He kept walking back and forth around the music room, for a span of an hour now. He was frustrated with himself from the lack of concentration, or rather for the lack of ideas. He asked their president if he could compose a song for their next album, their president had complied with his request, and he was just damned now that he couldn’t think of any.

  “Aish…” he slammed his fists on the wall, frowning as he breathed heavily. “What to write… what to write…” he kept mumbling the same words again and again, adding more tension to his anxiety.

  Lee Donghae had asked for a day-off so he can use his leisure time to work on his song, but he was left their all alone, people are informed not to disturb him while he was working, after all, the preparations for their upcoming album is nearing its deadline, and he couldn’t afford to layback.

  He sat on a chair, near the windows of the room. The sky was clear; it was a sunny day, a perfect time to play outside. He decided to take a little break, so he can rejuvenate his stressed mind. He was still occupied with all of his strenuous schedules, but as he slowly rises into stardom, he learned how to control his mind and body; he learned how to relax himself even in the most stressful situation. He learned to live a life of a celebrity. He is one after all, but sometimes… sometimes he would wish for a change.

  Donghae closed his eyes, reminiscing some of his pasts, and then a certain memory surfaced itself once again, a memory he thought he had long forgotten, a memory he had buried in the depths of his mind, a memory he tried his best to cease from existing from his mind, but all the hard works he did to forget such memory is all in vain, for no matter how much he tried to erase that memory, it will still be his most precious memories.

  She was waiting for him, she had asked him to meet her at the amusement park, the place where they usually date.

  He strides his way towards her, very eager to have a day spent with her, only her. The stresses of the training seems to vanish whenever she was around, she became his source of energy, she became his stand, the one who will help him stand up when he falls, and the one who keeps giving him strength to go on, even if he had decided to give up the path he had chosen. He approaches her genuinely smiling.

  “Sooyeon-ah!” He called, jogging as he paced forward. The latter turns her head and flashed a smile at the sight of him, advancing towards him as well.

  “I’m glad you make it” She softly said, inverting her gaze in his glistening eyes. He intertwined his hands with hers, the cold breeze whipping through their faces as they both walk forward into the entrance of the park.

  Then it snapped him, Donghae opened his eyes and abruptly charged himself in front of the grand piano, snatching the music sheet and began scribbling words and notes on it.

  Looking at you, I smile

  A smile immersed with shyness

  Donghae closed his eyes once again, as if to dig deeper into the past he wanted to bury so bad, a memory he wish to be forgotten but of use at the moment, he didn’t need to write something for the sake of writing, but now, he will write a song, a song of which he has attachments, a song which he will dedicate to her.

  The whole day at the amusement park was filled with laughter and unsaid emotions, they didn’t need to utter the words “I love you” again and again, for words weren’t that important, it’s the action that counts, after all, action speaks louder than words.

  They were standing in front of a hotdog stand; it was already dark when they decided to grab something to eat, being with each other made them forget about their empty stomachs.

  “You want some coffee?” Donghae asked, already half way from standing. Chewing her hotdog in a feminine manner, she nodded her head slowly, looking at him with a rather faintly smile. “I’ll be back”

  As he advances himself towards the stand, he saw her stands from her position, fidgeting as she lowered her head. He felt unease, an ominous feeling engulfed him, he tried to shrug the thought off, the thought of something dreadful was about to happen.

  “Here” He said neutrally, smiling as he handed her the coffee. She lifted her arms, feeling uncomfortable to reach for the drinks, her gaze was fixed on the tin can, and he doesn’t like the way she is acting.

  “Is there anything bothering you?”

  She lifted her face, locking gazes with his eyes. He felt pain with those stares, it was not the stares he was fond of, he never liked gazes, for he knew, nothing would come with that sort of gaze. Her eyes were watery, the sadness was perfectly obvious in her face, the trembling of her hands, and he doesn’t like it all, for he knew where this would lead them.

  Your eyes looked sad when you look at me

  Perhaps that was when you were about to bid fare well baby

  He didn’t stop her from walking away, he watch her silently as tears flooded his face. He wasn’t sure why she did it, but because he love her so much, he will give her the freedom she wants, although it would meant his own heart breaking.

  He do love her, he really do, but he was not the type to cage somebody because of his selfishness, she was a girl who doesn’t deserve such relationship, for she is a bubbly girl, a courageous woman, that dating him was a big burden to her, but she didn’t complain even once, for her love to him is immeasurable. He guess, dreams and relationship doesn’t go well with each other, you have to choose one: Dream or Love. And for her the answer is obvious, dream, for she was a girl with high dreams, high goals, and although he didn’t want to admit it, although he blinded himself of the fact, he was the one holding her back.

  Days and weeks passed, but still that fateful night, that night that had given him unbearable pain was still repeating over and over again in his mind. All the training and hangouts couldn’t get his mind off that night. But what was more painful, is seeing her everyday and he couldn’t do anything.

  He would walk passed her in the corridors, he would see her inside the cafeteria, he would see her practicing inside the same room, he would see her from day to night, practicing hard as well, sweating as she did, and he couldn’t walk towards her confidently and offer his own towel like he used to do, for everything about them ended already.

  She would avoid him, she would look at him for a millisecond, whenever he would try to approach her, and she would create excuses so they could not talk.

  Are you that tired of seeing the same person?

  Are you that tired of doing the same thing everyday?

  He kept his distance and so did her, but every time he will put on a façade, he will tear up, for he couldn’t really let her go. He cried during his sleepless night for he reminisce their moments together, he desires for one thing, and that’s her to come back. For he has everything, when he has her.

  It was their monthly showcase, and seeing her being anxious back stage makes him want to pull her into a hug and whisper words that would encourage her, she isn’t the best out of all the trainees, but she was one of those who tried their best to improve themselves. She wasn’t talented and as pretty as the rest, but she tried her best, that was the greatest thing about her.

  Out of his own accord, his feet pulled him to her. She was standing behind the curtains, clasping her hands as her feet fidgeted from the nervousness she’s feeling at the moment. And although it wasn’t what he exactly planned, he hugged her from the behind, leaning his head against hers, arms wrapping around her petite waist.

  She gasped, too startled about the sudden skinship, she tried to pull herself out of his hold, but he tightens it. For it might be the last time he will have the courage to do such thing, and then he whispered it. “Just for now, let me do it. I won’t… let you go…for now”

  Will you forgive me?

  Please think about it one more time

  I won’t let you go now.

  It was winter night when he decided to stroll along the corridors of the building. Everyone was home already, and the only thing that illuminated the place where the dim lights coming from the street outside.

  He reached out his hand for the knob of the one of the oldest practice room, the room which trainees do not want to dance at. But before he could put his hands on the handle, he heard soft sobs coming from the inside, hesitantly, he pushed the door a fraction, the room was not lighted, but at one corner of the room their crawled up a silhouette, a silhouette he is familiarized with. Jung Sooyeon, crying on the room, which he recognized as their ‘hide-out’ back when they were still a couple.

  He was rooted at his ground, no matter how much he wants to console her, to caress her, to assure her, he can’t bring himself to, for he was timid, a personality he wished he never had. He lacks in many areas, and that became a major reason why he had resisted himself to ask her out again.

  I am a fool formaking you cry

  Letting you go because I was lacking

  Donghae was half way through the song he is working on, it was true that he had tried to forget her, their failed relationship, and then he had thought of words to express his feelings, the song was helping him indeed.

  Forgive me for trying to erase you

  Please, so that I can breathe again.

  Those words were his true feelings, he was trying to erase her for he was still locked inside a past he hope to end in a happy ending, but things are different now, for he was a member of a renowned KPOP boy band, Super Junior, she was also having her way to stardom. They might have reached more than what they had dreamt of, but both of them were ambitious, greed, but that doesn’t mean he would want to have her back. Because no matter how much he denies it, she was still everything.

