"Do you find yourself wanting to harm yourself? Or others?" The therapist asked. Jonghyun sighed and shook his head again.

"No. I don't want to hurt anyone." He said, feeling very shaken already.

"Tell me why you're so upset, Jonghyun." She said. He hugged his knee.

"Can you stop?" He asked quietly. "You keep asking and asking, and I just don't feel well today. You can ask Minho, or Key, or even the nurse. I'm sick. I just want to go lay down."

"I need to make sure you're stable." She said.

"It's easier to prove instabilty than stability." Jonghyun pointed out. The therapist smiled at that.

"That's very true." She said. "But you still haven't told me why you're so upset."

"I just don't like it here." Jonghyun said tiredly. "But at the same time, I do."

"Please, explain." She prompted.

"It's everything I've wanted and needed for the last three years." Jonghyun said. "And yet, I look at it, and all I see is waste. All the wasted food, all the wasted water, time, resources. It stressed me out. I'm used to.."

"Not having anything?" She asked. Jonghyun sighed.

"Having...exactly what I need. It's all so...excessive here." Jonghyun said lamely.

"You'll get used to it." She said. Jonghuyn nodded, his thoughts traveling to Minho again. The boy had been on his mind all day. Was this what having a crush was like? No. No, it couldn't be. Jonghyun was tired, and Minho would get him back to bed the fastest, that was all. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes absently. "Do you even realize how often you use aegyo?"

"I...what?" Jonghyun asked.

"Aegyo. Acting cute and charming." She explained. Jonghyun sighed.

"I don't do it on purpose. I don't notice it." He said, resting his head on his knee and puffing out his cheeks, before blowing the air out so his hair was caught in the wind. It always calmed him down, for some reason. Maybe that was why Minho playing with his hair had helped so much the night before.

"You do it a lot. Especially if you aren't even aware." She pointed out. Jonghyun groaned.

"I'm sorry." He said for what felt like the millionth time.

"You don't need to keep apologizing. I'm just trying to figure out how old you are." She said. Jonghyun opened his mouth to respond - with yet another apology - but stopped short, gaping for a moment, before looking ar her.

"I'm 16. I turned 16 four months ago. I told you that." He said, his voice slightly higher in volume and pitch.

"I know that. But mentally. Emotionally. You fluxuate. Sometimes, you're 35. Sometimes, you're 13. Or younger. 8 maybe." She said. Jonghyun tensed up a bit, and she smiled kindly. "You're afraid of being forgotten about, or left alone. That's why you paniced just now, when you thought I forgot your age. That's the 8 year old. The 13 year old is insecure. Shy, but seeking approval and affection. That's where the aegyo comes in. But the 35 year old thinks that getting close to anyone will only hurt you. That's why you're so stressed out. You're at war with yourself."

"Cut it out." Jonghyun said, clearly uncomfortable.

"You've got an anxiety problem. It's not hard to see." She said. "I'll be back in a month, unless something drastic happens and they call me back sooner. Try to work on calming down that 35 year old for now. And, while you're at it, try to calm down. You don't need to be so stressed out all the time."

"Can I go?" Jonghyun asked, staring down at the floor. He'd showered. eaten breakfast, seen the nurse, eaten lunch, and now he was finishing up with the therapist. He was supposed to meet with Onew, but he was hoping he might be able to push it off till tomorrow at least. He felt so sick suddenly. 

"Yes, you can go." She said. He stood up, bowing quickly, and ran out into the hall.

He looked around awkwardly, a fist full of his own shirt in his hand, and he went down the hallway he thought would lead toward his room. He kept his head ducked and his eyes on the floor, trying to settle his stomach and avoid meeting anyone's eyes as he went, until he almost walked into someone, and looked up quickly. He barely registered the other person's face as he apologized, but the person turned quickly.

"Minho, I found your little pet." The person called, before looking back at Jonghyun with a good-natured grin. Jonghyun ducked his head down again, but stayed put, glaring at his feet.

"Be nice to him." Minho's voice carried through, and an arm slid around his shoulders. "He's shy."

"He looks like he just got finished with the crazy doctor." The other boy said. Minho laughed a bit.

"He may have." Minho agreed. Jonghyun felt like his head was filled with air. No pressure behind his eyes, yet too much pressure. He felt like he was going to collapse, and it wasn't until Minho gripped him and he stumbled on nothing that he realized just how badly he was swaying. "What did the nurse say?"

"I'm sick." Jonghyun said. "I want to go to sleep. I'm sick. It's ok, right? I can see Onew tomorrow."

"Yeah. You can see him tomorrow, when you feel better." Minho agreed. "But...are you ok? Did they give you medicine?"

"No." Jonghyun said, shaking his head and wobbling. "I'm just tired."

"Alright, come on." Minho said, looking up at his friend. "Joon...get Onew. He doesn't usually act this way."

"Alright." Joon nodded, heading down the hall as Minho helped a very wobbly Jonghyun back to their room. 

Upon arriving in their bedroom Minho realized the biggest problem with the set up. Jonghyun wasn't doing well enough to climb the ladder to his bed, let alone the fear he experienced doing so, and the affect it would undoubtedly have on him. And, if he ended up becoming ill, he wouldn't reach the bathroom in time, and ran the risk of falling. It only really left one option, and Minho didn't hesitate to slide Jonghyun into his own bed. 

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A birthday chap for my friend. I'm half asleep writing this, because ff is my guilty pleasure. Very few people know about it, and my boyfriend is not one of those few, and we live together, making it a bit difficult to update, so sorry if I start falling behind! D: