply after not even a minute. I was disappointed – without me, Song Yiseo had found something else to concentrate on, found different people to be with, other than our friends; and I didn’t even know half of them. Because while I was in the army, Song Yiseo started becoming an adult. And that made me feel left behind.

“She’s not coming,” Krystal’s voice made me snap out of my sulky state. If only for the sake of appearances, I had to look like I had fun.

“She said she’s working overtime.” I poured myself a drink.

“Who works overtime during an internship?” Krystal clicked her tongue, disapprovingly.

“Yiseo does,” I shrugged her tone away. But its venom had already entered my system without me even realizing. So I poured both of us a drink. “Everything good with your internship?”

“I already did mine while abroad, so I’m just taking advantage of what’s left of my student life,” she shrugged before emptying her glass and pouring some more for both of us. “Did you know that the bank where she’s doing the internship belongs to Junmyeon’s father?”

I stared ahead. I knew that because it was he who got her internship in the first place. But I had drank one glass too much to be able to hide my displeasure. “So what?” I emptied my glass. “It’s not like they work together or something.”

“Are you sure?”

“He’s doing law.”

Krystal only pushed her phone towards me. it was a picture of the said Junmyeon and Yiseo posted on his Instagram account. ‘First day working together, wish us luck!’ said the caption. At this point it was hard to contain my boiling anger. That feeling that I was being played and left behind started ever since I got to see that Junmyeon and Yiseo interact with my own two eyes. They were so – I had to stop, so I gulped down my drink.

“You know that they were voted ‘Best Campus Couple’?” Krystal managed to push some more buttons. “Of course, Yiseo vehemently said they are just friends, but I didn’t hear him complain.”

“Shut up,” I said lowly over the edge of my glass before emptying once again. “What do you even know? Yiseo is mine! Ever since forever, she’s always been mine!” It was so hot inside, a feeling as if I was boiling.

“I know more than you for sure,” Krystal only shrugged at my outburst. She poured me another drink.

I was too far in to be able to stop, so I only stared at her before returning to my glass of liquid anger. That night I had one too many while trying to drink away my disappointment and drown all reason. Only one was successful.

One drink too many and everything went downhill. From leaving the restaurant drunk walking, to getting into a strangely familiar bed, everything was one huge mistake. But what was even more dangerous was the blur in between moments and the faint memory of lips pressed against mine, memory which hit hard when I woke up the next day in Krystal’s bed.

She was snuggled in my arms, her bare shoulders peeking from under the covers. My heart stopped right there and I don’t think it ever worked normally ever again.

The year was 2013, December 31st when I woke up in Krystal’s bed as my phone rang continuously from under a pile of clothes. It was the last day of 2013 when Song Yiseo called me sobbing violently, screaming that she her father was hanging from the door handle of his bedroom. And the first person she called was me, the one who had just cheated on her.

* * *

The next few weeks passed by in a haze. From doing the shame walk back to my house, to hurrying to Yiseo’s side who was a mess. She surely didn’t catch on anything as lost in a daze as she was from the moment I arrived and throughout the funeral. She didn’t noticed me avoiding Krystal, dodging her whenever she tried to approach me, nor did she see when I purposely turned off my phone to stop her from calling.

For one month I lived in fear that she would find me out. And when she didn’t, I grew confident that it was a Heaven-sent hint that whatever happened with Krystal was going to stay behind me. What I didn’t consider was Krystal herself, who was hellbent to talk to me.

“You can’t avoid me forever, Jongin,” were the first words Krystal said while she approached me in front of the bank where I was waiting for Yiseo.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you, of course.” She didn’t protest much when I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her away. I stopped in front of a convenience store, a few hundred meters away from the bank. “You don’t have to be so aggressive, you know?”

“What do you want, Krystal?”

“I just want to talk. Come on, you can’t say that what happened between us was a mistake, because I know it wasn’t. Kim Jongin, you still have feelings for me.”

“You just say whatever crosses your mind, don’t you?” I said lowly. “And you’re crazy if you think that’s even remotely true. What happened between us was a mistake and will forever be a mistake. I love Yiseo, not you.” I said harshly. “Stop looking for me. We have nothing to talk about!”

“Are you sure?”

I suddenly wasn’t. “Don’t play with me, Jung Krystal,” I warned. “Say what you have to say and leave! I’m meeting Yiseo.”

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