  Few years had passed, and he was now a member of a successful boy band named Super Junior. He had busy schedules which he is grateful for, for his mind would be focus on something but, fate is such a player, for it doesn’t want his life to flow the way he wants it to be.

  She also debuted, now she’s a member of the one of the most respected girl group in South Korea, Girls’ Generation. And though he had taught himself to act casually around her, he couldn’t help but to feel pain. They have had shows together, been paired together, and just seeing her, makes him tear up, he was the most vulnerable member after all.

  When I see you, I cry. You make me into a fool

  When you have a change of heart, I will be standing there on your way back baby

  He was lying on his bed; it was his rest day today. He stayed there, not doing anything but to stare at the ceiling of the room. He was reminiscing some of his pasts, most are about his hardship as a trainee, back when he was still spending his day with his dad, those days when he can play soccer and when he had dreamt of being an athlete one day, and that…break-up.

  His mind flash forwarded during those times when he will converse to her about their future together, those times when they talk about having a normal family, those plans that they wish to do together, those plans that ceased to exist.

  The break up that you prepared hurts me so much that I could die, even after time passes

  There’s still so much that I have to do for you, before I let you go.

  At that moment, all Donghae could think was his hardship as he tries to live his life back to normal. He wasn’t just Lee Donghae, a member of Super Junior, an actor, a person who likes to dance and sing, a person who composes; he was also a person who had his heart broken before.

  And then he pictured it, her face, and her beautiful smile when they would meet, her soft hands, her ticklish kisses. At this moment, he just hopes for one thing, that this song would touches her heart that this song would convey his feelings for him, and that… if she thinks about him too, she can come back to him, for he will be waiting for her.

  Where do I start? Starting at some point, we lost the preciousness (You know even when I don’t say it)

  But I miss every second of every minute and

  Your beautiful, eye-blinding smile

  I hope this touches your heart

  Will my sad prayer pass this rain and pass onto you?

  I’m so in pain right now because you have left

  I’m so in pain, why is it so hard?

  I think about you every night

  Do you know how anxious I get if I don’t think about you for just one day?

  You probably don’t know, there’s no way you will know

  If you think of me once in a while, then please come back then                     

  Donghae stretches his arms, he had been working for quite some time now, and looking at his finished work, he was glad. Just some bit more lines and the whole song would be complete.

  He slouched himself on the chair and closed his eyes, remembering his past wasn’t that bad at all, for finally he had find a way how to release everything, he was happy, and he felt at ease. Sure he does hope for her return, and he won’t push her to the side, he will happily welcome her into his arms once again---

  “Oppa?” The sudden entrance of a new voice disturbs his thoughts, he turned his face and he saw her standing at the door frame, peeking her head.

  “Wae?”

  “The president wishes to see you, he said----“

  Out of the blue he advances himself to her, pulled her into a tight hug and muttered.

  Saying I love you, saying it to you

  Saying I miss you, saying I want to hug you, and only you

  I want to protect you          

  For you… will come back to me

  “Oppa, I…”

  “Sica, I miss you” He said, nuzzling his head on the crook of her neck, pulling her closer and tightening his hold on her, she didn’t budge, she stayed her unmoving, she was beyond bewildered, but she had waited for this as well, she had hoped he will find the courage to say those words to her, and he did. And she will not let go of him again.

  “Oppa… I miss you too”

 --------------------------------------

[A/N] Mianheyo~ I know this was a crappy chapter, I guess my mind wasn't functioning well again, but I tried, I really tried, but the chapter was just a .... blahh! I hope you guys aren't dissapointed, I was listening to "Y" just now and decided to create a new "Y" HaeSica one-shot, I already did one, but I created another, little HaeSic moments during this chapter.... I will make it up by creating a new one-shot next time, but right now, I'm busy with work. Yes, I have a summer job, but I'll try to update once in a while and give you guys something worth reading next time, =))))