Taeyeon just got back from her trip and was feeling tired. She placed her luggage inside the bedroom and looked at their apartment. “Finally,” she whispered to herself, breathing in a large portion of the air “a little…dusty though.”

She opened the windows, cleaned for a bit to lighten the air, and took a quick shower.

Taeyeon opened her laptop as soon as she sat on the bed to send a quick e-mail to her boss. She stopped in the middle of her typing when she heard the front door opening, looking up to the bedroom door and waiting for jessica to come in.

When jessica went inside the bedroom with closed eyes, a smile was immediately plastered on taeyeon’s face, waiting for jessica to see her.

Jessica opened her eyes and was startled to see a person on their bed “Holy sh--- Oh my god taeyeon you scared me!”  she screamed with a hand on her chest “My heart, jesus christ, I thought someone broke in”

“Welcome home to you too” taeyeon said with a chuckle, watching jessica drop her things on the floor and approach her. She placed her laptop on the side while jessica straddles her lap. She s her arms around taeyeon and hugged her tight while burying her face on her neck, breathing taeyeon’s scent in.

“Welcome home…Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back today?” jessica asked, looking up at taeyeon “I could’ve picked you up at the airport.”

“I know you’re busy at work and…I kinda wanted to surprise you” taeyeon smiled.

“Which is a success” jessica said, inching her face to taeyeon’s, their lips meeting halfway. “I missed you”

Taeyeon smiled in between the kisses “I missed you too” she replied, nuzzling her nose to jessica’s “How’s your day?”

“How my day went…? You know…the usual…” jessica buried her face on taeyeon’s neck again, letting out a sigh “Tell me about your trip instead.” she asked

“My trip? Ummm…there’s nothing really interesting to tell when it’s about work. The only fun thing was meeting up with tiffany and seohyun, catching up with things over lunch.”

“How are they?”

“Same old, and happy” taeyeon smiled, gently running her palm on jessica’s back. She paused for a minute, contemplating whether to tell jessica about how she auditioned at broadway and how it went, even though she didn’t get the role she auditioned for, she wants to tell her how happy she was for trying. She wants to try telling her about wanting to go back to New York to try and pursue a career there, but when she was about to, she felt wetness on her neck.

“...honey?” she asked but was not answered “Hey…are you crying? What’s going on? Are you ok?” as soon as she said those words, jessica shook her head and her defenses broke down, letting her tears flow uncontrollably.

“Hey hey hey, sweetheart…what’s wrong? What’s the matter?” taeyeon asks in worry, trying to lift jessica’s head up and look at her, but she just shook her head again. She doesn’t know what’s happening with jessica suddenly crying like this above her.

She wraps her arms around jessica, gently her back. “Sshh, there there, it’s ok…it’s ok, I’m here…” Knowing that jessica doesn’t want to talk, she just lets her cry on her shoulder. She thinks of ways to comfort her sad girlfriend, deciding to sing softly after minutes of silence.

“You with the sad eyes, don’t be discouraged

Oh I realize, it’s hard to take courage

in a world full of people, you can lose sight of it all

The darkness inside you can make you feel so small.

Show me a smile then, don’t be unhappy

can’t remember when I last saw you laughing

This world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear

Just call me up, ‘cause I will always be there.

And I see your true colors shining through

I see your true colors, and that’s why I love you…”

Jessica finally lifted her head up from taeyeon’s shoulders and looked at taeyeon who gently smiled at her. Taeyeon continued as she wipes jessica’s tears with her fingers.

“So don’t be afraid to let them show

Your true colors, true colors are beautiful

Like a rainbow”

She puts a gentle kiss on jessica’s forehead, her hands pressed to her cheeks, her thumb her cheek in the most delicate way.

