“No.” Jaebum responded harshly to what Youngjae just said.

“I’m sorry hyung, I was-“

“Stupid? Careless? Youngjae you know the team or what if people find out?” Jaebum responded neutrally but firm to Youngjae.

“I can forget it, and I-“

“Shouldn’t have even thought about it. We are band-mates, brothers. There is no feelings like that involved,” Jaebum continued looking down at Youngjae.

“Sorry, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t. I know! I’m so stupid for feeling this way!” Youngjae started feeling overwhelmed, head turned down.

“Besides why would I think of you that way…” Jaebum pushed too far. Youngjae’s insecurities started floating in his head.

‘Why would Jaebum even think of you like that?’ ‘You should have not said anything.’ He is just your leader, nothing else could come from that.’ ‘Besides look at you…’

As he slowly opened his eyes, he felt Coco his face, his tears. He smiled at her and hugged her. Though, he still felt a burden, his feelings are a burden. Not to him, but to Jaebum.

Youngjae has been thinking a lot, ever since he realized his crush on Jaebum. And what he realized, he can’t tell Jaebum about this at all. It can create an awkward situation when Jaebum turns him down. Youngjae’s hope has gone done even more day-by-day, nightmare after nightmare, and watching Jaebum with others. It was just his way of being nice, of being a leader. He should have never thought anything Jaebum did was because Jaebum possibly liked him back.

“I really really like you,” Jaebum told Youngjae at their anniversary fanmeet, Youngjae didn’t stop looking at Jaebum until Jackson started blocking more of his view and was forced to look at him. Youngjae knows Jaebum was just trying to make Youngjae’s judgment in favor of him for the game, but he still felt flustered.

----------------

Jomalone. Ever since Jaebum uploaded his 5 songs on SoundCloud, Youngjae wondered about Jomalone. Youngjae knows it is Jaebum’s friend, a friend who isn’t allergic to cats. Jomalone takes care of Nora.

For some reason it bugged Youngjae, because it showed Youngjae had something that Jaebum will always use against him. At least Youngjae saw it this way. Youngjae couldn’t be around Nora, and he doesn’t think he could handle it for 3 months and endure it. Youngjae still feels upset at the topic of Nora, how Jaebum smiled and did a claw to the fan whose name was “Cat,” and seeing Jaebum’s goofy yet adorable smile as he said “Nora” into the mic. Youngjae knows he can’t make Jaebum happy in that, and he blames himself for making Jaebum miss Nora. Not be with nora. So yes, Youngjae might feel jealous that Jomalone not only is making these songs that may sound mature, because Jaebum has always been listening to these types of songs. When Jaebum recommended “Wet” on their picnic date, Youngjae was so embarrassed and thought it was too . But he is sure Jomalone loves those songs too, he loves Nora also, and he can be around both Jaebum and Nora. Youngjae only barely started noticing what jealousy felt like, and now he is overwhelmed. Jackson keeps being too close to Jaebum: hugging him, holding his hand, doing aegyo to him, etc. Youngjae wouldn’t be surprised if Jaebum loved it all, because Jaebum had his smile all the while Jackson did it, and Jaebum would hug and squish Jackson as well. They are roommates now. Not to mention Jinyoung has always been with Jaebum, since the start. Them occasionally looking at each other. He remembers seeing Jaebum and Jinyoung look at each other with a big smile and nod, this resulted in both Youngjae and Jackson to imitate them. It was funny how Jackson saw it too. No he doesn’t have anger toward anyone. Maybe he just feels jealous, or lonely. Though Mark, although quiet, comforts him. Sometimes, Jaebum separates them though, and it bugs him. He remembers when Mark was in a crouching position during the encore of their Fly win they were all wearing purple. He remembers going up to Mark and trying to sit on him. He remembers Mark staring at his side at Jaebum, then saw Jaebum’s hand stopping them. Youngjae decided to get away from Jaebum and go to the other side. Youngjae wasn’t mad, but it did bug him, they were just having fun and being playful like always. Youngjae can be close and comfy to others, just like Jaebum goes off with Jomalone to make music and pet Nora.

“Youngjae-ah, stop.” Youngjae froze; he was laying on Mark’s back attempting to pet Coco in Mark’s lap. Jaebum had walked in and told them to stop.

“Why? I’m just playing with Markie-hyung,” Youngjae said with a smile that was directed to Mark.

“Get off, you might hurt him,” Jaebum said coldly.

“How will I hurt him? Mark will you-”

“Youngjae,” Jaebum glared at Youngjae. Youngjae stared back, his smile leaving and looked away from Jaebum. He got up and walked past Jaebum, keeping his gaze at the floor. He shut the door to his’ and Mark’s room.

“We were just playing JB. Nobody was going to get hurt. He just wanted to pet Coco,” Mark finally spoke.

“Do I really need to explain? He could have broke something or fell over. He could have squished Coco. Or your head could have hit him in the face.”

“I think there is more to it, Jackson always plays rough, more rougher with Bambam, but I don’t see you stopping them,” Mark said and stood up, walking to his room with Coco. “You know Youngjae likes playing like this with me, you’re not in our room.”
‘Did he just…’ Jaebum stared at Mark, wide eyed as Mark left. He felt mad, upset, and most of all, jealous. Who knows what Mark and Youngjae do in their room? Why did he stop Youngjae? Jealousy? Or was he just being a leader.

