Taeyeon opened her eyes and blinked. She got another really weird hangover from drinking with Kahi last night. It was real awkwardness at first, waking up and finding someone laugh at your dreams. She couldn’t think for a while on how to face the afterschool leader, for Kahi resembled a woman that she really respected and treated as someone highly and it really seemed weird talking to her about leeteuk. But after awhile she got used to it, the stories and the moments, she even shared some things. She remembered how Kahi told her all what she felt for leeteuk. It almost took her hours of drinking and listening to her sentiments.

But after that? she forgot what happened next. She just remembered that before she started forgetting, she was literally standing and pacing the whole room.

“what happened?” she asked, rubbing her eyes.

Kahi was already sitting at sunny’s bed, staring at her. Her arms are again folded in a way that an observer person usually does except that a smile was spreading across her face.

It seemed that she was waiting for taeyeon to get up.

“do you remember anything?” kahi asked.

Taeyeon flinched.

“I don’t know, should I remember something?” She folded her blanket in half and in quarters.

“as in nothing at all?”

Kahi bit her lip, it seemed that taeyeon really didn’t know what she was saying last night.

“the last moment I remembered was when I was standing.” Taeyeon said, scratching her head. “well, I really do that everytime I get tipsy, it’s the last thing I would do before forgetting.”

“so that was like after I mentioned We got married activities right?” kahi asked.

“maybe.” Taeyeon replied. She couldn’t really remember, some thoughts were really vague.

“aish.”

Kahi stood up and sat next to her.

“I’m sorry, but I got this.”

She took out her voice recorder, placing to taeyeon’s palm.

“what’s this?” the snsd leader stared at the object in wonder.

“a voice recorder”

The audio recorder looked like it was played last night, made by the digital numbers that flashed the dates and the time it took place.

“I recorded what happened when we were drinking. Hear it.” kahi said.

She was hoping that the snsd leader  would at least comply.

“hey.” Taeyeon stood up, putting her hands at her hips. “that’s an invasion of privacy, unni.”

“mianhe.” Kahi said, holding her hand. “but really you wouldn’t think I would record it if not for a purpose right?”

Taeyeon’s eyebrows cringed.

“yah, im doing this for you.” Kahi said. She knew she couldn’t make taeyeon believe her plan at the first place.

“okay, fine.”

Taeyeon pushed the “play” button and started listening to their voices. At first it was really weird for her to listen at her drunk voice and the shouts she would do. she didn’t know that getting drunk would be so bad, not after she realized that Kahi was laughing all the way upon listening. They really took time discussing matters about Kahi’s feelings and her drunkenness.

 It took her awhile before realizing the open confession she told Kahi.

“maybe you just have to realize that you have to be open about yourself.”

                        “maybe, what do you think unni, why does it hurt so much?”

 “because you love him.”

“love, haha.”

“you really do, I can feel it.”

 “yeah, maybe I do. maybe I really loved him from the start. What a dorky heart.”

“oh my gosh.” Taeyeon dropped the recorder and stared at Kahi adamantly.

She can’t believe what she just said.

“did I really just say this?” taeyeon asked, scrunching her hair.

“yes.” Kahi said, edging her to sit.

Taeyeon couldn’t believe it.

“maybe I was just kidding around, I’m drunk right?” she was hoping that her drunkenness really made her say silly things that a normal person would think are just words and nothing else.

“you don’t lie when you’re drunk.” Kahi rolled her eyes, picking up the recorder.

Taeyeon turned around in circles, trying to think.

“no, it can’t be. I’m not inlove with him. Its just not the way it is.”

“are you still denying what you just actually said?” kahi could feel her voice rising. “yah, i recorded you just so you know what you really feel and it tells you that you really love him.”

“I’m drunk, I don’t know what I’m telling you that time.” Taeyeon said uneasily.

“see, this is exactly what I don’t like with you.” Kahi hid the recorder in her pocket and advanced herself infront of taeyeon. “this is already an evidence, taeyeon. This will really tell you that deep into that heart of yours, youre feeling something. Its just that you don’t realize it yet. youre denying things that are way obvious. kim taeyeon, wake up.”

Taeyeon heave out a sigh.

“how could  you rely to that piece of evidence when im really telling you that I don’t have any feelings for him?!” she asked angrily. “you invaded my privacy and this is what youre telling me? My gosh, unni, I was drunk!”
“yah.” Kahi pointed a finger at her. “you are hurting him! Don’t you realize what you have done on him? You denying all this stuff and turning your back at him made him a total wreck! He was nothing now, thanks to you. Thanks to you he almost lost his job!”

“its because he’s careless!” taeyeon defended herself. It wasn’t a good idea for leeteuk to confess his feelings to the management after all. “if he just shut his mouth that time, nothing would have happened!he should be back being a leader and resuming activities for his group.”

