Admin: This has a word count of like 1620, sorry but there is a lot haha

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“Jaebum-hyung, we got a bunk bed?” Youngjae asked even though the answer is already in front of him.

“Yeah, that way we still have space around here,” Jaebum said as he concentrated on fixing his bottom bed.

“Oh, um, yeah that is a good idea,” Youngjae laughed his natural laughter; although he did feel a little upset he wasn’t informed. He guessed it is odd for two young men to sleep on the same mat, under the same blanket, occasionally being hugged. Though, Youngjae never really minded but maybe Jaebum did.

Since the bunk beds, they had about 4 feet of a distance; it prevented them from actually talking at night. Their usual time to talk until morning about their worries had vanished since the arrival of the bunk beds. As well as Jaebum’s clinginess. No more skin-ship between the two, as Youngjae never initiated it in the first place, now both would hardly speak to each other.

“Coco ah come here!” Youngjae cried out for his and Mark’s maltese puppy, she was small and white, and most of all, didn’t shed so much so she wouldn’t bother Youngjae’s allergies. She was energetic, cute, and would poop near Jaebum.

Coco was still a puppy, Jaebum understood, but opening the door to find a present of hers or stepping on it was no fun. Sure she filled in a spot for all of them when they felt lonely but, sometimes it crossed Jaebum’s mind, and he felt sorry that it would: Why can’t Nora be here too?

Jaebum saw Coco’s arrival, it was the first question he had asked, “What about your allergies Youngjae?”
“Coco-ah doesn’t shed a lot, we were thinking of a pug but they shed too much so we got Coco instead,” responded Youngjae so very happy with the little puppy in his arms.

Jaebum wasn’t mad, he was just missing her a lot.

Jaebum’s instagram in May that year in 2015, consisted a picture of Coco sleeping peacefully, and his caption, “Coco is sleeping, what is Nora doing? I miss her,” and of course Youngjae saw this. He finds this cute and adorable that Jaebummie took a picture of Coco but he misses Nora still, of course Youngjae understands. He wishes Nora was there to play with Coco.

“I love Youngjae too!” Jaebum yelled as he grabbed Youngjae by the neck and pushed him into the pool. They were recording for Real Got7 Season 3. Youngjae’s allergies are troublesome to him in the pool as well, but Jaebum wouldn’t know that, Youngjae endured the water for the sake of the show. He endured it…

“…’sigh, if only he had endured it for a while,’” Youngjae listened to Jaebum’s voice, talking about him. Although Jaebum didn’t say his name, again as always, he knew it was about him. If he had endured it, if he had lived with Nora despite the sneezing and itching and watery eyes, but now his eyes feel watery, but not because of allergies. It was his fault. He knew that from the beginning, but Jaebum never blamed him, yes he did mention it was because of a member, but never confronted him or told him anything, he understood, but Youngjae once again felt what he felt the first time that Nora’s departure was announced: Guilt.

Later that night, Youngjae wanted to talk to Jaebum.

“Jaebum-hyung?” Youngjae said as Jaebum walked in while Youngjae was playing a game on his laptop, which he had paused.

“Huh? Yes Youngjae?” Jaebum said, Youngjae has been feeling this for a while too, the way Jaebum doesn’t say his name so nicely, just plain ‘Youngjae.’ No more calling each other, “mine”, or “my man”, no more hugging each other at night, no more being close like they were, and something comes up to Youngjae’s head; Jaebum has been mad?

“Uh, I’m sleeping in here today, is that ok?” Youngjae doesn’t know how to mention anything. Youngjae has been sleeping elsewhere since it is summer and the room is too hot.

“Um, yeah, it’s fine,” Jaebum goes to grab his clothes to take a shower, but then, as he is about to leave.

“Hyung?” Youngjae says worriedly staring at his laptop screen who has gone dim, “Are you upset at me?”

“No, why would I be,” Jaebum keeps his tone neutral as he had for the past 7 months since that filming day he had learned about allergies and 3 months endurance.

“It’s because, um. Because uh-“ Youngjae gets interrupted by Jaebum, “I need to shower, ok.”

Shocked, Youngjae is but he still smiles up at Jaebum’s back and says softly, “Ok.”

Jaebum leaves and Youngjae just stares at the door being closed rather quickly and thinks, ‘he does hate me?’ Youngjae turns off the laptop and waits in his top bunk for Jaebum. Though he dozes off, never confronting Jaebum that night.

Later that year in December 2015, for Got7’s Klive Sentosa interview, a fan yelled, “I love Coco!”

