Laying in the hospital bed, Daehyun’s head rested on the chest of the man laying beside him. Fingers running through his hair, Jongup hummed his favorite song as he drifted in and out of sleep. Words hung heavy in his soul, Yongguk’s anger and hurt, his own stupidity... All this time, Daehyun had been so confused, so in the dark about why Yongguk had abandoned him so suddenly, starving himself because, before he had left, Daehyun had heard Yongguk call him ‘that fat ’ to one of his friends. A phrase his father had used every time he ate a meal with Daehyun, he had taken it to heart, striving to starve himself enough that if Yongguk had ever returned, maybe he would love him again. Yet, in the end, that had never even been the reason he had turned against him, maybe a part that had yet to be said, but not the main point. No, instead it was own stupid attempt to keep Yongguk safe from his own torment...

“How you feeling, Dae?” Half whispering, Jongup shifted slightly to hold him in a more comfortable position, leaving Daehyun mildly relieved at the change of pressure on his aching body.

“Like I’d rather be dead...” Giving a humorless laugh, Daehyun snuggled closer to him, closing his eyes as he yawned.

“This may be selfish on my part, Dae... But I’d prefer you alive.” Moving again, Jongup kissed him gently, rubbing his cheek. As much as Daehyun cared for him, wanted to love him back, even, it had never been more clear to him that he was still hopeless dedicated to a relationship he’d probably never have again.

“You’re too good for me, you know?” Kissing Jongup back, Daehyun sighed heavily and rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling, holding his hand up to shield his eyes from the light.

“No. You just don’t know how amazing you are, Dae.” Leaning closer, Jongup held his wrist gently with one had, rubbing the back of his hand with his fingertips, while he held the other hand in a better position to shade Daehyun’s face. “I wish you did...”

“Jongup...” Daehyun was silenced by another kiss before his friend slipped out of bed to dim the lights.

”Get some sleep, Gorgeous.” Crawling back onto the bed beside him, Jongup gently pulled him closer and kissed his forehead. “I’ll stay by your side.”

“I’m not tired.” Shaking his head, Daehyun argued with the other man while snuggling against him.

“But you are.” Jongup wasn’t wrong. He was exhausted but his mind, being too preoccupied with thoughts of Yongguk, would most likely make it impossible to rest.

“I don’t want to sleep.” Correcting himself, Daehyun hoped that would end Jongup’s urging, but at the same time, he knew the other man well enough to know he only wanted to ensure that Daehyun was healthy.

“But you need it, unless you’re hungry.” Playing with Daehyun’s hair, Jongup leaned his head against Daehyun’s, something he usually did when he didn’t want to upset him by expressing his worrying out loud.

“I don’t want food.” Voice quiet, Daehyun looked away from him, knowing his sulking wasn’t exactly fair to the man beside him but unable to stop his own selfish actions.

“You need to start eating though.” Not letting the topic though, Jongup gently turned Daehyun’s head to kiss his deeply.

“I hate food.” Looking into Jongup’s eyes, Daehyun felt sad, hallow, and he just wanted to get the topic off of himself as fast as possible. More than that, he wanted to shake Jongup and tell him to go find someone worth his time, worth his life, because Daehyun, with his inability to move away from his feelings for Yongguk, sure as hell wasn’t good enough.

“You’re such a liar.” Chuckling softly, Jongup rubbed his cheek. “Even now, when you see your favorites, I can see the longing in your eyes. When I get you to take even one bite you make the same sounds of pleasure I’ve heard you make in bed. Just because you broke up with food doesn’t mean you don’t still love it.”

“Because I’m fat.” Letting out a heavy exhale, Daehyun felt tears threatening to form in his eyes. This topic always caused him pain, screamed his insecurities back at him. Even so much as glancing at a food he wanted desperately to consume sent horrible thoughts careening through his mind. ‘You’re fat. Nobody could ever possibly love you. You’re worthless. Just die already.’ And he hated it. He hated himself.

“Not even a little bit. You never were.” Sounding defensive, Jongup moved to hover over him slightly, their eyes locked on one another. “Jung Daehyun, you’re love for food is so cute, and you’ve always been most stunning when well fed and happy.”

