It starts when Jisoo rolls her eyes at her, after Chaeyoung has to ask her to repeat what she said for a second time. But she just laughs and playfully rolls her eyes and says “It’s fine, Pasta. I’ll tell you later.”  And Chaeyoung smiles back and mumbles a quiet ‘Sorry, Unnie’. She doesn’t have the mind the tell her that she wasn’t distracted, that she was listening, she just didn’t hear all of what she said, the same way she hasn’t been able to hear a complete sentence from anybody for a while now.

Later that day when Chae is in the kitchen fumbling around with a flower arrangement and listening to music at a very loud volume than usual, she’s pleasantly surprised by Jennie pressing against her from behind. And she can’t the help the way her heart jumps when she hears her voice right next to her ear.

"I’ve made an appointment with the doctor, we leave in fifteen."

When they get there, Chaeyoung looks around the waiting room, there’s two kids with hearing aids playing and another woman with a bandage on her ear. Her heart is no longer jumping due to Jennie’s closeness but due to the uncertainty of what the doctor will say to her. She knows something is not right, she knew the moment Jennie had to repeat everything more than once and eventually opting for raising her voice. She knew the moment Jisoo or Lisa needed to ask her to get the volume down when she listens to music, or when Chaeyoung asks them to raise the volume while watching a movie. 

Jennie sits next to her, arm around her shoulders, her free hand holding Chaeyoung’s running her thumb along the back of the younger girl’s hand. And as nice as having Jennie close is, all she can do right now is lean further into her, because she’s scared and she’s worried, because she knows Jennie is whispering something in her ear and she can barely hear her.

Doctor says that she’s ruptured both of her eardrums. Chaeyoung remembers an infection she got no so long ago, she also remembers the concert they had where her in ears weren’t working properly. Either way the doctor keeps talking but Chaeyoung isn’t listening, she turns to look at Jennie, who is still holding her hand, and she sees the older girl is listening intently trying to keep every word in her memory.

They leave the doctor with an appointment to come back after an MRI and a few other tests. 

The MRI comes first and Chaeyoung hates the way it makes her feel claustrophobic even if the machine is open at both ends, Jennie gives her a soft kiss and a promise to wait for her before going in. They gave her noise cancelling headphone due to the loud noise the machine makes, but once she’s there she notices the noise is not as loud as they say...or maybe she doesn’t want to accept the fact that she doesn’t hear it properly.  

Next up is an audiometer test, she’s given some headphones and a button, the claustrophobic feeling comes back again when she’s led to a tiny white room with nothing but a stool and a computer with the click thing. And once again she gets scared and worried because she’s been in the room for a while but she has yet to hear a thing.

Once they are back with the doctor, Chaeyoung can do nothing but stare blankly at the screen in front of her, Jennie was once again absorbing everything the doctor was saying but all Chaeyoung keeps hearing is ‘Severe Hearing Loss’ and ‘destructive growths’  turns out she’s partially deaf on both ears, one more than the other due to something call Cholesteatoma, and there is nothing they can do but remove the growths with surgery. Jennie asks the doctor if her hearing can be recovered, but Chaeyoung knows is no use, once it’s gone, it’s gone.

And so they leave the doctor’s office with a bunch of pamphlets and a surgery appointment for the day after tomorrow.

“Rosie, talk to me.” Jennie asks the blonde on their way out.

“I’m fine, Jen” She says a little too quickly and a little too snappy.

“Rosie…” 

“I said I’m fine, Jen.” She says once again and get in the car. The older girl doesn’t push it, but still holds her hand when they are driving back to the house. And Chaeyoung is thankful, she needs something to hold on to and for Chaeyoung...Jennie means safety, she means home.

Once they are the dorm is a different story though, as soon as Chaeyoung is in her room, she closes the door and pulls Jennie closer, burying her face on her shoulder and breaking down, because it’s starting to hit her how she might not be able to sing again, or hear the LPs she’s love so much and she hates how much this is affecting her and she can help but say ‘I don’t want to forget your voice.’ against Jennie’s shoulder and so the older girl holds her close and firmly letting her know she’s there and whispering sweet nothings in her ear, loud of enough for her to hear.

After sometime they are on Chaeyoung’s bed with the brunette sitting up with her back propped up by some pillows while the blonde rest her head on her shoulder, Jennie’s laptop is on her lap, with all the pamphlets surrounding them, the older girl devouring any piece of information she can get her hands on, stopping every once in a while to make sure Chaeyoung is understanding it all. 

The night before the surgery Jisoo makes sure to prepare her favorite meal for dinner , Lisa makes sure to play her favorite song on her ukulele and Jennie makes sure that every sigh, every moan, every word that she says as they make love through the night is directly against the blonde’s ear.

The next day all three girls drive with her to the hospital, Jennie and Lisa hold her hands, while Jisoo makes sure to keep her distracted when they are placing the IV, once they come get her, Lisa and Jisoo kiss her on the forehead and Jennie gives her a couple of loving kisses once again with the promise of waiting for her.

After all is said and done, she comes back from the surgery feeling groggy and completely deaf on her left ear. Right side seems to be doing better and the doctor mentions they can give her in a hearing ear for a while but at the end of the day the result was inevitable she’d be completely deaf eventually, it was just a matter of time.

That night she breaks down again while Jennie is in the bathroom and the other two were in the cafeteria. When Jennie comes back she carefully lays besides the blonde on the hospital bed and wraps her arms around her waist from behind, pulling her close. 

“Will you still love me when I’m deaf?” Chaeyoung asks after a while in the quiet of the room, startling Jennie who looks almost offended at the question.

“Are you really asking me that?” She asks with a frown.

