Bitterness Mania

That bright summer day

Junmyeon’s house was grandiose, a traditional mansion, made by wood and white stones, harmoniously embedded in order to form the perfect home for the actor. Yixing was so lost in his vision that he got lost several times, trying to navigate the place, and every time Junmyeon had to pick him up from the storage room, the laundry, the bathroom…

Clueless kid.

The living room was as big as his entire apartment, directly connected with the kitchen.

“Choose the movie you like from the cabinet. Meanwhile, I’ll prepare something for dinner”

“Wait, I want to help you cooking”

Junmyeon smiled, but the curve in his lips lasted only a few minutes: not that he wasn’t good, he was actually very competent, but he got distracted so easily that eggs almost caught fire. At the end, he made him sit in front of the television and warned him not to move.

“So you live here alone?” asked the writer, still looking around, curious.

“Yes. It was once my grandmother’s house, and now it is mine. It is quite a bother to clean in its entirely, but my mother hired someone to help while I’m at work.”

“Oh, so you are a Shàoyé” said Yixing, contemplatively.

“A what?”

“It means Young master in Chinese. You’re the son of a rich family, that is what I meant”

Junmyeon expression saddened.

“Well, you can say I was. I was almost disowned by my father when he discovered I preferred men to women. I’m his only son and he wanted an heir. A child I’ll never be able to give him”

The actor’s eyes were like lakes, deep and watery. Yixing could almost see tiny fishes swimming in them.

“I think that, as long as you find someone who makes you happy, there is no problem. Your family will at last understand that having an heir is not compatible with your happiness and will start to accept you”

“You think?”

“Positively so”

Finally, Junmyeon smiled. From a high shelf, he pulled out two bottles of soju.

“Well, a night like this provides a nice drink. Have you chosen the movie?”

 

 

“You think she will get killed?” asked Yixing, with a groggy voice.

He wasn’t drunk, nor was his companion, but he felt more relaxed, his blood a little warmer in his veins.

“Maybe. She is smart, but the villain if far stronger”

They were laying in the floor, chips at hand, staring at the television screen. Their hands were so close it was hard for Junmyeon to resist the temptation to just grab Yixing’s one and interlace their fingers. He had such slender ones, pale as his complexion, almost translucent.

Could he…?

“I still don’t understand why she is orange”

The actor interrupted his thoughts to laugh.

“It’s called fake tan. Some people like it, they think it makes you look healthier and more beautiful”

“It kinda makes you look like a citrus, if you ask me”

Yixing gaze fluctuated from the screen to Junmyeon face: he was trying hard not to laugh again, making his cheeks go puffy and his lips to squeeze together. Even if he was very cheesy and sometimes ridiculous, he was also damn cute.

Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the solitude within him, screaming at the top of his lungs inside his heart to do it, to finally connect with someone permanently, to release his sorrow. Maybe he just wanted it.

Junmyeon’s lips were delicate, his neck’s skin smooth under his hands’ touch. It was only a light kiss, but it was enough to calm his inner voice, after such a long time spent crying and roaring in his chest. And tears. Crystalline tears rolled down his cheek, blurring his vision.

“Yixing, are you ok?”

No, I’m not, he wanted to answer, but his mouth was unusable. All the memories, the love wasted on a single person who could never feel the same, he knew, yet he hoped. Because every human is given a certain amount of hope, and he had thrown all of it at the one girl he loved back then, only to find himself broken.

Something soft was wiping his tears away. Junmyeon, a handkerchief in his hand.

“Cry your heart out. You’ll feel a lot better afterward”

“I don’t wanna cry” he said, stumbling upon words, going back and forth from Korean to Chinese “I want to be happy, I want to be able to sleep alone at night and have beautiful dreams”

And then, without notice, two steady arms wrapped themselves around him, closing him into a bear hug.

“Sometimes in movies they say you have to let go of the past, but memories are what makes us what we are. Everything, even the pain, is worth remembering, but you cannot let those feelings linger in your hearts after all this time. They are not gone, just frozen in your memories, where they belong. You present and your future is completely in your hands, for you to shape anew” Junmyeon’s voice was almost a whisper, having Yixing’s ear so close to his mouth.

The writer let out a single, heartbreaking sob, his tears already dried, and then he sat up straight.

“Thank you”

 

 

The restaurant was tiny, with red cushioned chairs and short burgundies tables. Every set was divided by some wooden booths, masterly hand painted. The one near their table represented a phoenix, rising from the white clouds, curls of fire detaching from her body like a halo.

“This is one of my favorite restaurant. My mother and I always come here if we have the chance”

Kyungsoo was still mesmerized by the mystical painting, observing every of paint the artist had laid on the wood.

Their table wasn’t big enough for them to stretch their legs, so much that his feet were constantly bumping into Jongin’s, but the dancer seemed like he didn’t even notice it: he was observing his friend with tender eyes, his every movement, slow, without a rush.

