This is weird. I mean, we’ve been looking for this diary for ages now and it’s only with Gab. I remember them telling me that this will be the answer to all my questions for I’ve written almost all the things that happened to me in Korea in this notebook. And all the things that happened to me and Jiyong were also written here which only means that even though my erased memories won’t come back anymore, at least I’ll still get a fill of things. 

“I hate that rude guy! Arggghhh! Why does he even have to show up in my work place? I’m so pissed right now for he’s just too cocky for me but in all fairness to him, he’s hot and definitely handsome. NO! Wait! I’m supposed to be mad at him! I cannot like him. When he showed up in that studio, I feel like I’ve seen a real star, thing is, he’s not deserving of any compliments coz he’s such a jerk and his rudeness is just so over the top. I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! Oh! One more thing. My co-workers said that we have a connection. What the hell are they talking about? CONNECTION with that rude guy? Pft! That’s just so impossible, I cannot even see any spark. And here goes my black assed brother, he keeps on pushing that I’m attracted to him and I’m in-love already. What the heck! Why would I fall in love in the first place? I know in myself that I’m not for love and hearing that word makes me cringe”

“So today, Charles pissed me early in the morning for he keeps on saying that I look weird and something about me feels weird. What’s the matter with him? I know that there’s a deeper meaning to that weird thing of his and I have a feeling that it has something to do with that rude guy. Oh well, I wouldn’t give a damn on him anymore. Anyways, I got to talk with nippy today and she’s so interested in Big Bang. She has googled them and we’ve learned that they are a top notch band who makes their own music and they’re fashion icons as well. I feel so honored to work with them actually, for I know that they’re big and for a newbie like me to work with big time stars like them, it’s just amazing (fine! I got to thank Charles for it coz if it weren’t for him, I’ll still be bumming around this apartment). Well, this G-dragon (the rude guy) is really making me interested in him for I’ve learned that he’s a producer and a composer as well. OK. I know that I have this thing about creative and art-sy literary love song writer guys, but he’s an exception for I hate him. Trish said something that bugged the hell out of me. She said that I might be in-love with that rude guy for I’m being a totally different person in front of him which is weird (this is not going right anymore, people are seeing a different me already  while I’m still here, trying to figure out what’s going on). And according to nippy, she can feel that I’m going to bend whatever rules I have just because of that guy and instead of HIM falling in love with me, it’s going to ME falling in love with him (don’t you think it’s just sick? I mean, who would fall in love with that rude guy anyway?)”

So this is how I hate Jiyong before? Wow! Just by reading my first few entries made me wanna laugh so hard coz the way I wrote each one of them is just too intense. I even wrote almost a gazillion “I hate him” and I’m wondering now if he’s been really rude to me before. 

“Trish and I made this totally ridiculous bet that if I made that rude guy fall in love with me and we happen to kick it off, I’ll break up with him after a week like I usually do and once I succeed, Trish would be going here to Korea for good without telling her parents and if she wins, I’ll be going back home and my world once again. That’s a good deal, huh? I’m confident with this. I mean, I know that I can do this in just a snap of a finger (yes, I’m being an airy once again, but this is what I really feel). I really wanted to start this whole thing already, you know, just to have that sweet revenge that I’ve been dying to do for days now)”

What the hell is this? I made a deal with Trish and it was so out of this world! I mean, how can I do that to Jiyong? Yes, I know that I’m a bad girl, but c’mon! This is just not right! I feel so damned right now for I’ve made a stupid bet, but then again, what can I do? I ate all my words in the end and here I am, deeply in love with the man that I use to make fun of. 

“You won’t BELIEVE this dear diary! I just had the most wonderful EVER! OK. I have to get myself back together for I’m a bit hyped just by thinking of it. I can say that Japan really is a wonderful place for it has given me some lovin and I’m just so grateful about it. That rude guy likes me and to think that I’m not yet doing any seductive techniques to him yet is a bit amazing already (I told you, I’m gonna win this bet). He freakin knocked on my door and told me that he likes me which is so movie-like and I felt weird upon hearing it. My heart always skips a beat every time he’s around and during that moment, all I can feel is my heart struggling to go out of my body and his words is just too good to hear. What’s odd is that, I’m the one who initiated and I’ve never been like that before (am I going crazy now?). I don’t know, I just felt a huge wave of emotions the moment he told me to just forget whatever confession he just made (truth is, my heart just got crushed and crumbled).”

“This day is just CRAZY! I’m starting to question myself already. G-dragon is really giving me a headache coz all throughout this day, he’s the only one that I can think of. I even woke up in his arms awhile ago and I felt so good and secured. To me, what’s happening to us now is more than , it’s more than the pleasure that we give and get from each other. I’ve almost revealed everything to him (that’s how comfortable I am) and it’s just insane because I’m slowly doubting myself already. I’m being changed without me noticing it and this guy is the one to blame. We went to a date in Odaiba and it doesn’t end up so well. I can  feel that he’s falling in love with me deeply and I know that I’ve already succeeded and have totally won my bet with Trish, but there’s something in me telling that I shouldn’t play with this guy’s heart because he’s so pure and honest. That’s actually the reason why I dared him not to fall in love with me. I just don’t want to hurt him, why? Fine! BECAUSE I’M FALLING IN LOVE WITH HIM AS WELL AND I JUST FIND IT SO WEIRD. I’m afraid that once I follow this stupid heart of mine, it will just put me in this small box and suffocate me. I’m not the woman that he’s seeing, he doesn’t even know who I really was and I’m sure that once he learns that I’ve been fooling him and everybody, he will hate me. I’m just protecting myself from any pain, because I know that I cannot take it”

This is so weird. I’m reading the part where I’m denying love. I didn’t know that Japan is really special to us. I can remember that he brought me there after my accident and now I know the reason why. That country is just so memorable to us for we had our first intimate moments there, we have learned so many things about each other in a matter of two days and our feelings for each other burst while we were there.

“Mommy” Jayda called out and I stopped from reading.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I’m bored” she said and I looked at my four year old weirdly.

OK. The twins are really like adults whenever they talk and even the way they think is so far from their age. I’ve taken this day off to spend some time with the twins, but this diary just kept me here inside my room and I totally have forgotten about my two babies.

“What’s that?” she asked while pointing at the pink diary in my hand.

“It’s mommy’s diary little girl” I answered and she stared at it.

“Diary?” she asked and I nod.

“This is where mommy wrote her feelings and share everything” I told her and she reached out her hand as if she wants to borrow the notebook from me.

“OK…here…look at this” I said while scanning the pages.

“That’s a lot” she said and I nod.

“Mommy wants to write all the things that happened to her…and this is really special” I said and she picked something on the floor.

“What is that?” I asked and she just stared at the photo in her hand.

“You and daddy Jiyong” she answered softly and I looked at the photo and gasped.

The moment I saw the photo, my jaw just dropped for it’s not that appropriate