Hoseok knocks on the front door to Kihyun and Hyunwoo’s dorm, a pack of beer under his arm and a bag of takeout hanging from his hand. Typically, he wouldn't bother bringing food over to Kihyun’s, the younger being a skilled cook more than able to provide food for all. However, the past couple times Hoseok has visited, the kitchen has been pretty empty. Besides, Kihyun loves fried chicken. He's sure to appreciate the comfort food right now. He waits, incredibly anxious to be staying the night. Although, not anxious for himself. His worry for Kihyun fills his mind, causing his fingers to nervously tap out a rhythm on his thigh as he waits. Finally, the door slowly opens. Hoseok throws on a smile to greet his friend, but feels it falter slightly at the sight that awaits him.

Kihyun stares at him with shaking eyes, his entire being seeming to fidget nervously. His gaze darts all around him, as if looking for something. His hair is a disheveled mess, and bags line the younger’s eyes.

“Hi, hyung,” Kihyun greets, his voice sounding a bit weak. He moves to allow the older entrance, waving at him to come in. Hoseok steps in, closing the door behind himself. He makes sure to place his shoes in the shoe rack by the door, thinking it best not to annoy Kihyun with his messy habits tonight.

“How’re you doing, Kihyun-ah?” Hoseok asks, sitting down on the floor. Kihyun merely shrugs, swallowing anxiously. Hoseok waits for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. “Well,” Hoseok says after a moment of awkward silence, “I brought beer and fried chicken. So, eat up.” Kihyun sits down cross-legged across from his friend, and slowly helps him take out the food.

For a while, only the sounds of chewing and swallowing are all that can be heard in the room. Hoseok wants to speak with his friend, console him in some way, but he doesn’t know how. Kihyun’s frazzled state totally caught Hoseok off guard, and makes it impossible for him to feel like it’s okay to ask him, well, anything. He wants so much to help Kihyun through whatever he’s clearly going through, but how can he do that if he can’t even speak to the younger? Hoseok sighs, wishing Minhyuk were there. Minhyuk’s always good in these situations.

“He doesn’t even want to be here,” the voice tells Kihyun. “Look at him, eating over there and not speaking to you at all.  He only came because he needs a place to stay for tonight, because of your mess. He doesn’t care about you. No one cares.”

“K-Kihyun-ah,” Hoseok says finally, surprising Kihyun. The younger looks up from his food, doing his best to ignore the voice. “Would you please tell me what’s wrong?” Kihyun tries for a joking smile, but before he can try to ease the older’s mind, Hoseok goes on. “Don’t tell me there’s nothing wrong, Kihyun-ah, because I know there is. If the way you’re treating Hyunwoo isn’t enough evidence, you’ve already told me about your falling grades. You don’t seem to be interested in doing much around the dorm anymore, either, judging by how bare your kitchen is lately. You seem to be losing interest in everything that used to matter to you.”

“Your grades are falling because you’re so stupid you can’t even grasp the simplest of concepts,” the voice rapidly whispers to him. “What’s the point of doing housework if everything just gets messed up again, anyway? There is no point. There’s no point to anything anymore.”

“Kihyun-ah?” Hoseok prods, his eyes shining with concern. Kihyun swallows thickly, hesitant.

“Do you…” Kihyun pauses, struggling to find the right words. “Do you ever feel that maybe you’re not good enough?”

“Of course,” Hoseok answers easily. “I think a lot of people have self-esteem issues, ya know. Especially in college, when we’re all just trying to find ourselves.” Kihyun nods, losing the nerve to go further into detail.

Hoseok is silent for a while, sensing there’s more to this than Kihyun is letting on. But, he doesn’t press him for more. He gets the sense that if he tries to get Kihyun to tell him more than the younger is willing, it’d only result in Kihyun pulling further away.

Hoseok decides to change the subject to something more lighthearted. He begins joking around about a certain movie they, Hyunwoo, and Minhyuk had gone to see together a few weeks ago. Kihyun’s face finally breaks out into a small smile, the sight warming Hoseok’s heart. He loves to see the younger smile, absolutely adores those impossibly large dimples on his face. It’s incredibly cute, to say the least. He could just stare at those dimples forever if Kihyun would let him.

“Hyung?” Kihyun asks, noticing Hoseok’s drifting attention. Hoseok blinks rapidly, realizing he’s been staring at the younger with a goofy smile, and shakes his head.

“S-Sorry,” he stutters out, forcing a nonchalant laugh. “Just thinking about that movie.”

Kihyun stares at the older, not quite believing his excuse. However, he allows the conversation to move on anyway. It’s not as if he has a right to press the other for information, anyway. Not when he’s holding back so much of his own.

After finishing dinner and cleaning up, Hoseok and Kihyun turn in for the night. Hoseok lies down in Hyunwoo’s bed, staring up into the dark. He listens to Kihyun’s soft snore from across the room, unable to keep the smile off his face. There’s something oddly soothing about it, almost like a lullaby. He turns on his side to face the wall, doing his best to avert his attention from the younger.

It’s been a while since he’s had such thoughts about Kihyun like he did earlier. He could’ve sworn himself to be over his crush on the younger for a while now, but apparently not. He doesn’t understand it, though. It’s been months since he’s thought of the younger in such a way. Why now? Because him and Hyunwoo are having problems? That’s stupid, not to mention incredibly selfish. He can’t even think of trying to make a move on Kihyun right now, when he’s going through such a difficult time with… whatever it is that’s bothering him.

Before all this began, Hyunwoo and Kihyun were almost nauseatingly happy with each other. Hoseok had developed a certain affection for the younger around the time the two began to date, but he never told anyone. Well, aside from Minhyuk, but Minhyuk doesn’t really count. He tells Minhyuk everything. He never acted on the desire, believing with all he has Kihyun to be better off with Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo has always been much more stable than Hoseok, much more of a protective presence. He’d be able to make Kihyun so much happier than Hoseok ever could.

At least, that’s what he’s always thought about the situation. He’d accepted his fate to only ever be a good friend to Kihyun pretty soon after realizing the crush, burying it down deep inside and letting it die. However, now it seems it never actually did.

Hoseok sighs, not believing his terrible luck. Why now, when he’s trying to play the part of supportive friend, must he realize this? Why does it have to be when his friends’ relationship seems to be at its worst that these feelings resurface?

A whimper suddenly snatches Hoseok out of his inner turmoil. He glances over at Kihyun questioningly, wondering if the younger is awake. Silence wraps itself between the two, and Hoseok thinks it was probably just his imagination. But, as he moves to return his gaze to the wall, Kihyun whimpers again.

“N-No,” Kihyun mumbles in his sleep. Hoseok hears him change his position, shifting about in his covers until he finally settles again.

He fights the urge to awaken the younger from the bad dream he’s obviously having, thinking that to be more of a boyfriend move than a friend one. A sudden urge to hold the younger and assure him softly that it’s all only a nightmare fills him, and he can’t help but smile at the thought. He quickly shakes his head though, banishing it from his mind. He sighs, turning towards the wall once more.

He sends up a silent prayer that Kihyun and Hyunwoo make up soon, if for anything else to be able to sleep in his own bed again. He can’t bear the thought of having to listen to Kihyun whimpering so cutely yet pitifully in his sleep for two nights in a row. He doesn’t think he’d be able to keep himself from crossing over to the other bed and holding his friend close for that long.