{10}

“Tiffany. Seunghyun is super-hot; how could you not have warned me about this?!” Amy punched my arm and I slapped her hand away, feeling my stomach flip. This is so weird. She had been silent ever since we came back from lunch. I left her alone, but she slid up next to me in bed, swooning over my old childhood acquaintance. I wanted to die.

“As if I’d think he was hot! I’m too occupied with being gay for his best friend in case you didn’t notice!” I scoffed and the woman jumped on the sheets beside me. She couldn’t stop grinning. Our fans would’ve thought it was pretty, but I couldn’t help but shudder. “This is really weird.”

“You don’t like it?” Amy looked over and I sighed, shrugging. They weren’t getting any younger and both expressed their desires for love; I couldn’t deny it no matter how strange it was to see them together.

“It’s just odd; I grew up with that guy. He’s like an annoying brother, annoying but still my brother,” I groaned and Amy grinned.

“So that means you consider him family? He can’t be that bad.”

“That’s gross. That grin you have there? It’s freaking me out.”

“You know him well though, right?” God, she’s head over heels for him. I let out a deep breath and turned, facing her. Her eyes were so big and round, curious about her new crush. It was cute, in a way, so I loosened up for a moment. She was excited, as her best friend, the least I could do was support her. I thought back to high school, all the times I saw Seunghyun around campus and while hanging out with my then-girlfriend. We only bickered, what the . I knew him as an immature and cheeky boy with big ideas, but back then, people thought he was charming and approachable and bound to be successful. And those people weren’t wrong either.

“I mean kind of? I know what he’s like but I don’t know what he likes, you know? That kind of stuff is something you should ask Taeyeon, especially when it comes to girls. I’m sure they talk often about romance,” I shrugged and she grinned even more, wiggling her brows at me. “What the is wrong with you?”

“We can always hang out as four; it’d make sense, you know. I need you to manage me while I talk to Seunghyun and Taeyeon would have to be there too so it’s not awkward for you—.”

“Amy, I can’t do that,” I looked away and felt my heart caving. “Minju’s still around and she always will be, you know I can’t do that.”

“Tiff, you said you were gonna get over her. What’s the use if you won’t spend time with her? Isn’t avoiding her only going to result in relapse later down the line?” she insisted and I blinked. “I’m not asking you to be a wingman or anything like that, I want to get to know Seunghyun but I also want you to reconnect with your best friend in a setting that doesn’t seem too intimate or pressuring for both of you.”

“So you’re using your crush as an excuse to look like a good friend?”

“Bingo!” she grinned. I sighed.

“Okay yeah, sure, let’s go see Taeyeon.” I would do anything to see the woman more often.

Sitting with a baby while Amy and Taeyeon gushed away about love and Seunghyun was not how I anticipated our visit to go. I want her for myself but if I cut in that’ll look weird. I sighed and poked Stan’s cheeks. Each time I touched him, he flinched and gasped. It was cute and mildly entertaining. “Is this some new kind of emotional torture you’re subjecting my son through?” I jumped. She was so close to my ear my heart stopped. She was so beautiful I couldn’t stop staring.

“But he likes it,” I mumbled, poking the babe again, and he hopped a little.

“God that’s so cute,” she crawled on the ground and kissed his head, making him giggle and smile up at her. “Hi my love, are you having fun?”

“Yes,” he nodded in reply.

“What are you playing?” she cooed.

“Playing with our cheekies!” he giggled and she giggled and I ended up giggling. What the ? Stop that. I cleared my throat and stopped giggling with him.

“He talks so much more with you around,” I said and Taeyeon glanced at me.

“He only talks with people he’s very comfortable with. He talks a fair amount around you too! I’m so glad he has someone else to lean on,” she sighed and his hair. “Stan already has so much trouble expressing himself, I know it’s gonna be so hard on him, I want him to be able to turn to multiple people when he’s older.” Older? As in…the future? I wanted that. I wanted to be in their lives.

“Stan is such a cutie pie; I’m sure everyone will love him when he starts going to school,” Amy gushed, lying down next to him. Stan glanced at her and scooted away. I choked on a laugh. “Why does he love you so much?”

“I think Seunghyun’s right and that Stan secretly has a crush on Tiffany,” Taeyeon grinned at him, tickling his stomach as he laughed and wiggled his arms around.

“Well, like mother like son.” I glared at Amy but the mother only laughed, throwing her head back. Her sense of humor . My heart dropped and my face flared with color.

“Wow, that’s a low blow, Amy.” And even when she brushed it off, I felt so embarrassed. I only hoped that Taeyeon couldn’t see how red I was. “And here I am trying to set you up with my best friend.”

