“Ringggggggggggg…….”

Jaemin groaned irritatingly at the deafening sound. He trashed and turned and buried his head with a pillow but the forsaken noise wouldn’t stop. His alarm clock had been ringing continuously for 5 minutes straight but Jaemin couldn’t bring himself to stand up and turn it off. He was too lazy to move.

Busy with his own inner feud, mentally noted pros and cons about wasting energy just to shut the damned device up, Jaemin hadn’t noticed the way the door to his room squeaked open and in came another male that turned his clock off for him.

“Hey, Jaemin-ah! Why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“What do you want?” Judging from the timbre of the other’s voice, it was bound to be his brother. But Jaemin wasn’t in the mood to answer formally; his face was still deep in his pillow and his response came out muffled.

“Mom told me to wake you up,” Yuta explained and sat at the end of the younger’s bed, the mattress dipped under his weight. “Hansol’s downstairs. He brought his car, he’s coming to school with us.”

“I don’t feel like going to school.”

“Why? You sick or something?”

“I’m just—” Jaemin had pulled himself off his messy sheets and turned to his older brother, hair tousled and state disheveled. “Hyung, I did something bad.”

Yuta raised a questioning brow though he was confused by the sudden assertion. “How bad?”

“Really bad.”

“….”

“…..”

“Okay.” Yuta was frowning and then he stood up abruptly that shocked the younger. “Does Mom need to know about this or do I have to—.”

As Yuta was about to take a step forward, Jaemin immediately grabbed onto the elder’s right wrist to prevent him from moving. “Hyung, it’s not that bad! Mom doesn’t need to know.”

“Good, I thought you got yourself involved in a gang or started taking illegal drugs or something.” Yuta sounded relieved and even brought a hand to his chest and took a deep breath. Goodness, he was overly dramatic.

That was ridiculous, Jaemin thought as he let the older go. “Hyung, have more faith in me, will you?”

“Whatever you say.” Yuta waved his hand dismissively before he sat back down at his previous spot on the younger’s bed. “So, what is it? What did you do? I’m all ears.” 

Jaemin was slightly reluctant. Should he tell Yuta? What if Yuta was going to judge him? But Yuta’s eyes were expecting, waiting for him to continue so Jaemin just gave in. Yuta was his brother— he should at least trust him. So Jaemin told him a lot of things, but mostly about what had been going on between him and Jeno lately. He had made sure to leave out some information here and there though (about liking Jeno and all his mushy feelings for the slightly older male). Yuta did not need to know any of it, thank you very much.

“Wow, you’re actually pretty stupid, Jaemin,” Yuta said when Jaemin was done explaining, disbelief and mocking was clear in his face.

“Thanks for rubbing it in.” Jaemin rolled his eyes at his brother. Yuta wasn’t being helpful at all!

“I’m serious.” Yuta shrugged but he had a grin on his face, purposely riling the younger up. Teasing Jaemin had always been rewarding. “But why did you do it, though? Why did you ask Jeno to stay away?”

Jaemin thought for a minute. Exactly. Why did he?

“I don’t know— I was confused, shocked and I thought it was the right thing to do at that moment.” But who was he kidding? Jaemin clearly wasn’t at the right state of mentality then. He acted impulsively and did what he thought he had to do— run away. It was cowardly and stupid, but it had already happened— there was nothing he could do to change any of it. He had already hurt Jeno.

“Obviously, you were wrong.” Yuta looked disappointed, very. He hadn’t expected his brother to act like the way that he did at the slightest— Jaemin had been very insensitive at some point.

Jaemin sighed deeply. Guilt was eating him up alive. Usually he would defend himself but— he couldn’t even argue with the older when Jaemin knew that Yuta was right. “Tell me about it.”

Both boys were quiet for a while. Jaemin also ran out of words himself. He and Yuta rarely talked seriously so it was something new for the both of them. “I don’t actually know what to say to cheer you up right now.” Yuta looked rather sad knowing that he couldn’t aid Jaemin or offer any kind of help. “You know I’m bad at giving advice, right?”

Thought it was slightly close to the truth, Jaemin thought otherwise. “It’s alright, hyung. I just needed someone to talk to, somebody that would listen without prejudice.” Yuta just being there for him had already been more than enough. Besides Donghyuck, Jaemin hadn’t told anyone what had been happening. Bin and his other friends were worried since he had been acting strange and rather depressed but Jaemin just couldn’t tell them— it wasn’t just his problem to tell. It was exclusively just between him and Jeno; no one should interfere. And somehow, telling Yuta made things easier for Jaemin. It made the burden less and it was as if the weight of the world wasn’t on his shoulders anymore. “But what do you think I should do, hyung?”

“You’re smart, Jaemin, but you overthink alot. You might have ed up now but you can still fix it if you want to.” Yuta was bad with words— sometimes he wondered how Hansol could stand being with him— but Yuta trusted his instincts and said the first thing that came to his mind. “Just follow your heart, okay? Or else, you’ll regret it until the very end.”

Jaemin was stunned. Yuta might be a big pain in the at times but Jaemin really could count on him when the situation called for it. They might not be related by blood but they’ll always be brothers.

Yuta extended his hand when he saw the astonished expression on Jaemin’s face and ruffled the younger’s brown locks in between his fingers endearingly. “C’mon, take a bath and hurry up. We’ll wait for you downstairs. Mom cooked your favorite so don’t lag off, okay?” Yuta added before he stood up and went out the door. “And yes, you’re coming to school with us. You can’t run away from Jeno forever. You guys still need to talk.”

Jaemin could only stare at elder’s retreating back as he gently closed the door behind him then sighed out loud, dropped his back onto the soft mattress again and stared at his white ceiling.

Hyung is right. I need to talk to him.

It was a fine Monday afternoon, classes had ended and they were at their usual spot again, at the rooftop of their year building. When they arrived, they immediately sat on the cold tiled floor, their bags left at the corner while they stared at nothing in particular.

Jaemin wanted to play football after their last lecture with Bin and Chan since they asked him to join them but Donghyuck turned down the offer nonchalantly. Donghyuck then asked Jaemin if they could stay at the roof for a while, he wanted to tell Jaemin something. It seemed serious so Jaemin agreed, promising his other f