“She already left Jiyong” Trish answered and I looked at her in confusion.

“But…she’s just here awhile ago? Why did she leave without even saying goodbye to me? What happened?” I asked.

“I don’t know…she left in the middle of your solo performance” she answered and I felt so weak.

I have a feeling that something is bothering her or something is happening to her that she just can’t say because it’s either she’s protecting me or she doesn’t want to give me more pain. I know her, she wouldn’t leave without even saying goodbye.

“Jiyong” Charles hyung called.

“I know that you’re hurt with what Clarise did to you…in behalf of my sister…I’m sorry” he continued and I sighed.

“Hyung…don’t you have a clue as to why she just left without even saying anything at all?” I asked and he shook his head.

“If I know something…I’ll tell it to you without second thoughts” he said.

“I have a feeling that the Guichens are doing something to her…or they’re up to something bad” I told him and he looked at me in fear.

“Jiyong…I actually don’t want to think it that way…I mean…if they’re up to something…I’m sure that Clarise will tell us what it is for she’s not going to hide anything that can harm her” he said.

I know that I’m thinking way too much once again, but I can’t help it. Clarise is not the kind of girl who will leave without even saying a word or a note. And she’s the type of girl who will voice out whatever is happening to her. I’m praying that her new family is not doing anything stupid coz if they are doing something not appropriate or out of contract, I’ll crush their bones and even kill them.

I’m hurting because I was expecting to see Clarise right after our concert. Her sudden disappearance is still a big question mark to me and I’m dying to know her reason. What pains me more is that, I won’t be seeing her for a long time for I’m going back to Korea tomorrow and I know that there’ll be a slim chance of us meeting up again.

“What?!” Charles hyung shouted over the phone.

“How can that be possible? Why did she agree with them?” he asked angrily.

“What is happening?” TOP hyung asked and I shrugged.

“She’s not going to do that…I’m telling you Calvin…Clarise will not even think of it” Charles hyung said and the moment I heard Clarise’s name, my heart skipped a beat.

From the way it sounds, I can already feel that Clarise is in trouble. I knew it! She ditched the concert because she’s hiding something and doesn’t want to drag us in her misery.

“Hyung” I called and he looked at me with pain in his eyes.

“What’s happening?” I asked.

“Jiyong…I shouldn’t be saying this…but Clarise…she’s off to somewhere now” he answered and I looked at him in confusion.

“Somewhere?” I asked.

“Calvin called…he told me that Clarise’s in-laws are assigning her to a company branch outside of the country…thing is…we still don’t know where they’ll take her…the twins are doing their best to know where her destination is” he explained and my anger just reached its limit.

She’s going somewhere and none of her brothers know where she’s going? This is coming out really weird and it’s totally scaring the hell out of me. I have a feeling that they will hide Clarise from her mom, Gramps and the rest of us for they know that we are her strongest support team and once we ganged up on them, there is a possibility that they will lose my girl and if that happens, things will screw up for them.

“Did mom know about this?” I asked.

“No…Aunty is also clueless…Gramps is doing everything that he can just to find out where Clarise is heading…I can’t believe that she hid this from us” he answered and tears just fell down.

“We’re losing her hyung…I’m losing her” I said and he shook his head and patted my shoulder.

“Jiyong…are you going to chicken out now? C’mon! You’ve already been to a lot…are you going to give up now?” he asked and I sighed.

“I just don’t know how to pull this off…I feel so helpless…she’s out there…alone…just by thinking that she’s carrying two babies in her is enough to make me go crazy! What will happen to her now? We don’t even know where she is…what if they will take her somewhere far and block any communication from us? She will be their prisoner forever and here I am…putting all my hopes up…then what? In the end…I’ll just realize that I’m waiting for nothing” I yelled.

“We’ll figure this out Jiyong…we’re not going to stop till we find her” he said, full of hopes.

“I don’t know anymore hyung…I’ll just go with whatever” I said and walked out.

I know that I shouldn’t be giving up just because of this, but as time pass by, I feel like she’s slowly drifting away from me. Yesterday was heaven for us and today, it’s hell. If something happens to her and our babies, those jerks will surely pay and they will have to give their lives just for me to be satisfied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(4 months later)

I’m still in the dark. I’m making all the possible ways to make myself happy, but then again, I can’t even smile naturally for my heart is dead and my whole being comes with it. I haven’t heard anything from Clarise yet, all I know is that she’s in America and Charles hyung is there with her. Well, she’s not allowed to have any communication to us and yes, that includes Trish. Every updates that we get are from her mom or sometimes Charles hyung, but during this four months, I haven’t even heard Clarise at all.

“Hyung! Happy Birthday!” Seungri greeted the moment I walked out of my room.

“Komawo” I said and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“I have a gift for you hyung” he said and gave me a box.

“Open it!” he said excitedly.

The moment I opened the box, I saw a shirt that says “World’s Greatest Dad”. Yeah. I guess maknae wants some beating today.

“Yah! Are you playing with me?” I asked in annoyance.

“Wae hyung? You’re really a dad…right?” he asked and I sighed.

“I am…but…I’m not the greatest…I’m not even with their mom now” I told him and he gave out a pout and bowed his head.

“Mianhe hyung…I’ve been really insensitive” he said and I smirked.

“Aigoo…you’re being a baby” I said and he chuckled.

“Thank you” I told him and he hugged me.

“AISH!”

Yes, today is my birthday and it feels like an ordinary day to me. This is the crappiest birthday that I’ve ever had. I cannot help but compare last year and now. Clarise even went to Japan just to celebrate my birthday with me and now, I’m here all alone and she’s dealing with pregnancy in a far away land.

“Jiyong-ah! It’s your birthday! Happy Birthday!” Youngbae greeted in a sing song tone.

“Komawo” I replied.

“Aigoo…you look so smug...yah! I know that you’re going through a lot right now…but…I’m sure that Clarise is celebrating this day with you” he said and upon hearing Clarise’s name, my heart went wild with longing.

“I bet she has bought a cake and cooked Kimchi Fried Rice all by her own” I told him and he chuckled.

“Can she even cook Kimchi Fried Rice?” he asked and I shook my head.

“She can’t…but…I do have a feeling that she’s been trying to cook it…mom told me that she had tried once and it wasn’t successful at all” I said and he laughed.

This is how I get by, I tell our silly stories to anybody and in that way, my longing for her lessens even just for a bit.

Time passed by and it’s already almost midnight, the members and I are still recording for our upcoming album and our day is just starting. TOP hyung on the other hand called and said that he’s going to be late for work today coz he’s got a baby boy to take care of. Well, Trish gave birth three months ago and TOP hyung’s life changed in just a snap. I envy him as a matter of fact. Every time I see him holding his baby, I always imagine myself holding my own babies and it will leave me crying. There’s this deep wound in my heart and it’s aching for my children. I pity them for they will grow up without a father or maybe they will know a different father and that thought makes me want to break down.

“OH!” Daesung said.<