“Youngjae, don’t worry ok?” Mark lay besides Youngjae who had his head buried in his pillow.

“Mark-hyung, I know he cares about our safety, but we were playing around,” Youngjae turned his head so he was facing Mark, cheek squish.

“You are like a kid,” Mark laughed, brushing his hair with his fingers. “You cry in your sleep too.”

“What?” Youngjae lifted himself up a little, resting on his forearm.

“You were crying this morning, I’m glad I put Coco beside you before I left it,” Mark smiled at him.

“Yah! Mark-hyung! What if she peed on me?” Youngjae laughed while he said that.

“Why were you crying, what kind of nightmare was it?” Mark had a caring soft gaze.

“It’s nothing hyung.” Youngjae stood completely up staring at Mark. “I can’t do anything about it either way.”
“How do you know that?” Mark was really staring at Youngjae’s eyes, “You can tell me.”

Youngjae didn’t want to tell Mark though, Mark could tell Jackson and Jackson could tell everyone. Or , but Youngjae has been feeling sad for 2 months now.

“I shouldn’t have a childish crush on someone…” Youngjae said so quietly, good thing Mark was naturally quiet so he heard.

“Who? I don’t think it would be childish. You just like her.”

‘Her’ Youngjae just smiled up at Mark, “Yeah her…”

“There’s nothing wrong with it. Besides! Our dating rule is over, we can date now with no penalty and-”

“It won’t work. It’s not reciprocated, and hi-er groupmates would also feel awkward.”

“Wait is it that girl from Mokpo?” Mark said smiling at Youngjae.

“What? Huh? You mean Eunjin? From DIA?” Youngjae was shocked.

“Is it her?” Mark said pretty loudly.

“Uhh… No” Youngjae said.

“Then who is your crush?” Mark said slowly.

“Who has a crush…” Jaebum responded. Youngjae looked over and saw Jaebum standing by the door still holding onto the knob.

“N-no one hyung. I was talking with Mark,” Youngjae avoided contact. He felt so nervous now, his hands were sweaty and he shouldn’t have told Mark anything.

“I heard it though.”

“I was talking to Mark-hyung, what are you doing here hyung?” Youngjae asked, trying to calm down.

“I wanted to talk with you,” he stared at Mark. Mark noticed and got up, he figures Jaebum will apologize for the scene in the living room.

It was quiet. Awkward. Jaebum closed the door and moved to sit next to Youngjae. Youngjae avoided Jaebum, he didn’t want to talk to him, not after what he said to Mark. Youngjae was still blushing.

“I’m sorry for being overprotective?” Jaebum said it more as a question.
“It’s ok, I know it’s your job as a leader,” Youngjae smiled, staring at the sheets covering his legs.

“Youngjae-ah, this crush, do you like her?” Jaebum asked softly. Jaebum was feeling jealous, how could Youngjae develop a crush, when Jaebum was crushing on Youngjae since so long that now it is more than just that.

“It’s nothing hyung. I will forget about it, it’s stupid either way,” Youngjae chuckled.

Jaebum reached to grab Youngjae’s hands on his lap. “I don’t think having a crush is stupid.” Jaebum stared at Youngjae hard. Jaebum was frustrated, and he was jealous. Youngjae turned to look at Jaebum, and noticed how close Jaebum was. He wanted to move away, but stared at his eyes. He blushed more and let out a chuckle.

“Does hyung ever have crushes?” Youngjae laughed more. Still blushing because Jaebum’s hand was still holdings his hands.

“I did,” Jaebum smiled, “I’m not allowed?” Jaebum flicked his forehead playfully. Although Youngjae moved his right hand away and rubbed at where his ‘ache’ was happening. “Sorry,” replied Jaebum and massaged Youngjae’s forehead.

“H-hyung?” Youngjae was nervous and felt very warm. Jaebum was leaning in. Moving closer and closer. Youngjae stopped breathing. Only letting out his breathe when he felt soft lips on his forehead.

“Sorry,” Jaebum responed, smiling like an idiot, “You look so squishy.” Youngjae laughed and pushed Jaebum off the bed.
“Hyung you’re weird!” Although Youngjae was content, and couldn't stop hiding his smile although he was laughing.

“This crush, I hope they treat you well,” Jaebum said, making his way to the door knob, only placing his hand on it. “I have a crush too, but I have given hope.” Youngjae’s laughter died down.

“Wait! Jaebum-hyung! Do you want to talk about it?” Youngjae stood up, but stopped moving when Jaebum turned around smiling sadly.

 “Go to sleep.” Jaebum then closed the door.

Youngjae felt sad, he felt selfish. Not only was he crushing on his leader, but his leader was crushing on someone who he has given up hope. If Jaebum can do that, why can’t he for the sake of their group, for the sake of Jaebum. Mark came in later, Youngjae already asleep, or so he thought. Youngjae was just resting his eyes. The one question that kept Youngjae up almost all night:

‘Should I give up hope too?’

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A/N I'm at the end now haha ok so Jomalone, the guy who features in Jaebum's SoundCloud, has a meaning in their which might show up next chapter (unless i forget to add it) Also sorry for mistakes /.\

1,832 words. I hope i'm not boring you all now, i'm sorry, i hope you had fun? haha i'll see you all, maybe thursday night? Idk, but again, thanks for reading and sorry if i bore you