“don’t start thinking selfishly  again.” kahi said.

“im not being selfish, its for our career.” Taeyeon protested.

“really? Don’t you know that you can do something about the restraining order and yet you didn’t lift a finger?” Kahi shook her head.

“that restraining order would be fine for him to stop opening up his feelings.”

“cos you know that if he continues being close to you, you would realize that your weird thoughts of him would really tell that you feel something more.” Kahi laughed sarcastically.

“that’s a lie.” Taeyeon said, pulling herself away.

“why kim taeyeon, why are you doing this?” kahi asked inching more until she meet taeyeon’s eyes. “why not help at the restraining order? It couldn’t be just because for him to stop.”

“its because-----“ taeyeon opened up to respond.

she pondered hard. She knew that the restraining order was best for them, for leeteuk to be at least distant. But was she actually thinking for the better?would sending leeteuk away would really solve the problems they have? It wouldn’t create much difference if the restraining order was canceled because he was suspended at super junior activities so he would be really away from her. There must be really something that opted her to ignore cancelling it and making him distant.

Taeyeon dropped on her knees.

“oh my god.”

All the thoughts run slowly to her head. Yoona was right. She was maybe allowing the restraining order to refrain herself from getting closer to him because even if he was suspended he would be still seeing her. She was scared, scared that her vague thoughts would reveal that she really feel something towards him.

It all made sense. The confusions she had everytime she sees him with someone else and the pain in her heart everytime she denies him. Its all because of her feelings. She really had feelings for him the whole time.

“oh my god.” Taeyeon said again.

tears started to roll from her eyes.

“see.” Kahi sat close to her, rubbing her back.

“unni.” Taeyeon said. “you knew all along aren’t you?”

“I’m a girl, why shouldn’t i?” kahi smiled.

“unni.” Taeyeon sobbed. She felt really bad. “im such a bad person.”

“you just didn’t realize it at first.” Kahi fixed taeyeon’s  hair, pulling the strands away from her face. “ but see, just a little push and you eventually know yourself now.”

“aish, teukie oppa must have felt really somber.” Taeyeon pouted.

All the things that leeteuk did for her even made her feel more guilty.

“its not yet late to change things.” Kahi said. “now you have everything in your hands, do something.”

---------------------------

Kim taeyeon ran noisily from the stairs that distracted her members eating lunch.

“yah, why in a hurry?” yuri leaned her head to view a glimpse of the snsd leader making her way towards their table.

Taeyeon ignored her and fed herself simultaneously with a chunk of lettuce and pork slice.

“unni, chew your food, you might choke.” Tiffany said in awe.

“yah, sunny.” Taeyeon said in between swallows. “could you come with me? I need you to do me a favor.”

The smiling snsd member stared at her with a confused look.

“what for unni?”

“I need your aegyo powers.” Taeyeon said. “I’m getting my man.”

---------------------------

Kahi returned home finding leeteuk picking up used bottles from last night.

“oh, hi Kahi, sorry if I just did this now.”

He turned his back on her and placed more bottles to the black plastic bag he was carrying.

“you were so late, where did you go?” leeteuk asked. “I was worried for you.”

“really worried huh?” kahi said.

“of course.” Leeteuk tied the ends of the plastic bag and approached kahi who was leaning herself comfortably at the back of the couch.

“ten miscalls, twenty text messages and still no reply.” He said, pinching her cheek. “but the boys said that they know where you went and you were fine so I didn’t ask more.”

“but since, youre here right now, you could tell me what really went on last night.” He continued.

Kahi just looked at him as if seeing a lost love one for the first time.

“yah, Ji young, tell me.” Leeteuk demanded.

“just a girls night out.” Kahi said.

“really?” leeteuk could not believe that she went out just for a drink. “there must be something. The boys know and I don’t, you should be telling me something right now.”

“secret.” Kahi stuck her tongue.

“aish, Kahi..”

“it doesn’t concern you so don’t ask for more.” Kahi laughed.

“okay, fine.”

Kahi looked again at leeteuk. He was so naïve at everything that he didn’t know what important event took place.

“do me a favor.” She blurted.

“what?”

Kahi placed her arms around leeteuk’s waist, embracing him tightly.

“im going to miss you.”

Leeteuk arched his brows.

“miss me for?”

“for everything.” Kahi said. It was nice that he wasn’t able to see her face for she felt like it was the right time to cry.

“kahi, are you alright?”

“don’t move, just a couple of minutes.” Kahi said, wiping away her tears.

She would miss him because of the times they spent at the house. She would really miss leeteuk for being someone that stood with her for months, someone who really made her heart beat frantically for every good moments she had with him. She was deeply inlove with him. It was her love that tested her to fight for him all the way.

But now she knew that she could do nothing more but to be happy for leeteuk’s future awaiting for him.

