Jonghyun was certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt now, that he hated the psychiatrist. She wouldn't let any of the others stay with him when they talked, and she made him talk about the things he hated discussing the most. He told her his fear of the hospital, and she used that knowledge to pry deeper into his mind. She got him to think about how he was in the hospital too, when his umma was there. That he had been with her when the accident happened. That it was his fault she had been hit by the car in the first place, because she was trying to protect him. He had escaped with nothing more than bruising and scrapes, but his mother...she had been one room over from him, dying slowly, painfully, as Jonghyun healed enough to be dishcarged. She was dead before he was released, and he had seen her, laying lifelessly on the bed, and he ran.

 

"Jonghyun? Can you answer my question?" She prodded. He looked at her, confusion etched into his face. She sighed and repeated her question a third time. "Why do you associate the hopsital with death?"

 

"I.." He shook his head, trying to hold in the panic that was threatening to overtake him. He had barely calmed down before they had arrived at her office, and he was already having a hard time keeping his word to Jinki. No, he berated himself. He would not cry. "People die there."

 

"People get better there, too." She said.

 

"Not all of them." Jonghyun whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. She sighed again, and Jonghyun glared at her. "I don't want to talk to you any more than you want to talk to me, ok? So let me go home."

 

"Why do you think I don't want to talk to you?" She asked, surprise in her voice as she faced Jonghyun's sudden anger. Jonghyun looked down quickly.

 

"You keep sighing, and you sound annoyed." He said. She shook her head slowly.

 

"I'm not sighing because of you, and I'm not annoyed with you. I'm frustrated at the fact that I need to make you talk about the things you don't want to discuss. I have to do it, because if I don't, you won't get better." She said. Jonghyun chewed his bottem lip quietly, and she spoke again. "Who do you know that has died in a hospital?"

 

"I don't want to talk about it." He said sharply. She didn't react to the tone.

 

"I need to know. Was it a friend? A relative?" She asked. Jonghyun's anger flared up again, and turned his harsh gaze on her.

 

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" He shouted at her, then seemed to freeze up, completely shocked with himself. He looked at her with huge, watery eyes. "I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry!"

 

"It's fine, Jonghyun. You just need to remember to keep calm." She said, taking a breath. She opened to say more, but there was a knocking at the door. "One moment."

 

She got up and opened the door, and Jonghyun glanced over quickly, but then trained his eyes back on the floor, feeling guilty and embarassed. Jinki had been the one to knock at the door, but he had seen Key standing behind him, looking defiant and angry, and Minho down the hall, looking worried. Key pushed past the adults and stepped into the room, ignoring the therapists protests that the session wasn't over, and walked over to Jonghyun. The older boy looked up for a second, before looking back down. He was still angry, and that anger terrified him. Never had he been an angry person, and he didn't know what to do with it. He still couldn't believe he'd yelled at the woman. Key knelt in front of him and looked up at him, an edge in his eyes he had seen before, but he couldn't remember where.

 

"What was that all about?" He asked, his voice kind, but with an authority behind it that Jonghyun couldn't refuse.

 

"She just keeps asking the same thing, and I don't want to talk about it." Jonghyun said, then realized he was still being semi-evasive, and continued before Key could get upset with him. "I got angry, and I'm not sure why. I didn't mean to. I don't like it. I didn't mean to yell, and..."

 

"And what?" Key prompted when Jonghyun trailed off, horror on his face.

 

"Did Taemin hear?" Jonghyun asked. Key, for his part, looked completely caught off guard by the question.

 

"You're...worried about Taemin?" Key asked. Jonghyun swallowed and nodded.

 

"The first day I met you guys, he told me he doesn't like it when people yell. He said it makes him have nightmares." Jonghyun said, and understanding dawned on Key's face.

 

"No, Taemin didn't hear." Key reassured him. "He's listening to music right now."

 

"Ok, good." Jonghyun said, nodding to no one in paticular. Key his hair gently, neither boy really noticing that Jinki, Minho, and the therapist were watching from the doorway.

 

"What was she asking you about?" Key asked. "What got you so upset?"

 

"...my mom." Jonghyun said, feeling small. Key nodded sympathetically, but the therapist shook her head slowly.

 

"Jonghyun, I never asked you about your mother." She said.

 

"What did you ask?" Taemin's voice came from the hall. She opened to respond, and realization dawned on her face.

 

"I asked...who he knew that died in the hospital." She said slowly. "It was your mom?"

 

"Y-yah.." Jonghyun said, biting at his upper lip suddenly, then blurting out more than he intended to share. "I saw her. I saw her after they stopped trying to save her. After it was too late."

