“I think that's the last one.” Irene stopped on her tracks, her body frozen in shock the moment she heard that familiar voice. The voice that she can never forget, the same voice that never failed to bring butterflies to her stomach and made her feel giddy, The same voice that could make her heart skip beats. The same voice that still has the same effect kn her even after all these years. 

Her breath hitched, heart dropping and legs trembling. She pressed her back against the wall behind her and brought the documents she's holding closer to her chest in an attempt to stop the wild beats it's making. She continued to listen to the sound of her voice that she'd been missing for nine years. Irene found herself getting lost to the sound of her laughter, it sounded brighter than how it used to be, her voice lighter than how Irene remembered it. 

“You look young, why are you delivering these coffees?” Irene recognizes the voice of her secretary whom she had ordered to buy a dozen boxes of cafe latte for their upcoming guests. Before she gets lost to her former lover's giggle. She remembered that her older brother owns a owns a coffee shop. “Oh, my older brother owns the cafe you ordered from, I just happened to be there and help since they're out of staff.” 

“I'm Wendy, by the way. Im the secretary of this company's CEO. And you are?” Her secretary's friendly nature took over her again and Irene couldn't help but to chuckle at how cute her worker is being, but then she remembered she's hiding. She immediately covered with a hand to stop making noise, she anticipates her answer, unconsciously holding her breath.. “I'm Kang Seulgi, I'm a choreographer.”

 She achieved her dream.

Irene's heart swelled at the thought of her younger self listening to the younger Seulgi's dream about being a successful choreographer. Irene had laughed at her back then, mocking her playfully that she's too clumsy to be qualified as one but then telling her after that she'll support Seulgi every step of her journey in achieving her dream. And now, she had reached her dream even without Irene's support. 

The painful memories start to flood her mind and Irene starts to feel suffocated, breathless and weak. Her smile, her laughter, her warmth starts to burn her, the memories starts to hurt her. Suddenly, the sound of Seulgi's voice starts to create an ache inside her chest. 

“Wendy, where's the coffees I asked you to order?” she didn't know what came over her but she found herself leaving her hidden sanctuary and starts to walk towards the two are deep in their conversation. Her eyes remained glued to the documents in hand, determined not ti look at Seulgi's direction, determined to pretend that she didn't care about her anymore, determined to lie about her feelings again. 

“Hi Boss! They just arrived—”

“Irene?” Irene didn't know how Seulgi does it, how she made her heart skip a beat by just calling her name, or how the light tone made Irene feel like Seulgi had moved on, as if she didn't hold any grudge against her anymore. 

Where's the hatred? The anger? The wrath?

Despite the inner turmoil, Irene looked up to meet Seulgi's eyes with her hands crumpling the documents in hand. She expected to see the hatred and betrayal but found none. She looked genuinely excited to see Irene there, clad in her usual suit and stilettos, Irene didn't know why she felt her heart dropping seeing Seulgi's positive reaction.

There are a lot of things Irene noticed upon seeing Seulgi upclose with only a few steps separating them; Her choppy bangs got longer, she must've grew it out to look more mature and chic but Irene personally preferred her choppy bangs that made her look like a twelve-year-old kid, but her preference doesn't matter now, does it? Her arms looked stronger now; wearing a white muscle tee that exposes her toned biceps, Irene couldn't helo but to gulp her saliva down. The Seulgi she had known was clumsy and weak but now here she is, carrying boxes of coffee that het company ordered, with her toned arms. 

“Didn't expect to see you here.” Irene cursed Seulgi for smiling softly, softer than she ever did, softer than how Irene remembered it to be. It felt strange yet familiar. She didn't know but the smile felt happier, felt joyful than before. She bit her lip in perplexity, is she happier now? What made her happier? 

Who made her happier?

Everything changed about her. Everything but her eyes. It still the same as Irene remembered it to, still full of emotions, Irene could practically see the universe in it, could see her thoughts through it. It was the same pair Irene loved, the same feature Irene treasured. Through Seulgi's eyes, she could see how she loved her before. 

But it was all in the past now. 

“You know each other?” Wendy hesitantly broke the tension as the two fell quiet and just stared at each other. Irene cleared , quickly looking away as she thinks about what to answer her secretary. 

“She's my—” ex-girlfriend. 

“She's a close friend.” Irene didn't know it hurts so much to be called as just a close friend, she felt a pang in her chest as the sound of Seulgi's voice played itself repeatedly in her brain. 

A close friend. 

Do close friends hold hands? Yes.

Do close friends hug intimately? Maybe.

Do close friends hold each other to sleep so no one would feel unsecured? Do merely close friends kiss? Do they make-out?

No. 

How dare she address me as a close friend when we did more than kissing on her bed?

“She was a close friend.” Irene added robotically, practically tasting the bitterness on her tongue, eyes casted in the documents she's holding. Wendy felt the tension increasing as both of her companions avoided each other's eyes. “Was a close friend.” Irene firmly repeated again. She didn't know why but she felt hurt, betrayed, As if she was denied, as if what had happened before between them never existed. 

You courted me before and dated me for two years. How can you just throw it like that, as if it didn't matter anymore?

“Ah, so now you've met, are you going to invite Ms Bae?” Wendy excitedly states, eyes sparkling to inform, glowing like a child on Christmas eve. However, Seulgi didn't look as excited as she is, she looked horrified, as if what Wendy said wasn't supposed to be voiced out. 

“What do you mean?” Irene coldly asks, looking uninterested but was struggling to keep her tears at bay, the earlier shock was still there, the pain didn't seem to disappear, but Wendy doesn't notice it all. “Seulgi told me earlier that she's getting married and since you two were friends, would you invite her?” 

Marriage. 

The rest of Wendy's words faded as Irene heard that dreaded word, the pain continues and doubles, her heart was already broken but it felt like they shattered it even more, it felt like Seulgi mercilessly shattered it despite already being broken. It hurts too much, she felt dizzy, felt nauseous, felt like fainting, if she continue to stand there, she wouldn't take it, she'd break down. 

“I-I have to go. Bring the c-coffees in my office, Wendy.” She ran, not waiting for any response from anyone, now waiting to see their reactions. She have to leave, have to escape, she couldn't continue the front, couldn't pretend any longer. 

It was all too much.

She wasn't prepared to meet her again, wasn't prepared to talk to her. It was just a short moment but it felt like eternity, she felt like she was pretending for too long, it exhausted her. She's tired, she needed a breather. 

So that's why her laughter sounded lighter, her smile looked brighter, and her eyes (God, her eyes) they looked softer. It had a spark beneath the similar gleam in them that Irene failed to notice. 

She looked happier, contented and satisfied, Irene doesn't have the heart to ruin that lovely smile adorning her already perfect face. She just couldn't break that fragment of happiness. Not with her hidden tears, not with her unspoken anger. 

And Irene locked herself inside her office, Her chaotic thoughts drowning her as much as her tears does to her. Her regret haunting her, if she had held unto the hope of her and Seulgi before, she wouldn't be like this, wouldn't be crying like this, Wouldn't be in pain like this. 

Seulgi would've married her. 

If she had the chance, she'd tell her that after all these years of distance, separation, anger, betrayal, regret and sadness, it's still the same. Irene still loves her all the same.

END

-•-

jeyeon

This was handwritten ㅠㅠ