‘I don’t care anymore…’ Jaebum certainly didn’t care if others became suspicious of his actions. Jaebum decided that he may as well make this unrequited love, requited. When Jaebum left Mark’s room, furious that Youngjae could like Eunjin, he decided he rather show his affection to Youngjae. He has noticed how distant they were before, the past month felt as if it was their first month of debut. Jaebum’s skinship toward Youngjae increased. Jaebum stood close to Youngjae. Jaebum felt happy, all the touches the two shared, the glances they shared. Jaebum knew he got carried away when he stared at Youngjae for too long during their Chef version of Never Ever, although Jaebum couldn’t help not to stare. When Youngjae smiled at him, it made his heart swell, for the reason of not being able to hold him as he hopes for. Or when Jaebum forcefully took the mic from Youngjae, and Youngjae would just smile and stare at Jaebum, how he wanted to ignore the show and just laugh and hug Youngjae. Jaebum was a fool. He would forget the cameras. When they were practicing Never Ever, Jaebum’s hand reached out to caress Youngjae’s side, he didn’t understand what went though his mind, but he just reached. During the radio, he was staring at Youngjae, and Youngjae turned to face him with his smile, then Youngjae waved at him, which made Jaebum smile even more as he turned away. How can Youngjae be oblivious to Jaebum’s feelings? Infatuation?

When they were singing the chant guide for Never Ever, he held on tightly to Youngjae while saying, “You’re mine!” Though, not only Jaebum was happy to have Youngjae in front of him while holding him, but Youngjae was happy as well. Youngjae has become more bold, it reminded him of how close they were before. Youngjae would wrap his arm around Jaebum’s shoulder, and when Jaebum, was once again staring at him, Youngjae winked to him. Youngjae thought it was cute how Jaebum would react; smiling and looking away. He loved looking at Jaebum while he would funnily sing, “Woohoo,” in Q. Youngjae was more than happy when Jaebum would pick Sign as his favorite or romantic. Youngjae was loving this side of Jaebum, it was the same as before the Nora “feud” happened. Although, Youngjae was afraid to loose this closeness again, so he didn’t think about letting his feelings be known to Jaebum. In order not to risk loosing it once again.

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            “I love you,” Youngjae said so sincerely, as he placed a kiss on Jaebum’s forehead. The position was awkward, Youngjae behind Jaebum while kissing him upside down.

            “Yes,” barely a whisper could be heard from Jaebum. His smile soon started to leave after he noticed he was showing too much fondness of the small innocent kiss. Except that didn’t stop him from playing the xylophone. ‘Play the xylophone if you enjoy the kiss.’ Jaebum did.

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            “I’m glad your brother is living nearby!” “You’ll be living with your brother!” “You always did say you loved the room you shared with him.” “Whose keeping Coco on what days?” “We can come over too right?” Youngjae had just shared with the members about his plans, although they had barely moved into a bigger apartment with 6 rooms, Youngjae was soon to move out into his brother and brother’s wife’s house. When Youngjae found out his brother was moving to Seoul, he was more than happy, finally able to see one of his family members, his favorite hyung.

            Jaebum was not looking forward to it. He was glad how they were now, Youngjae in his own room, and Jaebum in his own, it made it easier for Jaebum to visit without Mark or Jackson knowing and teasing him about it. Now what excuse could he come up with to go visit Youngjae’s room, in another house? “Jaebum-hyung! Nora could come back now!” Jaebum smiled. Although he was happy, he was already missing him.

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            Jaebum didn’t know how he ended up doing a Lie V with Youngjae, but he was glad about it. It reminded him more of what he would miss soon. It reminded him of before, except this wasn’t just a matt, it was a full bed. During the live broadcast, Jaebum tried not to stare too much, or show his frustration of when Youngjae would mention Mark every chance his dongsaeng had. “Someone you can’t be awkward with.” ‘Wasn’t that us before?’ When they started picking a member who fits the personality most, “I don’t really consider you being loyal,” Jaebum told Youngjae, “I don’t have a little brother, but if I do, I’d consider Youngjae as one,” Youngjae wouldn’t show his disappointment.