“yah.” Kahi let go of him but continued staring at his eyes. “when you meet the right girl and the girl suddenly makes you cry, you tell me so I can beat her up for you.”

“what are you talking about??” leeteuk laughed, wiping away her tears.

“that girl is really lucky.” Kahi blurted.

“kahi.”

Leeteuk wiped more tears that well up on her cheeks.

“don’t cry.” He whispered.

“im just really going to miss you.” Kahi said.

But it was really a mixture of feelings. She was happy because of leeteuk’s future but sad that she was not the reason.

“I didn’t know what happened to you.” Leeteuk said. “why won’t you tell me?”

“its for  your best.” Kahi smiled.

“for my best and youre still crying.” Leeteuk said worriedly.

Kahi shook her head.

“there are just things that should be left undiscovered.” She muttered, rubbing his arm.

Leeteuk started embracing the girl leader.

“yah I really don’t know what happened last night.” He sighed. “but I hope that this helps a bit.”

“helps a lot.” Kahi mumbled leaning her chin at his shoulder.

“I’m really thankful that I met someone like you.” Leeteuk whispered, her hair. “ I’m really thankful that I met park kahi. Because of you I was able not to be torn apart ultimately. I don’t know how to thank you for all the things you’ve done to me.”

Kahi couldn’t stop herself from crying.

“I’m so sorry for causing you pains, ji young.” Leeteuk said. “I’m really sorry.”

“don’t blame yourself.”

“aww.. I really didn’t know what happened, you should be really telling me everything.” Leeteuk muttered.

“I’m going to miss you.” Kahi sobbed. “im just really going to miss this.”

“don’t talk like that, there are days left.” Leeteuk smiled, referring to the ending of we got married.

Kahi laughed.

“yeah.” She said, letting go of him.

Kahi stared again at leeteuk’s naïve face.

 “yah, jungsu.”

“hmm?” leeteuk stared back at her.

“cook ramen for me.” She smiled, tugging his hand.

--------------------------

Sunny couldn’t believe what taeyeon’s mentioning to her.

“at last unni, you got awaken by your senses.” The aegyeo queen hoorayed.

 They were inside the SM building elevator, waiting to reach the top floor and the elevator man was eyeing them suspiciously.

“suppose they would allow us to talk about this?” taeyeon asked, ignoring the looks of the person beside them.

“why not, youre still SM family right? and plus were having a concert in a few days time so there’s a matter to talk to.”

“well.” Taeyeon thought out loud. “they will surely be surprised of what I have to say.”

“of course they will.” Sunny agreed.  She was really surprised at taeyeon’s sudden desire to talk to authorities. It was a major move for the snsd leader.

Taeyeon and sunny reached the top floor.

“I’m a bit nervous about this.” Taeyeon said, holding sunny’s hand.

The smiling snsd member laughed.

“you’re doing fine.” She assured her.

Sunny edged taeyeon to open the huge glass door infront of them.

“you first.”

Taeyeon and sunny stared at the secretary who was busy typing schedules on the computer.

“what can I do for you?” the secretary asked.

“for a visit.” Sunny said.

“you surely don’t have any appointments right?”

The secretary sighed and continued entering schedules to her computer.

Taeyeon looked at sunny uneasily.

“why should there be appointments, this is an important matter.” Sunny said. “tell him taeyeon unni and I are here.”

“I told you, there should be an appointment.” The secretary pushed.

Sunny rolled his eyes.

“unni.” She mentioned, batting an eyelash. “I wouldn’t give an autograph to your son if you wouldn’t let us enter, ne?”

Sunny smiled in way that made taeyeon in a verge of chills.

“creepy.” The snsd leader whispered.

“fine.” The secretary said, looking up. “the last door on your left. Lucky he’s not in a meeting yet, be quick.”

“kamsamnida unni!” sunny said gleefully. “cmon taengoo unni.”

Sunny tugged taeyeon until they reached another huge glass door.

“deep breaths.” taeyeon breathe.

“youre going to be fine.” Sunny assured her.

The room they got into reminded them of a shopping mall because of the high ceiling and metal lights, except that the surroundings where full of white objects, chairs and plants at every corners, dipped into large clay pots. The white surroundings reminded taeyeon of leeteuk’s obsession to white stuff.

The thought about leeteuk gave taeyeon a surge of energy to her system.

“here we are.”

Sunny and taeyeon glimpsed through another huge glass door that led to a room of a chubby old person in a black suit sitting at the desk.

A load of papers were situated at his right and a plasma screen tv was playing music videos from the management.

Sunny pushed taeyeon to enter the room which made the old man seem surprised at the sudden visit.

“what can I do for you?” he smiled.

“good day uncle.” Sunny greeted, tugging taeyeon. “we need to talk.”