Part One: I'm Sorry

~ ~ ~

Her eyes practically piece right through me. I turn my head to avoid her eye contact. I take a gulp and let out a deep sigh. “Donghyuk” her voice is sharper than her glare. I turn my head back forward but look to my feet. I feel as alike to a child who is being scolded by their mother. “Donghyuk” her voice raises, clearly she wants my full attention, although I’d rather not give it her considering I know exactly what she will say, I give it to her anyways. “Madisen” I speak quietly looking up to her. Her soft sea blue eyes are like daggers. She goes to speak, but I silence her with my own speech. Panicking I don’t allow her the first word. “Listen, I’m more than sorry Madisen, I didn’t- I wasn’t thinking, I just- I made a mistake, please beautiful, forgive me?” I try my best to stay collected while apologizing. “Forgive you?” she scoffs rolling her eyes. “Really?” she speaks. “I just think you should, our relationship is worth more than this Madi” I try to persuade her, although I just come across as a fool. “I should? Donghyuk, you’ve lost it” she lets out a sigh, and walks away from me and to the large window overlooking the city skyline. I stand beside her, looking over the buildings and at the mountains in the distance. “You made a mistake, that’s for sure” she begins, her voice calmer than before. “I’m sorry” I mutter. “No, I am Donghyuk” she speaks, catching me by surprise. “Mad-” I begin but she shakes her head for me to stop. She walks towards my bed, taking a seat on the edge. I watch as her hand runs gently over the comforter she sit upon. She watches her own hand along with me. “Donghyuk” she begins, her voice is quiet and ridden with a sense of sadness. “Please don’t” I ask her more as a statement. “I’m sorry, I-” she continues ignoring my desire for her to not. “This won’t work Donghyuk” she states. “This can’t work, not now” she tells me. I turn away from her facing my gaze out the window. The overcast day ahead of me illuminates the room. “We, can’t work” she tells me, placing her hand to my back which startles me. “Madisen” I try to speak, but my tears take over me. I cough out my tears. I wipe my wet cheeks after a few seconds of my sadness making me appear like a baby. My bottom lip quivers as I hold back my other tears which rest on the rims of my eyes. “Donghyuk, I know you’re sorry but forgiveness isn’t in the question. I know it was a mistake, so you say, but it was a big enough mistake to break my heart, you know that right? How can I possibly forgive you? How Donghyuk, how?” her voice becomes harsher as her speech continues. “I don’t know” I respond pulling my tears back. “I don’t know what else to tell you” she tells me. “Say no more, I need no more, if it’s over then it’s over” I say wiping one last remaining tear from my cheek. I place a hand to her arm escorting her to the front door of my apartment. “Donghyuk” she says. “I’m sorry” I tell her one last time, opening the door I watch her step out. “Bye Donghyuk” she says as if we’re friends. I nod my head once, closing the door behind her.

“I love you” my voice sounds to myself. I rest my back to the door. Letting out a deep breath.

I walk, my steps feeling heavy. I head back to my bedroom. Tears flow once again. I take a seat on my bed, flicking on my side table lamp. I open the small drawer on my nightstand. I smile through my sadness. I reach in taking out a small folded piece of paper. Unfolding the sheet I read the words that were once meaningful. I place the first letter she had ever wrote to me down on my pillow. I take out another page reading it, I read all the notes she had given me over the past two years we spent together. I take out one last sheet from the nightstand. I unfold the page, reading the last letter I ever wrote to her, but the only letter I never got the chance to give to her.

Dear Madisen,

The light of my world, the happiness of my smile, the truth of my mind, the love of my life.

It’s been a crazy two years, hasn’t it? Hahaha.

Remember our first date when I spilt coffee all over you because I’m almost as big of a clutz as you ;p

Oh, how about our third date when you broke two of my juice cups and a plate falling off the counter you were kneeling on to reach the dishes. I was worried at first when you slipped from the counter, but when you started laughing, gosh you were the cutest.

Oh my, remember that first Christmas, I went with you back to Canada. It was so cold, how do you not get cold?!? I’ll never understand you, you’re insane ;p

I’m sure you remember that one time I sang to you, you ruined my plan by joining me at the piano and playing, but it made the day even better, we should duet more often. :)

Do you remember just a few days ago, when we woke up beside one another, you were so tired it was cute.

Well Madisen, I want to make everyday that is to come just like that one. I want to wake up next to you. I want to tuck your hair behind your ear and be the first person to wish you good morning. I want to be the one who tells you you’re beautiful when you get ready for work, I want to slave over the stove to cook you dinner or be the one to tell you you’re cooking taste good (I can’t cook, haha you know that). I want to be the person to kiss you goodnight. Be your pillow you rest your head on, and the next day to be just as the one past.

I want to spend my life with you.

Madisen, would you spend everyday with me. Hand in hand. Heart in heart.

I guess what I’m trying to say is… well…

I fold the letter back up, my tears have slowed as sadness sinks deeper into me. I reach back into the drawer grabbing the last remaining item from it. A small velvet navy blue box. The box rests in my palm. I smile. I slowly open it, revealing a sparkling diamond ring. It’s band classic and silver leading to one large diamond. “Will you marry me?” I finish my letter with my voice how I had planned. I pinch the ring from the box, holding it between two of my fingers. It glimmers in the lamp light. I smile a bittersweet feeling bubbling inside me. “I’m sorry”

~ ~ ~