            When Jaebum asked Youngjae why he picked Jaebum, “Like I said before, you’re like my big brother,” Youngjae’s eyes stared hard at Jaebum, “It’s based on that.”

“I’m good to you,” Jaebum displaying a smile.

“Yeah, you were,” Youngjae soon noticed the past tense he used but ignored it.

“Not, ‘You were,’” Jaebum didn’t ignore it. Youngjae just laughed it off. “You’re asking for a pillow fight.” Jaebum loved Youngjae’s goofiness, how Youngjae would mock and tease Jaebum, but all Jaebum could do was smile and say a threat that would never come.

“How catastrophic!” Youngjae continues laughing.

“Who is the worst at expressing how he feels?” When they both in unison said, “Me,” they both started laughing.

“I’m bad at it,” Youngjae started explaining as he turns from his side to lay flat on his back, “I could put it in a way to make someone feel bad. So I can’t say what I think. I’m often like that."

“Since you could hurt them?” Of course Jaebum already knew Youngjae was like this, always hiding his feelings or thoughts, not being good at expressing emotions.

“Just in case they’re hurt,” always thinking of others first, “Though I have things to say, I just keep it to myself. Just in case.”

“But you hurt people even now,” Jaebum jokes, and both start laughing, ‘you hurt me.' Jaebum watches Youngjae laying there laughing with his eyes almost closing, covering his mouth with his hand and his chin with the blanket. The yellow hood of his grey hoodie on his head. Youngjae literally did hurt Jaebum’s heart, an ache.

Jaebum continues with his explanation, turning away as well, laying on his back, “In my case…”

“Aren’t you similar to me?”

“Uhhh…” Jaebum turns to look at Youngjae with a bright smile, “I sure like to compliment.” 'I compliment you every chance I get.'

“Hmm.”

“I say what’s good or how someone did well. I get that across,” Jaebum lays flat on his back, staring at the ceiling again. “But for the bad stuff, uhh, for example, people say, ‘I love you guys.’ Ohhh..” Youngjae repeats Jaebum’s “ohhh” as well. “Ohh. I can’t. I never say that to my close friends.”

‘You’ve said it to me, am I not a close friend?’ Youngjae continues smiling at the ceiling, “I don’t say, ‘love you.’” ‘But you did before you kissed my forehead.’

            Love makes you a fool. These two were entirely fools for each other. After this, they felt like they were just brothers, they felt hopeless, how could one expect the other to confess or show their emotion when they both admitted to not being able to.

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            Youngjae could hear someone creak his door open so he stood up from his lying position.

“Youngjae?” Jaebum whispered.

“Huh? Hyung?” Youngjae softly said.

“Youngjae ah, I think I will bring Nora back, since, well, you know,” Jaebum smiled.

“Ahh. Hyung, you’re happy I’m leaving so you can bring Nora back,” Youngjae laughed.

Jaebum chuckled, “No. I’ll miss you too. You know I’ve been missing you as my roommate. You know that already,” Jaebum reached for Youngjae’s neck, bringing him closer to hold.

Youngjae tried to excape, but Jaebum let his neck go, and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, bringing him in for a tight hug.

‘When you leave, I’ll still have this empty spot,’ Jaebum wanted to say but couldn’t be corny right now, and his eyes were already watery. Youngjae leaving the dorm; no longer having to go wake him up, hearing his cute whines in the morning for more minutes, or hearing him playing video games at night, eating midnight snacks with, or having him close, it wasn’t just a spot that Youngjae would leave Jaebum empty with, but an empty heart.

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Sorry for a really really late update. I hope to finish this before Sunday, because once school starts, I won't post /.\ 1413 words. Sorry, I just write without having an idea. It's everywhere, but so is 2jae lately !