“I’m not gonna force you to talk about whatever it is that troubles you, because I know that you don’t want me to fix it. I know you don’t want to burden me, but it’s alright…” she looks at her lovingly “If you don’t wanna talk about it, it’s alright.” jessica just nodded

“I love it when you’re like this—“

“What?” jessica was appalled by what she heard

“No! No, I-I mean…sorry it came out wrong. What I mean is, I don’t like it when you’re sad but I love when you show this side of yours to me. When you depend on me.” she explained “You always show a strong front and brave face that I sometimes think you forget that it is okay to cry and breathe. You’re human.”

Jessica sniffs while listening attentively to taeyeon, looking like a child listening to her father. “You already know this, but if you need someone to talk to, an ear to rant on, someone to joke around and talk you out of sadness, or simply my presence to comfort you, I’ll always be here.” taeyeon intently looked into jessica’s eyes, showing her how genuine she is

“Thank you taeyeon” jessica said, burying her face on taeyeon’s neck once again.

“Of course love.”

A comfortable silence came after that, just them cuddling and enjoying each other’s presence. After a few more minutes, jessica decided to talk from taeyeon’s neck “About earlier… there's nothing really deep going on, I just got a little stressed and emotional because of work…so I broke down”

“Mm-hm?” taeyeon whispered, letting her know that she’s listening

“Things are moving too fast and everything’s piling up. Everyone has an expectation of what kind of designer I should be, and I felt like I couldn’t keep up.” she sniffed “I can’t fit in. I’m just not good enough”

“Babe…”

“My boss said my designs don’t fit the brand. I need to do better”

“It's good that you want to do better, but so what if she said your designs are different? She didn’t say they’re bad right? Different doesn’t equate to being bad, at least think of it like that”

“You’re right, but I do need to meet the standard”

“Come on, don’t be too hard on yourself” taeyeon hugged her a little more tightly “or maybe the reason why you don’t feel like you fit in there is because you actually don’t belong there?” this made jessica look at her

“I’m sorry, that was a bit insensitive to say” she apologized “It’s just, I’ve always thought you’re your own woman”

Jessica smiled “Do I have the ceo vibes?”

“Mm-hm. You just have that cold and fiery aura, you know? I can’t really explain. You should start thinking of building your own fashion brand.” jessica chuckled at this, finally wiping the tears that stain her face “I’m serious, you should start and be your own boss”

“Unattainable dreams are really the best kind”

“Come on, don’t be pessimistic.” taeyeon said after an eye-roll

“I wasn’t being pessimistic, I’m being REALISTIC.”

“I don’t think it’s unattainable for you though, you have connections just working at a famous brand. And I have connections too, I can help you with celebrity models…”

“You have a point” Jessica went silent, trying to think “You really think I should?”

“Yeah, and I feel like you’re meant to be doing that instead of trying to fit in. Of course it'll be hard at first, building foundation and all, but you'll push through with your innovative designs. I'll be with you every step of the way”

“You’re sweet, and very cliche sounding" she giggled "I’ll think about it.” she kissed her and smiled while her lips hover above taeyeon’s “I’m really glad you’re back here”

“I am too” she smiled back. She carried jessica slightly and laid down so jessica can lay down on top of her. They adjusted their position to cuddle more comfortably

“I really miss this…” jessica whispered “I thought I was gonna go insane with the two of us fighting and fighting every other day and not having to hug you like this for four weeks” she placed her chin on taeyeon’s chest, looking up at her “Those were our roughest four weeks, promise me that we'll try to not make that happen again”

“I promise” taeyeon smiled looking at her

“...and promise me you won’t leave. I realized we at doing long-distance. Gosh, I really don't wanna experience that again."

Taeyeon just looked at jessica, remembering seohyun’s words of advice to her. All of her courage of wanting to tell her girlfriend that she wants to pursue a career in New York, all broke down in front of her eyes when jessica looked at her with expectant eyes. She chose not to tell. I’m sorry seohyun she said inside her mind.