“Once upon a time...” Closing his eyes, Daehyun couldn’t handle seeing so much admiration on Jongup’s face.

“You will be again. I promise.” Lips met his and Daehyun didn’t even have the strength to return the kiss, his chest feeling too tight at the man’s contact.

“Jongup... Yongguk told me why he left....” Daehyun opened his eyes to see his companion’s reaction. Hurting Jongup was the last thing he wanted to do, but he needed to be honest with him. Lies would only cause him more pain in the long run.

“And?” Biting his lip, Jongup sat back, as clearly nervous as Daehyun felt. Both men seemed to silently size up the situation, gauging how much damage the impending conversation may cause them.

“He heard the thing I said... To those kids threatening him...” Looking away in shame, Daehyun felt the words weighing heavy on his chest, making it hard to get enough air.

“He should have asked you directly.” Outraged, Jongup gripped one of his hands into a fist, shaking his head. “He should have known you better than to believe you meant that. Especially to them. About him.”

“But he didn’t... And I don’t blame him.” Closing his eyes again, Daehyun took a shaky breath, hating seeing Jongup’s anger aimed at Yongguk.

“I do...” Whispering under his breath, Daehyun almost missed his quiet words, laced with anger. “I would have never...”

“Jongup.” Forcing himself to sit up, Daehyun looked down at his own lap, feeling tears begin to slide down his face. “I hurt him. I.. Jongup I lo-”

“I know you do, Dae. I get it, okay?” Standing, for the first time in years, Jongup seemed unable to face Daehyun and it felt like someone had punched Daehyun in the heart. “I think he’s in the lobby waiting. I’ll go get him.”

“I... I’m sorry...” Letting out a small sob, Daehyun hugged himself, feeling a wave of loneliness and even heartbreak wash over him. Hurting Jongup was the last thing he would have ever wanted to do. Jongup was always by his side, he deserved the same...

“Don’t be... I just want you to be happy, okay?” Jongup’s words were loving, but it didn’t reflect in his rigid stance as he turned his back on Daehyun and strode out of the hospital room without sparing Daehyun so much as a glance. His bed friend had just walked out on him, and Daehyun wasn’t sure he’d come back... He wasn’t even sure he should.

Staring at the wall opposite his chair in the hospital waiting room, Yongguk figured he should call Himchan to come get him... But the thought of walking away, of not being there if something worse happened with Daehyun, stopped him from leaving. Sighing, he couldn’t help but think about Daehyun’s explanation to the horrible things Yongguk had heard him say all those years ago. Sure, it was true that those kids had always been terrible to Daehyun, but Yongguk had just assumed that Daehyun had said those things to them to seem like their type of people, to end their bullying at Yongguk’s expense. Could he really have done so to protect him? If so... Then everything Yongguk had done... He had been so cruel and he had broken someone he loved for trying to keep him safe...

“Hey...” Jongup’s voice startled him out of his thoughts and he looked up to see the man, looking very agitated. Concern was quick to bloom inside of him as he stood quickly.

“Is Daehyun alright?!” Embarrassed by the strain in his voice, he glanced toward Daehyun’s door, biting his lip.

“He’s fine. I just... Can you go sit with him for a while?” Not bothering to look at Yongguk, Jongup seemed to shift uncomfortably from foot to foot. “He has a headache so keep the lights dim, okay? Tell him... Tell him I’ll come check on him later.” Before Yongguk could agree, Jongup was walking out of the hospital. Without further hesitation, Yongguk nearly sprinted to Daehyun’s room before composing himself and slipping through the door as quietly as possible.

“Jongup?” It was clear that Daehyun was crying and Yongguk had to choke down the urge to destroy Jongup for leaving the vulnerable man in such a state. Instead, he approached the bed, standing beside Daehyun to smooth his hand over the younger man’s hair.

“No. Just me. He said he’ll come back later.” Slowly kneeling beside the bed, Yongguk reached out to hold his ex’s hand, kissing the back of it. “Forgive me for everything I’ve done. You were right. I’m an idiot. I should never have doubted you.”

