Shrill wailing startled Yongguk as he made his way through the elaborate garden behind the Jung family estate. Flashing lights reflected off of statues and fountains as he made his way to the driveway, eyes falling on the ambulance as it slid to a stop as close to the front door as it could get. Fear filled him, sure something must have happened to his mother. After their argument, he knew he would blame himself for any plummet in the woman’s health. Emerging for the front door of the mansion, Daehyun’s buddy looked stressed, a man held gently in his arms.

EMTs rushed to his side, taking the man from him and Yongguk breathed a sigh of relief, knowing it wasn’t his own mother being loaded into the vehicle. As Daehyun’s friend climbed in to ride with the unconscious man, tears beginning to streak his cheeks, all of Yongguk’s relief seemed to drain away and left only a twisted feeling in the pit of his stomach. Watching as the Ambulance sped away, he realized who it must contain. Daehyun... Had he hurt himself because of the way Yongguk had spoken to him that morning? Even if he hated Daehyun, the thought of living in a world where that beautiful man wasn’t alive to laugh and smile... Yongguk felt nauseous thinking about it.

Retrieving his phone from his pocket, half frantic with worry, Yongguk dialed the familiar number. His first attempt went unanswered, as did his second, but he couldn’t just give up. It wasn’t like he had a damn car of his own. Not yet at least. Growling, he left a message as he began jogging after the emergency vehicle.

“Hospital. I’m on my way on foot. When you get this, come get me. Please.” Hanging up, he shoved the phone back in his pocket, choosing to focus entirely on reaching the hospital as quickly as possible.

Much to his relief, Himchan’s car found him only a block away from the mansion, out of breath and legs aching from the intensity of his strides. Screeching to a halt beside him, Himchan had the passenger side door open before Yongguk could even turn toward it. Hopping in as quickly as he could, he slumped in the seat and covered his face with his hands, only then realizing his cheeks were wet. Funny. He hadn’t felt any rain and the sky still appeared clear of clouds.

“, Yongguk. I’m sorry I didn’t get your call.” Taking one look at him, Yongguk seemed to fear the worst. “. . What’s up with your mom?” As he began to speed toward the hospital, Yongguk tried to gather his thoughts.

“It’s not my mom.” After a long moment, he managed to get a grip on himself and took a deep breath. “Dae’s on his way to the hospital... I... What if he tried to kill himself?”

“Are you worried you’ll get some heat for stuff you’ve said to him?” Himchan’s question, no matter how fair it was, stung to hear. “Is it really worth going there and making it worse just so he wont tell?”

“I don’t care about that.” Half shouting from all his pent up emotions, Yongguk gripped his hands into firsts, staring out the window at the passing buildings. “Chan... I can’t... I mean... If Dae... If he...”

“Yongguk...” Voice soft, gentle as though he was trying to calm down a potentially dangerous animal, Himchan spoke to him. “He wont die. Daehyun will not die, okay? And then you can tell him why you left, why you’re angry. And you wont lose him.”

“Stop talking like you think I have feelings for him.” Growling, Yongguk glared in his friend’s direction. “I just don’t want to be responsible for this.”

“Whatever you say, Yongguk.” Shaking his head, Himchan let the subject drop and they spent the rest of the short drive in silence.

Once the car was parked, Yongguk was tumbling out before it was even turned off. Without bothering to check in Himchan was following him, Yongguk raced into the Hospital, looking for any sign of where Daehyun could be. Finally, his eyes fell on the man Daehyun had been sleeping with, pacing down the hall. Sprinting to his side, he gripped the man’s wrist harder than he had meant to.

“Where is he? What happened?” His questions were met with a tired sadness and a soft shake of the man’s head.

“I don’t know yet. He had a fever. And then he collapsed. Passed out.” The man’s eyes were swollen from crying and he refused to meet Yongguk’s gaze. “Why did you have to come in and instantly start treating him like ? It’s hard to believe that the person Daehyun loves the most could be such a miserable human being.” Daehyun loved him? Since when? Certainly not before he left...

“Excuse me, Moon Jongup?” A doctor approached them, addressing Daehyun’s lover as though he had known him at least a little. “He’s incredibly weak. His body is dangerously malnourished and his blood pressure is very high. His fever was pushing dangerous. We’re running some tests to make sure he’s just got the flue, but this is the worst condition you’ve brought him to us in so far.” So far...? How many times did Daehyun push himself to this point?

“Thank you. Can I go in there?” Jongup questioned, eyes darting toward Daehyun’s dim room with worry.

“Of course. I’ll be back to check on him soon enough.” Nodding, the doctor retreated as Himchan came to his side.

“Is he okay?” Not so much concerned himself, Himchan asked out of obligation. As Jongup disappeared into the room, Yongguk turned to his friend, lip quivering in his attempt to stay strong.

“I love him, Himchan...” Letting out a small sob, Yongguk covered his face with his hands, feeling arms wrap around him.

“I know, big guy. I know.” Himchan rubbed his back until Yongguk composed himself and stepped away.

“Um. I’ll call you if I need a ride, okay?” Yongguk rubbed the back of his neck, mildly embarrassed by his breakdown in front of his friend. “But I think... I need to stay here. With Daehyun. I need to know he’s okay.”

“Wont his boyfriend get mad?” Raising his eyebrow, Himchan nodded toward the open door where Jongup could be seen holding the unconscious man’s hand.