“Oh come on, he’s hot and we have chemistry there’s no stopping it,” the idol winked. I groaned. It sounded so gross when she said things like that about a man I’d been acquainted with since high school. And yet at the same time, she was giddy like when we were trainees meeting with older male idols from the company. I craved that kind of innocence in my own romantic relationship.

Amy squealed when the doorbell rang, hopping in her heels and staring frantically at herself in the mirror. “Taeyeon told me what restaurant we’re going to but do you think that this is alright? Not too formal, not too casual?” she asked hurriedly, testing various poses. I rolled my eyes and walked towards the door.

“You’re literally an idol, some fans worship you solely based on how hot you are.”

“Okay but this guy has to talk to me!” she shouted from the bedroom and I opened the door. She conveniently quieted down. Seunghyun gave me a cheeky grin, his ensemble well-put together and his hair done with a bit more effort than normal. He had a small bouquet of roses.

“Wow you’re going all out.”

“Well, I am only staying in LA for a little while so a date needed to happen fast and I might as well try,” he shrugged and pulled out a flower, offering it to me.

“Oh my God, I really don’t know you anymore.” He smacked me in the nose with it and I sighed, taking the rose, still feeling warm from the gesture. Maybe he is good enough for Amy.

“Seriously, thanks for going along with this. I know our reunion wasn’t great – can you really blame me – but in the end we’ve known each other for many years and I still consider you a friend,” he confessed. I blinked. I never knew he felt like that. All I ever thought I was to Taeng’s friends was her girlfriend and eventually her ex. It was honestly heartwarming. It did spark a bit of guilt. “I’ll treat her right.”

“Yeah, you better, or else how will I ever try to combine my two worlds?” I patted his back and he turned, freezing under my touch. “What?” and then I followed his gaze, towards my room, where Amy stood. I knew she was gorgeous, and I knew he was handsome, but the gaze they shared made me feel like they could see something I couldn’t. I missed feeling that and receiving that, but I was happy for them too.

“You look beautiful,” he blurted out, stepping towards her, and offered the bouquet. For a moment, he looked more flustered than suave.

“Wow, you’re working your way up pretty fast already huh?” she teased. I felt like I was intruding on a special moment between them. I stepped back and Amy smiled at me, genuinely happy. “Don’t wait up!”

“Have fun you two,” I smiled and soon, I was alone. Until I felt a tug on my pants and looked down. “Oh. Stan.” He was dripping wet with a towel wrapped around his tiny body. “Wait, are you —?”

“Hey baby, are you trying to run from me?” experienced arms scooped up the bundle and he giggled, moving around in his blanket, showing off the fact that he was indeed . I turned my back to the duo. “Are you turning around because my son is ? He’s almost 3.”

“I don’t know! I’m not his mom! I thought I should give him some privacy, you know?” I burned as she laughed.

“I’ll get him dressed; we have to be ready for our doctor’s appointment! Yes we do!” Taeyeon cooed excessively, footsteps drifting towards his bedroom.

“Doctor’s appointment? Is he okay?”

“Oh yeah he’s fine! It’s just a yearly physical, not any one of the speech or cognitive appointments.” Taeyeon and Stan reemerged, holding each other’s hands and both smartly dressed. Even though he’s adopted, they still look so similar. “Are you gonna be alright hanging out by yourself for a while? Due to privacy reasons at the hospital, I’m afraid you can’t come with us.”

“I’m not a kid, Taeyeon, I can entertain myself for a couple hours,” I scoffed, but squeezed my hands together.

“Alright! How about we pick up Minju on the way back and the four of us can have dinner and wait for Seung to drop off Amy together?” she chuckled.

“Yeah! That sounds great!” I should feel lucky, getting to interrupt their family time. I want you to myself.

“Okay, Stan, say bye to Tiffany and we’ll head to the car.” His little body spun in my direction and he ran – precariously fast – and slammed into my chest. “Stan! Not so hard!”

“Bye Fany.” I held him a little tighter, just as my heart clenched. It’d been ages since I heard anyone call me that. I guess coming from Taeyeon’s son is close enough? His cute little voice didn’t help with my affection-starved self.

“Aw, that’s so cute how he calls you Fany!” Taeyeon gushed over her son and I gently led him back to her. She was beaming, just from the fact that her son was talking to me directly. I could see how much she loved him, how he encompassed her entire world. “See you soon!”

“Yeah, be safe…” I sighed and fell back onto the couch. Every interaction with her little family was emotionally exhausting, yet at the same time, comforted me in ways I hadn’t felt in years. Why can’t I just go to the hospital with them?