*Tiffany POV*

I’m busy working out at the gym. Trying to clear my head and think about what I heard earlier at the company. 

 

“You know I’m not like this but I’m not promoting with Jessica.” I say to the company oppa 

“I’ve told you there is nothing I can do. We’ve already been kind enough to you Tiffany-ssi. You and Taeyeon-ssi aren’t exactly in a position where you can say anything about this.”

“I think I’m in a position to say something! All of a sudden I’m dating Nichkhun. I  didn’t get a say in that I think I should get a say in this. “

“We’ve done this to help keep your image. Why can’t you understand that?”

“There were other options! If you had just let me explain the situation beforehand this would never have grown into such a problem! Is there really no way we can just continue as the 8 of us. I don’t think the fans would be happy about this either.”

“I understand but the latter option would be a bigger detriment.”

“The latter option?”

He sighs ,”Fine. There is a way we can continue without Jessica-ssi. I’m only telling you this because I trust you would make the right decision for yourself and your members. If we release the pictures , Jessica-ssi is out.”

“The pictures?”

“I think you know which pictures.”

Me and Taeyeon... 

 

I mean why would that be the only way? Do those two things even go together? Was he just saying that to scare me away? But I really... I really can’t let those pictures get out. What would people say? And Taeyeon is releasing her first full album. I can’t get in the way of that. After gym I have to meet with Nichkhun. The things I have to do are so different from what I want. I want to sing and model and perform and I wanted to go to fashion week this month! I thought I would go but then all of a sudden they tell me I can’t ! Does the company really care abound me like they say they do? 

I go home after the gym to get ready for my ‘job’. As soon as I see Nichkhun and the photographer I sigh. When I get closer I cheerfully greet the photographer and force a smile when I greet Nichkhun.  

“Yeah I get it already. You don’t want to see me.” He says 

“So just be yourselves and I’ll take some pictures from a far. Maybe walk around, shop,  go to a restaurant.” The photographer suggests 

Great. Not! Sounds like a date. It is a date. A fake one. 

Nichkhun reaches out his hand, “Let’s go.”

Reluctantly I take his hand. We walk around in silence. 

“We should just try to enjoy ourselves.” He eventually says 

“Its awkward Nic.’

He looks  down at my hand ,”That’s a pretty ring.”

I smile, “Yeah. Taeyeonie bought it for me on valentines day.”

“I thought I took care of you well but I guess I never bought you anything like that.”

“Well... it’s not like I only care about expensive gifts. I do like them though.”

“Either way she obviously did something better.”

“Taeyeon has... Always been special. No matter what she’ll always be special . She’s my family . We go shopping together and we live together and we watch Tv together and we work together. It’s like we do everything together. I’ve lived with Taeyeon for 13 years and I like it that way. “

“But you’ve lived with the other members as well and... you don’t sleep with them.”

“Taeyeon is hot so it’s fine.” 

He laughs, “ I will admit she is.”

I bash him, “You can’t say that.”

“Thinking about it now if I try to remove my emotions from this. You and Taeyeon that’s pretty hot. If you want to talk about it I’ll try listen.”

“Oh my God. I can’t believe you right now. I’m not telling you anything.”

“I’m joking! Ever thought about a . I’m asking for a friend.”

“What friend Nic.” I say sarcastically, “Forget it. That’s a definite no.”

“Do you think Baekhyun knows?”

“I don’t think they keep in contact.”

“Did she say why they broke up?”

“Hmmm... She didn’t say this...but... Probably because... Taeyeon... Likes girls. Like ‘only’ likes girls. I think.”

“I’m not that surprised.”

“Really! Why?”

He laughs, “Didn’t you notice?”

“Notice? It’s not like she’s gone out with other girls before. I don’t even think she knows... Maybe she knows now.”

“So it’s true when people are together too much they become blind.” He jokes 

I frown, “What’s that meant to mean. I’m observant and I think I know Taeyeon very well.”

“It’s nothing. Maybe it’s just a guy's intuition” he explains, “Or because of the dirty looks she used to give me.... “ he says under his breath, “With being so close. Don’t you think it’s risky.  You’re still members in the same group. Sometimes people are better as friends . We were close when we were friends...”

“I know that but... Now it’s too late. I can’t just be friends anymore. I want us to be more than friends. Things are a bit different but it’s a good different.”

“I still think that your life will be difficult by choosing this path but if this is what you really want... I’ll support you.”

