Taeyeon POV

*Rain by Taeyeon with lyrics

I haven’t left my room for 2 days. At the moment I’m busy blasting my own song, Rain. I cried most of the time. I was meant to meet up at the company with everyone else yesterday but I didn’t go. Why would I go and torture myself by seeing Tiffany. They can moan at me for it all they want. Call me unprofessional. I’m so pathetic anyway. Falling in love with my best friend, a girl. Love is..between girls and boys.. We even told all the members about us. Now they all know that I’m gay and she won’t even talk to me. Deep down she probably thought I was disgusting but she was too kind to say anything. The worst part of it is that I miss her. She used to tell me what she’s doing. Now I don’t know anything. I don’t know where she is, who she’s with. She doesn’t even update her instagram anymore.  

“You were a sunshine in the black and white world” the music plays and I sing along. 

Taeyeon!” Sunny knocks on my door. 

I don’t reply. 

“It’s been two days you need to come out!”

I don’t reply. 

“Tiffany won’t come back like that!”

“She won’t come back!”

Sunny opens the door walks to my bed and turns off my depressing music. She grabs my arm and tries to pull me out of bed, “If you stay in here any longer your depression is going to get worse.”

“How can I be happy when my happiness walked out the door and didn’t come back.”

She stops pulling, “You’re still in the same group. You could have seen her yesterday.”

“She broke up with me how can I see her. Our relationship was a lie.”

“Tiffany isn’t like that. You know that.”

“I don’t know her anymore.”

“You’re right you don’t know her. If you did you would know that Tiffany would never act like she did by choice. ” Sunny leaves the room. 

I hug my cushion. Even if I know she wasn’t herself. My heart aches and I don’t know what to do. After a while I take out my phone and go to my chat with Tiffany .

“I don’t know where you moved to but I know they don’t allow pets... Prince misses you. Don’t be lonely.”

*The next day *

Today we are all going to the company again. Tiffany is going to be there. Did she get my message? Even though she broke my heart and made me feel like I’m a freak I decided that even if I’m never allowed to touch her again I’m going to at least make her talk to me. She doesn’t have to love me. I’ve lived with her for 13 years. I don’t remember what it’s like for her not to be there. 

All the members are there waiting for us. Jessica is also there but all I can see is Tiffany. Is she well? Is she happy? It hasn’t even been that long am I over reacting? She’s still very pretty and she’s looking at me.  Am I supposed to look away? She’s the one that left me so why is she looking at me like that. She looks sad but somehow happy to see me. Although she’s wearing make up it looks like she’s been crying? 

Why were you crying again? 

“Taeyeon you came today!” Hyoyeon says and I break my stare. 

“Yeah I’m sorry I didn’t come last time.”

Sooyoung comes and hits my back, “Don’t do it again.”

“It’s bad to skip appointments unnie.” Seohyun scolds 

Today we listen to some songs in progress that might be on the album and vote on which ones we like the best. Even if I try not to look at Tiffany my eyes don’t listen to me. I just want to know what she’s thinking. Why she left. I can’t really concentrate and I shake my pen out of habit. 

After the meeting I grab Tiffany by the wrist and pull her into a smaller room when everyone isn’t concentrating.

“Tae let go.” I immediately let go of her wrist after I close the door in case she feels uncomfortable. 

“I just wanted to talk to you. I just.. I just want to talk to you...as a friend” I say.

After thinking about how she left me the last time I saw her my palms start sweating and I feel nervous. Why do I have to feel this way about someone who used to make me feel most at ease? 

At least she’s looking at me. But she’s just looking at me in the silence. 

“I.. I can’t.” She finally says then opens the door to leave. 

“ Just talk to me how you used to! I don’t care what it is. It could be what you ate for breakfast.”

She walks out and closes the door. I’m left standing staring at a door once again. I punch the wall so hard that my hand burns. Is this it? How long are things going to be like this?  

I feel empty. It’s not even sadness. I don’t know how to grasp the situation yet. 

I hear the door open. It’s jessica

“This isn’t a good time.” I tell her coldly. 

She takes my hand and sees how red it is but I pull it away. 

Jessica leans forward and steals my lips. I’m in shock but my emotions are numbed so afterwards I simply turn my head away from hers. 

“After all this time you still only care about her.”

I’m silent. I don’t feel like dealing with her now. 

“Just imagine I’m Fany.”

I close my eyes and make out with her filled with the emotions I have for Tiffany. She kisses me back then I pull away. Even if it feels better to kiss her than Baekhyun. Tiffany is a better kisser. It’s not the same. I just want to kiss Tiffany more now. 