The waitress who usually served him and his mother brought the usual dishes that the two always ordered, glancing surprised at Kyungsoo.

“Here you go. Did you prefer to order something else?” she said, looking at the singer, batting her long eyelashes like a lost puppy.

Kyungsoo, however, wasn’t paying much attention to her so he dismissed her with a simple “No, thank you” and returned to look at the restaurant, absorbed in some kind of fantasy only he knew.

“You should be smoother with girls who are trying to get your attention?” said Jongin, with a curvy smile on his lips.

“She was only doing her job”

“Oh God, Kyungsoo, has experience not taught you anything?”

The singer dropped in gaze on his empty plate and started playing with the chopsticks.

“If I had any, maybe I would say yes, but… I never found a girl who could charm me in that way”

“So you’ve never been in a relationship? That is hard to believe”

So what Sehun had said was true, but never even trying at high school to get a girlfriend…

“I never saw the appeal. I had friends, but to start to feel a certain way for someone… it’s messy and complicated. It can ruin everything I’ve tried to build up until now”

Jongin felt a sting in his heart, like a tiny needle prick, but he wasn’t going to be discouraged.

“It can also be amazingly beautiful. I’m not saying I can fully understand your position, because you have a different past and a different set of emotions, but you can just look at Chanyeol and Baekhyun: aren’t they happier when they are together? Of course is going to be messy, but some of those risks are worth taking”

Kyungsoo felt Jongin’s eyes glue to his, searching for something to grasp, like an anchor to cling on, but he could only find filmy and ephemeral dreams. And so he took his hand. If Kyungsoo was made of gold dust, he could at least collect a handful for himself and love that tiny bit of him like a whole.

And then the call arrived.

 

 

Chanyeol was on the floor, blood leaking from a cut on his temple, agonizing because of something terribly broken. Not his bones, not his veins, but his heart: Baekhyun was held mid-air by two hands around his neck, gurgling something between his sparse breaths, and he couldn’t even get up on his feet.

“Dammit you , how much are you going to keep on going? Just making out with your boyfriend all day long on campus, you are ing disgusting”

Chanyeol could see the absolute terror in his boyfriend’s eyes and the sound of his heart breaking filled his ears. It wasn’t the first time some bullies had decided to pick on them because of their relationship, but it was the first time they were so violent. They had taken down Chanyeol with an iron pipe and now were threatening Baekhyun.

He couldn’t stand to involve him, but he had only one call available and he couldn’t risk to waste it.

Everybody knew that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were best friends, but only a few people knew just how strong the shorter one was, especially when his loved ones were at bait.

He arrived faster than a lightning, taking down the guy who was hurting Baekhyun with a punch, then, rotating on his left foot, he kicked hard in the face the one behind him, making the iron pipe fall on the ground. The only one remaining hadn’t even begun to understand what was happening when he flopped on the hard concrete, in pain, clutching his leg at his chest.

Kyungsoo had red sparks in his eyes, fury overflowing from every pore, not even noticing the surging pain on his knuckles and his ankle. It had been such a long time since he had fought with someone for real, probably since his last year of high school, when a classmate had decided it was ok to stuff one of his friend’s mouth with toilet paper to have fun.

Jongin, who had watched to scene in silence, his jaws dropped, not quite understanding what had happened, could only look at Kyungsoo in disbelief: that tiny, supple boy had just taken down three guys with his bare hands; his dream boy, who lived on the clouds, looking at their shapes all day without a worry in the world as long as there was music, was towering one of the bullies with bloodshot eyes.

“What do you think you were doing?” he asked, his voice reduced to a growl.

“N-Nothing I swear. We’ll go now” muttered the guy, getting himself together and starting to run along his companions.

“You better do” whispered the singer, returning to his usual self “Jongin, can you help Chanyeol standing? I think we may have to go to the hospital”

But his friends didn’t want anyone’s help: he got up by himself and sprinted to his boyfriend, who was in better physical conditions, but was scared to death, looking from the floor in the direction where the three guys had disappeared. He brought his forehead to his shoulder and hugged him tightly, murmuring reassuring words in his ears, until he started breathing normally again.

“I’m okay, I’m okay” said Baekhyun “You, on the other hand, have a cut on your head. We should go home and treat it”

The couple finally got up, with tiny smiles of relief on their faces. Everybody was okay, everything was going to be fine.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come home with us?” asked Jongin, echoed immediately by Kyungsoo “Yeah, it would be better to stick together”

Chanyeol just shook his head, the blood now encrusted on the skin, and hugged him, falling with his face on the base of his neck.

“Thank you for saving us, thank you, thank you… I know you hate to fight and I’m sorry, but I didn’t know what to do”

“It’s ok. You know you can always count on me. If I can’t even protect you when I have the strength to do it, I’m just useless”

The couple was on the verge of crying, but they hid their faces and run to their car, shouting a final “Thank you” to Kyungsoo, who waved them goodbye.