“I promise” she was glad that her smile was reassuring enough, seeing jessica’s smile of relief. “Oh yeah, I forgot I brought you something” taeyeon got up and went near her luggage to retrieve a medium-sized box. She sat on the bed with crossed legs, pulling out a blue pot with cactus from the box.

Jessica propped her head on her palm and asked “What is that?”

“Cactus? It’s cute, isn’t it?” she lifted the small pot and smiled at it “I was strolling around New York and stumbled upon a cute florist shop. I was only supposed to look but I saw this cute cactus and it reminded me of us so I decided to buy it for you”

“Thank you…but why cactus?” jessica asked with a confused smile

“What, you don’t remember?” taeyeon asked but jessica just stared at her. She puts the cactus on the nightstand and laid down again, wrapping her arm around jessica’s back, her hand placed on top of jessica’s arm that was hugging her.

“I can’t believe you don’t remember. I gave you a cactus when we first met.”

“You did??”

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“…”

“I’ll just pretend that I’m not hurt and tell you again.” taeyeon cleared “We were at 7^th grade, it was after school and I was sitting at a bench in front of the small baseball field, holding a small pot of cactus like this one here and I was supposed to give it to my crush. Then you know, she rejected me ‘cause aside from the fact that she doesn’t like cacti, she’s only interested with boys.”

“Oof. My kid taeng got dumped”

“Then you suddenly popped out of nowhere in front of me. You were so nice to me, sharing your jelly beans with me, talking to me and asking me what was wrong. When I learned you were ok with girls liking other girls, I knew I really wanted to be your friend that I ended up giving you the cactus. We’re indestructible and unbreakable since then.”

“Your memory is amazing for remembering those? I mean, it was like, 11 years ago. We were just 14, we’re 25 now…”

“I would never forget of course, that was the first time I felt accepted by someone else other than my family.” taeyeon looked intently at jessica and softly whispered “That first time I met you, I had no damn idea I would love you this much”

Jessica didn’t say anything back but gently kissed taeyeon, letting her lips speak for her feelings. After kissing her, she rested her head on top of taeyeon’s chest, finding solace from the fast heartbeats, knowing it is for her.

She stood up after a few minutes, and went to the bathroom. When she came back, she’s changed into her night clothes, on her hand is a floss pack. Taeyeon, who just finished what she was supposed to do before jessica came in, closed her laptop and set it aside, looking at jessica’s hand.

“Why did you bring the floss here?”

“Didn’t I tell you before that I wanted to try tying floss to my finger?”

Taeyeon thinks for a moment, remembering the time jessica got sick and read her a poem. “Ah, when you tug it, I should tug back so you would know I’m still here?” jessica nodded “Ok.” she said while jessica ties a floss thread to her left pinky finger and to taeyeon’s right pinky.

“Pinkies, like a pinky promise that you would never leave my side.” they smiled at each other.

Taeyeon laid down on her back, repeating their comfortable position earlier with jessica’s left hand resting above taeyeon’s chest, loosely intertwined with taeyeon’s right hand. A few moments of silence have passed and taeyeon feels jessica's half-asleep. She softly started to sing another song to lull jessica to sleep.

"City of stars

Just one thing everybody wants

There in the bars and through the smokescreen of the crowded restaurants

It's love

Yes, all we're looking for is love from someone else

A rush

A glance

A touch

A dance

A look in somebody's eyes to light up the skies, to open the world and send it reeling

A voice that says 'I'll be here' and 'You'll be alright'

I don't care if I know just where I will go

'cause all that I need's this crazy feeling

A rat-tat-tat on my heart

I think I want it to stay"

Taeyeon stayed up and sang, patting jessica's back ever so gently until she feels her steady breathing.

Her eyelids were drooping already when jessica’s hand moved and lightly tugged the string on taeyeon’s finger. She tugged on jessica’s string and she felt her smiling at the gesture.

“Don’t worry, I’ll never leave.” she whispered, placing a soft kiss on jessica’s head and finally went to sleep.