Admin: Sorry! I was going to try to update every Saturday but the Masked Singer episode drained me down. i was crying, i hope he knows he is perfect! 

Also i don't think i'll be updating until 2 weeks later, as I won't be home on the weekends for 2 weeks and I like doing this alone, at night, in the dark, in quietness haha and i'm so happy for the two who commented <3 I really am glad someone found this good and those who subsribed, i'm sorry if i disapoint you with this /.\ Love you all <3 Enjoy this 2,000 word story, i hope you enjoy it

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Confusion. Longing. Jealousy.

Something that Jaebum could never hide very well was his jealousy. It was always showed on his face.

When Mark and Youngjae play with Coco together as if they were an actual family. When Youngjae playfully plays with Mark, hugging, piggybacking, and poking each other. It was mostly jealousy toward Mark, because Youngjae had picked Mark as the most handsome, had said he wanted to date Mark if he was a girl, and had gone to get Coco together late at night. He also felt jealous when he picked Yugyeom, when he is so close to Yugyeom and to Jinyoung. To Jackson. Even, although rarely, to Bambam.

Even when Jaebum and Youngjae were very close to each other, Youngjae would almost never initiate the skin-ship, it was almost always Jaebum. It also explains how when Jaebum distanced himself, there was none of that. So Jaebum felt, feels jealousy when Youngjae is being very comfortable with Mark, cuddly with Jinyoung, goofing around with Jackson, and touching Yugyeom everywhere. Of course fans have noticed Jaebum’s jealousy, even the members, minus Youngjae, have seen the cold glare he gives.

About 3 months later, in January 2017…

“You are singing with who?” jaebum asked as he had watched Youngjae announce his special stage for the Golden Disk Awards. He knew whom he had said, but he wanted a little time to register that into his brain, that being trying to calm down.

During Isac last year during the fall, Youngjae performed alongside two other female idols and Ken. Ken from Vixx. A very handsome man, who had held Youngjae’s hand through out the whole duration of their song during the event. Jaebum held his head down during the whole performance; it was a good decision as it had hidden his cold jealous glare. Though, when Youngjae saw he wasn’t watching, his dongsaeng felt sad. Jaebum admits that Youngjae rarely gets to do solo activities, or in this case with another idol, so he knows these things are important and very nerve-racking to Youngjae as he is nervous when s aren’t there. So when Youngjae told Jaebum why he wasn’t watching, Jaebum had said he was “enjoying and feeling” the song. He guesses it is a good lie. Though he remembers when Youngjae mentioned another activity, the first one he was to do alone.

“Um Hyung,” poked his head inside Jaebum and Jackson’s room, Jackson being off doing a solo activity. Jaebum just hummed as a response, and Youngjae had entered the room and stood there after he had closed the door.

“I’m nervous, look I’m shaking,” he let out a chuckle, a nervous one as well. Jaebum and the rest already heard about him singing on Masked Singer, he will be going now to prerecord.

“It’s fine Youngjae, no one will be able to see you, shouldn’t it be more calming?” Jaebum tried to reassure.

“Uh-yeah-but um,” Youngjae couldn’t find the words to explain that he felt more nervous because of the rest of the members not being there to support him, or literally having a solo stage with another person trying to outshine him. In front of 100 or maybe more audience, and later a million viewers to judge him on his singing, something he deeply cares and tries to perfect and improve on. “Yeah, ok,” he instead says and heads out with a small smile.

Insecure. Unconfident. Nervous.

Something that Youngjae could hide very well was his uneasiness in his talent and looks.

Although his confidence has improved, he still lingers on those hateful comments, something he should ignore but can’t. When Youngjae goes on the stage of Masked Singer, he feels great. When the judges comment on how “he must be a singer” because he sang the keys perfectly and matched the notes very well, his confidence goes up greatly.

