Part Ten: I Will

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I walk, my head held high to my front door. I open it with a smile. “Ay~ Donghyuk” Bobby greets me at my front entrance. He and the others enter and quickly make themselves comfortable.

Today was my birthday, today was also the day that marked exactly six months since I walked away from what used to be the love of my life.

“Happy birthday!” Hanbin throws an arm around me and hands me a small gift bag. “Haps bro” Junhoe punches my bicep gently. The seven of us, myself and my friends, sit in my living room, the television on, but none of us pay attention to it. Our conversations loud, filling my home with laughter and cheers. We all sit with a drink in hand, alcoholic or not we cheers to the occasion. My phone rings and I answer it, expecting a birthday wish from the other line. “Donghyuk, how dare you not invite us, open the door” it’s Eryn. I hear the girls chuckle from the hallway before the line hangs up. “I got it” Bobby runs, allowing the four girls in. “Sorry to crash your boys night” Skye jokes as the girls all take a seat with us. My small birthday get together, now feeling more like a bustling party. I take a sip of my drink as I listen to my friends conversations happening around me. Chanwoo and Yunhyeong arguing over who is going to call and get a pizza delivered, Hanbin being teased and picked on by a few of the girls, Bobby and Eryn being the love birds I know them to be. I look out my window and over the lit up city, the nightlife alive as ever.

Soon pizza arrives and we all take a seat wherever possible. We fill our plates with tonight's late dinner, and grab refills of our drinks. “I’d like to make a toast” Jinhwan begins, quieting the room as if at a formal event. I chuckle a bit at his proper stance. He stand from his seat, a glass in one hand. “To my boy Donghyukie, today is your day, so let’s continue to enjoy all together and head out into the city, what do you say?” he holds his glass out in my direction. I look around the room, pairs of friendly eyes glancing at me. “Then why are we still here?” I hold up my glass with cheers. The others all follow my actions, cheering their glasses in the air.

Shortly we all head out and onto the street. We head to a bar, most of us ordering drinks. The atmosphere more like a party now than before. Our conversation continues as they were. I laugh with my friends. It feels good to finally let loose, to finally live, live how I want.

A few hours fly by, and the bustling bar has calmed, only us and a couple other tables of people remain. Our lively state is dying as we talk quietly and sip on water or soda.

“This birthday has been fun, right Donghyuk? Better than the last?” Chanwoo speaks up, putting me on the spot. “It sure has” I reply, referring to the wreck that was my birthday only a year ago.

Last year I had decided to not celebrate, I spent a day alone, that is until I was joined by Madisen. I answer Chanwoo with a honest yes, but when I truly think about it, today would have better if Madisen were here.

“Sorry guys, I’ll be back” Eryn stands from the table answering her phone from it’s ring.

“Well thank you all for a great night, I wasn’t sure how much I would enjoy my birthday this year, not with all that’s happened, but I sure did” I speak, a truthful thanks.

“Of course Donghyuk”

“Anything Donghyuk”

“We love you Donghyuk”

“To Donghyuk, happy birthday boy” Bobby toasts with a glass of water. I smile. My thanks to my friends nothing but true.

“Hey guys, sorry for stepping out” Eryn returns taking her seat beside Bobby once again. “Who was it?” Bobby asks, before looking at Eryn’s phone screen. “Oh it was Madisen?” Yunhyeong asks, seeing her screen as she sets her phone down. “Yup” Eryn nods, before looking over at me, I look away. “How is she anyways? What has she been up to?” Yunhyeong asks about her with pure curiosity, considering none of the boys, besides Bobby, have talked or seen her since I broke things off ‘properly’. Eryn eyes me again, I can sense her apologies from across the table. “She’s well, she actually was calling to tell me she is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow” Eryn speaks. I listen carefully. Without control I smile slightly at the news. Yunhyeong continues on questioning Eryn about Madisen. “Must we!” I stand from my chair. “Just stop with the questions, that’s it, she’s fine, she’s doing well, end of story!” I yell, becoming more angry as the seconds pass. As much as the news makes me as happy as it does the others, I can’t handle it. I’ve tried to forget all about her for the past six months, to start over and each day I seem to fall back to this state where I can’t do anything without even the simplest thought of her. My anger takes the better of me, and without allowing the others a word, I exit the bar and begin heading home. My heart is torn, between my own emotions. On one side I feel a warm happiness that this amazing woman I once thought the world of is well and healthy, but on the other I feel as though I’ve been thrown into a fire. I can do all I want to erase what was her in my life, but nothing seems to work. I still love her, I’ve always loved her, I will always love her, I will.

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