step one...
TamedIt had been a silent walk for the boys to the residence. Everyone taking in the situation but keeping in their opinions because Jaebum looks deep in thought and they didn’t want to disturb him. It was on rare occasions that Jaebum would be deep in thought and if so a much rare occasion where it is also apparent on his face. Jaebum is the strongest among them and since childhood it had been an unspoken agreement between all of them and therefore their respect for Jaebum is abundant.
Mark of course have heard his name roll of off Jinyoung’s lounge and so he’d concluded that he might be included in the problem. He glances at Jaebum but seeing the man and prevented himself from speaking.
Jaebum can feel the questioning glances the others have been giving him but he can’t really give them an explanation. The kids respect him and he rarely s thing up. He can’t just answer their questions with a ‘I was a to Jinyoung and let him walk away twice now.’ He could just see their disappointed faces if he did say that. And so he let them all walk in silence home. Upon getting to the house, the others dispersed to their own rooms but Jaebum went straight to the kitchen and proceeds to down alcohol. He feels bad. He doesn’t know why but he’s angry at himself. He knows he also doesn’t have the right to just go up to Jinyoung and ask for forgiveness because he finally realize the magnitude of the damage he’d dropped upon Jinyoung.
On the process of pondering over his inner conflict, Mark comes into the kitchen, get’s a can of beer from the fridge and sits in front of Jaebum. He opens the can and downs half the can i one go.
“Jaebum-ah…” Jaebum looks at him. “Do you want to talk about what just happened?” he resumes seeing that he has Jaebum’s attention.
“Hyung…” Jaebum starts and his eyes start to waver. Looking both sides as if looking for an answer. “I..I don’t know. I can’t put it in words.” he starts. It’s true, his inner conflict is that he sees Jinyoung as a friend. But he doesn’t like the fact that Jinyoung changed. He also knows that he doesn’t like sharing Jinyoung’s affection. But it’s just that Jinyoung only does see Jinyoung as a friend. ‘right?’
“Jaebum-ah, to be quite frank, I like Jinyoung.” Jaebum’s head snapped up to look at Mark. Mark was already staring him straight in the eyes. A little hostile in the eyes. Jaebum processes what he’d just said but it doesn’t sit well in his mind. He knows he wouldn’t be able to accept Jinyoung and Mark being in a relationship. Although throughout these years he’s learned to give respect to the elder, the thought angers him. He suddenly starts feeling anger ready to snap at Mark without reason. He figured he could blame the alcohol. Before he could start Mark speaks again.
“But Jinyoung had told me his confession to you. I listened to him, how much he’d hurt. My respect for you took over and I’d figured you’d come around. I mean have you seen Jinyoung? The man is perfect. I thought ‘Jaebum would be stupid not to realize it soon’.” Jaebum glares at Mark but Mark looks into his eyes unaffected.
“Initially seeing him hurt today, his retreating back, his precious tears falling from his face, I thought to myself, I should’ve just kept him for myself. I should’ve helped him get over you sooner by showing him how it felt to be loved back.” he ends with a sad laugh. Jaebum still glaring at him, Mark still unaffected by the man’s glare because he is also angry.
“So imagine, imagine the feeling of hearing Jinyoung say that he can’t take the thought of liking me…because…because I’m not you…” Mark continues laughing and proceeding to stay still with a sad smile.
Jaebum’s eyes softened. He then remembers that yes, in fact, Jinyoung had said that. He feels terrible feeling relief that Jinyoung wouldn’t like Mark. He feels terrible for feeling relief while Mark is hurting. He feels terrible for what he’s done.
“I..i’m sorry.” he murmurs.
“Don’t be sorry yet Jaebum-ah.” Mark laughs. “It may hurt but I haven’t said I was going to quit. Jinyoung is just too precious to give up.” he states suddenly serious, looking at Jaebum in the eyes again as if challenging the other. “I just feel bad that you don’t see it yet.” he stares. He then downs the rest of his drink and walks away.
This was the first time in his whole life that one of his brothers has had the audacity to challenge him.
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The week had started again and Jaebum had gone to school early not really expecting what’s going to happen once he’s seen Jinyoung, it’s just Jinyoung’s presence would make his day. Maybe he missed the man but he wouldn’t admit that to himself.