Though, he advances to the next round, on the second round he loses and has to remove his mask to reveal himself. He understands, while Youngjae only sang his heart out to a heartfelt song, Passing By by Kim Bum Soo. The other contestant sang an upbeat and dance worthy song which in this case, the audience loved. Youngjae understands he did great, the judges had told him, including Jimin, from BTS saying he was better than himself. Though, would Youngjae still feel like he didn’t do well. Youngjae had said he was happy to be there, and he loved being there and it gave him another experience. He felt better and more confident. When the panel told him that they would remember him, he felt better. He really hopes people will know his name from now on. Will recognize him from now on.

The rest of the members greeted him when he returned from his elimination of Masked Singer, hugging him and congratulating him, despite his loosing, did amazingly well. Jaebum thought the younger would cry, but he didn’t.

“I’m singing with Ken hyung,” Youngjae said with a smile. “I feel at ease when I sing with Ken, he is very good and very nice.

“Don’t forget we are your bandmate and don’t leave with Ken,” Jackson jokingly said.

Youngjae has no close idol friends he would pass his free time with. It was always his friends back in Mokpo. Jaebum sometimes felt jealous that Youngjae would text with them and leave on his breaks to hang out with them, doing who knows what Jaebum’s little imagination came up with. But he also felt happy Youngjae had someone to talk to and have fun with.

‘Great they didn’t hold hands,’ Jaebum thought as he watched the monitor. Ken and Youngjae only held their shoulders for a short moment as they exited out.

“Youngjae ah! You did great!” Yelled Jackson and Ken just smiled and let his palm rest on Youngjae’s shoulder and said, “I should go now”, Youngjae smiled and said goodbye.

King of Masked singer, the second episode when Youngjae got eliminated finally aired, and some facts that Youngjae revealed were a surprise to Jaebum. “I cried alone.” “Many don’t know my name.” It did bring Jaebum hope as Youngjae smiled on stage and said he got better confidence and repeatedly saying he was happy to be there, and loved it.

“Jackson, you should sleep with Mark for today, he misses you,” using the Mark and Jackson missing each other, though Jackson knew already, Jaebum misses Youngjae.

Jackson left and after a while Youngjae came into the room and smiles at Jaebum.

“You must be feeling great having these activities,” Jaebum smiled at him. Youngjae walked over and smiled at Jaebum before going up to the top bunk until Jaebum grabbed his wrist.

"I do," Youngjae replies, 'Kinda.'

“You sang well on Masked Singer, you did, they just judged two different styles the same,” Jaebum let go of Youngjae’s hand. It still replayed in Jaebum’s head, ’I didn’t tell this to anyone, but I was crying alone.’

Jaebum remembers when Youngjae cried during his debut, he went to the roof and Jaebum followed and Youngjae cried there alongside Jaebum. Jaebum knows Youngjae is good at hiding his emotions, but he also knows that he is quite sensitive to negative comments. Although good at hiding it, Youngjae holds onto those negative comments.

“Youngjae ah, don’t cry alone ok,” Jaebum smiles up at him.

“Aghhh!” Youngjae whines and pushes Jaebum on the shoulder. “Don’t be like Jackson hyung!”

“You know he does it because he loves how you were up there,” Jaebum doesn’t stop smiling, “and making you blush.”

“Aish,” Youngjae barely whispers as he attempts to push Jaebum, but Jaebum grabs his wrist and pulls him as they both fall on the bottom bunk. “Uhh… Hyung..” He giggles, “What are you doing.”

“Don’t cry alone,” Jaebum whispers close to his ear as his head is next to Youngjae’s head. ‘Warm, he feels so warm.’

“Hyung… That was a while back,” Youngjae attempts to get off but he can’t. “I’m not gonna cry, I should’ve never said that, but I was with nobody and I didn’t want to make it boring or sound silent so-“

“You are perfect,” Jaebum interrupts Youngjae, but Jaebum notices his mistake. “Your singing is.”