“I mean it, Jen.” She says seriously and looking down at her lap, playing with the end of the blanket she brought from home. “I won’t be able to sing anymore or hear any of your music, I won’t be normal… I... I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to leave.” She finishes quietly.

Jennie stares at her with a look that says she’s definitely offended at the implication that she’d just leave her and at the fact that Chaeyoung even dares to think about that, she scuffs “First of all how dare you?” She says getting up from where she was and walking closer to Chaeyoung to sit by her side on the bed. “Number two, you see this Park?” She says taking the blonde’s hand and pointing to a silver ring on the girls finger. “I made a promise, always and forever remember?” She says pointedly. “So stop asking dumb questions and get back to eating your cereal.” She says and gives her a quick kiss on her forehead. “But just in case you need a reminder… I love you and I’m not leaving, you are stuck with me Park, always and forever.” 

The following weeks are both good and bad, good because Jennie is there with her day in and day out, and she can’t really complain, bad because is two weeks when she needs help for everything, she can’t even stand up without losing her balance but the way Jennie smiles and does a celebratory dance once she’s able to give five steps without falling is worth all the trouble.

That day Jennie comes into her room and asks her to come with her.

“Don’t get mad, okay?” She says before they reach it.

Once they do she realized why she made her promise that, Jisoo and Lisa where there with several books on the coffee table, she looks at Jennie and then at the other girls who were all looking uncertain, not that she can blame them, Chaeyoung has been snapping at them left and right since the surgery. Turns out she isn’t taking this whole thing as well as she thought.

Ultimately she thinks, it doesn’t really matter what she can or cannot do right now, because the one thing she’s sure of is that these girls are her family and they have proven time and time again they will never leave her. She looks at the ring on her finger and looks closely to matching one Jennie has.  And is no surprise when Chaeyoung looks up to her with a small smile as she raises her hand, with her thumb, index finger, and pinky extended.  

I love you.

Jennie cries when she signs that, and she can’t help but sign it back, because she does, she loves her so much it hurts and despite what it may seem, she’s scared.

The brunette has tried to be strong, tries to put on a strong, confident facade in front of the blonde because if Jennie herself is scared as , she can’t imagine what Chaeyoung is going through, so she acts strong, because the blonde needs someone to hold on to. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t head towards Jisoo’s room in the middle of the night to vent after the first doctor’s visit, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t cry while both Lisa and Jisoo hold her when she tells them about Chaeyoung’s diagnosis while the blonde girl is sleeping, it doesn’t mean she wasn’t pacing nonstop while Chae was in surgery, it doesn’t mean she isn’t scared about the future.

On one of the calls she has with Chaeyoung’s family she asks them to send her videos o any recordings of the blonde that they have, and her mom thankfully does, probably understanding why Jennie was asking for them. She watches them all from Chaeyoung’s recital when she was seven to her cheerleading performances. And then, then she scouters youtube and she listens to her performance on The Masked Singer, she listens to her solo performance at their concert, her Halsey cover and that’s when tears start falling.

She doesn’t realize when Chaeyoung enters the room, until one of the earphones is taken out, she turns to look at the person who sat beside her and there she was, her blonde angel looking at her with concern and love. And so Jennie sobs harder.

She shakes her head. "I don't want to forget your voice."

She really doesn’t and she’s scared and frustrated because this is one thing she can’t do nothing about, she can’t protect her from this, she doesn’t even know exactly what this is, and it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t because either way she won’t hear Rosie’s laugh again when she tickles her or when Lisa tells her a joke, the way her voice goes a few octaves higher when she’s talking about something she likes, the soft whispers against her ear when they wake up. 

That night Chaeyoung returns the favor as she undresses Jennie and leads her to the bed, that night she makes sure that every moan, every word, every whimper, every sound is meant only for Jennie’s ear.

That night Chaeyoung realizes this is not only affecting her, but is affecting Jennie as well, and so she makes a plan.

It’s frustrating, at least for Jennie is, for Chaeyoung is hard, at least the lying part. Because they are used to riding together, they are used to tell each other where they were going, specially after the surgery Jennie is used to accompanying Chaeyoung everywhere or at the very least knowing where she is, but lately she has no idea what’s going on, because the blonde girl starts pulling away, she’s seen Lisa and Chae whispering more than once, and leaving the house without letting anyone know. Jisoo tells Jennie to relax that the blonde will talk to her when she’s ready, and Jennie being Jennie doesn’t push and does exactly that, doesn’t mean it doesn’t makes her angry as hell. She hates secrets.

Finally one day, Jennie wakes up and gets out bed thinking that Chaeyoung will once again leave without saying anything, she was surprised when Rosie pulls her back to bed for cuddles saying ‘I miss you’ and ‘I have a surprise for you.’

The surprise turned out to be an audio recording she has been working on with your producer Teddy, she records everything she could think of, there’s several recording of her and Lisa being silly, and her laughing when Jisoo tells her a joke. There are other more serious recordings about things that only Jennie and Chaeyoung know, memories, plans, stories. 

Jennie is full on sobbing before she is even halfway through the recording and Rosie is right there, sitting next to her on the bed pulling her into her arms, and Jennie can hear her softly singing against her ear...

And there's certain things that I adore, And there's certain things that I ignore But I'm certain that I'm yours...

Chaeyoung smiles against her ear as she sings that... "Don't ever forget that," she says tenderly. “Always and Forever.”

Chaeyoung realizes that yes she might be scared but as long as she has Jennie next to her she will be fine, that sometimes you don’t have to talk to be heard, sometimes just a look is enough, that sometimes you don’t need to hear in order to listen and that the most beautiful song in the world is the silence of a kiss shared with someone that you love.