Class had started and no sign of Jinyoung. Jaebum had figured he’d just stayed at home again. Maybe a week more and Jinyoung would come back as if nothing had happened again. And so he just put his head on his folded arms and took a nap. Surprised that when the professor was taking attendance, Jinyoung’s name hadn’t been called. For the rest of his classes had been the same. The professors wouldn’t have coincidentally done this at the same time. It made Jaebum feel restless.
‘Jinyoung had moved classes.’ he’d thought as panic had settled in him realizing he might not be able to see his dear friend again.
Jaebum hadn’t seen Jinyoung for a few days. Thankfully Jaebum knows that Thursday after schools were a mandatory meeting day for the Student Council and so Jaebum waited. He’d waited till after the meeting. It’s not like Jaebum knows what he’s going to say to the man he’d hurt so much but he’d still waited. Ignoring everyone that had passed by with frightened expressions immediately scurrying away, confused as to why the Im Jaebum had stayed in school.
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Being honest with himself, these are the times where he misses Jinyoung the most. Jinyoung was the only one who had the guts to even look him in the eye. They treat Jaebum like a monster. Considering that yes he is pretty good at beating up people but it’s not like he’d just jump anyone. Then the door to the student council room had opened. Jaebum had panicked and so he left the building immediately.
‘What the am I nervous for?!’ he’d thought suddenly realizing that he’d just ran away without reason. He didn’t even get to see the man. He was just on the door when:
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Jinyoung saw him. Jinyoung glanced in his direction but he just walked away. It hurt Jaebum. But he knows it’s his fault. He has to talk to Jinyoung. Seeing the boy mad him feel like he really did miss him. He missed his friend. He may look like monster to everyone else but not to Jinyoung. Well at least he didn’t look like it but… ‘Jinyoung is really the only one that has the right to see me as a monster.’
Jaebum had never tried hard with anything in his life. Well his life had consisted of either intimidating or killing and he had been raised to do so. His father’s money also helped with their whims. This time, Jaebum understands that, to get Jinyoung back into their lives, he has to put effort into it.
And so for the next month, effort he put. All the work were passed over to the other boys and he’d waited every after school for Jinyoung. Not talking to the man, just waiting. He’d see him get out of school and a couple feet behind he’d be following. He doesn’t try to start a conversation, scared that the luxury of even sending the other home, even if only a few feet away, would be stripped off of him. Jinyoung did make an effort not to talk to him. Until one Friday after school, while walking home, Jinyoung stopped on his tracks.
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“Jaebum hyung…” he says. “Why are you doing this? You can stop you know.” It was in the quiet path that he’d started talking. The place he’d first seen the man. He remembers how intimidating and harsh Jaebum’s aura was.
“Yugyeom misses you…” (-_— ) “ and Bam, and Youngjae…”
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Jinyoung had started smiling and Jaebum was both confused and relieved at the same time. Jinyoung wasn’t easy. He doesn’t comply to Jaebum’s every whim. He just can’t help it. He’d tried again, to look for a way out of his feelings. He moved classes thinking that seeing the man less would help. Unfortunately, Jaebum had started to wait for him after school and overtime he sees Jaebum it’s like the butterflies come alive again synchronizing with the stabbing feeling in his heart. He knows that being friends with Jaebum is still enough. He also knows that he can’t just suddenly leave the little family he made with Jaebum’s brothers.
“hyung… let’s go?” Jinyoung just says and Jaebum feels relief wash over him.
a/n: Mian I haven't been updating errday! Please forgime me -juseyo! P.S. Effort on emojis since ya'll seem to like it <3
@Aauboo: Mianhae~! haha Don't worry, JB is pabo! i hope he figures out soon... XD
@thefallofparadise : which is not so daily anymore... forgive me... XD
@sehijaudaun : yes thank you very kamsa for your comments!... continue! :D
@EIZAWU : Mianhae~ TT__TT Jaebummie pabo
@HyVong : Makeuuuu! T_T I wanna protec the child. Jaebumie and Jirongie needa leave him alone!
@Thirits501 : Awee thank you very kamsa! Not a markjin shipper either but we all need Makeu XD! Love appa and eomma! Thanks for reading :D
@Leena-shi : haha thank you very kamsa for reading <3! I appreciate comments! Dun worry hpefully JB does get his straight(or gay) XD More chapters granted!
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