Part Three: Someday

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I had calmed myself as reality had started to set in. I was no longer in a state of shock, but my eyes were now red and puffy, my face swollen and the clock hands have moved forward a few inches. I had been crying for the past two hours nearly non stop. Hanbin, Bobby and Yunhyeong joined me with tears every now and then. I hadn’t spoken to any of them, in fact none of us have exchanged words since they first arrived.

“Guys” I begin. Hanbin takes a seat beside me on the end of my double bed. Bobby and Yunhyeong take a seat cross legged on the floor in front of me. They all stay quiet, and allow me to speak. I desperately collect myself, taking a deep breath, I begin to explain.

“Ma- she and I- broke up- about a week ago” I admit. Although they are some of my closest friends, I haven’t gotten the chance to tell them until this very moment due to our busy schedules. “I messed up” I tell them resting my elbows on my knees and my forehead to my palms. “What did you do?” Yunhyeong asks me quietly. “I- well- I cheated on her” I say practically admitting the reality to myself. Bobby’s eyes widen and Hanbin questions me more to explain. “Junhoe and I had gone out, I drank too much, way more than I thought or planned to, and I took another girl home, it was a mistake, a huge one” I explain. The room stays silent for a moment or two. My thoughts dig deeper into my mind, into my heart. The love of my life is dead, and the last she remembered of me was my stupidity.

“GOD I JUST WISH I WAS ON THAT PLANE WITH HER!” I break. The others jump at my abrupt outburst of anger at myself. “At least then we would be together, be together in our last moments, maybe I could have protected her, maybe things would have been different, I shouldn’t-” My voice is broken and saddened. My throat begins hurting and my eyes sting slightly, I’m too angry to cry and have no desire to just sit in despair. “Donghyuk, enough” Bobby interrupts me. I look at him. “You can't change things, this is what nobody wanted, ever, but sitting here just yelling at yourself for being stupid, for making a mistake is doing nothing, asking yourself why you did what you did isn’t going to help, nothing of the sorts will Donghyuk, nothing” he advises me. His words mean something to me, I know he is right. “Donghyuk, don’t think about what could’ve happened, start thinking about what has” he tells me. I smile a tear managing to escape my eye. He’s right once again. I walk to my nightstand, pulling out all the letters from her. I unfold them one by one, reading the words of happiness, joy and love. I glide my thumb over her signature, the one with the little heart beside it. I smile, tears now streaming down my cheeks and dripping from my jaw.

For another few hours I read over the notes and letters, I read them one by one and when I finish I start all over again.

The others all sit in my living room, not leaving me alone in a time like this.

“Donghyuk” Bobby stands in my door way. I look up to him and smile trying to hold back more tears from falling. “It’s okay, I’m really sorry about all of this” he sits beside me placing a hand between my shoulder blades. I hunch myself over, now I’m a crying mess, choking out tears painfully. I look up and straight ahead of me at the framed photograph of myself and Madisen that's hangs on my bedroom wall. I look at her smile, so big and bright. I look at her eyes which look at me. Bobby looks away from me, taking in a deep breath to halt his own tears. I reach into the drawer taking out the engagement ring made to fit her delicate hand perfectly. I open the box, a tear from my cheek dropping to the cushion the ring stand upon. I hear a light gasp from Bobby who sits beside me. He stands and exits the room to leave me alone as I was before.

I place the box to the table top and exit my room.

I sit at my dining room table, poking the rice in the bowl in front of my with a chopstick. The boys had left after asking me repeatedly if it was okay for them to leave. Unable to eat, I stab both chopsticks into the now cold rice and head back to my bedroom, dimly lit by my lamp. The ring which I had left out sparkles in the light. I walk to my window, the city nightlife alive as ever. My eyes follow the blurs of car headlights that rush by on the street below.

“Donghyuk~ you love me right?” I hear her voice in the back of my mind followed by her sweet giggles. “Yes Madisen” I speak with a smile across my lips. I place a finger to the glass, drawing a heart just barely visible to the eye on it. I turn around, placing my back to the window. I slide my way to the ground my back still against the wall. I grab my cracked cellphone from my pocket. I mindlessly flip through photos of her, I smile at this one and that, I laugh at a few others, while all bring tears to the rims of my eyes.

“Baby, look” she points over the fence at all the koi in the pond we stand above. “You always liked the koi fish, didn’t you?” I speak out loud while looking at the screen of my phone illuminating a photograph of her smiling back at me who takes the photo. I swipe to the next photo. “Koi fish” I laugh, my tears beginning to flow over my cheekbones. “The symbol of our love” her voice echos in my mind. “Everlasting” I finish her sentence. I shut off my phone standing from the floor. I pace my way slowly to the photograph hanging center of my wall. My hand slides over the image of her. I smile. “Donghyuk” she says my name with annoyance as I insist to take another photo. She always hated how many photos I would take on our dates, but at the end of the day she loved them as much as I did. I yawn, before heading to my bed. I take a seat staring aimlessly at the open ring box and the gem which remain propped up within it.

I smile, one last tear falling from my eye. “Someday” I speak closing the ring box. I settle myself into bed, rolling to face my window. I eye the dark midnight sky. “Someday my angel, someday”

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