 

He felt the panic rising up in his chest again, and he looked at Key as the cold rushed through him. He needed to talk to someone he knew, not this woman. He focused on Key's eyes staring right back at him, and swallowed hard.

 

"She wouldn't have even been there if it weren't for me. She pushed me out of the way. I was only there because I hit my head. I just had some scratches. I got better, but she didn't." Jonghyun said, trying to keep his breathing under controll, as he started shaking his head. "Kibum, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Please, don't make me."

 

Key leaned up and wrapped his arms around Jonghyun, who was close to tears again. The therapist looked slightly frustrated that Key had been the one who could make him talk, and not her, but she made no comment on it as she picked up her notebook and started writing. Jinki kept his focus on her as Taemin and Minho crossed the room and helped Key envelope the oldest boy.

 

"We won't make you talk about it again. I'm sorry, Jjong." Key said. 

 

Jonghyun nodded, hiding his head in the mix of bodies surrounding him. Never before had he been so tired. His emotions were running rampant, and he thought about just telling Minho how he felt right then, since he was letting the rest of his secrets out, but he couldn't. The way he felt about Minho wouldn't overshadow what he had just admited, and it really had no place here, so he held it inside, the one bit of warmth inside the swirl of cold and painful things. He didn't even realize he was crying again until he heard a small sob, but when he became aware of it, it frustrated him more than anything. He said he wouldn't do this again. He said he was ok. But instead, he was getting angry, and he was crying. People who were fine didn't get angry and cry. He wasn't ok.

 

"I'm going to put in an official reccomendation that he be placed in an in-patient therapy program where they can take care of his physical and mental needs." The therapist said to Jinki. "It's not a hospital in the way he thinks of them, but it will help him heal in the same way."

 

"Thank you. Very much, for doing this." He said, and she waved him off.

 

"Your job and mine really aren't all that different. The two of us have to make sure these boys, and the one in the home, are being put in the best possible environment. We watch out for their welfare." She said. "It would never be good to send Jonghyun to a place that will only stress him out. He wouldn't gain the weight he needs to gain, and he would probably be sick a lot of the time. To send him there..it would be a danger to his health."

 

"I know. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out a way around this before he came to wake me up." Jinki admitted. "He seemed reluctant to be there for his casts, and I knew he wouldn't want to go for a long time."

 

"Let me make some phone calls, and see if there is a bed open at the facility I want him to go to." She said, and Jinki nodded, looking over at his boys, all huddled together. "It looks like you've got some work to do. I'll call you once everything is set."

 

"Thank you." He said, stepping away from her and going over to the group. "Alright, let me in there."

 

Key, Taemin, and Minho reluctantly pulled away, and revealed Jonghyun wiping desperately at his face. Jinki crouched in front of the chair and held his arms out, letting Jonghyun lean into the embrace before he took the boy by surprise and lifted him out of the chair. Jonghyun held on to the elder for dear life as he was hugged tightly in a way he couldn't remember being held in a long time. Jinki set him down after a moment and let Minho help him out of the therapists office and to Jinki's car. They were all quiet for a while on the way home, Jonghyun's tears had finally stopped after Jinki had hugged him, and it was an uncomfortable silence.

 

"Am I in trouble?" Jonghuyn finally asked. Jinki looked over at him, surprise clear on his face.

 

"For what?" He asked. The three in the back seat were all listening now.

 

"For yelling at the therapist." Jonghyun said as though it were obvious. Jinki laughed softly.

 

"No. While I would prefer if you didn't start yelling at people, it was a good thing you did this time. Otherwise, we may not have gotten what we needed." Jinki said.

 

"What do you mean? You never told me why I had to see her today." Jonghyun said.

 

"You're going to go somewhere else, instead of the hospital, so that you have people to talk to, to help you work through your emotions while your body gets better." Jinki said. Jonghyun took the information without response, or complaint, and simply nodded as the car fell back into silence, until Taemin spoke up.

 

"Do we have to go back today?" He asked. Jinki nodded slowly, slightly regretfully.

 

"Do you want to go for McDonald's?" Jinki asked suddenly, and the boys all responded positively.

 

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Ok, I usually don't update this quickly, but reading the comments made me want to update.

 

Actually, it was one comment in particular, and I hope you don't mind me singling you out on this, but YuuChanJR said: "Wah~ I nearly cried. x_x Okay, actually I did but I tried my best to keep the tears in. I can understand Jjongie and that he's scared of going there but if it helps him... He's always thinking about the others first. Hope he'll get well soon."

 

More than anything, the fact that the last chapter made you cry was what made me write the next chapter. I had two reactions when I read your comment, and one was that I felt really bad for making you upset, but the other was that I felt very complimented that something I wrote actually had that effect on you.

 

So, this chapter is for you~