“You had the right. I should have just... I don’t know...” Daehyun’s hand gripped his own as though he was afraid that either Yongguk would walk away for good or just simply wasn’t real. “If I hadn’t said what I had, they would have went after you... I was going to tell you, Yongguk... But you wouldn’t talk to me... You called me names when I tried...”

“Dae... I should have confronted you about it instead of shutting down.” Groaning at his own stupidity, he leaned over to kiss Daehyun’s cheek. “I was broken hearted. I was a fool.”

“I love you, Yongguk...” Sniffling, Daehyun’s tears seemed to slow to a stop though his immense sadness still sat on his beautiful features.

“I love you too, Daehyun...” Watching him for a moment, Yongguk finally reached out to wipe away the moisture on his cheeks, giving him a small smile. “I know I’ve don’t a lot of damage, especially since I’ve been back... But I’m going to do what I can to fix it.”

“It’s my own fault, Yongguk.” Putting his hand on Yongguk’s, Daehyun closed his eyes. It hurt him, made his heart drop, to see the man he loved, whom had always been so happy and lively and healthy, laying in this hospital bed, barely strong enough to stay awake, body so frail Yongguk was afraid he’d break. And this was in no way Daehyun’s fault. He knew the blame was entirely his own.

“It’s really not, Dae.” Hearing Daehyun take on the blame tore him up inside. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too.” Whispering, Daehyun closed his eyes, clearly exhausted.

“Get some sleep, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.” Kissing the back of Daehyun’s hand, Yongguk ran his fingers through the man’s hair, looking him over slowly. He clearly needed to eat, but now did not seem like the time to press the issue.

“I... Will you... I mean... I sleep better next to someone...” Shaking his head, Daehyun looked away from him and bit his lips, looking as though he may start crying again. “You don’t have to. I just... I’m pathetic...” Words stabbing at him like knives, Yongguk winced but did not hesitate to climb into the bed beside him, wrapping his arms around him like you used to all those years before. It still felt to natural, almost as thought they had never been apart.

”I know. You hate hospitals. Remember when you broke your ankle?” Letting out a soft chuckle, Yongguk let his fingertips trail up and down Daehyun’s shoulder and upper arm. “Just waiting for the cast was getting you worked up.”

“When I broke my ankle?” Sounding a bit more like the old Daehyun, the man in his arms raised his eyebrows and looked up at him, a small smile threatening to overtake his lips. “You mean when accidentally dropped me while running through the garden with me? We destroyed my father’s expensive new rose bush.”

“We did. But I worked off the price by being your personal butler until you healed.” Thinking back on that time, Yongguk felt guilty, but Daehyun’s injury had given him an excuse to baby him without complaints from the younger male, which he honestly had always loved doing.

“You were the worst butler.” Daehyun’s soft laugh seemed almost warm and it eased some of the tension inside of Yongguk, urging him to kiss the man on the top of his head.

“You just had insane demands.” Shrugging slightly, he snuggled the man closer to him without risking injuring his frail frame.

“How dare you.” Yawning, Daehyun nuzzled Yongguk’s neck, something he usually did when tired, if Yongguk remembered correctly. Though, to be honest, Yongguk still remembered everything about Daehyun.

“You literally asked me about seven times to get you pretzels and chocolate frosting.” running his fingertips along Daehyun’s jaw, he grinned at the indignant huff of air his companion had released.

“It’s delicious, Yongguk.” The pout Daehyun formed was a alluring as ever and Yongguk couldn’t help but lean in to kiss those perfect lips.

“I cant say I hated the taste on your lips.” Kissing him again, Yongguk rubbed Daehyun’s cheek gently, looking into his eyes once they parted ways.

“I’ve missed you...” Daehyun shifted to kiss him once more before resting his head on Yongguk’s chest.

“I’ve missed you too, Dae. I’m so sorry.” Yongguk knew he couldn’t apologize enough for what he had done, but he’d keep trying. Daehyun deserved the world and all Yongguk had given him was pain.

“Me too.” Yongguk prepared himself to argue with the man but no sooner had he finished speaking, Daehyun began to snore softly, clearly losing his battle against sleep. Wrapping his arms around the smaller man, Yongguk kissed the top of his head, vowing silently to himself that no matter what it took, he would make things right. He would save the man he loved.