“That isn’t his boyfriend.”Smiling just a little, Yongguk turned toward the door and shrugged. “And I don’t care if he gets mad. I need this.” Without waiting for Himchan’s reply, he entered the room and pulled a chair of his own up to the other side of Daehyun’s bed. Yongguk hadn’t paid a lot of attention to the man since he had returned, being seeing him in that bed... He seemed so small, fragile, and it broke his heart to see.

“What are you doing?” Sounding understandably skeptical, Jongup seemed to tense and Yongguk wondered if he was thinking about forcing Yongguk out in an attempt to protect Daehyun.

“I’m not going to fight you.” Not taking his eyes off of Daehyun, Yongguk reached out to touch his cheek gently. “I’m not here to hurt him either... As much as I hate it, I love him. And I need to see him get better. I need to tell him why I left and I need to tell him how beautiful he is...”

“Fine.” Sighing, Jongup stood, but not before kissing Daehyun gently on the corner of his lips. “I need to go get his hospital bag from the mansion. In case he wakes up before I get back... If you hurt him in any way, I will hurt you in return.” Giving one last, lingering look at Daehyun, Jongup left them in silence. Who did he think he was, talking to Yongguk like that? As though he would hurt Daehyun... But he already had, hadn’t he?

Whining, Daehyun woke slowly, his head pounding and his body resisting movement. Eyes fluttering, he settled on keeping them closed for a while longer. Maybe he’d go back to sleep... But he bed felt much more solid than usual and Jongup’s arms weren’t wrapped around him. Instead, he felt a hand in his, not the one his lover usually held.

“Jongup?” Confused, his voice came out weak and shaky. The hand holding his tightened slightly but then released him completely.

“Hey, Dae. He’ll be back soon.” The voice that answered him didn’t clear up any of his questions.

“Yongguk?” Opening his eyes, he took in the room around him before his eyes rested on the man in the chair beside him. “Am I dead?”

“No. But you came pretty close.” Smoothing a hand through Daehyun’s hair, the contact with Yongguk left him feeling both comforted and terrifying and the conflicting emotions made his head spin. “How are you feeling?”

“Why are you here?” He didn’t want Yongguk to leave, to go back to hating him, but he also didn’t want him to feel obligated to stay out of some kind of guilt or childhood friendship connection long since dead.

“Dae...” Seeming to flinch at his question, Yongguk’s gaze fell to the floor. “I’m sorry for what I said this morning. I was out of line. You didn’t deserve it.”

“You’re not the kind to... To say things without reason, Yongguk.” Closing his eyes again, Daehyun could feel a headache creeping in past his medications. “Even if... Even if I’m unaware of them... If you just came for that... Don’t bother. Go home and tell your mom... Tell her I wont be able to see her for a few days and I’m really sorry...”

“Daehyun, just listen to me.” Yongguk’s sigh made his stomach clench, hating that everything he did made the man unhappy.

“Sorry...” Barely whispering, Daehyun nervously rubbed at his arm near where the IV was penetrating his skin.

“Don’t do that. You could hurt yourself.” Gentle hands pulled his own away from his arm and held it.

“Nobody would care...” Opening his eyes, Daehyun gave a weak, sad laugh. “If I died, I would save so many people so much unhappiness.”

“My mom would care, Dae. Your dad would care. Jongup would.” Yongguk listed off the short list of people still in Daehyun’s life but his next words brought back his confusion. “I would care...”

“My father? He hates me, Yongguk. He wanted a son like you. You can’t imagine how livid he is to have me instead.” Shaking his head, Daehyun avoided glancing at the man beside him. “You don’t have to care, Yongguk. Whatever happens to me, you wont have to feel guilty, okay?”

“That’s not why I’d care!” The sudden aggressive shout made Daehyun jump and then cower, scooting as far away from Yongguk as his bed would allow with a whimper. “. Dae, I’m sorry. I just... Do you really not know why I left?”

“No...” Shifting slightly, Daehyun attempted to turn his back to Yongguk, not wanting to hear whatever hateful thing he was sure the other man would say next. “One day we were in love, we were happy... And the next, you refused to look at me or talk to me... And then you were gone...”

“Daehyun, I caught you telling a group of kids in school that I was nothing but a charity case, a pet at best.” As Yongguk confessed the reason for their fall out, Daehyun felt his heart stop, remembering that day very well. “You told them I wasn’t even important enough to give the time of day to. You broke my ing heart.”

“Idiot. You absolute idiot!” Turning to face Yongguk, Daehyun struggled to sit up. “Those kids were torturing me every day! They called me names for being gay and stole my things for being rich and they used to hit me for trying to ignore them. And then they... They said they were getting bored with me and how would I like it if they went after you instead. I hated saying that ... But I did. So they’d leave you alone...”

“Dae...” Reaching out for him, Yongguk’s hand was stopped by someone gripping his wrist.

“You’ve done enough, Yongguk.” Jongup’s soft voice eased the rapid beating of Daehyun’s heart but made him feel safe enough to cry. “Lay back down, Daehyun. I’m going to see him out.”

“This isn’t over...” Yongguk glared at Jongup before he pushed past Jongup, his anger making Daehyun sick. All this time... The reason Yongguk hated him was his own stupidity. To protect the man he loved, Daehyun had destroyed their entire relationship. Collapsing back onto the bed, a humorless laugh bubbled out of him, tapering into sobs as Jongup returned to his side. In the end, it had been Daehyun who had ruined his own life.