“Thanks Nic. You know me when I decide on something then that’s it. Why couldn’t you... Just be like this the other day.  Instead of saying horrible things. We could have started talking again but you really upset me and Taeyeon hates you now. “

“I’m human Tiff. When you left me it hurt. I would have been upset with a new boyfriend but a girlfriend. It shocked me. I felt betrayed. A part of me wanted to believe you weren’t  serious and Taeyeon never liked me even before I’m pretty sure you know that.”

“But she never hated you until now.”

He laughs, “Great your girlfriend hates me.” 

I laugh, “I don’t think she likes it when I talk to guys.”

“So you noticed... What about girls?”

“Hmmm... I think she’s fine with it.”

“Ok. I see. I think it would be a huge shock if you left her for another girl. Maybe then she’ll understand my pain.” He jokes 

I bash him ,”You act like I just date anyone.”

He smiles at me. It’s like time has gone back... What am I doing? I immediately let go of his hand. 

“Let’s get some food then wrap this up.” I say. 

 

*Taeyeon POV *

I got my hair dyed blond and now I’m at the company to do some more recording. Before I go home I get a call from my parents. We talk for a while. It’s great to hear their voices. 

“I need to get going now, mom.”

“Ok yes . Ya must be so busy. Make sure to get ya rest. Have ya been eating properly?”

I smile, “Yes. I have.”

“Ramyeon doesn’t count as properly. I want ya eating proper meals and drinking ya water.”

“I don’t eat much Ramyeon recently. Fany tells me not to ...I... I mean...”

“I’m glad she’s been monitoring ya. Tell her to drag ya to the gym. Yer not a teenager anymore ya need to watch yer health. Maybe you’ll listen if she tells ya.”

“I think she might have mentioned it... I really have to go now. I’ll talk to you and dad again soon OK.”

“We’re always there for ya. Ya know that. I want to hear from ya soon. Bye TaeTae -yah!”

“Thank you Mom! Bye!”

After I finish I hear what sounds like crying coming from a room near by. I should probably leave them ,sometimes people just want to be alone but I decide to have a look. I Reach the door which is partly open so I try peak inside. I’m so surprised that I forget my stealth and walk in. 

“Sica.” I say 

I didn’t expect to see her here. She  looks up and immediately starts wiping away her tears, “Tae-taeyeon you’re here.”

I walk closer to her, “What’s wrong? Are you ok?”

“I wasn’t expecting to see you like this. I just... I saw some trainees earlier and I started to reminisce about the past. It made me realize that I’m not who I used to be. I lost myself...I don’t even know what I’ve been doing recently. If Krystal knew what I’ve been doing...“

“Sica don’t worry it’s fine. We’ve all had times when we’ve lost ourselves. I know I have. In the past people started to say that I’ve changed. That I wasn’t how I used to be. I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. I was just being myself but people said I wasn’t myself.”

“It’s not like that Taeyeon. I’ve done some horrible things. My career might be successful but the only people who like me are my fans. It’s because they don’t know me if they knew... I think deep down I wanted everything to be like before. I felt left out but the members don’t even want me. I’ve made them hate me. What am I doing here?”

I hug her , “I think this is the time to say. I’m sorry. I know it’s too late. That day you left. You wanted me to do something. To say something. I’m the leader but I’m useless. Everyone was so emotional. I couldn’t do anything when I should have. After that I thought a lot about what I should have done. I realized too late how horrible I sounded. Even though I care about you I couldn’t say my true feelings. ‘We all want you to stay. I want you to stay. I want all of us to  be together forever.’ I mean it. I don’t share my thoughts enough. We all make mistakes. If you forgive mine then I will forgive yours. You said no one likes you but you’re wrong. I like you. I wish I had shown that more.”

She grips me tightly, “It’s because you do this. That’s why...”

“That’s why?”

She lets go of me and pulls away, “It’s nothing. I’m sorry.” 

“I hope... I helped you to feel better.”

“You did. Thank you Taeyeon.”

“I was planning to go back to the dorm but if you want me to stay longer I can...”

Jessica grabs my sleeve, “You said you wish you had shown me... Have you ever thought about ...sleeping with a girl besides Tiffany?” She says softly 

My heart stops. Is she asking what I think she’s asking... The way she’s looking at me. She’s serious. 

I stand up on my toes and kiss her forehead , “I-I’m sorry.”

I start driving back to the dorm. Does Jessica really like me? Is  she just lonely? Was I this popular with girls before? My hoobaes like me and my female fans but it’s not in that way. Is it? I’m not that great... First of all I’m female... I have communication issues and I’m insecure and I just stay home and I’m moody. I’m just seeing faults... I don’t have many friends... I’m being negative again... Maybe I’m tired. I need to keep positive. 

