“Do you have any plans for tomorrow night?” asked Junmyeon, readjusting his white shirt and searching for his shoes, scattered across Yixing’s apartment.

The writer was still in bed, half and with his head sank into the soft pillow. With Jongin always at the hospital or at Sehun’s house, he was always alone in the big apartment, so much his head had started itching and craving for someone to talk to.

Junmyeon had been the sweetest human he had ever met, calling him at random times of the day just to tell him something that had happened to him during the day or some lame jokes he just couldn’t not laugh at, but still, he missed his roommate.

“Sorry, Jongin’s university has this big performance programmed and he asked me to come. Actually, do you want to come with me? If it’s like last year, it’s is going to be fun” he asked shyly, almost unsure if saying anything at all.

Junmyeon looked at him with stars glinting in his eyes: he had waited so long for an invitation from Yixing to go somewhere. With his previous “dating” regime, he sure wasn’t used to ask someone out, nor he knew how to talk, really talk, to his partner about how was he feeling, but he was learning.

Stretching himself to reach Yixing’s mouth, Junmyeon murmured:

“I’d be honored to”

He then tenderly kissed his boyfriend and was out the door.

That day he had rented a music room to practice his lines and songs for his upcoming role in the “Madama Butterfly”. He kept the script in the safest pocket of his bag, knowing how much time and effort Yixing had put in  that little book.

Arrived at the hall, he took out his phone and composed a number he by now knew by heart.

“Yixing-ah, I was just hit by a thought: if cats rose to rule the world, would it be a catt-astrophy?”

Silence dragged for some seconds, then a quiet laugh made its way through the speaker.

“I can hear you giggling” said Junmyeon with a wide smile spread across his lips.

“Go away, you pun-abuser”

“I love you too, Yixing”

Breath.

Relax.

Flex.

Relax.

It took only twenty minutes to establish that Kyungsoo could safely return home with the only medical prescription of a blunt tranquilizer for a few days.

He transitioned from the blinding white to his usual blue; oh, how everything looked so much brighter after a few days at the hospital: the trees, gently rocking at the wind, seemed taller, stretched at their maximum in order to reach the sky above, the clouds looked puffier, the air fresher… all the little details of the landscape before him he had always neglected hit him now with sudden strength, so much he had to stay still for a minute.

Steel blue.

The sky was steel blue, a color that tasted like freedom.

And, best part for last, Jongin. His hand had interlaced with hi like it was the most natural thing in the world, letting him know that everything was still the same: the world hadn’t ended, the Earth was still rotating around its axis, he just had to take a moment for himself to realize it.

First step back into his house was painful, the second was better. His dad’s figure still lingered in the living room, like a ghost waiting for his revenge. That was his house, the safest place in the universe, and now he didn’t quite feel at home even there, but there was him. His presence made every problem dull, just a background noise.

Jongin looked deep into his eyes and smiled brightly:

“Has anyone ever told you that you have puffy cheeks? Just like a Japanese mochi”

Kyungsoo raised an eyebrow.

“No, never. What’s your point?”

“You are cute”

A kiss, so light he could have sworn he had dreamt it. If he closed his mind to the real world and visited his dream palace now, he would have found his usual clouds to lean upon, but they’d be not separated from the ground anymore. How could anyone reach him if he was so up in the sky? Was that the reason he had always felt so alone?

He didn’t know, but he felt so light now he could take flight just by snapping his fingers, just like Peter Pan.

A kiss.

A kiss and low blues playing in the background.

A kiss and Jongin looking at his CD collection like a little kid searching for a treasure.

A kiss and he wanted more.

“Jongin…” he said, a quiet question hanging in the air. “Would you stay here tonight?”

The dancer stopped searching through Kyungsoo’s shelves and looked at him surprised. He had slept in that house before, even in his bed, but now it was different. They were different.

Had he…?

Was he…?

Could he…?

Two steps separated the young men and they meant more than a thousand vain words, more than even a promise. Nullifying them would have meant breaking the only boundary that was separating them, but also a very big “Not going back”.

Firsts, however you see them, are forever to experience and remember.

Had he…?

Was he…?

Could he…?

“Please”

Sometimes, actions are louder than words, but without these little strings of letters, actions would never happen in the first place.

And for every first, comes the pain of the baptism of fire. And was precisely fire was Kyungsoo felt in his body, starting from his lower stomach, radiating through his nerves in every corner of his being. Jongin kept his hand in his short hair the entire time, whispering soft words in his ears, trying to ease the pain away until pleasure took its place, going slow and steady, caressing his pale skin with his lips, because he was finally his to touch, his to explore, his to love.

More than the physical pleasure, what kept their smile hanging on their faces was the knowledge of being together through that first, maybe one of the most memorable of their lives. The fact that they couldn’t love each other more than that even if they wanted to, despite the pain and the fears that would always be that little sting in their heart, despite the loneliness that would always waft on their memories, despite of what still had to be done.

Low and warm notes lulled them into the abyss, for the first time in Kyungsoo’s life, going into the dream world together.

Tick tack.

Tick tack.

This is not your place dream boy.

Who are you?

I’m you. I’m your mind. I’m your everything.

What do you mean by that?

This is not your place. Here are stored your memories and you don’t want to come in here. It could be painful.

Still, I want to understand.

You have no certainty you will, so why would you?

I love my family, they are the reason I’m here living right now. I can’t let things rotten between us.

Oh, what a noble young men you are, dream boy, but if you enter this place, hundreds of days of complete solitude and annihilating silence will pour on you like a waterfall. Are you ready to bear the pain? Is your motive important enough?

Yes. Yes, please. I have to go.

Go ahead then. To your past.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Gosh, finding WI-FI when you are in vacation is hard! Either way, I was reading an super y kaisoo fanfic and I wanted to do something like that, but lighter. Love scenes are hard to write, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway. And thank you all for the lovely comments, they make my day brighter ^__^