“It must be fun to make fun of my feelings.” I state emotionlessly then I open the door and exit the room leaving a shocked Jessica. 

*4 years ago *

I’m sitting with Jessica in the waiting room. I had to arrive first to get my make up done. Jessica was second and Hyoyeon who is meant to be third is late. Jessica has just finished. 

“Sica-yah didn’t you get prettier recently.”

She smiles, “It could happen.”

“Oh wait it’s the make up.” I tease

She bashes me, “It only helps to enhance my beauty.”

I laugh. 

“What’s that reaction.” She whines 

“No it’s nothing you’re pretty.” 

“Somehow I don’t believe you now.” 

Some of her hair is out of place so I lean forward and move it back, “Way better.” 

She smiles at me. Jessica and I are close. We are similar to each other in a lot of ways. We can be quiet and come off as cold at times but we actually aren’t cold at all if you get to know us. We also prefer to relax and be lazy than go out and do things. 

“Taeyeon I was thinking do you want to—“

Before she finishes the door opens and instead of Hyoyeon it’s Tiffany ,”Oh Hyoyeon isn’t here yet? I’m meant to be forth.”

All my attention changes to Tiffany , “Aren’t you wearing make up already?”

Tiffany is always pretty although she hates being seen without make up. 

She gives me a wide eye smile, “What? Says the person that used to call me Miyoung when I didn’t have make up and Tiffany when I had make up.”

“kkkkk”

“Morning Jess.” Tiffany says in English 

“Morning.” Jessica replies now on her phone 

Somehow I feel like Jessica has been getting distant. I might just be over thinking things. We have been very busy. 

*1 year later *

We’re all gathered in a meeting room. It’s silent. We’ve just heard the shocking news that Jessica is leaving the group. 

Jessica is standing in the front with tears in her eyes , “ARE YOU HAPPY THAT IT’S COME TO THIS! THIS GROUP IS A LIE! THERE’S OBVIOUS FAVORITISM!”

“THATS HOW THE WORLD WORKS SICA!” Sooyoung shouts back. 

“YOU TALKED ABOUT LEAVING THE WHOLE YEAR!” Sunny shouts 

“SO YOU’RE JUST GOING TO KICK ME OUT!”

“WE AREN’T THE ONES THAT MADE THIS DECISION!” Yuri shouts with tears in her eyes. 

Our maknae doesn’t know how to react and starts tearing. 

“NO ONE WANTS YOU TO LEAVE!” Tiffany says emotionally with tears running down her face. 

“Then you should have done something!” She says now filled with sadness instead of anger, “Taeyeon.” She looks to me. 

I don’t know what she wants me to do. It’s not like I could have stopped this. 

“What do you want me to say!”

After I say that she leaves the room. 

* Present time *
Tiffany POV 

I’m in the hotel they arranged for me. These past few days have been horrible. My life feels empty. I want to talk to Taeyeon but I can’t . If I do I won’t be able to do this. It will be too difficult and I’ll just get into more trouble. Our company isn’t forgiving they’ll kick us out like they did with Jessica. It’s just Tae looks so sad... Am I really doing the right thing? She told me she loves me and I broke her heart so why does it feel like I broke my own heart. It hasn’t even been a week yet but I feel like this. I didn’t know I was so weak. I moved to Korea by myself and I couldn’t even see my family. At least I can still see Tae even if I can’t talk to her but I don't even deserve to see her after what I did... 

I take out my phone and look at the message she sent me. How is it possible not to be lonely? How can you still be so kind to me? I feel tears welling again so I hug the cushion Taeyeon gave me. I feel so distraught that I haven’t even organized my room yet. It’s not like me but recently I don’t know who I am. 

I’ll probably feel better if I at least get my stuff in order even if my life isn’t so I begin to go through my things. After organizing some clothes I find a top that isn’t mine. I lie back on the bed and stretch it out. It’s one of Taeyeon’s Mickey mouse shirts she was wearing the other day. I wonder how it ended up in my stuff. 

I smell it. It still smells like Tae. Sort of musky and fresh, not too feminine. It’s like she’s next to me. My heart races without my permission. I can’t believe I’m getting . Do I want her that badly? I breath deeply then I slowly move my hand under my shirt and slip it underneath my bra to feel my erect s. I close my eyes and think about Taeyeon. I pretend that she’s touching me. I’m about to put my hand down my pants when my phone vibrates and brings me back to reality. 

I can’t believe I was about to do that. I let go of Tae’s shirt and look at my phone. 

It’s a message from Taeyeon ,” One of your Favorite movies was on TV so I watched it alone. It would have been better to watch together.”

I take my pillow and cover my face. 

This isn’t going to work.

A/N: Look forward to the next chapter!