Chapter 1: 2840 words

    Senior year: for most students, it's a look towards the future, a land full of opportunity. Wonwoo didn't have that liberty. A little over 3 months ago, he had been diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma. Wonwoo wasn't sure he had a future to look to. He finished the school year out, missing enough days, but still finishing with good grades. Through the summer, his heavier radiation treatments and chemo started. He'd shaved his head after losing most of his hair, he'd lost a lot of weight, and his eyes were slightly sunken in. He was practically a ghost of his previous self.

     He told his friends he had gone on vacation all summer and had avoided talking with them for the most part. He didn't want them to see him like this, bald and looking like death. He didn't want to burden them, so he lied. With school, and senior year, starting just around the corner, Wonwoo wasn't sure what to do yet. He didn't even want to re-enroll at Pledis High, but his mother made him. It's not like he could go to school in this condition and he was only through two of his four chemo cycles. Odds are, he wouldn't make it anyways. 

    You see, the thing about odds is they are in fact very much against Wonwoo's favor. When Wonwoo was first diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, he had an 89% chance of making it five years. Then came staging, Wonwoo was diagnosed with stage 3. Down to a 64% chance. Add in all his risk factors of low albumin, his gender, and his high calcium and hemoglobin and you'd now be down to 42%. 42% chance that Wonwoo might make it five years. They didn't even bother to tell him his chances at ten years. 

    But, he was ready to go. Wonwoo was exhausted and in high amounts of pain. He didn't want to live like this for another stupid five years.  It was a constant cycle of loneliness, vomiting,  needles, drugs, blood, sweat and tears. So so many tears, but not his own. Even if he wanted to cry, he wouldn't. One of his chemo drugs made every tear painful, and another made every tear blood red. 

    Even with the daily crying relatives, there couldn't really be anyone who would miss him. His parents had his two siblings (and he was sure they would appreciate the lack of medical bills), his friends might never know and the rest of his family would get over it. Everyone's lives could go back to the way they were, before cancer came and wrecked them all. 

    Wonwoo knows that he is depressed and he knows that it makes his mom cry more  whenever he talks lightly of death, but he believes that the more realistic he is about it, the easier it'll be. 

    Wonwoo likes his current living conditions. He is pretty much alone in his dark hospital room, and he likes that. But his psych recommended they have one of the younger interns be put in his room. 

    "The interns" were a group of young, practically unpaid, college kids who were all competing for some big medical grant or to get into some big medical school. They predominantly used them in the pediatric section because they were much more young and fun than the old nurses, and they were just recently out of school and could tutor. Sadly, Wonwoo was still 17 when he was first diagnosed and even though he was 18 now, he was still loosely placed in pediatrics. Therefore, Wonwoo was totally applicable to get himself an intern. 

    But, as many interns as they would give him, he would run every single one off. The first was a perky pretty young blonde girl. She waltz in, attempting to flirt with him. They were trying to seduce him into health and happiness or some bull like that. She didn't last a day. All Wonwoo had to do was scream at her to "get the hell out and leave him alone to die". She ran off crying. Then came the jock who lasted a few more days than the perky blonde, but eventually Wonwoo overheard him telling the doctor that, "he didn't feel comfortable working with a prick who didn't want him and wanted to die."

    After he'd been through 7 (of 10) of the hospital interns, he didn't get a new one for two whole weeks. Once they'd brought back his old nurse, an old lady who was practically blind but never asked any questions and always left him alone, Wonwoo was quick to assume that they'd finally given up.

    So Wonwoo was back to his normal post-cancer self, waiting for death. He was lying in his hospital bed, as he does everyday, when his mother burst into the room, already crying. Wonwoo tensed. The "I'm going to die, I've accepted it, let's move on" routine worked for everyone but his mother. He hated causing her pain, and he hated seeing her in pain. She was the reason he hadn't refused treatments yet. 

    "Wonwoo, you've got to stop this. This isn't okay." She walked over to Wonwoo's bed and he could sense where this was going.  "You can't keep pushing people away. I tried to understand when you chose to not tell your friends. When you chose to isolate yourself and not go to support group, I stood by, but this is where I draw the line. You're getting another intern, and you're going to behave. I don't care if he or she is the worst human on the planet, you will tolerate them. I love you baby, and you can't just give up like this." She had collapsed into the chair next to Wonwoo's bed, sobbing. 

    Seeing her like that, it hurt. Like that twisty knife like pain that will sit with you for wears and might never go away. Added into pure guilt was disappointment. He'd made her like this. 

    "Okay" He said slowly, she looked up from her current fetal position, "I'll try." 

    She ran to his bed and pulled him into a bone crushing hug, "Thank you, thank you so much honey" she laid next to him in bed, just holding him and crying for a long while. 

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    The next morning, his old nurse walked in. Wonwoo sighed in relief, thinking maybe his mother had changed her mind about what could be best for his health. Yet after his old quiet nurse has taken his vitals, she him his breakfast and pills and quietly told him that his new intern  would be arriving shortly before quickly scampering out the room. Wonwoo wasn't sure, but he wouldn't be surprised if she was scared of him as well. He was practically known as a dark