“Yeah. Thanks Hyung,” it seems as if Youngjae isn’t convinced. He still wants to improve, and feels lacking. “Youngjae-ah, you are. Ignore those comments. I know your name. If you need someone to talk to or to cry to…”

There was silence. What was Jaebum doing? Comforting Youngjae for something he hasn’t mentioned? He felt nervous and to say Youngjae was confused, it was indeed confusion. Youngjae felt warmer. One part being he was lying down on top of Jaebum with his head next to his and smelling his hair, but the second part was, Jaebum was making Youngjae feel better, and safer. Youngjae lifted his arms so that he could wrap them around Jaebum as best as he could, but he only managed to place his arms on Jaebum’s side, not around him. Jaebum felt the attempt and lifted himself a bit, but Youngjae didn’t move one bit, keeping he head tucked into his neck. Jaebum didn’t question it; he made himself turn to lay on his side, along with Youngjae who had already wrapped his arms around Jaebum’s neck to not fall. Then he felt the coldness in his neck.

Youngjae was quietly crying.

Jaebum let go of Youngjae’s wrist so he could hold onto his hand, and the other went to his head. He gently massaged his strawberry blonde hair. He smiles, although it may not be the time to but he does. He feels happy. He feels like home, when Youngjae would find comfort in Jaebum to cry before, before debut and during debuting time. It also brought relief.

Youngjae was not crying alone.

“I’m sorry,” choked Youngjae out after a while when he stopped crying.

“Sorry, about what?” Jaebum replied softly.

“Sorry for making your neck gross with boogers,” Youngjae tried to lighten the mood, “and for being, I’m sorry.”

“I’ll accept your boogers,” Jaebum replied smirking at him. “But I shouldn’t accept your apology for crying. I asked you to not cry alone. I’m here for you, always,” he whispered that last word.

“Last time you laughed at me hyung!” Youngjae laughed and pushed Jaebum’s chest, recalling when Youngjae cried during their Fly win at Mcountdown. Youngjae remembered how he comforted Jackson, like always, but when Youngjae cried for the first time, he just smiles and , while grabbing onto his neck, Youngjae escaping.

“You didn’t really need my comfort, did you?” Jaebum asked, quilt coming. “I always think Jackson does, since he is sensitive and sentimental…”

“Yeah I didn’t,” Youngjae laughed, but inside he wanted Jaebum to comfort him, at least afterward. He knows their friendship is like this, teasing each other and telling jokes. Though, he felt odd that with Jackson, he treated him so nicely and not him.

Youngjae felt a warm, soft hand caressing his right cheek, and he froze. “I will always be here to comfort you if you need me.” Youngjae finally looked up into Jaebum’s eyes. He was close, very close. He could see Jaebum’s pink cheeks, his small lips, and those eyes, with his moles above it.

“Uh-huh.” Youngjae only replied. Jaebum felt the breath he released with just the utterance. Jaebum just stared at his almond eyes. ‘So beautiful,’ Jaebum thought, and bit his bottom lip. He didn’t want to look away. Though he didn’t notice he was leaning in.

Youngjae laughed, awkwardly, making Jaebum notice the closeness and backed away a little and removed his hand. “Hyung, you can be cute sometimes.”

‘Did he just?’ Jaebum was confused, but giggled to not make it seem weird. “Sometimes? You brat. Let’s sleep now.”

Jaebum grabbed Youngjae’s arm and lied him down on his side, his back towards him. He hugged him, and Youngjae unconsciously held onto his hyung’s hands. “Don’t think I’m a crybaby like Yugyeom now ok.” He chuckled.

“Mm.” Jaebum fell asleep; unaware that Youngjae was blushing hard. Blushing very hard.

‘He is cute? Why did I say that,” Youngjae felt shy and nervous, and confused, and he hasn’t felt this way since when he had that idol crush on Suzy. ‘Oh no.’

So maybe the feeling he felt wasn’t sad when Jackson would get comfort, or Jackson gets congratulatory hugs, or Jinyoung gets smiles directed his way. It was jealousy… Maybe the reason why he felts weird doing skinship with Jaebum after their 'date' at Han River, was because of the one fact he realized at this moment.

Youngjae had a crush, and he knew it now, and he was horrible at hiding it when he liked someone.