Snapping her eyes open, Saerom woke up with a start, cold sweat coating her skin with a slight sheen. She had a nightmare of her as a child – memories of hers to be exact.

At the beginning she was only five years old. She had been sitting in the very small and hardly furnished living room in her old home. Saerom didn’t have any toys to play with so she settled with making her own out of sticks and twine. While playing with her makeshift dolls, her mother came through the front door with a loud huff and a thud was heard after it. Saerom did not mover from her spot as she was too shocked at the sight before her.

Her mother had just arrived home, bringing along with her the dead body of a man. Blood trailed behind Saerom’s mother and the body as she dragged it long the shaggy carpet, heading towards the backyard. It took a couple minutes for Saerom to register what she had just seen. She felt utterly sick and she wanted to scream, but her gag reflexes beat her to it, instead bringing up what little food she ate for lunch. When her mother returned and saw the mess, she became furious.

“Damn it, Saerom! Now not only do I have to clean up all the blood that dickhead bled out but now I have to clean your putrid mess too?! Urgh! You stupid girl! Get out of my sight!” her mother yelled while brandishing her bloodied hands in the air.

Saerom quickly gathered her composure and ran for her room. She stayed in there for hours, too scared to go to the bathroom to clean herself up.

The scene then shifted and she was now seven years of age. She was once again in her room, lying in bed trying to sleep in the wee hours of the morning. Her father was still ‘working’ and had one of his underlings over for a ‘chat’.

“Where is the drug money you owe me?!” she heard her father yell at the man, just two doors down from her bedroom.

She could not hear what the other man said but her father didn’t like what he had heard, because the next sounds that Saerom heard, were the sounds of flesh hitting hard against flesh, bones breaking and snapping and the blood curdling, agonised screams from the man. Saerom tried her best to block out the noise, she crawled underneath her bed covers, shoved the pillow over her head and squeezed it over her ears. Yet somehow, the noise still managed to filter through all the fabric and lumpy stuffing and into her eardrums.

Those noises haunted her for a very long time after that night, sending chills down her spine whenever she was reminded of them, which was almost every day being in her kind of situation.

The last scene was of the night she was discovered be the leaders of her parents’ gang. She dreamt of the pleas of her parents, begging for their lives to be spared. Of the filthy hands that tried to grab her and trap her. Of the heavy footsteps that followed her as she ran for her life. And lastly, she dreamt of the gunshots that ended her parent’s lives and coated her in warm, thick crimson.

Coming back to reality after her nightmare, Saerom gave herself a quick once-over before letting out a shaky breath. She hadn’t had a nightmare about her childhood for a very long time and to have one come at her at full force scared her. She took deep breaths to try and calm herself down.

You’re okay… It was just a nightmare

However, looking around the room she was locked in, she felt as though he hadn’t woken up from her nightmare. She felt like she was still trapped inside her memories, forced to relive them over and over again. Glancing down at her ring, she saw that it was orange, meaning that she was anxious. She felt tightness in her chest so she stood up and began to pace around the room.

Just walk it off, Saerom. You’ll be fine.

She continued to pace, trying to keep her breathing in check and reassuring herself here and there. A million thoughts ran though her head as she paced, fiddling with her ring. Most of the thoughts that ran through her head were of her childhood, but as soon as she remembered all that JB had told her, her heart rate increased rapidly, her ring turning brown as she panicked.

What would she do? Either option left her defenceless at the greedy hands of Got7. She would become their play-thing either way. It was at this thought that she finally snapped and collapsed in a heap, hyperventilating and shaking, not being able to calm herself down. She was having a panic attack, she hadn’t had one in years because her grandmother had helped her through some of the trauma she had.

Saerom wanted to scream, but no sound came out of . She felt like she couldn’t breathe, her chest felt so tight and her arms felt heavy. She felt like she was going to die right then and there.

The door suddenly opened and two figures walked in.

“Geez. I thought she was having a seizure when I was watching her on the monitor!” the voice of Junior said, exasperated. He walked over to her and grabbed her arm, pulling her up a little so he could see her face. “She’s only having a panic attack.”

The other man, who was very skinny, approached her too, “So this is Choi Saerom. How pathetic.” He muttered, an accent clear in his voice. “Hey!” he snapped his fingers in her face, “Snap out of it! JB wants to see you.”

Saerom could hear the voices, but she couldn’t understand what they were saying and she continued to tremble. Junior threw her arm down, letting Saerom fall limp on the floor as she continued to have an attack.

“Come on, Bambam. Let’s just leave her until she comes through. She is useless like this.” Junior cast one last scornful glance at Saerom before clapping Bambam on the back and leaving the room, Bambam on his heels.

It took another twenty minutes for Saerom to come out of her panic attack. She felt numb, no particular emotion taking dominance. Her ring was now white. She just sat there on the floor where Junior and Bambam had left her. The door opened again and Bambam had returned for her. Without a word, he pulled her by the arm and led her back to the living room.

JB was seated in the same armchair as before, with all the other members sitting in the other couches. A platinum-haired boy with fierce eyes stood next to JB, a sinister smirk on his lips as he looked Saerom up and down.

“Easy there, Jackson. You will get your chance to play with her in due time.” JB calmly said to the platinum-haired boy. Said boy sank back a little, is smirk fading just the slightest.

Bambam left Saerom standing in front of JB and took a seat next to Yugyeom on one of the bigger couches.

“So,” began JB, staring straight into Saerom’s eyes, “did you end up coming to a decision?”

Saerom wanted to look away, but she couldn’t. JB’s intense stare had her gaze frozen on him, like a deer caught in headlights. She couldn’t bring herself to open and speak.

“Not going to answer?” JB scoffed, “I kind of expected that. But not to worry, we can help you come to a decision.” He smiled up at her and it sent a chill down her spine. There were a few moments of silence; JB turned towards Mark who was sitting on a chair to the left of him and nodded once.