In which Youngjae responded in English, “Yeah, I love Coco too!”
“I love Nora,” responded Bambam.

“Yes, bye,” says Youngjae with a little hand wave toward Bambam.

“I love Jackson,” says Jinyoung, random, people may think, but Jinyoung saw what Youngjae couldn’t since he was looking the other way.
Jaebum was not pleased with what had to be a little joke.

“Youngjae, you awake?” Jaebum called out to Youngjae on the top bunk later that night.

“Ah-huh, what is it hyung?” Youngjae was nervous, Jaebum didn’t really do much effort on talking to him at night, not like how they used to

“Today, you like… Nora right?” Said Jaebum staring up the dark furniture where Youngjae is.

“What? Of course Hyung, I do, I was joking around with Bambam, I didn’t mean-“ Jaebum once again interrupted him.

“Forget it.”

“No I can’t forget it. And I know you won’t. Let me hear what you think.” Youngjae said rather fast but still trying to be calm.

“It’s nothing Youngjae, let’s go to sleep,” Jaebum usually just goes to sleep when he is mad, and this is one of those times, and Youngjae knows this habit of his as well.

“You are angry at me hyung?” Youngjae lets it out in a shaky breath.

“No, I’m just tired, I know it was just a joke and-“ this time Youngjae cuts him off.

“Stop. Just please tell me, I can endure it. I can deal with your anger Jaebum-hyung but just tell me. I have been feeling it for so long, so why don’t you just tell me hyung?” Youngjae is already sitting up on his bunk bed, debating on going down or not; as he may make Jaebum more angry than he could be.

“Endure?” Jaebum questions to himself lowly, “You, what-”

“Jaebum-hyung, I’m sorry. I’m sorry it is my fault Nora isn’t here. I’m sorry I didn’t endure my allergies for three months and get used to it, and I’m sorry I got Coco and made you miss Nora. But, are you, are you holding this against me?” Youngjae finally lets out a breath, and lets this out after this past year, he finally had told him, if Jaebum is angry, he wants Jaebum to stop "enduring" his 'anger' on him and just let it out.

After silence, Youngjae starts stepping down from his top bunk, and sees Jaebum staring at him in the dark. Youngjae feels nervous, so he just stands there, facing the ground. He doesn’t notice Jaebum standing up a on his knees to scoot over to the edge of the bed, and then finally grabs Youngjae’s wrist to pull him in closer, Youngjae stares at his hand on his wrist shivering, “Youngjae-ah, I’m sorry.”

At the soft tone that Youngjae missed, he looks up from his wrist to look at Jaebum’s eyes, worried and glossy eyes, “No Hyung, it’s fine, I understand that-“ again interrupted.

“No… No Youngjae!” His voice goes quietly louder which scares the Younger a little to back up but Jaebum pulls him close, which makes Youngjae almost fall on the bed. “I did. I did hold it against you, and I didn’t know it. And I’m sorry. I just. I never see her and I see you and Mark with Coco so happily and sometimes I get jealous, but… Aish, nothing I just miss Nora, sorry Youngjae.” Jaebum was still confused how he managed to hold it against Youngjae, he did?

“Hyung, I’m sor-“

“Enough with apologizing Youngjae, I should be the one, so just,” Jaebum pulls him more closer to sit down on the bed with him, “let’s just sleep.”

“Are you still angry, is that why you want to sleep Hyung,” Youngjae says softly smiling, turning his head to his left to stare at Jaebum.

“No,” Jaebum responds and drops his head onto his pillow, but doesn’t let go of Youngjae’s hand, “I just want to sleep.”

“Then sleep Hyung, I’ll go-“ Youngjae is stopped from standing, and was harshly pulled down against the bed to sit down again, his back towards Jaebum.

“Sleep… Here” Jaebum says shyly, and then reached to grab his shoulder and laid him down on his side.

Jaebum’s hand loosens on Youngjae’s shoulder and travels to hug his waist closer to himself, hugging him like they did before. Jaebum smells Youngjae’s hair, and scent, and feels the warmness Youngjae brings. Youngjae just lays there, blinking, unsure of what happened. “You ok Hyung,” he lets out a chuckle.

Jaebum just squeezes his hold, in which Youngjae laughs more until a soft whisper is heard, “I miss Nora, but I missed you more.”

“Wha-what? Hyung?” Youngjae calls out but Jaebum doesn’t respond, already asleep. He decided that Jaebum missed how they got along before this whole blaming Youngjae for Nora’s departure was for.  Though, Youngjae is clueless and misses the main point in Jaebum’s sleepy sentence.