Jongin was still looking at the new found fighter, mesmerized by his figure, then something caught his eyes.

“Kyungsoo, you hand!”

The singer looked down at his knuckles and saw that the skin had broken from the impact and drops of blood were falling on the concrete.

“Here, let me treat it”

From his car, Jongin got his first aid kit and started disinfecting the cuts, then wrapping the hand with a medic gauze. His fingers were delicate as feathers, dancing through his digits, taking away the blood and the pain.

“I didn’t know you could fight like that”

Kyungsoo looked away, embarrassed.

“Middle school and high school aren’t exactly a happy period for most students, especially if you have a giant friend who doesn’t even know how to throw a punch to a plush, so my dad thought it was a good idea if I took some self-defense and jujitsu’s lessons”

When finally they returned to the car and Jongin had started driving, Kyungsoo texted both of his friends, asking if they were ok.

-I’m not ing okay. My boyfriend’s beauty has been defaced by some pricks UUUGH! Baek-

-Yeah, we’re at home now and Baekhyun is freaking out because of my superficial cut. One the bright side, he’s cooking curry chicken :D. Chan-

“Why are you laughing?” asked Jongin, eyes glued on the road ahead of them.

“Those dummies, they are so embarrassingly in love it’s funny” replied Kyungsoo, more to himself than anything.

Jongin desperately wanted to continue the restaurant’s conversation, but he didn’t know if that was an appropriate moment to bring it back. He told himself he could wait, just having him agreeing to a date with him was enough for now, but somehow he wanted more, even if he didn’t know more what.

Kyungsoo rolled down the car’s window and put up his hand, to feel the frizzy air, moved by the car’s speed, making his fingertips dance with the warm wind; his hair was idly moving on his forehead, his lips pouting as he was lost as always in his beautiful dream, making it difficult for Jongin to concentrate on his driving.

When they arrived at Kyungsoo’s house, he wanted to say something, ask him to stay with him a little bit longer, but the singer got out of the car before a single word could escape his mouth, and smiled at him wearily.

“Thank you for everything tonight and sorry for having to drive me everywhere just to see something that sad. Let’s eat again tomorrow”

And then he left, disappearing inside the house, leaving a hazy-eyed Jongin to stare at the door, a tiny smile spreading across his face. He wanted more, more interlaced fingers, more of those big eyes, more of his celestial voice, more of just him. But maybe, even just a glimpse of his smile was enough.

He ruffled his hair frustrated and happy in a way he couldn’t believe was possible: his heart was capable of mysterious things, he learned. He took out his phone and pressed the call button.

“Hi dad, ready for an intense night-talking session?”

 

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I was just listening to EXO's monster and thus a fighting was created. The first draft was actually very violent, but just the thought of them getting hurt gives me the willies so I just cut all of it. Hope you like it anyway ^__^

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Comments

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BaekYeolFan_ #1
Chapter 18: The ending was really poetic and almost had me tear up because of it beauty <3 it stirecked really close to home somehow
SmileForMeTae
#2
Chapter 18: You kow... I have a puppy. And after reading this fic, I just felt so much love and so many feelings that I couldn't help myself but cuddle him with all my strength whie crying. Because this might be one of the very best fics I've ever read. I love how unique and different every pair's own story was, yet they never failed to show how precious love can be. I love how you wrote, how you described everything as dreamy as Kyungsoo was. I completely fell for grumpy Sehun; dorky Baekyeol; dreamy Kyungsoo whom I feel so close to somehow; even tiny cameo Chen made me smile with so many bright feelings... Thank you so much for writing this. It's beautiful in its very own unique way and I'm sure I will read it once again sometime in the future, and still will be so, so smitten with this. Thank you, autor-nim! ♡
Pandagurlz #3
Chapter 18: Thank you for creating this amazing piece of art.I'm gonna miss this story. Good luck with your writing and continue being awesome.
LiKoKo
#4
Chapter 17: awe~ i love this so much , update soon please :)
EXO_
#5
Chapter 16: this is so poetic-like ima criii, awww this is soo beautifull
Pandagurlz #6
Chapter 15: Aw so beautiful. This is amazing. And I don't know what to say, but I just want to let you know that I love your story. And you are an amazing author.
Jsheshe #7
Chapter 14: Aww poor Kyungsoo i hope his father will accept him someday. Great chapter once again I love this fic so much it's so interesting and has a good story line. I can't wait for the next update.
Chat1105 #8
Chapter 12: amazing and beautiful story! keep up the good work authornim.
yarakwon #9
Chapter 11: omg i love it it's already 1 a.m but i'm just reading again i really love it a looooot please update soon thank you for your hard work <3