I reach the dorm and Sunny is playing games on her phone. I think I’ll take a nap now then wait for my music video to come out later. 

“Hi.” I say with low energy and start walking to my room. 

“Welcome back . New hair again.” She says casually 

I walk to my room, put on some of my favourite soothing music, collapse on my bed and close my eyes... 

Taeyeon's soothing music

“Tae.” I hear and feel someone shake me. Well I already know who. 

“Taeyeon I can’t let you sleep more otherwise you won’t be able to sleep later.” Tiffany says

“I’m tired...”

“It’s because you take these naps that’s why you get insomnia. Also if you dye your hair so much you’re going to go bald.”

This makes me remember the conversation I had with my parents earlier .

“Yes mom...”

“You don’t kiss your mom like you kiss me.”

I smile and open my eyes, “Ok fine Wife.”

“That’s better.”

I move back on my bed to make space for her. 

She lies down facing me, “You’re a bad influence.”

“I love this song. Adele -unnie sings so well and her songs connect with people.”

“Isn’t this one of the songs your fans want you to sing.”

“I don’t know how well I would be able to. My fans think I can sing anything.”

“I think you should sing it.”

I smile and stare at her, “You look like a movie ~ You sound like a song ~ My God this reminds me~ of when we were young~”

This is very serenade -like. I get embarrassed so I look away.  

“You make my heart race... I want everyone to hear you sing but I feel bad for thinking that I like it when you just sing to me.”

I look back at her and she covers her face with her hands. 

Cute. 

I move down her hand, “You get special treatment anyway.” 

“Taeyeon...there’s something I should tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I want Jess out the group so I spoke to the company but it’s difficult...”

“You want Sica out? Why?”

“There’s many reasons like she was the one that gave the pictures of Nichkhun and I to the press.”

Was this what Jessica was talking about earlier... 

“Let’s ... Let’s not do something like that. It’s OK. Let’s try to forgive her.”

“It’s OK? Did I hear that right? I’m ‘dating’ Nic and she’s ruining my life and ‘it’s ok’!”

“I didn’t mean it like that! Of course that isn’t OK but kicking her out. You two used to be so close. Aren’t you being a bit extreme? Today I saw her at the company. She was crying. It must have been about this.”

“I wouldn’t believe those tears ! I’m a forgiving person but not to people like her. She told me she likes you ! For all I know she’s trying to seduce you! And it looks like it’s working!”

“So she does like me...”

“What?  Are you happy about that?”

“I was just surprised!”

Tiffany gets up and starts walking out the room, “Have fun with Jess!”

Ahhhh seriously! I hate this. Why does she have to get so upset? She was closer to Jessica than me! I haven’t done anything wrong. 

“FOOD IS READY!” Sunny yells 

Supper is awkward... 

“What’s wrong with you two?” Sunny finally asks 

“Morra (I don’t know)” I reply 

“You should know.” Tiffany says 

Sunny sighs, “Ah Jinjja (seriously) Just kiss and make up... Not with me here.”

We don’t talk and I get ready for bed then wait for my music video to come out alone in my bed.  Is she really angry at me? Seriously? Sometimes she makes me so upset... It’s 12:00 AM my 'I Got Love' music video should be out... 

It’s 12:10 where is my music video? Great, another problem. I phone the staff and they say they’re working on it. How hard is it to upload a music video on time? I’m so annoyed and frustrated and angry and tired! 

Finally the music video comes out. About an hour off schedule. This isn’t the first time. I don’t know if I can sleep after all this late night drama. 

Tiffany comes in my room, “WOW! TAE I WATCHED THE VIDEO! IT WAS SO GREAT!”

I turn away from her

“... If you knew how horrible she’s been to me...”

“They made my fans wait...”

Tiffany gets into my bed ,”I’m sorry.” 

“I was so tired but now I can’t sleep...and I have to be up early tomorrow again.”

She puts her hand on my back, “Try relax. You’re just tired and stressed .”

“...Yesterday during filming I got an IV drip ... I’m fine I just needed to recharge.”

“I told mom I would look after you. You can’t rely on an IV drip to recharge ... Next time just phone me.”

I turn around and hug her softly. She’s warm and smells nice. I feel more at ease now. 

“I’m sorry about earlier.” She says softly 

“Gwaenchana (it’s fine)...” I mumble while drifting off to sleep.