“take my fire

and kill it, I asked.

don't give it wilderness

for it expands

consuming me.”

A poem she wrote from her hospital bed.

A poem about Jongin.

Jongin’s poem.

Fingers were pulling on her clothes, shaking her body back and forth as if she was just a rag doll. No matter how hard Junmyeon tried to shield her, there were just too many hands reaching for her, pulling on her clothes, forcing her hair clips to come undone – her whole being coming undone.

“Let go!”

“Now you’re taking her side?!”

“Let’s go, Yiseo!” Someone pulled on her arm, dragging her away. Other fingers, another type of touch and still, she was still just a rag doll. Someone forced her to sit down, to drink some water.

“Say something, please.”

Soft, her body was shaken again and all she could do was to stare at the person in front of her.

“What happened to me?” The words came like an echo from the past, her eyes mirroring the same confusion from ten years ago. “What happened to me, Jongin?” Her fingers clasped around the sleeve of his tux.

He squatted to her level. There was a red mark on his cheek and Yiseo’s heart squeezed painfully, her hand reaching out by its own volition. She stopped halfway, wondering why were they damned to chase each other around like that, only to hurt each other, hurt for the other – as if they were nothing else but lovers on a leash.

“You met me,” Jongin said eventually, his palm on her cheek. “I’m sorry, Yiseo, for everything.”

Just like in her poem, the fire inside was consuming her. She gave him a chance to put it out and now it was blazing on the inside, spreading through her veins like poison.

“Too little, too late, don’t you think?” It came out harsher than she intended. “I gave you all the chances in the world – to leave me, to love me, to do whatever you please. Of all the days, you chose this one!”

“I’m a bastard, aren’t I? But I just,” he stood up, starting to move around like a cornered beast, “couldn’t go with it knowing I would lose you. I can’t lose you, Yiseo. Please,” Jongin returned to her on his knees, “let’s leave here together.”

Those were words she would’ve killed to hear. Before. Long ago.

And suddenly Jongin felt uneasy. Yiseo’s eyes grew distant and cold despite her proximity. It made his knees tremble against the hard floor. And he wondered how did he ever leave her and why did he do everything to hurt her – was he still doing it?

“Say something,” he whispered.

“Like what?”

“Anything.”

“I wrote you a poem. I wrote you a poem asking you not to love me,” she said, looking away. The sun coming through the arched windows reminded her of a day they walked side by side to his house. Yiseo could still feel Jongin’s breath on her lips from when he kissed her on the floor of his room. “It’s as if I saw the future in the way you entered my ward,” Yiseo added, turning to Jongin. “Please don’t love me, Jongin.”

“Song Yiseo!”

“If you love and then you leave me… I don’t think I can do that again. You left me once, what would stop you from doing it again? I won't be able to get over you.”

Jongin’s heart almost stopped. “I won’t come back this time.”

She chuckled softly. “You would,” she sighed, “but maybe the fact that Krystal is pregnant will stop you this time. I hope it will.”

“She’s what?”

“You didn’t know.” A thought at the back of her mind; but she was quick to dismiss it. “I should go.” Yet her legs didn’t listen to her and she remained seated. It took all of her will to stand up, to take a step, two away from where Jongin was still kneeling.

“I won’t wish you happiness,” Yiseo said, hesitating in front of the closed door.

Finally, Jongin stood up. Dusting his knees, he cracked a trembling smile while straightening his posture. “I will come back to you, Song Yiseo. One day, I will cross your mind again; that’s when we’ll meet again.”

“Is that a threat?” Yiseo’s masochist heart skipped a beat.

“Just a promise.”

* * *

The door ajar invited her to look inside at Jongin on one knee, proposing. Outside, a shower of fire flowers’ explosion illuminated the scene, unrealistically. Krystal and Jongin, both were staring at her.

Yiseo woke up sweaty and confused, an annoying sound on the background. A ringtone.

“Song Yiseo speaking,” she said, trying to blink away the dream. “What? Slow down, Minseok. He did what?! I’ll be there as soon as possible,” she said before hanging up.

It took her half an hour to leave the house, her hair still wet from the shower, make-up very lightly applied. She hoped she still had the high heels in her car when she stepped on the gas pedal wearing her indoor slippers.

“Pick up, pick up!” She cursed, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel while waiting for the green light.

“The person you’